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Obama's "jobs" speech, summarized

I propose we create more jobs. I propose we fix the economy. I propose the wealthy stop being fat-assed pigs and pay their fair share. I propose Congress stop fucking around and figure out a way to get that all done.

I propose reforming the tax code to make it so that fat cats don’t get special treatment. To do that, I propose a bunch of new specialized additions to the tax code.

I propose a bunch of new programs, which will be paid for by cutting the rate of future deficit spending so that we responsibly raise the debt and deficit more slowly.

And finally, wealthy companies need to give me their money, so that I can decide who gets it, why, when, and how much. Because every American knows that it’s only fair that other people’s money, horded by the most fortunate, be laundered through the federal government and then given to unions. And teachers. And teachers’ unions.

Shovel-ready infrastructure jobs and fast trains that were supposed to get money last time I proposed something like this should get it this time, now that I’ve paid off some other constituencies. That’s not political grandstanding or class warfare. The wealthy giving more of their money to the non wealthy means the non-wealthy will have more money and the wealthy will have less. That’s simple math. And simple math is the fairest and most balanced of all the maths.

PASS IT. PASS IT PASS IT PASS IT PASS IT PASS.

We need to do now what I haven’t done for the last 3 years. Because there’s an election coming up. So I propose you re-elect me.

LOOK FOR THE UNION LABEL!

97 Replies to “Obama's "jobs" speech, summarized”

  1. Seth says:

    I think we should pass the bill. To find out what’s in it. And be shovel ready, like China. For the Children.

  2. newrouter says:

    pass the gas now

  3. newrouter says:

    soja SaveObamasJobAct for the scoamf

  4. JD says:

    Wasn’t it odd to see the citizen of the world going all USA USA USA on live tv?

  5. newrouter says:

    The Speech
    September 8, 2011 7:54 P.M.
    By Yuval Levin

    Spend $450 billion dollars now, it will create jobs, and I’ll tell you how I’m going to pay for it a week from Monday. If you disagree, you want to expose kids to mercury.

    That about sums up the Obama years.

  6. Darleen says:

    jaysus effing keerist and the pony he rode in on … Barry’s verbal diarrhea started about 5 minutes into my drive home … by the time I got in my drive way, I congratulated myself on not running down pedestrians or mail boxes.

    I didn’t listen to the end … it was like he was on some loop saying the same f**king thing over and over “PASS THIS BILL NOW!! It will yadda yadda yadda”

    If I drink this martini too fast I’m going to have SUCH a headache ….

  7. happyfeet says:

    the US president needs to fuck off in the worst way

  8. Darleen says:

    BTW, Michael Ramirez nailed this speech before it happened … again … and again.

  9. Pablo says:

    I was lucky enough to get caught in a catastrophic blackout before the speech. Yay me!

  10. pdbuttons says:

    chinese kids are bright
    lightbulbs are bright
    \ i ordered a kids game from china for the chillens and it had
    much lead paint in it
    i have much shame

  11. pdbuttons says:

    i want a happy ending![ rim shot]

  12. Darleen says:

    Mark Levin on Facebook stating the obvious:

    This isn’t the American Job’s Act, this is the Save Obama’s Job Act.

  13. Darleen says:

    Ok, I was listening on the radio rather than watching … what was all that rah-rah stuff going on? Weren’t we told that the halls of Congress were too special for stuff like “YOU LIE!”? We aren’t the Brit Parliament or something?

    Were the cheerers being blackmailed, bribed or just delusional?

  14. happyfeet says:

    is it just me or has National Soros Radio developed a wicked sense of humor

  15. bh says:

    FOOTBALL!!!

  16. bh says:

    PACKERS!!!

  17. bh says:

    BRATS!!!

  18. bh says:

    BEER!!!

  19. bh says:

    AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!

  20. bh says:

    Oh, Obama sucks ass.

  21. serr8d says:

    Nice command performance re-election speech.

    But I liked Kid Rock’s pregame “Born Free” better.

    GO SAINTS!!!

