Final post on the subject, folks: Once again, thank you for all your help and support. I’ve tried to email a brief thank you note to everyone who’s contributed so far, but some of you I may have missed in my blundering attempt to use this loaner box efficiently (thanks again, Jeralyn). Please know that I am very very grateful, and that I probably just stupidly deleted your original email.
Some others of you (notably this guy, who, if his views on altruism are any indication, likely owns an inflatable Ayn Rand sex doll and calls his penis “The Fountainhead”) find this whole fundraiser untoward; for that I apologize and remind you that you are under no obligation to do anything more than click through here whenever you please. But necessity drove me to ask—and I can assure you that this isn’t a bandwidth drive whose secret aim it is to place me thonged and liquored up on some Mediterranean beach with a trim and tanned 18-year old boy named Dimitri.
Anyway, I’m going to continue this fundraising drive for a few more days; after that, I’ll make a computer purchase and get myself set up on my own system, where I wont feel so embarrassed about writing naughty bits. As it stands now, I’d hate to think that when I return this computer to Jeralyn, there’ll be a lot of stray Jeff Gannon COCK worming its way through her hard drive.
Friday morning update: Thanks to all of you who’ve offered computer advice / opinions. I’m in the home stretch here—about $300 shy of my best-case scenario target, which I never thought I’d even approach, to be honest with you—and if I reach that goal, I’ll get the Mac I’ve been looking at, because I’d like to branch out into the kind of nasty video work that will make the world stop and say, JIB JAB? Those guys are Jeff’s BITCHES! Again, thank you all SO much. And Jeralyn? I owe you a vanilla martini, or whatever wussy drink it is you liberal elites are nursing these days.
Saturday and Sunday morning update: Weekend posts follow
One thing you could do with your new ‘puter is use blinkies on the word “home”. That makes it easier to find when it’s buried in thickets like:
BREAKING: FOX NEWS’ WASHINGTON EDITOR BRIT HUME ORDERS A PASTRAMI SANDWICH AND A SIDE OF FRIES AND GRAVY, CONTINUES TO FLOUT LEFTWING CALLS FOR HIS RESIGNATION; OLIVER WILLIS REPORTEDLY “OUTRAGED” BY HUME’S RECALCITRANCE, “REALLY JEALOUS” ABOUT THE PASTRAMI SANDWICH AND FRIES THING | Home | Ted Rall to the denizens of cyberspace: “I’m, like, so much BETTER than you!”
Turing word is “head”, and I am so not going there!
Jeff,
Cynics, the lot of them. People are supposed to help eachother out. It’s called being kind, though apparently some folks have forgotten what that means.
Frankly, I’m sure I’d love all the posts you could get out of whole “thonged and liquored-up” thing, anyway. Sounds like days of fun reading to me
Lyndsey
I contributed, but it took THREE TRIES because, first, I NEEDED TO ACTUALLY HAVE MY CREDIT CARD IN HAND. Then, I NEEDED A DIFFERENT CREDIT CARD THAN THE ONE I HAD IN HAND. But I persevered and finally made a contribution.
So WHERE’S MY PIE!?
In case you’re wondering, “cockworming.com” is available.
Heheh.
The Fountainhead.
Heheheheheh.
Er, sorry.
Dmitri is pouting in the corner now, Jeff.
Have you made a computer decision yet, Jeff?
<Drum roll………>
The very thought of Jeff – wearing only a banana hammock and waving a half-empty bottle of cheap rotgut – out on the town, searching drunkenly for a new ‘puter, is vagely disturbing.
Hopefully, they have police in whatever Colorado town he lurks about in. And billy clubs, too.
Spambuster: step
As in “step off, pal”
Cynics, the lot of them. People are supposed to help eachother out. It’s called being kind, though apparently some folks have forgotten what that means.
Hey, a true compassionate conservative would say to Jeff “I cannot help you, to help you would make you dependent on me and unable to support yourself. So to be kind I am not giving you anything”
Of course, one can take that too far
By helping Jeff get a computer we are preventing him from depending on us–can you imagine where he would end up if he didn’t have this medium through which to express himself?
Scott —
Haven’t yet, though I really am leaning toward a Mac at this point.
PD—Conservatism is dependent upon THIS website. I AM A LEADER IN THE REVOLUTION! BUT I NEED MORE GUNS!
Ohhh you need guns. I thought you needed a computer. Why didn’t you just say so?
Ok in that case i will send some money to support the fight
Everyone! Jeff needs Guns!
Keep leaning Jeff … Macs rule, Dell’s drool (oh, this has been so DONE on the other thread, hasn’t it?)
Oh, drat, Dells. Does it count if I catch my typos first?
