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a post that explores what life would be like if oatmeal could speak, 16

oatmeal: “Remember the Honeycomb Hideout? Last I heard the kids had turned it into some sort of plywood warren for smack junkies.

” — Which, I’m not saying sugar is a necessarily a gateway drug, but, well, let’s just say you don’t routinely find Quakers giving college boys head for the ten spot they need to buy that beautiful burnnn…”

40 Replies to “a post that explores what life would be like if oatmeal could speak, 16”

  1. thor says:

    Oh, those fluttering amber waves of burnnn!

    Yo, where da Quaker women at!

  2. cranky-d says:

    Instead of chasing the dragon, are they chasing Crazy Craving?

  3. Squid says:

    I was so disappointed to find out that Sugar Smacks didn’t have any smack in them.

    That’s $250 I’ll never get back…

  4. JHoward says:

    Ah, a religion thread.

  5. you don’t routinely find Quakers giving college boys head for the ten spot they need to buy that beautiful burnnn…

    Except during Army-Navy weekend in Philly. Good times…goood…oh…wait…

  6. Dan Are says:

    …and when oats are cut, they’re STEEL cut. None of that “get stepped on” crap.

  7. happyfeet says:

    No I do not remember but that’s okay cause of google. brb. oh. “Honeycomb’s big…yeah yeah yeah! It’s not small…no no no! Honeycomb’s got…a big big bite! Big big taste in a big big bite!” Ok that part I remember. That’s from here. Where we also learn that…

    the Hideout would be terrorized by threatening musclemen (the most notorious of them being André the Giant), who would invariably proclaim “My name is big ____, and I want a big cereal!” and attempt to rob the Honeycomb Hideout but would become more amiable after being fed cereal.

    okey dokey

    you can see pics of the for real HH here. Also there is a robot involved. I have to go now my boss wants something.

  8. SarahW says:

    Large, sugary, uncut CEREAL OF LIES!

  9. apotheosis says:

    Protein Wisdom: where a talking bowl of oatmeal is a promising sign of a return to normality.

  10. Buffoon says:

    I thought we were supposed to wait until after five to start drinking….. I didn’t get the memo…

  11. Patrick says:

    I’m guessing Jeff got a bailout check from Barry

  12. mojo says:

    Sugar Bear, baby. That’s what they calls me.

  13. Mikey NTH says:

    #7 haps:

    It was probably part of a plot to make kids think that appeasement is a palatable response to aggression.

    Darn commercials.

  14. Bob Reed says:

    I dunno, but I’ll bet it had something to do with the OCD behavior of that Crazy Craving cat, er, dog, er, ferret or whatever the heck it was!

    I mean, they were already hallucinating; they were all changing into that whatever-it-was after a while…

    Somewhere along the line they traded in thier tapemeasure for a syringe…

    Me? I blame Booooooooooosh!

  15. A fine scotch says:

    Silly Rabbit! Tricks are for kids…

  16. Carin says:

    My oatmeal doesn’t speak, but I think it’s because I buy some instant/organic crap. The unicorn on my computer screen, otoh …

  17. cranky-d says:

    My firefox screen can be all rainbows and unicorns at the drop of a hat now. I am hoping it brings me some happiness.

  18. Patty O'Brien says:

    Scotland Yard is always after me Lucky Charms.

  19. Pablo says:

    Dude, that shit is sweet!

  20. Dan Collins says:

    I knew Goofy Grape back in the day.

  21. geoffb says:

    John Harvey started the biz back in the rip roaring old days. Thought that stuff was right healthy. My Grandpa worked for old J.H.

    Then that wily brother W.K. and that other guy C.W. came along and found a way to hook the entire world on my hometown’s product. Children especially, they eat it right up. Hooked.

    Battle Creek, the Medellín of the breakfast sugar high. It’s Grrrrrrreat!

  22. Seth says:

    A bowl of oatmeal and then some bundling with Wilfred Brimley? Tempting…but no thanks.

