Hamsher: “So. Did you read my latest post on that paste-eating moron, Goldstein? The one where I suggest that perhaps his drug regimen has something to do with his frequent moods swings, his tendency to project substance abuse problems onto others and his proclivity for writing 15,000 word treatises in defense of poor comprehension? Man, did I ever nail him! In fact, this new progressive message a bunch of us are trying out—that Goldstein is a drug-addled reactionary who can’t be believed and so shouldn’t be listened to—is really starting to catch on!”
Hamsher:
Hamsher: “Which is good for America.”
random subway passenger: “…Uh huh. I’m sorry, lady, but who are you?”
Hamsher:
Hamsher:
Hamsher: “I know Arianna Huffington, that’s who I am.”
Hamsher: “AND STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME WITH YOUR EYES!”
****
update:
Hamsher:
Hamsher: “I mean, Jesus. What are you—loaded up on the drugs?”*
But you haven’t crashed your car on the way to go vote, have you?
BTW, that Lindsay Beyerstein is one oily-looking chick.
I checked out those sites you linked to. Wow.
They’re as smug, arrogant and humorless as they are intellectually lame.
Can’t you attract a better class of antagonist? Sheesh!
True, but Hamsher’s “when I take him to Starbucks drive-through for his pumpkin loaf every morning” is a hell of a euphemism.
I’ve read that Oliver Stone has said that Hamsher was “dumb as a sack full of rocks.” I don’t know how he came to that conclusion, but reading those Links offers a few clues.
Klonopin? Big freakin’ deal. I get high on life.
And pie.
A frank admission that, yes, in fact, the Left is beyond parody.
TW: indeed
Heh.
Aww, Jeff. Don’t worry – I’m sure she secretly likes you too.
random subway passenger: (removes paper sack with bottle inside from his overcoat) “C’mon, baby, lighten up! How ‘bout a little sip of da sweetness, then you and me can go fill a refrigerator box full of memories.”
The left is puffed up on self-love these days and the best way for them to show it is to go after someone whose shoes they could never fill. Yawn. Someday, perhaps, they will grow up.
Truth to power and all that.
Dude, they so want you.
At least she had the decency not to drag the rimless glasses into this…
It’s very telling that the best way to attack Jane is to make stuff up. You are so far from the mark about her that I wonder who you are talking about.
If you weren’t so dangerous I’d feel sorry for you.
dangerous!? in addition to rimless glasses!? I shan’t be able to contain myself.
Mr666 [uh, yeah] writes:<blockquote>It’s very telling that the best way to attack Jane is to make stuff up. You are so far from the mark about her that I wonder who you are talking about<blockquote>—and fails to see the irony that Jane Hamsher has “diagnosed” me based on internet posts.
At least when I make shit up about people, I don’t try to pass it off as some particularly trenchant insight.
Christ. You people are parodies of parodies of parodies of yourselves.
Hey, dickhead, think how much Hamsher could get in a fundraiser vs. what you’re getting.
No wonder you’re pissed.
One more thing: if you weren’t such an insufferable prick, people might have some sympathy for you. As it is, nobody fucking cares. Why do you think that is, asshole?
Enjoy!
No, I think it’s more that the most entertaining way to attack Jane is to make stuff up.
Wow, I think Dave’s drunk and on pills.
I don’t know. But judging by how Kos’ book sold, I’d say she’d do pretty lousy.
But why is everything a competition with you guys?
As for being an insufferable prick, well, not everyone can be as charming and friendly as you, dave.
Making an incorrect diagnosis, if one was made, is a mistake.
Making up quotes, and falsely attributing them to people, is lying.
I’ll take the honest mistake. You?
You mean the Onion and Saturday Night Live have been lying to me all these years?
Quick. Somebody get me Greenwald’s phone number. I smell class action suit!
I dunno Jeff, I always thought that the Martha Stewart prison diaries really bared the soul of this complex, conflicted and misunderstood post-neofeminist icon.
Or maybe it was all just bullshit.
The Martha Stewart prison diaries were hot.
I eagerly await the Showtime movie adaptation.
As dave’s spokesperson, he’d like me to tell you that he doesn’t recall making that comment or anything about that comment. He’d also like me to tell you that he has proof that he was not drinking. His lady friend begged him not to comment (she will remain nameless to protect both her and her husband), and as dave got out of bed to type, she asked him again not to do it. She swears he has not been drinking. Finally, he’d like me to tell you that all he knows is that he knows that he needs help.
Thank you.
Funny stuff! I think the needle might have moved with that one. Er, no, guess not. Jesus, your humor is even more lame+dumb than your analytical ability.