“this isn’t a bandwidth drive whose secret aim it is to place me thonged and liquored up on some Mediterranean beach with a trim and tanned 18-year old boy named Dimitri. “
And just why not?! Racist! =p
Jeff-
If it helps with the decision, I read that Macs come with an extra 10 MB of built-in funny.
Not that it’s helped the Hollywood show folk who use them almost exclusively. Just think how bad TV would suck if they didn’t. If it’s even possible to envision such a thing.
<shudders at the thought…>
So when do you and your “assistant” head off on a non-blogging tour of Europe and the Middle East with the money you raised?
Have you considered…gasp…a desktop? Laptops/notebooks of all brands are basically unreliable, as your experience shows. It’s inherent in the design. A cheap eMachine from Best Buy will probably run for years. In any event they make a nice backup for the eventual demise of your notebook.
I’m actually leaning that way, Steve—though with a kid around, it’s hard to post when you’re tethered to a big box in a single room.
Which sounds like a Virginia Woolf criticism, but I swear that it’s nothing of the sort…
One needs, at least, a rum of one’s own.
If pw went subscription, I’d subscribe. Most of us except Mr. Helpful and “me” would subscribe because there’s nothing funnier or more entertaining out there. We’ve been reading Jeff’s achingly funny stuff for free and he tells us he needs a computer and gets a load of crap. Pa-tooey.
I second Steve L’s comment. I’ve had an emachines box for about 18 months now, and it has performed like a champ. It is very easy to upgrade (I threw in a snazzy new vidya card & a firewire card for under $100 total), doesn’t take up too terribly much room, and – despite what some of the Macheads would have you believe – Windows XP does NOT crash more often than Robert Downey Jr. Quite stable, in fact. Affordable, too.
Say, you’re not going to reach some preset goal and then take another 18 months off are you?
Not that you know of, Charles.
As for pre-set goals, I didn’t really have one. Which is good, otherwise I’d be <s>$500</s> $300 short.
Ugh, I’ve had bad experiences with eMachines, and (with the exception of the previous commenters) have heard nothing but horror stories about them. They’re cheap but you get what you pay for.
I had a rheum of my own a couple of weeks ago, but with plenty of vitamin C and liquids and rest I got over it. I can’t imagine why people would want a rheum of their own. . .
Turing word: office
Save yourself some money, Jeff. There are only about 6-7 laptop OEM’s in the US. Here’s one of them:
http://www.sagernotebook.com/pages/web_specials.html
Spambuster: member
A reference to?
Jeff, when you see Dimitri could you please send him home, he still has work to do here.
dorkafork, I’ve got two of the eMachines boxes ( 3 years and 2 years old ) and they’ve worked perfectly for me. I’ve put several people into them without a complaint so far.
My wife’s eMachine desktop PC is frighteningly stable for a Windows machine.
You can’t tip it over without using both hands <rimshot>
Seriously, though—she loves it.
Robin Roberts,
I caught a guy snooping around my ranch, I might put him in my desktop. It is a mid tower. I have run out of freezers to put them in.
Pluto’s Dad, what was he doing in your ranch … dressing?
I was wondering if you’d heard from Puce and if he had offered any advice on which – like “himputa gooda skeeratchin’ my assa” which could be like a variation on “Mac’s make good doorstops” or somesuch.
I dunno about the desktop idea, especially with a kid. I’m still thinking iBook, but I’m sure you’ll make the right decision. Then, if you’re smart, you’ll NEVER admit to us what it was, lest the platform wars start anew.
(Which room are you in now, and what are you wearing?)
It looks like a desktop, but the specifics I shan’t share!
Oh. And kitchen. And a kilt with long green stockings.
– Jeff, you might try some nice Bill Blass see-through boxers in midnight mauve’ to go with the green stockings. Make quite a fashion statement the next time your out on the town dining on scallops pauche’ at Gioganni’s…..
Continued thoughts on breast feeding; #4 in the series:
– Wand voltage settings higher than 75 volts are not recommended, although with some caution peanut butter can be used in moderate amounts, provided all of the contact surfaces are thouroughly dryed first. It goes without saying that ceiling fans are out of the question on the first date…..
I’m ignoring BBH, since I cannot make sense of what he’s saying and am too frightened to try.
But Jeff–I’m sure you look fetching in the kilt. Great choice.
What’s the tartan on that kilt? Obviously not McGoy, right?
OT: Has everybody seen the Ward Churchill Indian art plagiarism story? It’s too funny for words.
(I think Fake Scotsman made me think Fake Indian…Oh well, I have the flu–I’m only capable of random non sequiturs today)
spam word “board” as in WC has the low cunning of a 2×4.
ps, that link came from Lucianne.com
McGehee – it’s the Hunting Glen Tilt
Oh, man, gail, that’s just perfect. What a dull tool this Churchill clod is. What’s next, Ward – gonna lift art from George Catlin, too ?
