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The Jamie Moyer Hypothesis

Finally, a scientific conclusion I can get behind.  Unlike that “evolution” crap the petri-flogging heathens in their big shot lab coats are always trying to pass off as “science.”

****

update:  I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

28 Replies to “The Jamie Moyer Hypothesis”

  1. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Monkeys.  Yeah.  Right.

  2. Daniel says:

    Maybe Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson and the rest of the Yankee staff need to slow it down a notch.

    hehehehe

  3. RC says:

    Does it not occur to these researchers that the way the neurons are developed is by the infants/toddlers being exposed to slow moving objects.  Sure, they’ll be able to hit the ball and then poke themselves in the mouth with a fork.

  4. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Rod Carew could not hit a slow pitch softball.

  5. Rob A. says:

    So how many balls have you whizzed at Satchel since you read this?

  6. Yogi says:

    Oh you little Pee Wee league fuckers are going DOWN!

  7. Blackjack says:

    Jamie Moyer’s future obituary:

    Jamie Moyer died yesterday at at the age of 110.  He had just completed his 78th season with the Mariners, going 16-10 with a 3.35 ERA. 

    “He was amazing”, said AL batting champion Tony Gwynn IV.  “No matter how much I tried to lock in on that 9 MPH changeup, I just couldn’t touch it.”

    Jamie Moyer is survived by his pal Ichiro, who at age 102, slumped a little last year with a disappointing .325 batting average.  Ichiro was quoted as saying “I must look to my departed friend Jamie for inspiration.  Maybe next year, I won’t be a disappointment to the game of baseball with my pathetic attempt at hitting.”

  8. zombyboy says:

    re: I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

    Dude. Yes you are.

  9. SeanH says:

    Jeff, I know, right?  It’s like, that’s an interesting THEORY Mr. fancy-pants, atheist scientist, but man was created in God’s image and I sure ain’t been worshipping some damn, dirty ape all this time.

    Where do they get off expecting us to swallow some ridiculous THEORY that’s only incompatible with the most blindly literal interpretation of the Bible?  Luckily, we’ve got good guys like this watching out for us.

  10. Yogi says:

    re: I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

    I know baby… I just want you to PRETEND for a while…

  11. What’s the implication of evolution?  How is it practical?  So evolution takes place over thousands of years?  Great!  How do we take advantage of that?

    Now intelligent design?  That’s something we work with.  I’ll just intelligently design a tree that grows doritos and gouda cheese.  That’s practical.

  12. gail says:

    And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being! God isn’t interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time: forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!

    –Slugs.

    –Slugs! He created slugs! They can’t hear, they can’t speak, they can’t operate machinery. If I were creating the world, I wouldn’t mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would’ve started with lasers, eight o’clock, day one.

  13. SeanH says:

    I’d buy a tree like that as long as it was “Nacho Cheesier” and not “Cool Ranch”

  14. Desert Cat says:

    A Dorito tree?  Hmm.  With GMO you might just be able to (intelligently) design just such a plant someday.  Hmm.  Hmm.  The philosophical implications…

  15. maggiekatzen says:

    gail, what is your thing with slugs? huh?

  16. gail says:

    Maggie, sorry. I know it’s a sore point.

  17. I feel that way about midgets.

  18. And Waffle House.

  19. Ana says:

    I’m taking my tot to the batting cage righ now and putting that frigging cannon on full speed. ‘Cause that boy can’t hit the side of a barn. BOY! Go gicher helmet! And the first aid kit.

  20. JFH says:

    I’ve been telling my kid’s “Coach’s Pitch” coach for weeks to throw the ball faster at my son!  He’s way ahead of the ball everytime.

  21. Shawn says:

    I AM NOT A NUMBER, I’M A FREE MAN!

    SW: England.  See the connection?

  22. David Warner says:

    I’m going to have to kill you now, Gail.. err, I mean Benson

    Turing word : girl

    I like girls. Lots of ‘em.

  23. Murel Bailey says:

    I am an animal.

    BTW, here’s a thought question – if Charles Darwin was in school, and he took a spelling test, and misspelled something, would a teacher who marked the error be, by axiom, a theocrat? Just asking.

    Because debate about Darwin and evolutionary theory is usually too stupid to merit the claim that cognition underlies it. It’s almost never really about the ideas themselves – creation, evolution, intelligent design, inheritance of acquired characteristics, whatever – and really has to do with how much religious people and secularists hate each other. You could really skip the scenery about evolution and boil it down to this summary version, suitable for printing on a business card:

    Faction A: You suck.

    Faction B: No, you suck.

    The advantage of printing it on a business card is that you can hand people the cards – and they can hand them back – and the cards can do the arguing while the human beings do things more productive, like have barbecues.

  24. Jeff Goldstein says:

    here’s a thought question – if Charles Darwin was in school, and he took a spelling test, and misspelled something, would a teacher who marked the error be, by axiom, a theocrat? Just asking.

    A:  No.  Why?

  25. gail says:

    “I’m going to have to kill you now, Gail.. err, I mean Benson”

    Dang, I was hoping your revenge would be slow and unpleasant.

  26. SeanH says:

    On the one side you have a scientific theory that’s the basis of modern biology, has stood up to more than a century of scrutiny, and been tremendously bolstered by scientific advances that were unimaginable in Darwin’s time. 

    On the other side you’ve got a theory based on a religious interpretation held by a minority of Christians and makes no testable predictions which makes it unscientific by its nature.  This Christian minority is constantly trying to force equal time for their religious interpretation in biology classes in public schools even though nearly every biologist in the country says it’s hogwash.

    Seems to me that there’s a point to debating it.  For the record, I don’t hate anyone outside of terrorists.  I’m not religious in the least, but even though we may disagree on evolution I’d be way more comfortable hanging out with someone like Hugh Hewitt than I would be with someone like Howard Dean.

  27. T-Ball Dad says:

    Hey, I tried that faster pitch experiment yesterday.. I took my boy (he’s 3) out in the backyard.. we have a little batting cage set up.. and I fixed my radar gun on home plate.. I like accuracy.. and I gave him a steady stream of consistant 95 – 97 mph fastballs.. ok .. a few sliders and a change up or two.. but mostly fastballs.. I tried curveballs breaking toward the inside corner but he’s so short that what would have been and should have been a solid strike just pinged off his helmet.. Good thing their little brains arent fused yet, huh? The Doc says pupils should return to the same size once the swelling goes down. Anyway, I digress.. My point is that he could hit the pitches much better than the slow pitch wiffle balls that we had been using, but it didnt really help his numbers all that much because his plastic bat kept bending in half.

    Guess I’ll have to build him a little bench press so he can build up those arms so he can hold a Louisville Slugger ..

  28. Defense Guy says:

    Not to be a wet blanket in the land of funny, but the issue is not whether evolution is real science; it is whether the theory that it can explain all life on earth is provable.  As of now, it is a leap to call that theory a provable science.

    Turing word – “george”, as in the curious monkey.

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