From “Brickbats” (Reason, November 2005):
Pennsylvania state Rep. Tom Stevenson (R-Mount Lebanon) has introduced a bill that would require dogs in cars to be restrained or placed in a carrier box. The bill would also ban dogs from hanging their heads out of vehicles. Stevenson got the idea from an 11-year-old who took part in his annual “there ought to be a law” contest.
More here (thanks to M Hannon); and here’s what I wrote on this bit of piffle back in July: “I’m thinking about moving to Allegheny County just so that my son can enter the contest with his bill calling for the outlawing of ‘There Ought to be a Law’ contests. Which, of course, will carry with it the rider that all those caught trying to resurrect the contest be sentenced to 400 hours community service, to be spent in the smoking section of the local Stucky’s drinking pop and eating non-nutritious meals.”
Meanwhile, also from “Brickbats”:
The public schools in Broward County, Florida, have banned running on playgrounds. They’ve also prohibited swings, see-saws, and merry-go-rounds. (Moving equipment causes injuries.) Sandboxes too. (Animals use them for litter boxes.) Even cement crawl tubes have been banned. (Vagrants use them for shelter.)
Of course, should some unkind soul point out to the Broward County School Board that these crazy prohibitions against physical activity are likely to lead to an EPIDEMIC OF CHILDHOOD OBESITY (and, eventually, to a rash of class-action law suits filed on behalf of little doughy asthmatics)—their bureaucratic heads will almost certainly explode.
Which is why I support a Florida law mandating that Broward County School Board officials wear hairnets or plastic shower caps whenever they threaten to do any proactive “considering”—legislation that would keep their heads covered roughly two hours a month, by the looks of things…
Why these sound like grand ideas to me, just grand.
Good first step toward getting rid of dogs and children altogether. Nasty little buggers, the lot of ‘em.
I think you’re selling the “There Outta Be A Law” idea a little short.
Here’s a great idea for a law: every time the legislature wants to pass a law, they have to explain it to a ten year old girl. If the girl says something to the effect of “Mister, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and as a ten year old girl, I hear a lot of f**king dumb s**t,” then law is immediately and forever vetoed.
I think these two proposed laws are excelled examples of laws that would never pass the ten year old girl test.
Oh, and it would help if the ten year old girl is Ace.
I cannot believe that the above listed actions are part of the “support and defend the Constitution of the United States”, etc., that I swore to uphold or die trying… I must go puke, presently.
I’m glad they’ve solved all the other important issues, leaving them plenty of time to introduce stupid legislation like this.
There aren’t many more things as antithical to the constitution than “there ought to be a law” contests.
I say hang the bastards. Let the doggies be free to enjoy the wind flapping their ears.
Please won’t someone think of the CHILLLLDRUN!
Major John. What he said.
In Pittsburghese, Mahnt Lebow, home of da Limoe Librul, but they can’t hould a candoel to the libruls dahntahn.
GO STILLERS!
“Gee Mr. Congress. When people are done with the toilet paper roll they throw the little tube away and it gets sent to the dump. Baby squirrels like to crawl inside the toilet paper tubes to be all nice and cozy and enjoy their nuts. Sometimes when they eat too many nuts their tummies grow and they get stuck in the toilet paper tube and then they just die. Can you help the sqirrels Mr. Congress?”
“Sure Jimmy. I’m calling Capitol Hill right now.”
How the hell are Broward county kids going to grow up normally if they never blow chunks on the merry-go-round? I bet the high school athletics coaches in Broward county are pissed.
It’s a fine sensible law…in fact I always send my kids out to play with tons of padding, duct taped on. Mouth guard, helmet, knee pads, cup and of course gloves.
Red Rover, Red Rover send Ralph Nader on over.
Sobek, that idea looks good on paper, but they’re already doing it and it’s not working.
Those explanations are called “press conferences.”
The ten year old girls, unfortunately, have become numb to the idiocy.
TW: appeared
do be a democracy
Are you kidding me? No running on a playground? For real?
Yeah, it’s all fun and games until you have to find a grief counsellor for a ten year old because his pet, Rex, was decapitated by a passing pickup truck, one with the extended view side mirrors. In theory, at least.
It looks like Broward country has prohibited fun as well.
Ritalin is apparently more cost effective than playground equipment.
So basically what we need to do is to contact our state reps and strongly urge them to vote down this bit of legislative idiocy. Consider it done, on my part.
To play Devil’s advocate:
Just what is the exact gripe with the dog law? I know libertarians consider dogs property, but have you driven down the freeway and seen how other idiots let their dogs stand on the back door of a truck, with the windows open, at 65 mph?
What possible logical reason can there be for this? What part of the Constitution is being breached by a law keeping dogs secure in the car?
I agree on the Broward county thing, though.
Flame away.
TV (Harry)
tw: wrong, as in what is wrong with a little common sense law, when people aren’t using it voluntarily?
The dogs dig it.
Don’t you have to tie down the other passengers in your car, kids and such?
A dog firmly secured does not become a missile in an accident.
TW: cost. As in insurance.
The dogs dig it.
I know mine would, but we don’t give them a chance, because if I get into an accident, they’ll go flying out the window.
Plus, we want to keep our dogs for a while.
TV (Harry)
tw: state, as in Pennsylvania.
I’ve heard that when dogs stick their heads out of windows, they get waaaaaay too much oxygen. It’s the doggie equivalent of an acid trip.
Anything that gets my doggie high and keeps him contented, I’m okay with.
Oh, the precious wisdom of children! It has been my experience, both as a mother and Cub Scout leader–that when children are asked what things would be like if they ruled the world- beyond the candy/ice cream/bedtime stuff, they tend to turn communist/socialist/fascist in their outlook! Thank goodness, at least half of them grow out of it!