Seriously, Joe, I haven’t seen a Catlin yet, but there’s a George Bell photo ripoff on Malkin’s website.
What cracks me up is the mirror-image thing he’s got going. Do you think he’s just photocopying stuff? That’s just [spamword] WRONG.
Scuse me,Charles Bell
Jeff, you are very welcome. I’ll pass on the vanilla martini, though. Ketel One, on the rocks, with a twist, will do just fine.
Glad to be of help. I just hope all that porn is gone before you give it back. I’m really, really not interested in Jeff Gannon’s anatomy.
“I’m really, really not interested in Jeff Gannon’s anatomy.”
You say that now, Jeralyn, but when JEFF GANNON’S LYING COCK OF GAY PORN MAN LIES is testifying before Congress, I got $10 says you blog about it incessantly.
I always thought the drink of choice was a white wine spritzer ordered Gore style, in which observers cannot recall if they heard a lisp during the afformentioned order.
Or was it, “with a twithst”?
iMac G5; with wireless it is almost as portable as a Powerbook. And Dmitri will just love it.
By the way, you have anyone look at that laptop before you designate it a paperweight? Run the hard drive utilities and all that jazz? If not, I’m a local computer tech (ie geek) in town and I’ll run it through it’s paces or at the very least sanitize the hard drive before you give it to charity or whathaveyou. No reason for little Billy at the orphanage to hack your 1’s and 0’s to discover the hidden horrors.
Just email me. I work up in north Denver and live down in Highlands Ranch so you know, whatever professor.
I think to celebrate, you oughta email the bitch that was complaining about you in the Jewish & Israeli Blog Awards. Tell em you got the award and the cash, then offer to let em in on the Gannon’s Gay Cock meme as sort of a consolation.
Well, I’ve had the same homemade PC for about 15 years now. Sure, it’s been upgraded thanks to the changes in technology, but I’ve never HAD to change anything because it crashed or broke (except for the fan, and I had to replace the tower when the button cracked and fell inside). I’ve never had a single problem with any of my Windows iterations, either, and the only reason I just changed my monitor is because this flat screen is SO cool. But that’s me.
Two things about MAC vs PC:
1. You can’t really judge which computer to get based upon the current apps you use because you may want to expand what you do on your computer someday. Which one has more versatility in that regard?
2. Apple may or may not be gone in X years, but no one is questioning whether or not IBM is going anywhere. We have literally thousands of dollars invested in software here and I for one would be a tad peeved if some future OS couldn’t support it.
Either way, I think Jeff’s decision for a Mac was made some time ago. Why else has he been talking to the McIntosh Apple all this time?
Later,
bbeck
Why else has he been talking to the McIntosh Apple all this time?
I thought it was because the Granny Smith only ever wanted to talk about what it had for dinner last night at “The Home.”
Was it Delicious?
Can’t you have your computer AND Dimitri? Cruel, cruel, world…
Not only Delicious, but also a Gala event
.. but he’s living in very Spartan conditions.
Somewhere in Wachington?
Somewhere in Washington?
Somewhere near Cortlandt
I hear he hangs out at the Pink Lady
.. and makes all the Maiden’s Blush
With his Mother and Adam.
The bartender had to call Doctor Hogg when he passed out after all those shooters. He couldn’t remember anything after 10:30.
Luckily, he did’nt turn into a Gravenstein. . .
…..it was not a good thing when he bit off the Cat’s Head
…. then, without warning, he whipped out his Twenty Ounce Winter Banana, helmeted with a green felt beret that matched the mini-kilt and socks he was wearing.
I can’t continue this until my dick has been knocked in the dirt by my “traditional one too many.” Say, eightish. . .
Done! I have a hot date!
MC?
– This is all Gails fault….
Hey, I didn’t start the apple stuff; JWebb did.
I’m willing to take responsibility for starting all the bondage stuff yesterday (and me just back from a church meeting and all) but the apple stuff started with “Delicious.”
’Scuse me. Maestro Jeff started it all with the McIntosh Apple.
Dangit Diana – you said it wouldn’t bleed this time!
Ok, ok, I’m just going back to the kitchen – need more oil.
Spam buster: “section” – Ouch!
Just stay away from the Redi Whip. It won’t work because someone sucked all the nitrous out. I hear peanut butter and a fan…never mind.
Sorry for falsely accusing you JW. I walked back the cat to bbeck.