  22. pdbuttons says:

    if i was giving out bobby orr stickers
    your forehead would be a seven head
    jesus saves/ espo scores on the rebound

  23. newrouter says:

    mostly brats

  24. happyfeet says:

    I tried to read the speech but it was creepy so I’ll just wait for more summarizings

  25. happyfeet says:

    also it was very long it would’ve been better if he had sort of just hit on his main points

  26. serr8d says:

    They shouldn’t be anointing Aaron Rodgers so quickly. He is prone to concussions, and that is the new ‘correctness’ syndrome in the NFL.

  27. newrouter says:

    pass the gas now – scoamf

  28. serr8d says:

    ‘feets, read my lips:more new taxes.

    That’s all you needs know, really.

  29. Alec Leamas says:

    I suppose I’m the only one who felt the ‘fierce urgency of sometime in the next few weeks.’

  30. happyfeet says:

    here’s a comment from a National Soros Radio thread that I think is kinda special

    Rudy Haugeneder (DrDoom) wrote:

    Sad. Very sad.

    There was no threat to big business and super billionair­es sitting, combined, on zillions of dollars that they either use the cash to build American business and industry right now, and quickly create jobs within weeks, or watch the money confiscate­d through a greed tax.

    And there was no threat to imprison the same who are storing the money in overseas tax havens, unless they repatriate it and spend it right now to rebuild America.

    Not a whisper of threat that would force such actions; none, nada, nothing.

    Obama gave a toothless speech. Bah.

    Thursday, September 08, 2011 8:34:44 PM

  31. bh says:

    I’m gonna listen to this twenty times in a row while the DVR kills the commercials.

    I am a real American. Fight for what’s right! Fight for your life!

  32. JD says:

    Rudy hates America. So does Barcky.

  33. serr8d says:

    “confiscate” money, “imprison” the rich?

    ‘feets, we told you about dragging fascists in here~!

  34. serr8d says:

    Damn. TD Green Gay,

  35. bh says:

    The Saints hate America.

    And God hates New Orleans. Actively tried to drown those fuckers not that long ago.

    Sorry, those are just the facts.

  36. serr8d says:

    JD, sorry about your season …. )

  37. JD says:

    Bh’s cheese curds look good. My Colts, not so much. Maybe we can go 1-15 and get Andrew Luck.

  38. serr8d says:

    When I heard Peyton Manning was out indefinitely, I tweeted ‘damn. #Titans can’t take advantage because we’re rebuilding. We don’t even have a good mustache anymore.’

  39. Alec Leamas says:

    Enough of your red-baiting, Monsieur happyfeet.

  40. serr8d says:

    I think I’ll be a Green Bay fan for awhile now. Fourteen-Zip is why.

  41. happyfeet says:

    it’s morning in america

    red dawn

  42. cranky-d says:

    Why did the Chargers give up Sproles? Idiots.

  43. newrouter says:

    Henry Juszkiewicz, the chief executive officer of Gibson Guitar Corp., tells National Review Online that President Obama, a “big liberal,” has done “untold damage to business” and should not be applauded for his jobs speech. ”He’s a government fan,” he says. “He has a problem with successful businesses. He thinks they’re the problem, that they shouldn’t be quite as successful.”

    “He is using the levers of government to not only redistribute, but to penalize,” he adds. “I see a difference between what he said and what he’s doing.”

    Gibson has been under federal investigation in recent months, reportedly for its importation practices. Juskiewicz blames the Obama administration for causing his company, an iconic American brand, to lose money and lawyer up.

    “We’re under attack,” Juskiewicz says. “It’s pretty interesting to seethat one of the points in Obama’s speech was to cut back regulationand promote jobs, when, in fact, he’s done just the opposite with us. We have been under investigation and harrasment for over two years and that continues on — seized goods, shut down our plant.”

    Link

  44. geoffb says:

    Not a whisper of threat that would force such actions; none, nada, nothing.

    Obama gave a toothless speech. Bah.

    “Nobody’s scared of him and it’s disastrous” A. Stern

  45. sdferr says:

    Barry sure did take his wheedley voice out for a trot tonight. In the end, Obama persuaded me that Boehner should never have acceded to the request to convene a joint session.