  23. Tman says:

    apples and cinnamon: “You are NOTHING without me oatmeal. NOTHING…..YOU HEAR ME????”

    brown sugar: “Whatever. Like people are gonna eat oats without sugar. God I hate you two. I wish I was a pear.”

  24. Dan Collins says:

    How come you dance so good?

  25. happyfeet says:

    Kellogg’s pissed me off with them pissing all over a for real American hero. Why they gotta be like that? Like Kellogg’s executives’ kids don’t smoke weed like little bourgeois chimneys. I guess they can’t have Baracky on their stupid gay cereal boxes either.

  26. N. O'Brain says:

    Ach, you’re haverin’, mon!

    -Scot’s Porridge Oats

  27. serr8d says:

    Honeycomb Hideout?

    A boutique in Baltimore where “Educated Honeys” can be seduced into giving up some “Honey Love” by gentlemen spending discounted “Honey Money” certificates. For us ‘gentlemen’ I’ll use this as a reminder that Valentine’s day is next Saturday, and I for one had better make some important considerations early before what’s considered ‘honey’ is miffed by the forgetting. Then it’d be only “Professional Honey” for me..

    (They didn’t board the place up yet, did they?)

  28. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Honeycomb Hideout”

    Holy shit! That totally caused a “I was a little kid” Hanna Barbera flashback.

    Like those epileptic kids who accidentally watch pulsing Anime.

    Or Harry Reid on C-SPAN.

    I forget…what kinda dog was Hong Kong Phooey?

  29. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Butter: You forgot me apples & cinnamon!! Ya’ll taste like sweet flavored dirt without a pat of me. Shut up Brown Sugar. You’ll get used for baking and like it. Period.

  30. geoffb says:

    Sorry hf. Just my town, not my company. More of a Post guy myself.

  31. happyfeet says:

    It’s ok. But I’m not kidding Frosted Flakes are never as good as I remember them. I’m a Lucky Charms guy now.

  32. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Lucky Charms are all about the marshmallow “hearts, clovers, moons & stars.” The tan giblet things around them are supposedly made of weak concrete from Kazakhstan.

    And Sugar Smacks are awesome, but make your pee smell like…well, Sugar Smacks.

    The only adult “Get out of Jail Free” great cereal left is Cracklin’ Oat Bran.

    Screw Granola.

    Eat it by itself. Or put some strawberries & blueberries in that stuff and go nuts.

  33. geoffb says:

    Frosted Flakes are never as good as I remember them

    The Balloon is pretty nice though. Flies here every year.

  34. happyfeet says:

    ok the balloon rocks. What was that movie about the cereal guy? I think it had Mr. Sex in the City in it. brb. The Road to Wellville … I don’t remember really enjoying it much.

  35. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Lucky Charms are all about the marshmallow “hearts, clovers, moons & stars.”

    I’m surprised they haven’t added pink triangles.

  36. geoffb says:

    Wellville was funny but about as accurate as most other Hollywood docu-dramedies.

    One time the Tiger Balloon came down in a small park right across the street from where my son was staying. It was neat.

    Well back to work for a while.

  37. Rusty says:

    Then that wily brother W.K. and that other guy C.W. came along and found a way to hook the entire world on my hometown’s product. Children especially, they eat it right up. Hooked.

    Ever see a kid go after Capt’n Crunch? Swear to god there’s heroin in that shit.

  38. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Anyone old/stupid enough to have experienced “Kellog’s Concentrate”? It was a small disc-like flake of a cereal, 30% protein! Certainly no child would ever touch the stuff, but I bet you just might-could smoke it if you wanted to.

    I came across a 33 year old opened box “hidden” under my counter, and it’s still good! ‘Can’t waste it now, though – sentimental value re: my health food days in the S.F. Gay area. Once I was running up on Mt. Tam, heard a raucous gathering of about 40 Gays having a party, ran by them about 30 yds off, and they all went fucking dead silent. My pace quickened. I swear to God, it was eerie.

  39. geoffb says:

    Well you could always sell it on Ebay along with the print ads for it.

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