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a haiku that, for no reason whatsoever, imagines Nancy Pelosi as a one of those Thanksgiving green bean and onion straw casseroles

Be honest, Steny:

does this cream of mushroom soup

make my ass look fat? 

33 Replies to “a haiku that, for no reason whatsoever, imagines Nancy Pelosi as a one of those Thanksgiving green bean and onion straw casseroles”

  1. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    A Steny Hoyer haiku rejoinder:

    No Madame Speaker,

    more like a skinny hoot-owl

    thanks to the botox.

  2. jdm says:

    Careful, dear Steny,

    How you answer, because you

    rats don’t want me mad.

  3. BJTexs says:

    Too late dear Nancy

    Rats have all formed proper lines

    to chew your onions

    BTW: still have to count with my fingers.

    Dam you, Goldstein!!

  4. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    Aww, Nancy. You’ll always be a lightweight.

  5. Karl says:

    Goldstein linked my post.

    It was really an honor.

    His was more funny.

  6. TODD says:

    I’ll never eat green bean casserole again. Hoot owl!!!!!!

  7. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Speaker Pelosi,

    will learn herding Rats is an

    impossible task.

    Rangel and Conyers

    are loose cannons on the deck

    careening about.

    Her agenda will

    soon be buried under their

    obnoxious egos.

  8. Murtha was a feint

    Steny is just jake with her

    Her base is appeased.

  9. Mark says:

    More haiku silliness:

    Botox the Nanny State!

    Pelosi appears dead for a week

    Rats squeak.

  10. Big Bang hunter says:

    “Her base is appeased.”

    – Her base is not peas…her base is green beans, and botox flavor cubes….and a Tuba…

    – Good day to you Sir!!!!

  11. mojo says:

    This is some kind of trick question, right?

  12. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Mark,

    No offense, but you need to brush up, on your haiku skills. The first and third lines should each have exactly five syllables, while the second line should have seven syllables. That’s the traditional Japanese form.

    Sorta like this:

    Pelosi’s more like

    pumpkin pie, good at first, but

    lots will make you sick.

  13. Mark McGilvray says:

    proudvastrightwingconspirator, it will never happen. It’s a fake haiku. I would rather have my fingernails pulled out than parse lines like that.

  14. BJTexs says:

    Mark’s haiku bends forms

    rightwing howls at cheated parse

    pliers at the ready

  15. BJTexs says:

    <Oops>

    Mark’s haiku bends forms

    rightwing howls at cheated parse

    pliers in his hand

    Stupid fingers…

  16. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    BJ,

    It’s not a haiku

    without the proper form, it’s

    a poem that don’t rhyme

  17. BJTexs says:

    I hear you right wing

    now what to do with mark’s parse

    hot or cold pliers?

  18. cold hand tools on mark’s

    blank* would be preferable

    that will learn him good

    *please feel free to insert any one syllable body part you would like here.  or two syllable if you’re mark. ;D

  19. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    If Mark can’t abide

    the proper haiku structure

    let’s waterboard him

    Pliers applied to

    his privates, although painful

    might be overkill

  20. lee says:

    Nippon poetry?

    It is too highbrow for me

    Mushroon soup? OK

  21. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Horses for courses,

    or maybe pearls before swine,

    thin gruel suits you best.

  22. CraigC says:

    If you’re gonna get snippy about haiku form, PVRWC, it requires a seasonal reference.  So yours are wrong, too.  Neener neener.

  23. lee says:

    , PVRWC

    I hate to reveal my computer illiteracy, but what the hell does that mean?

  24. it means somebody don’t want to type out proudvastrightwingconspirator.

    *ahem*

    Craig C in the fall

    Redskins losing football games

    tears fall soft as rain

    love ya, CraigC!!!!! ;D

  25. Mark McGilvray says:

    Very entertaining. Slavish devotion to a form and meter in a foreign language is not my cup of tea. The comments are a howl. Get the f**king pliers away from me! Anymore abuse from the peanut gallery and I shall unleash the wrath of Jane Hamster upon you heathen haiku wankers.

  26. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Jane Hamster, that bitch

    cold as a winter solstice

    ugly as a frog

  27. Mark McGilvray says:

    Oh, dear God, what have I done….

  28. BJTexs says:

    Jane? Could be much worse

    Lurking like a winter storm

    “Hi. Helen Thomas.”

  29. Pam Clonaze says:

    Back, by popular demand:

    THE LOST HAIKUS OF JEFF GOLDSTEIN

    That Amanda M.!

    You know what I’d like to do?

    Slap her with my cock.

    They say I eat paste,

    And at times I do.  So what?

    Pablo thinks I’m cool!

    I may not be gay,

    But if I were, Karl Rove,

    I would lick your sack.

    Lazy, muddled thought,

    No self-awareness, no clue:

    Klonopin kicks ass!

  30. realitybased says:

    Not that I’m a huge Pelosi fan, but I got linked here by someone who said this blog was supposed to be comedy.

    Is there a section to the blog I am missing? Because lame haikus seemingly written by junior high-schoolers doesn’t really cut it for me.

  31. Mark McGilvray says:

    realitybased, demand your money back! My fake haiku was VERY clever. Note the Ezra Pound influence…hmmmm? Phillistine.

  32. BJTexs says:

    realitybased

    cold comedy like winter?

    check out kos kid’s yucks?

Comments are closed.