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Chuck Schumer’s Top 9 Alternatives to SCOTUS nominee John Roberts Jr

  1. Josiah “Jed” Bartlet
  2. RU-486
  3. A nice glass of gingerale, not too cold
  4. One box Trojan® Shared Pleasure™ condoms with Warm Sensations™
  5. Somebody “vaguely Canadian-sounding”
  6. One-a-Day Prostate Health Multi-Vitamins (w/ Lycopene)
  7. A plate of herring (in cream sauce, w/ onion)
  8. (T) Margaret Cho / one of Nancy Pelosi’s cardinal red power suits
  9. “Queen whatsherface—y’know, the Black one from that Richard Gere movie.”

****

related, in that ‘distant cousin you accidentally made out with once at some party’ sort of way.

9 Replies to “Chuck Schumer’s Top 9 Alternatives to SCOTUS nominee John Roberts Jr”

  1. McGehee says:

    10. An armadillo who has yet to dance on Friday.

  2. Chrees says:

    11. Kofi. Bobby B. says he’s one of the good ‘uns…

  3. TallDave says:

    Warm Sensationsâ„¢?

    I gotta get that, just to see the look on my gf’s face.

  4. Bob Munck says:

    1. I don’t think Bartlet’s eligible; he was an economist, not a lawyer.

    5. Shatner?  NOOOOOOOO!

  5. JWebb says:

    10. “Anybody but the jerk who invented Viagra. It’s the worst damn suppository I’ve ever tried.”

  6. Sean M. says:

    12.  JEFF GANNON’S 8” CUT GAY PORN COCK OF LIES!!!

    (I know it doesn’t really work, but I’ve missed the fella lately.)

  7. Ed Minchau says:

    5. Boy, that Anne Murray sure is hot, eh?

    keyword: strong.  As in Maurice Strong, Kofi Annan’s Canadian boytoy and puppet master behind the last several Canadian Prime Ministers

  8. Sinequanon says:

    I’ll take #4 and just in case #2.

    Whew, I feel protected now.

  9. Jeff, you blinkered provincial!  Don’t forget the South.  If the SCOTUS is going to put our homes up for grabs to the highest bidder, in our warm climate I’d feel a little better about it if that glass of ginger ale was one degree off of freezing!

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