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9 Michael Jackson self-justifications for having slept in the same bed with former child star McCauley Culkin

  1. “We were just good friends.”
  2. “We were just good friends, and he seemed so lonely.”
  3. “So very very lonely.  And in need of some genuine human warmth…”
  4. “Besides, I’m a sick, twisted pedophile.”
  5. “Remember that scene in Home Alone where he screams after slapping on the after shave?—how absolutely adorable he looked?  That played a role.  Plus, I’m a sick, twisted pedophile.”
  6. “A very sick, very twisted pedophile.”
  7. “I really am.  Sick and twisted.  And a pedophile.”
  8. “But c’mon.  Have you ever checked out the ass on that kid?”
  9. “And besides:  I may be a sick, twisted pedophile, but I’m also the King of fucking Pop! And I have a monkey.  So, you know.  It was just a matter of time.”*

13 Replies to “9 Michael Jackson self-justifications for having slept in the same bed with former child star McCauley Culkin”

  1. Jacko will have the last simper when he’s acquitted. And there will still be sick parents eager to have their kids $pend some time at Neverland

  2. Alpha Baboon says:

    He had his monkey too ?!!! OMG Does the SPCA know about this ? I mean, buggering McCauley Culkin is one thing.. but doing his Monkey ???!! That is an abomination.. but then again, he IS a very sick, very twisted pedophile… so how far is it to bestiality from there ?

  3. Alpha Baboon says:

    Us monkeys have to stick together…

  4. BumperStickerist says:

    re:  the Jackson Trial

    I can’t tell you the looks I’ve gotten from my friends when they find about the secret room with the wine cooler located out by my private amusement park …

    it’s innocent – for god’s sake …

    besides I like drinking wine from a soda can.

  5. CraigC says:

    He’s not getting off, JeffB.  Well, not in the sense that you mean, anyway.  I find it utterly unbelievable that his attorneys think it’s a good tactic to have guys testify, “Well, yeah I spent many nights in his bed, but nothing happened.”

    HELLOOO!!!!  Even if you believe nothing happened, you still have a parade of guys saying they slept with him when they were kids!!!!! That’s emotional and psychological abuse if nothing else.  And yes, I realize that’s not what he’s on trial for, but the pattern of behavior makes it absurd to believe no touching ever happened.  Do you think that will escape the jury?

  6. CraigC says:

    I used to love it when Norm Macdonald called him a homosexual pedophile every week.  Just would not let up.

  7. CraigC says:

    Oh, and the Germans love David Hasselhoff.

  8. Yeah, that sick, twisted King of Pop loved to have me do that Old Spice yell. Constantly.

    Rhythmically.

    But we never, you know, did anything.

  9. stiv says:

    ….and then the monkey said, “McCauley who?”

  10. spongeworthy says:

    Here’s the part I don’t get: The guy’s a twisted homosexual pedophile, the King of Pop and the rules obviously don’t apply to him, right?

    So why’s it the worst thing he’s accused of doing is fondling a pee-pee? Wouldn’t you think at least one of these kids would say “He hit me up the stinky starfish!”?

    There’s something wrong with him all right, but I can’t quite buy the homosexual child predator. I’m going with underdeveloped circle-jerker.

  11. ll says:

    I find it utterly unbelievable that his attorneys think it’s a good tactic to have guys testify, “Well, yeah I spent many nights in his bed, but nothing happened.”

    Since the prosecution had a number of witnesses testify that they saw Jackson and the boys in bed, his attorney has to have some of them say nothing happened.

    There’s something wrong with him all right, but I can’t quite buy the homosexual child predator. I’m going with underdeveloped circle-jerker.

    Let’s see, someone pays your parents alot of money in order to get them to trust them and leave you alone with them. Whenever you don’t want to, or feel uncomfortable about it, he guilt trips you into staying. Then he sticks his hands down your pants and jerks you off. He also talks you into jerking him off. And he does this with a number of boys. Sure sounds like a pedophile and a predator to me.

    If I remember correctly the maid said she walked in when Culkin was asleep and MJ had his hands in his underwear and was jerking him off. The brother of the victim in this case also testified that his brother was asleep on MJ’s bed and Jackson had his hands down the kids pants and was jerking him off. Just another one of those coicidences that make the story true.

  12. MJ says:

    I want the boner of the Elephant Man.

  13. spongeworthy says:

    Proves nothing. Who hasn’t pretended to be asleep when a pop star was jerking them off?

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