So I’m standing in line at the King Soopers moments ago, and I happen to notice that the guy in front of me—mid-twenties, dark hair, dark eyes, dark mustache, the smell of Drakkar heavy upon him—is buying a family-sized tub of garlic and herb hummus and a bag of mideastern-style flat bread. So naturally I followed him home.
Turns out he’s just an Hispanic guy who happens to like hummus and flatbread. Either that, or he’s one of them Kashmiri separatists / Hezbollah guerilla fighters who just happens to drive a low-rider Ford pickup with $800 rims and likes to listen to Aracely Arámbula with the bass turned up way too high.
Developing…
I must condemn your racial stereotyping. I think I speak for all the comically-impaired.
T/w: On the surface you cannot see all the layers.
I would go eat some hummus right now in solidarity of the oppressed in our society, but it’s my hour of fasting for the troops.
This is why the terrorists will never win.
Be brave, men of the West! Our enemies will destroy themselves with poor hearing, hummus-induced heart disease and empty wallets!
“You can’t wage war with fancy rims.”
— Napoleon Bonaparte
What tipped you off, Jeff? The way he yelled “AY CHINGALA!” when he dropped his keys?
SB: much
ado
Hey baby que paso? I thought I was your only vato.
Were they spinning rims?
You can’t turn the bass up too high, dog.
I use to wear Drakkar, about the same time that Generra sweaters were in style. Much by accident I discovered that certain types of new car scent sprays smell exactly like it. Saves you about $20.
Huh?
Okay, so why do spanish-language deejays turn up the reverb on their mic’s all the way?
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
“Ay Chihuahua!”
(Didn’t wanna. Had to.)
Latins love congos and electric piano with Spanish gibberish over it.
Soy r-r-r-r-r-rico y sabor-r-r-roso!
There I go, mocking The Other….again.
Don’t know why exactly, but you got me with that line, been chuckling continously since reading it.
Mac Buckets,
Awesome dude. But didn’t I see you on the menu at Mcdonalds. 12 pc nugget and burger. for 1.99
For Hispanics who enjoy hummus, I would recommend they make their own, using one of my recipe variations – the Goya canned garbanzos in seasoned sauce.
Note to the irony- and/or humor-challenged: this does not mean Jeff “stalked” him. He was merely conducting impromptu surveillance.
The ordering credit reports in the guy’s name, that was stalking.
At the supermarket I once saw a bitter, middle-aged women with massive bags under her eyes buying a box of Depends®, two cartons of Winstons, and a bottle of bourbon.
I was puzzled; I told my friend Nick, who’s a quadriplegic, and he gave me a kind of pitying look and said, “She’s taking care of someone, dumbass. Probably one of her parents.”
Diapers I could handle, but the sponge baths are what would make me hit the bottle. And the crack pipe.
Scorn our hummus-eating hermanos all you want, but Spanish language television? Especially the variety and dance shows? ¡Voy las mujeres! Que rica! Las chichis grande y los nalgas alta!
Heck, for the first few dozen words, I thought Jeff was describing himself.
Hey buds, hummus ain’t gonna give you heart disease. It’s got fiber and stuff in it. And garlic.