  46. Pablo says:

    Generators are good, in case you were wondering. THE PACK IS BACK!!!

  47. geoffb says:

    I thought you were for more Obama speeches.

  48. happyfeet says:

    interesting

    Officials at ISO said they were working with utilities in Southern California, Arizona and Mexico to restore power. Officials said the blackouts could last for hours.*

    I hope Mexico lets California have some power that would be very nice of them

  49. sdferr says:

    I thought you were for more Obama speeches.

    Oh yes, I am. Just in a less significant venue. Like in front of an AFL-CIO crowd, say.

    This was a bona fide fuck you to the American public (not that Barry’s whole career hasn’t been a bona fide fuck you to the American public, on account of it has), resulting eventually in further diminishment of an already too shaky trust in effective government of any sort. Barry succeeds, in that sense, in dragging others down with him, others who didn’t have to participate in their own undoing.

  50. happyfeet says:

    The administration official referred to the proposed infrastructure bank as the Kerry-Hutchinson infrastructure bank, as in Democratic Senator John Kerry and Texas Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson.

    I’d missed that jeez could she be more of a socialist-loving slut

    thank God this bitch never became governor of texas

  51. newrouter says:

    “Kerry-Hutchinson infrastructure bank”

    you go you establishment retard(sorry sarah)

  52. newrouter says:

    i just notice that “hp total care” features the o sign. creepy these silicon types.

  53. geoffb says:

    Elect Jerry Brown-out and you get what you asked for.

  54. cranky-d says:

    America continues its slide to failure.

  55. newrouter says:

    YES greta does HUNTSMAN wtf

  56. sdferr says:

    No more earmarks. No more boondoggles. No more bridges to nowhere.

    This, on the day Solyndra was raided by the FBI. Your honor, I’m an orphan.

  57. motionview says:

    I was going to try to find the transcript but after seeing the bullshit-to-English translation I’m good.

  58. LBascom says:

    I liked it when Obama said…umm…never mind, I got noth’in.

  59. geoffb says:

    Obama’s new gift.

    President Obama has gotten to the point with me that by merely giving a speech in favor of something, he can turn me against policies that I believe in and support.

    Good job Barry, keep it up.

  60. Pellegri says:

    Bh’s cheese curds look good. My Colts, not so much. Maybe we can go 1-15 and get Andrew Luck.

    Noooooo. :c (I just want to live in my little world of denial and pretend that Andrew Luck will play for Stanford forever. DAT MAN.)

    In other news, ALL HAIL HYPNOPRESIDENT.

  61. B. Moe says:

    The thing that most struck me was how ironic it is to be called anti-science by someone who can’t utter a complete sentence without using the word fairness.

  62. Pellegri says:

    @63: This forever.

    I am one of the most proscience people on the Science Boat. The government is doing science zero favors.

  63. happyfeet says:

    I’ve had four calls tonight nobody is talking about this desperate sad speech

    nobody

    and I keep forgetting to ask

  64. bh says:

    I suppose they all wanted to talk about the Packers’ passing game. That’s understandable.

  65. foreman says:

    I couldn’t bring myself to watch the speech but I read it.
    How can any sentient human find anything of substance in that blather?
    It’s like eating marshmallows.
    It’s clouds and smoke and haze and unicorns and pasted-together words.
    How can intelligent persons applaud (duly noted in the transcript) at such tripe?
    I want a president who has something to say, a president who has concrete proposals and who knows what he’s talking about. I want facts. Show me charts. Give me details. Give me reality.
    Use grown up words and concepts! Please!

  66. Pellegri says:

    I want a girl with a short skirt and a loooooong, loooooooooong jacket.

    Obama has driven me to the realm of insanity and nonsense.

    Over the wire and into the darkness.

  67. SDN says:

    Did anyone ask that fascist fuckstain on NPR exactly which envirowhacko regs he’d waive in order for that to happen in a timeframe shorter than years?

    Exhibit A on why we can’t live in the same country with his type.

  68. B. Moe says:

    In one of the links it says he wants to get FMFM to getmore active in refinancing defaulted and underwater mortgages?

    For real?