Sorry Chief, you’re a lame, addled twat. Stick to watching bodybuilding on TV and flapping your withered old man genitalia at the screen.
Cha Ching!!
That’s just unconscionable, Jeff. I’m sorry you have to put up with this kind of crap. Some people are just nasty. It makes me queasy to think about them.
I HAVE been drinking and am probably on pills, too, so I just wanted to stop by and express my love for this blog. Jeff, I love you.
That is all.
It isn’t that they misunderstand you, it’s that they want to hurt you. They want to do damage. It has nothing to do with argument. It’s all about hurting someone.
Chin up gail,
“Want” is the operative word. They’re always left wanting.
Whatever is going on inside their heads nauseates me. I just can’t figure them out. They can’t be having any fun, with all that meanness roiling around inside them.
I lifted this from a moonbat site today, and seems appropriate to stick here. This is the comment in its entirety:
I think it is the perfect Moonbat post.
I think that’s a really mean thing to say to Jesus.
They are hateful and incapable of intelligent arguement. They communicate at the level of mouth frothing and shit flinging. Sometimes both at the same time. Fuck them.
I dunno MayBee.
I have Jesus as more of a feel player and not so analytical.
I care, but I’m broke.
I do have sympathy for Jeff.
And I happen to think he is entirely sufferable.
That’s the producer gal, right? The slings and arrows of the Hollywooders, dude. How do you persevere in the face of that shrieking harpie?
So I take it you too sent an email to Kerry to notify him of your displeasure at using a made up Jefferson quote more than once?
Yeah, I know, attempting to communicate with this guy is like trying to teach physics to an infant, it might be fun for a while but chances are good someone is going to end up hurt.
It’s okay, Defense Guy. I never said half the stuff I said.
I know what you mean, Tom. I know just what you mean.
Jesus man, you are so transparent it’s not funny.
Every point I made you do not dispute, you just make some almost-smart remark to change the subject or laugh off your unethical behavior.
People who project their shadows onto others are so predictable.
You have no substance, just air. And it’s not even hot any more.
Oh my God, I just got it.
You think when I say “lies”, I mean text like “Hamsher: “AND STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME WITH YOUR EYES!â€Â
Are you nuts? Don’t you even know what a lie is any more?
Humor is unethical, you see, unless it is not funny, then it is TRUTH TO FUCKING POWER!
And you better by God laugh or we are kicking you out of the club!
You gotta admit, being able to project shadows with nothing but lukewarm air is a kind of impressive.
Posted by Mr666 | permalink
on 05/09 at 10:14 PM
—
Is that really you, Sissy Spacek?
No, we know Jeff has been beaming untrue thoughts into your head, we have just been having you on.
tw: major-> the size of the problems mr. satan has tonight
You kids better quit playing grab ass and get to sleep! Don’t make me come up there….
Wow…
Mr666, eh… I don’t really know how to say this…
But you really should come back when you’re… uh… out of middle school. I mean… when you’re young, hell, when I was young, your brain has yet to mature and at times is prone to some downright idiotic thoughts. You’re right now making a whole load of them.
For instance, the thought that any one of us is taking these Hamsher quotes as anything other than parody.
“The best way to attack?” Give me a break. Go home, get some sleep son. You are out of your league.
Uh…
Yeah! What HE said!
I’m a liberal, but I read PW daily to keep my moonbattiness in check. Also the humor drew me in.
I confess I was confused with the DNC and RNC coverage, which was right when I started reading. I know now it was a riff on Hunter Thompson, right? Since then, I’ve thought all the recreational drug jokes were flavored by HST.
Anyway. As an emissary of reason: I am astonished by the vitriol and humorlessness of my fellow moonbats. Sorry.
Thanks for that, dee.
I read Jane all the time… and she’s not humorless, though not always slick with the formal Cynicism I enjoy. Too “serious” or whatever.
This is the firs time I’ve seen this blog. It’s funny.
But if you are a drug addict…
Just say no… … … and accept Jesus in your life… and stop pan-handling (it’s not funny OR Christian).
Yike, I didn’t notice the PJ media logo… that’s not funny.
You’re still beggin for change? Didn’t they have Investors at their Launch Party?!
Maybe your drugs are too pricy… buy from Canada… Universal Health Care rocls… although, the Investors may get testy… free market ‘n such.
Try crack… cheap… easy… All American!
Better than sittin’ at the PJ table.
It is said the basic snottiness and snarky anti-Americanism of the French is really borne of a crushing resentment of American success. They dream of the long ago when the culture of their ancestors was the center of the civilized world and anybody that was anybody spoke French, quoted French authors and gave serious consideration to French ideas and goals. They are now a dying culture teetering on the brink of being the first Islamist state of the EU.
and they are in denial. Angry, students rioting in the street for the right to remain unemployed, loud assertions of self-superiority, denial.
