Hey! This ain’t Penthouse Forum, people. I mean, I’m an artist, for chrissakes…
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Well, according to Larry Flint, he’s an artist, too…
Later,
bbeck
damn……..
Does that mean you have Redeeming Social Value?
Holy shit. How did this never occur to me before? If only this blinding flash of inspiration had struck me sooner…
If I played my cards right, I could get a huge NEA grant for a multi-year cycle of performance art exhibitions to be known as, “Getting Drunk In Bars and Being an Ass.”
I’d be known throughout the country as “that drunk artist guy–you know, the one the government pays to get drunk in bars and act like an ass.” People would look forward to seeing me arrive and would delight in my asshole behavior. After all, they might get mentioned in “reviews.” They could brag to friends that they saw “that drunk artist who’s a real ass.”
There are plenty of people who’ve been criticized as “making a career out of being a drunken ass.” Winston Churchill comes to mind. But I would be the first person in history whose job description, quite literally, was “Drunken Ass.”
Once the “Getting Drunk In Bars and Being an Ass,” exhibition is over, things could progress across a whole range of drunken ass performance art exhibits. The only real limiting factor would be my liver’s staying power and the continued existance of the NEA.
WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS SOONER!?!
Beck, at the August Academic Institution where I work today was “Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day.” The bars opened at 8 AM and the kids were lined up around the block outside some of the dens of iniquity. Students were walking (or staggering) past my building singing and waving little plastic cups by nine. Could this be considered performance art?
Jeff, if the armadillo can dance and dance is considered an art form, then isn’t the armadillo an artist, too? So why can’t we see the dancing armadillo? I’m starting to think he doesn’t exist.
Gail, in order to qualify as performance art, several strict criteria must be met, including, but not limited to:
1) Must receive government funding
2) Must have no redeeming social or economic value
3) Bonus points if it A) is somehow harmful, inconvenient, or annoying to the intended audience, B) causes yourself physical harm, or C) involves human waste in any way, shape or form.
4) Must be intellecutally justified with unintelligible strings of polysyllabic verbiage.
Speaking of Penthouse Forum, I want to tell you a story that really happened to me. I was standing watering my front lawn when this VW bus full of the entire CU cheerleading squad drove by. The driver stopped to ask directions, and …
Just a little heads up….I note Lil’ Kim has been charged with purjury, possibly a volume II in your future!
Thanks Jeff, I was starting to think maybe I was here for the wrong reasons.
No lesb…… thankyou
Yeah, I remember being in that VW bus. Some really strange guy jumped out in front of it and did something with a hose that made us all……………
Thank you for the clarification, Beck. There were also sequined green hats and mardi gras beads.
On another note, when can we stop being presumptuous and start being sumptuous? I’M TIRED OF WAITING!
Gail,
We’ve been post-sumptuous for a long time now. Sheesh, get with the program already.
Did somebody say we got too see dancing, lesbian, armadillos????
Awesome!!!!
Wait…they aren’t lesbians?
Nevermind. Leave it to Jeff G. to be so damn heteronormative!!!!
… he made you all… he made you all.. what?? What did he make you all do Claudette ? Was it something TO each other ? Did it involve fruit ? Dont keep me in suspense !!!! Tell me.. and be really , REALLY detailed…
Start with what you girls were wearing at the time…
-BPiS
Alan Turing Word: Men
Thats a computer that said that.. and I dont like its tone.
BiMan
Let’s just say we girls stayed in the bus, the strange bloke stayed on the road……… self-inflicted pain for him. You need not know more
well, so long as you don’t get con-sumptuous.
Hey Claudette.. There was nary a hint of Hot, Les… in that response nor even a whiff of dancing Armadillo..much less a dancing , lesbian armadillo.. I feel cheated..What gives?
I’m telling Jeff on you..
JEEEEFFFFFFFF !!!
Claudette isnt coming across with the Hot, Les..!!
::smirks at claudette:: You’re in for it now. Heh!
turing word: think
as if…
Hey Robin, in order for it to be an authentic Forum entry, you must have the phrase, “needless to say” in there somewhere incongrous, as in, “Needless to say, they all stripped and got in line for a shot at my throbbing manhood.”
“Needless to say, they all stripped and got in line for a shot at my throbbing manhood.â€Â
Fortunately, every shot missed.
(keyword: efforts)
…. Needless to say, I don’t look at VW van’s the same way since.
It was then that one of them mentioned that they were a roving band of photo journalists from a magazine called ‘Mini-Manhood’. Appearantly a German fetish magazine for lovers of small penises. They then each took turns photographing my equipment from all different angles with their 5 Mega Pixel Leica DigiLux2 cameras..
Needless to say, I received a complimentary copy of the magazine some months later and found I was featured as the 1/4 page center ‘fold-in’..
Well, there went my fifteen minutes of fame.
Turing Word: Three
Ya.. thats about it.. centimeters that is.
Yeah, but you’re bipolar! That means you have two, so that’s a total of six centimeters.
(How long is a centimeter, anyway…?)