  69. Carin says:

    Best summary ever.

  70. Carin says:

    I liked Obama talking about that $1500 his payroll taxes was going to put in people’s pocket. Shit, that’s a pair of shoes and a sweater for Michelle.

  71. Carin says:

    Ha ha ha … someone is interviewing BIden on tv and asked how soon and who could be hired first due to this JOBS PLAN (pass it now) – police and teachers.

  72. Sarah Rolph says:

    “Use grown up words and concepts! Please!”

    For that, your best bet is Sarah Palin’s Facebook page.

  73. rjacobse says:

    Jeff, you left out the “pass it you poopy-heads” part.

  74. Sarah Rolph says:

    “I liked Obama talking about that $1500 his payroll taxes was going to put in people’s pocket. Shit, that’s a pair of shoes and a sweater for Michelle.”

    I’m pretty sure that for Michelle that budget would only pay for one or the other.

    But now that you mention it, Michelle as I recall is the one who said that the $600 “stimulus” check would only buy a pair of earrings. You would think the two of them might take the time to get their story straight…

  75. […] Jeff G fills in a few more details for you: PASS IT. PASS IT PASS IT PASS IT PASS IT PASS. […]

  76. Carin says:

    Well, Sarah, I remember when the Obama’s were first immaculated, they did an article on Michelle’s wonderful (and afforable!) style. She was wearing a $200 sweater, and the reporter was falling all over herself on how she could make such an “inexpensive”sweater look great.

    I remember wondering wtf planet they were on.

  77. JD says:

    PASS IT RIGHTNOW YOU ANTISCIENCE BITCHES!!!!!!!!

    THIS IS NOT CLASS WARFARE AND POLITICAL GRANDSTANDING!!!!!!!!

  78. JD says:

    Pellegri – we will take good care of Andrew.

  79. McGehee says:

    GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO CLAIM I GOT SOMETHING DONE OR, OR, OR I’LL STOMP MY FEET AND CALL YOU RAAAAACISTS!

  80. motionview says:

    I love to see this at the top of the Memeorandum stack: FACT CHECK: Obama jobs plan paid for? Seems not When a pinko’s lost the AP…

  81. Carin says:

    Anyone know if the sons of bitches passed it yet?

    *checks time

    what’s taking so long?

  82. geoffb says:

    Theme song for the 2012 Obama campaign.

  83. Squid says:

    @55: America continues its slide to failure.

    Slide? Brother, we jumped headfirst into failure 30-odd months ago!

    We need to do a retrospective of all the head-tilt notecard people, recording all the wonderful things that have happened since they so bravely and nobly ended the Hated Bush Regime. I’m guessing they’re looking even sadder today than they did then. But their righteous indy beards are probably a lot longer. The guys, too!

  84. Carin says:

    bama’s Jobs Address, Key Optics“.

    You’re welcome.

    Ha. a friend is making me a shirt for when I run the Detroit marathon. It says SCOAMF on the front. I’m so excited.

  85. JD says:

    SCOAMF?

  86. Carin says:

    Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Failure.

  87. JD says:

    I love it. Who do I credit?

  88. motionview says:

    Ace’s crew for SCOAMF and serr8d for the greatest political satirical images on the web. I’m thinking of getting “We’re not all socialists now” tattooed on my daughter.

  89. A fine scotch says:

    Video evidence of Jeff’s summary: Pass this bill, the re-mix!

  90. Squid says:

    JD, if you haven’t seen the SCOAMF version of Downfall, you should hie thee thitherward straightaway.

  91. McGehee says:

    AFS, it’s funny — when my doctor told me I had a kidney stone he said exactly the same thing.

  92. Pellegri says:

    Pellegri – we will take good care of Andrew.

    YOU HAVE MY (FOOTBALL) LIFE IN YOUR HANDS.

    But I’ll trust you.

  93. serr8d says:

    Ace’s crew for SCOAMF and serr8d for the greatest political satirical images on the web. I’m thinking of getting “We’re not all socialists now” tattooed on my daughter.

    Thanks! motionview, that’s appreciated. Not the tattoo part, those things are of questionable use or value. )

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