Last evening, my wife asked me if I wouldn’t mind taking out the garbage. I didn’t. So I did.
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Which raises the age-old stumper that most guys get wrong: When is a question not a question?
Correct answer: when your wife “asks” if you “don’t mind” to do something…
<insert sincere belly laugh, head shake, mutter of ‘oh, that crazy joooo’s done it again’ here…>
I mowed the grass last weekend….
(anti-spam: woman)
How ironic. MY wife asked ME if I wouldn’t mind taking out the garbage last night too! I didn’t see you out by the garbage though…
Ahhhh…but would you mind cleaning out the cat pans?
I think we are in deep philosophical double negative territory here. My parsing is as follows:
If one does not would not mind, then one minds, ergo, does NOT take out the garbage. The proper answer based on the subsequent action would have been “Yes, I would not mind taking out the garbage.”
I checked this with Karl Rove on the assumption that an evil genius is still a genius, and he agrees.
My head hurts.
I did mind…so I didn’t.
Real men take out the trash. Unless they can get one of the kids to do it. Its good to be the king and all, but not in a trashy palace.
You are nothing if not a giver.
Yeah, right.
Spamword: double positive
Thanks to Stiv, someone at DU is going to start a thread claiming Karl Rove is responsible for stealing the garbage that would have proved Jeff Gannon gave Dan Rather those fake documents.
Vizzini: Now, a clever man would put the garbage into his own trashcan, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the garbage in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the garbage in front of me. You only think I guessed wrong – that’s what’s so funny. I switched trashcans when your back was turned. Ha-ha, you fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia”, but only slightly less well known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line.”.
Hahahahahaha.
[Vizzini falls over dead]
Consuala Montoya: Inigo ! Have you emptied that trash yet ?
Inigo Montoya: Yes dear !
Vizzini: “Yes, you would not mind taking out the garbage?… INCONCEIVABLE ! â€Â
Inigo “I will use my left hand. If I use my right it goes too fast and I get no satisfaction” Montoya? That Inigo?
I don’t think he’d take out the trash.
I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. …Then I take out the trash.
BiPolar, I’m so glad you stopped signing off as BpiS. I was uncontrollably driven to read it as bee piss.
Nothing like a good Mutton, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich when the mutton is nice and lean….
Gail, I thought you were uncontrolably driven to insult like a sailor.
I always ask my wife if that kind of question is really a poll regarding my opinion on a matter or if it is instead a request. She responds by asking me if I wish to remain married or not. I tell her that I asked first. She responds with the original statement/question. Then I go to do whatever it is she wants me to do, ignoring her third question of why I’m walking away while she is still talking to me and her fourth question regarding the basis for the sigh I made as I set off on another action-packed trek to the dryer, refrigerator, or other exciting destination.
For over eight years I’ve done this. It just gets better and better.
Ana, my drives have attention deficit disorder.
Gail–Well don’t tell the boys. That’s the kind of thing that gets them going. Drives and all.
It was BPiS. and yes, it is pronounced Bee Piss.. Do you have a problem with that ? That was my fathers name and his father and his fathers father.. Pisses in my family go way back.. In fact the first pisses in the new world were my forefathers and they came over on the Mayflower.. and we’re proudly pisses to this day…
hahahaha I wondered how long it would take someone to figure out what inspire that post.
Ana, you win a golden star next to your name today.
-Bee Piss
Turing word: Large
A large Bee Piss is said to be ‘like a racehorse’
That wasnt Jeff Gannon.. I dont know how that name got on there.. I never go on AOL Cheerleader Chat and pretend to be an 8” Porn Stunt Cock.. I dont care what youve heard…
-BPiS
It was that damned Turing Word that changed the name… Just a coincidence that its ‘Large’.. I dont think so.. See , these sneaky ass computers CAN think… Not only can they think but they have an evil sense of humor!
Where’d BAM BAM Bush go? The ghost in my machine could use a couple whacks..
-BPiS
(Not in any way connected to Jeff Gannon)
Bee Piss,
That’s 8” CUT GAY PORN COCK OF LIES, to you, buddy. And don’t you forget it.
There’s a certain protocol attached to these things.
BiPolar, “Bee Piss” was my contribution to the enlightenment of all assembled. And I think Bee Piss is a charming name. Much nicer than, say, Luxury Yacht or Throat-Warbler Mangrove.
No way Ana gets my gold star.
NYT headline 3/9/05:
“Jeff Goldstein Takes Out Garbage; Women, Minorities Hardest Hit.”
Jeff, I’m sure that with this small change in attitude towards garbage-taking-out, you must be heaven to live with.
I’d be interested in a direct quote from your wife, though. Just to be sure.
Ok.. Ok.. Gail & Ana , you both get gold stars.. Gail for adding the name Bee Piss to my list of aliases and Ana for correctly identifying Inigo Montoya. There, are you two happy now? Because if you have any further disputes youre going to have to settle them by arm wrestling.
As for Jeff.. yesterday he was swimming in Lake Cock and refusing to get out.. today he’s taken on domestic duties.. Are you having some sort of identity crisis or gender crisis or something?
I think I can speak for us all when I say, we’re here to help if you need us.. ok, well maybe not ALL of us.. but some of us… a few of us.. ok, just me, unless its something really creepy.. I mean the swimming in Lake Cock thing was kinda giving me the willys.. Maybe you should just write a letter to Dr Phil or something..
-BPis (pronounced Bee Piss)
spamkiller: members
members?
See? Jeff was talking about a certain 8” Cut Gay Porn Cock member all week.. now he’s going on about a Red Porn Cock member… Dont think the ‘puter doesnt spot this anomalous behaviour..
I think Bee Piss is a charming name. Much nicer than, say, Luxury Yacht or Throat-Warbler Mangrove.
True, but it doesn’t quite have the ring of a Ken Shabby or, say, a Mr. Smokes-Too-Much.
Not to mention the sheer majesty of a Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
Sean M.,
It was unavoidable.. If I go on AOL Cheerleader Chat as Jeff the 8” Cut GAY Porn Cock of Lies, the babes just want to be friends and go shopping and talk about Will & Grace..
I’m just there for the hot cheerleader action so I adapt to the situation by becoming Jeff The 8” Bad Boy Porn Stunt Cock (Totally NOT Gay).
.. wait.. I mean..thats what I WOULD DO if I ever were to go on that site with all those underage teen cheerleaders in short skirts.. which I never would.. I’m just saying..
-BPiS
Turing word: quality
as in thats some high quality teen fetish material on that site.. or rather, I imagine it would be.. if I thought about that kinda thing.
Sean M.,
Oddly enough, both Ward Churchill and I are 1/64th
von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
on our mother’s side.. small world, huh?
-BPiS
Hey, your real name wouldn’t happen to be Scott Ritter, would it?
(Turing word = seemed. As in, “Well, officer, it seemed like a good idea to meet that underage girl at Burger King.”)
maybe..maybe not.. who’s asking ?
…my drives have attention deficit disorder.
I hate it when my drives forget where they’re going and end up in the rough.
Instead of, you know…