Here’s something most people probably wouldn’t guess about Heaven: on Thursday nights, the most exclusive tequila bar on the west side hosts after hours cock fighting — kind of a yuppie slum fest for the bored Hugo Boss set, with hedge fund-types and the idle rich costumed in cheap straw cowboy hats and custom snakeskin blazers cheering on a half-dozen or so angry roosters, the only authentic Mexicans in sight being those you sometimes catch out of the corner of your eye clearing glasses and hot wing plates off teak roll-in snack tables.
It’s all kind of surreal, frankly. Not to mention, raises a host of ethical questions that might be cool to consider were you sitting on a deck in Malibu with a couple of friends and a six foot water bong. But the truth is you tend not to think about any of that shit when you’ve got your last twenty-five bucks riding on “The Amazing Mr Pecker” — and it occurs to you that, if your bird can’t hack it, your only chance of landing a fix that night will be pinky banging Heath Ledger in the squeakhole for whatever junk you can scrape off his backup spoon. Again.
And it’s hard to beat a rush like that.
I’m trying to think of something intelligent to contribute. I’ve got nothing.
I got ten on The Amazing Mr. Pecker. He’s due.
These posts tend to produce that kind of deer-in-the-headlights effect. For whatever reason.
If I had to guess, I’d say fear of lightning bolts.
I had hoped Heath Ledger had found peace.
He didn’t? I mean, what’s not to like?
I just worry.
U disgust me Corey would NEVER be in HEATHS SQUEAKYHOLE AS YOU CALL IT because they were STARS and they lived lifes of fame and glory and excitement!! HAVE YOU EVER MET CHRISTIAN BALE?
Why do you hurt Coreys memory with your LIES! If there is a heaven corey is there driving with Heather Graham and living HAPPILY probably LIGHT PETTING!!!
I miss Heather so much.
When you are wishing for your cock to lose, you might not be in heaven…
At first I thought #7 was real. I got over that notion pretty quickly.
Previous jessiefromsocal, here.
Good stuff, dude.
Why so serious?
Indeed, Mr. Goldstein. Indeed. /Dr. Evil
That’s the afterlife?
Holy shit, I’ve been dead for three years.
That is golden. So wrong, yet so right.
Thanks, bh. I was pretty sure I’d seen that commenter before, but did not remember where.
Egad feets. Scared me there for a minute. I actually googled Heather Graham to see if roller girl had gone to the great topless rink in the sky.
that would be devastating
Holy cow! When did Jeff start posting regularly again? I might be in for a donation, if this keeps up. My old “apple” t-shirt has gotten a bit ratty too.
I wish I had one of those. I don’t think I ever got paid by Cafe Press. Must not have sold $25 worth of swag.
I’ll buy you one for your birthday. It says they’re still available, but I don’t know, maybe if I tried to order one I’d find out they’re not.