Hamsher and her laughable ilk are the New French.
The French were right about Iraq… you have to give them that.
Oh… that post wasn’t Funny.
eli is a perfect example of why socialism makes people worse. He actually denigrates people like me freely and voluntarily tipping Jeff because we enjoy this site.
Is it any wonder why red states are more charitable than blue?
The French were right about Iraq
No, we were right about the French being bribed by Saddam.
Don’t read much, do you?
Socialism is the Devil devised as a socioeconomic system.
Read lots:
1. no wmd (no bribe needed… just a “thorough inspection… for several years and 300 millions tax dollars)
2. chaos (see t.v…. although PJ media won’t help ya)
This is a corporate funded site… who need scharity when you have Investors?!
Although… On an ether binge… you may need both.
And a lawyer.
See eli, you think tipping is charity rather than payment for value received …
Oh I bet waiters and waitresses just LOVE to see you at their station
Waiters, Waitresses?!!! Communists… Stealing from my good Christian children!!!
Besides, they aren’t subsidized by PJ Media… just TG fridays.
Darleen on a subway
Darleen: Here’s hard -earned cash for payment received
Drug-Addled vagrant: um… actually… I’m a capitalist… i uh…
Darleen: Charity is the beauty of right wing ideology…
D.A.V.: Isn’t it a failure to compete in the market.
Darleen: No. No. No… Unless you’re actually.. really… poor… Oh. My. God. You. ARE. POOR.
Get away before I call the cops.
I would just like to thank Mr. 666, dave, and some of our other irony-impaired visitors for inspiring me to get off my butt (figuratively speaking of course, I wouldn’t want to be accused of lying) and sending in that Amazon donation…
Jeff – the name and email (corporate account) are different, but you got the most Amazon would let me give at 10:35 PST. thanks for the laughs. I can count on more and more varied entertainment here than just about anywhere else. Add in the occasional troll baiting and I haven’t had this much fun since usenet newsgroup days.
tw: and in this corner, the snark world champion at any weight, Jeff Goldstein
Hurray… Corporate Welfare.
Love where your mind’s at.
Soup kithens? Paaaashahhhh. Greedy freaks… lookin’ for a handout.
Schools?!!! No sense of Irony (or other strange words).
Give more to ideologues!!! Esp. if they’re entertaining. They will saveus from terrorism… and poverty if we get around to it.
Love America?
Fund Snark.
dee: You totally made my day. Thank you.
To coin a phrase, Eli is why I oppose computers in elementary schools.
“Eli is why I oppose computers in elementary schools.”
This is a sentence.
And why I opppose NCLB.
Well, it’s out now. Eli can’t chew gum and operate a keyboard at the same time so he believes no one else can do more than one thing at a time.
I can almost feel sorry for the little screecher, projecting his sad guilt on others.
Almost.
you see… dome children SHOULD be left behind.
If they oppose corporate welfare… F ‘em.
“some” children
I’mk also against spell check
Eli is a child.
If you “read lots,” maybe you need to work on your reading comprehension. It was never France’s position that Iraq did not have banned WMD programs.
In fact, Chief Weasel Jacques Chiraq told Time magazine in an interview February 24, 2003, a couple weeks before the liberation of Iraq began:
There is limitless evidence that Iraq was, in fact, concealing banned WMD-related research programs and production facilities. The only thing we didn’t find was warehouses stacked with chemical or biological weapons ready to be fired (i.e., we were lucky).
OhNoes
You just insulted innocent children.
Eli is anything but innocent.
laguna dave:
this is why I oppose Right wingers having computers…. GET IT?!!!!
But there is the chaos. No answer for that on Wash Times… We’ve Turned the Corner, no?
Darleen… Are you being naughty?!
I’ll tell an adult.
Okay, no really… this is NBC, pretending to be a child… You’ve been had. Admit it.
But there is the chaos
is eli a relative of georgeorwell? hey, numbnutz eli —
“the chaos” as measured against, what? Please make a comparison with the occupation of post wwii occupied Germany or Japan. Chart it for us, eh?
Or is your contention 3 years after murderer Saddam was deposed, several widespread and well attended elections and a current interrim government that because Iraq does not ressemble the Iowa PTA it is teh SUXOR?
Didn’t your momma warn you about huffing?
I love my momma!
And I’m coming down now. You’re right, your right.
Things are spiffy. Just as we planned.
Anyway. Bed time. School tomorrow. I’m gunna learn to read!
Eli’s rapid-fire irony is so sophisticated and abstruse that I doubt even he understands it.
Which he probably fancies is part of its GENIUS.