– Bondage…..BONDAGE….Oh no no no….(insert sardonic laughter)…. that was the furthest thing from my mind your lexiconic Goddessness….I…..ahhh….(snapping the leather flog against an angular well muscled thigh and leering openly at those well filled bloomers standing astride anything available….)…perish the thought…
Continued thoughts on breast feeding; #5 in the series:
– Preperation of the target site with some manner of “soft” disinfectant is highly recommended. Intoxication is to be avoided since it can cause disorientation and a loss of secure nipple attach, lowering transfer efficiency. Light puffs of breath will aide in rapid evaporation and hasten aereola puckering….
Something <a title=”Mr. Helpful” href=”http://216.239.57.104/search?q=cache:5KeXblf0GT8J:www.mrhelpful.com/ mrhelpful&hl=en&client=firefox”>terrible</a> seems to have happened to Mr. Helpful’s site.
What a shame. I hope it’s not a matter of finances. Because if it is, he can go fuck himself.
Turing: ran
Oops. I don’t know what happened there, Jeff, but feel free to blow the entire comment away. I was just trying to link to Mr. Helpful’s site, which seems to have vanished except for a cached page at Google.
And just when I made you *notice* me too…
Bill, do you get a “403 Forbidden” page when you try to go to MrHelpful.com?
‘Cause that’s what led me to think I was banned. My wife’s computer can open his site just fine.
Helpfulman, are you just banning people wholesale, or is there something weird going on with your site?
He got pissy because I commented on that thread and politely suggested that he actually read Jeff’s blog before making asinine comments.
His response? Calling me gay. Heady rhetoric, that. He’ll go far. I’m thinking being banned from that site may not be too crushing a burden to bear.
Herr Scheist-ful or Monsieur Merde-ful or Señor Mierda-ful or whatever the heck he calls himself isn’t deserving of your time or attention.
OT, but Dr. Sanity is in a run for King of the Blogs and last I looked was only 4 votes away from tying it up. I hope Jeff doesn’t mind, and if he does, please delete my comment, but if you could go vote for Dr. Sanity it would be appreciated.
It’s a small contest and I just thought maybe some of you could help out please. Thanks!
– Well he got his 5 seconds of troll linking kyle, so we can all move along now…..nothing to see there….
Any of you Mac people use Final Cut or DVDPro…?
Only under strictly antiseptic conditions.
M’sieu Frank, I have done your bidding,as well as visited your blog. Felicitations. Would some of the medieval authors of whom no one has heard be Marie de France, Chretien de Troyes, Froissart, Jean de Meung? And how about Mr. Heapful [de merde, naturellement) as a nom de guerre for our unhelpful friend?
– Its all about the Bondage….(Wonder if Wonkette or Kos knows about Gails day-pass to the Gaggle…There just has to be a story there concerning delicious sexual proclivities…)
Thanks, Gail. Merci infiniment! I’m sure Dr. Pat Santy, of the blog Dr. Sanity, will appreciate your vote.
Well done on your list of medieval authors! Add to that Christine de Pizan, Guillaume de Lorris, Charles d’Orléans, Eustache Deschamps, etc. Plus, of course, a lot of anonymous authors known only by their works. It appears that you know quite a bit more about them than many people do. Would you believe that even in Europe most people can’t name the names you just did?
My masters thesis was a translation of 4 lais of Marie de France. Not just a translation, a translation in octosyllabic rhymed couplets to match the original.
Mr. Heapful is a perfect name for Jeff’s erstwhile little gnat of a detractor.
And you others, please don’t forget to vote for Dr. Sanity at King of the Blogs.
Frank, I was a medievalist in a former life, specializing in Anglo Saxon, but one of my sidelines was Old French, and I have always particularly loved Marie, a simply elegant poet.
Gail,
So that explains your knowledge of a rather arcane area! Glad to meet another medievalist (even if it was from your former life. lol!)
FV
– Damn….no medievilist background…I’m only versed in mammalous obiculous obicularous juxtaposition… and erm…..nipples…is that sucky?…. out of date….. old news….Its all gails fault….
BBH, I’m 54 ferchrissakes–cool your jets
Gail, you don’t look a moment over thirty.
It’s probably the font I use.
– And an alluring font it is too… about the age thing sweets…. At Moi’s age, with you I’d be robbing the cradle… but thanks for the thought… The secret is I just “think young” … and try not to roll across my oxygen hose…..
Me too BBH. Keep thinking young.
man, i was over on mr helpful’s site and he really is a primo dickhead. forgive my language. What did you do to him jeff, bang his mother?
I honestly have no idea, Dan.
It is a fatal flaw to assign reason to moronic puerilism. Think about it; what has reason to do with stupidity? To presume that mr. heapful needs or has a reason to be a jackass is to abandon reason.
In other words, the why of someone behaving like a deliberate willful idiot is because that person is a deliberate willful idiot.
Hey Jizzle my nizzle,
What did one parabola say to the other parabola? “My arches are killing me.”
I hope that would bring you cheer while you fan away the smoke from your aged computer.