As someone with a personal interest in this bill, let me just say I think it’s shite. Man, nothing feels better than a 65mph breeze across the tongue, and like unprotected sex, it’s totally worth the risk. Tell the bill’s RINO sponsor to switch parties and then kill himself.
There Ought to Be a Law that forbids pet owners the right to sue everyone else because pet owners are too stupid to secure the safety of their own pets.
There Ought to Be a Law that allows children the right to enjoy school playgrounds free of inconsiderate vagrants, lazy pet-owners and freaked-out nannyparents.
That said, there really Ought to Be A Law limiting lawyers from abusing the legal system by encouraging citizens to fraudulently file meaningless lawsuits for every little Nannyism cause lawyers can imagine. (I think I’m channeling John Edwards)
Ah, for the good old days.
Baiting your hook with a Chihuahua and trolling for Dobermans from the back of a pickup in downtown Chicago…
Good times, man, good times.
What?
Weird world you guys live in.
In my household the dogs are belted in and the kids ride with their heads out the window.
I’ll ask you guys the same question I asked the highway patrolman the last time he pulled me over: “How is it possible for a woman to murder her unborn child, and it be protected from government intervention by some type of right to privacy, and yet you can look through the windshield of my car, note that I’m not wearing a seatbelt, and pull me over and write me a ticket? Surely the rights that allow murder, should allow me to endanger my life through negligence.” His answer was simply, “Sign here please. You are not admitting guilt, however you are agreeing that you will contact the judge about this matter. Thank you and good day.”
So we sterilize our dogs,
force them to eat bland, healthy food,
not only don’t let them roll in dead shit, but bath them regularly,
don’t let them chase cats, cars, mailmen, children or any other fun stuff,
and now we are gonna deny them sticking their head out car windows?
To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy:
I remember when kids and dogs weren’t too good to go through the windshield with the rest of the family.
Which is why I support a Florida law mandating that Broward County School Board officials wear hairnets or plastic shower caps whenever they threaten to do any proactive “considering 
Hairnets and plastic shower caps provide little protection from unexpected falls or bumping one’s head into a closed door. Give ‘em helmets and chauffeur them to board meetings in one of those little short buses. For the sake of the children.
If the kids can’t run around and play during recess, how are they going to get scars?
Chicks dig scars.
But let’s look on the bright side: banning playground equipment will free our youngsters from the bondage of physical representation to create their own unique playworld; a wonderful, whimsical world full of edible dirt, asphalt chips and rocks flung at neon targets that unimaginative adults can only know as “teacher’s cars”, and body cavities stuffed with grass and sawdust.
There will come a day when every consumer object is made from closed-cell foam, every vehicle will have one of those backup klaxons and sound like a dump truck when put in reverse, and every low spot or high spot on the planet will be either gated off or filled in so as to prevent falls, including but obviously not limited to the Grand Canyon.
You’ll cut your steak with a plastic butter knife, your electric car will be mechanically inhibited from doing more than 30 MPH, and every person will be legally bound to retain a trial lawyer. Warning label manufacturing will be the primary growth industry, “Safety” will be a daily 2 hour class taught at all grade levels, and most forms of recreation will be banned. (Swimming, biking, climbing, hiking, or anything where you might stub a toe or be bitten by a bug.)
At that point we will have achieved real safety in this country. And at that point I’ll shoot myself in the head with the (obviously illegal) firearm I’ve kept hidden in a box buried under the government-mandated astroturf that replaced my lawn.
Which will be easy, because the steak will be made of tofu.
My “There Oughta Be a Law” would be that as soon as any elected official has succeeded in getting one bill passed, he or she should be lobotomized. If that operation has no apparent effect (which, I think, would be about 98% of the time), then he or she should be shipped off to Purina to help make sure that the family pet has a nice shiny coat and a suitably low IQ.
I really have nothing to add, but, the Turing Word is “audience” so there you have it.
Nannystatism at its finest…
Sticky, I’ll give you one more example. If I ride my motorcycle, I have to wear a helmet by law. If I get into my car wearing that helmet, I can also get a ticket. Why? It impairs hearing, it restricts peripheral vision, and its weight significantly enhances my chances of a head injury in a crash.
Gnaw on that one a while, and get back to me if you can make any sense of it.
My answer? Session reduction. Make Congress work about 90 days out of the year, and they won’t have time to dream up all this crap to fill the docket. Oh, and cut their pay by about 75% while you’re at it.
TW: “children”
FOR THEM!!! (and the pets, too, of course)
To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy:
DON’T EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN!!!EVER!!!
I like the idea, but I suspect forcing them to work 90 days out of the year would dramatically increase their workload.
Making them work on something besides campaigning, that is.
“I don’t care who you are, that’s funny” -Larry the cable guy
tw: very, as in how low can I go
“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences.”
C. S. Lewis
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
— H. L. Mencken
SB: his
shadow
My mom and aunt have been sending me old family photos as of late.
Got one the other day of me at 18 mos old, Christmas 1955, b/w photo, I’m on my belly on the floor just under the Christmas tree—a tree dripping with old-fashioned leaded tinsel, within arms reach a little town scene of houses and trees definitely unfriendly to 3 y/o and younger and the kicker, behind me is a big huge old TV set on a spindly-legged endtable, electric cord and antenna wire in sharp evidence.
Geez, I grew up just fine.
Then again…it might explain some things.
Air conditioning has been the death of the republic.
Good Day. It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. Help me! Could you help me find sites on the: What is vermox. I found only this – clock dard hunter wall. There are just no cases, vermox. Vermox, i’m laying to take a due material info! Thank :-( Alton from Malaysia.