Washington Times, chaos in Iraq, WMD—oh well, I guess you gotta dress those hackneyed talking points up some new way or else people won’t find you hip these days. Which is where I suppose the mannered, staccato, eliptical, and BITINGLY IRONIC remarks come into play.
“Badyes? We don’ need no steenkin’ badjyes! We’re Bushco!”
Wow. That’s tought to pull off. A bravura performance. Really.
Don’t interrupt eli, guys, I can almost see the rictus smile on his face with each post he makes.
“SEE I’M FUNNY AND HAPPY HA HA”
A tear runs down his cheek as he sticks it to the right wingers. Laughing it up has never been this hard. Not since Colbert, anyway.
“GODDAMIT GUYS NOTICE ME”
“LOOK I CAN WRITE LIKE JEFF
Jeff: Here is some corporate welfare
Poor person: yaaaaay”
“GODDAMMIT I AM SO FUNNY.”
“YOUR MOM”
“OMG PJ MEDIA JASHDKJASHDKJHAS”
’eli’ has the worst case of projectile commenting I’ve seen in months.
I wouldn’t worry about Jane, Jeff – she’s just miffed because no one has optioned her <i>Bad Dudes</i>, Contra or Adventures of Bayou Billy scripts, although I did hear that Universal managed to cast Martin Lawrence and Josh Hartnett for her <i>Asteroids</i> vehicle (“It’s basically a cop/buddy flick, but the guys shoot rocks that fall into littler rocks. In space. Also, there’s a UFO that flies by from time to time.”) and I hear her Lode Runner project has legs…
(Side note: What’s up with the HTML in comments not being parsed correctly, eh?)
Oh, that’s awesome. What a come back. Fucking brilliant. BRILLIANT I SAY.
Wow, eli is on a ROLL</b>, baby.
Here’s my advice: If you limit each comment to a single word, I bet they could be even more incoherent and even more ironic. Give it a try!
Well.
That was weird.
Jeff, I’ve got some kind of problem with Paypal. You take checks? Money orders?
Jane Hamsher raped my dog.
So Jane Hamsher, producer of the movie “Double Dragon”, nicknamed “cheese on toast”, thinks she has something to bring to the table?
pshaw!
Has anyone else noticed that satire is often wasted on progressives? No?
It’s probably just me.
Right before Youth Culture killed it.
“Are you nuts? Don’t you even know what a lie is any more?”
I think you’ve put your finger on it.
Giving an answer contrary to fact on a deposition => not a lie, certainly not perjury, especially if it’s about sex because everybody lies about sex, man.
Saying there were WMD in Iraq, making Saddam a threat => a lie. Well, unless you’re a Democrat, in which case it’s so unmemorable that despite a law, days of hearings, dozens of speeches and an extended bombing and cruise missle attack, it never seems to come up. Except when Republicans mention it, when it is, of course => a lie.
Repeatedly saying that Bush waved about a plastic turkey, didn’t finish his National Guard stint, forging documents and calling them authentic => not a lie.
“Anyway. As an emissary of reason: I am astonished by the vitriol and humorlessness of my fellow moonbats. Sorry.”
Sadly, Dee, we no longer are.
But thanks. Now you know how we feel when Pat Buchanan talks.
Just say no… … … and accept Jesus in your life… and stop pan-handling (it’s not funny OR Christian).
Uh, Eli: if taking prescribed meds is being a drug addict, then I probably ought to talk to someone about my Vitorin problem; asking for donations for one’s blog is a time-honored method of paying the expenses (see Andrew Sullivan, or even a lot of lefty sites); and while it’s not a perfect indicator, the name “Goldstein” might just suggest to you that being a Christian isn’t one of Jeff’s major concerns.
The French were right about Iraq… you have to give them that.
You mean that it weas better to take billions of dollars in bribes and stab your friends in the back was better than eliminating a fascist murderer who was working on a genocide score comparable in percentage terms to Hitler?
No.
So, I think I get it.
Jeff isn’t really collecting money for a new house, or even to pay off his Klonopin pusher. Instead, like the perfect host that he is, he has peeled off a few of those millions and ponied up top dollar to surprise us with the best new talent money can buy.
“eli” is clearly the first of some new, genetically-engineered, silicon-enhanced, state-of-the-art super-race of troll. He’s as far above Actus on the evolutionary scale as the rest of us are above the paramecium.
If Actus is like a buck-toothed street-walker who gropes you on a crowded street in broad daylight, hoping you’ll pay her to go away, eli is Anna Nicole Smith.
Whatever eli’s costing you, Jeff, it isn’t nearly enough…
Jeff:
Get a freaking PayPal account! I can’t tip you b/c I don’t have a credit card.