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“You know what really irks me, counterculture icon Billy Jack? The fact that there are those who still question my ‘authenticity’ as a Black man. This despite the color of my skin — a burden with which I was born and, through hard work and some Great Society mau-mauing, I have since overcome. Then there’s the inconvenient fact that my father was a bona fide Black man, something that those who think me somehow less of a brother are quick to bracket.
“– And that’s not even to mention my crossroads experience at the politico-spiritual nexus that is Black Liberation Theology — an experience that, though it certainly hasn’t shaped my thinking in any important way (just as my father’s religion never did), should nevertheless count for something with those true people of faith who wish to follow Christ’s collectivist message of redemption through the benevolent God-State. Unless these folks are white, of course, in which case, they are the oppressor class in this, your Benighted States of America, and wouldn’t understand a brother no how. Like my grandmother, for instance. God bless her beautiful and kindly cracker-ass soul.” | |
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“I hear you, O! I mean, shit, man. People have been questioning my authenticity for years, and it’s like, ‘uh, Kemosabe? — do you not see the fucking hat…?’
“Not only that, but I have a nightstand full of feathers and turquoise jewelry that would make Pocahontas get all moist in her red native nethers. So, you know, who’s the poser now, Pale Faces…?” |
Comment by mojo on 5/19 @ 11:29 am #
You question Billy’s authenticity, he will lay a size 10 boot upside your head.
And there ain’t nothin’ you can do about it, pale-face!
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 11:31 am #
w00t!
Except that it’s sorta sad that Billy Jack would likely thrash O! in a debate. Tom Laughlin would not, but Billy Jack would.
Comment by Russ on 5/19 @ 11:36 am #
The hat… it’s always about the hat.
Comment by Jeff G. on 5/19 @ 11:37 am #
cue feministe’s calls of racism in 3, 2, 1….
Comment by David R. Block on 5/19 @ 11:43 am #
Yeah, we know that’s coming. Wear it as a badge of honor, sir!!
Comment by BJTexs TW/BP on 5/19 @ 11:46 am #
RACIST!
I just wanted to beat Jill to it.
HOW’Z ABOUT THAT
BITCHESMIGHTY GENDER WARRIORS?Comment by Sean M. on 5/19 @ 11:49 am #
I think it’s divisive to label people over what color their nethers are.
Comment by Education Guy on 5/19 @ 11:50 am #
On the other hand, your use of native American (aka savage) imagery will get you high marks from Ms. Marcotte.
Comment by memomachine on 5/19 @ 11:52 am #
Hmmmm
Yeah but what would McCain say if he were conferencing Billy Jack?
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 11:55 am #
I would hereby like to challenge my own authenticity as a white female, having bought Isaac Hayes’ “Theme from Shaft” on iTunes over the weekend.
Which may or may not have been canceled out by the Monkees tunes I also downloaded.
Comment by Jeff G. on 5/19 @ 11:55 am #
I have a feeling we shall see, memomachine…
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 11:56 am #
Only until she is shamed into apologizing, EG.
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 11:59 am #
dicentra,
Depends on the Monkees tune; their Head period found them hanging with Zappa and Jack Nicholson. But I’m guessing you went with something penned by Boyce & Hart or Neil Diamond (though “Last Train to Clarksville” was an antiwar song, it sailed over most heads).
Comment by Jeff G. on 5/19 @ 12:03 pm #
Head rocks.
Bob Rafelson knew the Monkees were secretly very fucking cool. Bless him for that.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 12:09 pm #
Head rocks
I always wanted to see that.
Hey! Netflix has it.
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 12:09 pm #
“Daydream Believer,” yo.
I don’t even dare say who else I got, but it was a 93-song binge of stuff from my youth. 60s, 70s, and a little 80s. Including disco. You can’t ever have enough disco, IMO.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 12:09 pm #
I own three Bob Marley albums.
I denounce myself.
Comment by Sadao Araki on 5/19 @ 12:14 pm #
Question Obama
On matters of race often
BTL shapes view
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 12:16 pm #
“Daydream Believer†is written by John Stewart (ex-Kingston Trio). He (much later) did a great bunch of songs about Route 66 on an LP called “Rough Sketcxhes,” iirc.
Comment by Jim in KC on 5/19 @ 12:19 pm #
That makes me wonder whether you’re actually a female, or a female impersonator.
Because of the WEATHER GIRLS!!!
Comment by dre on 5/19 @ 12:21 pm #
Would it be racist to wonder if Barry listens to the Monkees?
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 12:21 pm #
But then, how white can I possibly be if I also got Peaches & Herb, Marvin Gaye, Donna Summer, the Emotions, the Sugarhill Gang, and Roberta Flack.
And. No. Michael. Jackson.
I figure that pretty much exposes me as a poser.
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 12:23 pm #
Also, Stewart died in january, which caused me to link several versions of “Daydream Believer.”
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 5/19 @ 12:29 pm #
“Daydream Believer†is written by John Stewart (ex-Kingston Trio).
It also got Marsha Brady all slippery between her thin, white, man-hating, downy thighs.
Obviously John, the Monkees, dicentra, the whole iTunes store and, it should go without saying, fucking squeaky-voiced jockeys are racist to the core.
Comment by TerryH on 5/19 @ 12:32 pm #
“do you not see the fucking hat…?’”
Up until John F’ng Kerry, the hat established identity. After that, not so much.
Comment by SarahW on 5/19 @ 12:32 pm #
Pocahontas … all moist in her red native nethers. So, you know, who’s the poser now, Pale Faces…?â€Â
Pocohontas, a-straddle some gentle woodsmoke.
Vogue!
Comment by jon on 5/19 @ 12:40 pm #
The presence of disco only causes questions regarding the authenticity of one’s dance skills. Its presence often implies a willingness to dance, which is a good thing; though it also implies a willingness to dance even if unsightly or unskilled, which isn’t good.
The presence of the Monkees just shows that you have more money to spend at iTunes than I. Though I will soon check to see if the local public library has any Monkees CDs.
Comment by JD on 5/19 @ 12:42 pm #
It also got Marsha Brady all slippery between her thin, white, man-hating, downy thighs.
Didn’t she wind up marrying Ben Stiller ?! Ewwww.
Comment by Education Guy on 5/19 @ 12:43 pm #
iTunes has no Beatles. How can you be the largest distributer of music in the world and not carry any Beatles? I blame Michael Jackson.
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 12:44 pm #
Marsha 2.0 married Stiller
Marsha 1.0 is on Access Hollywood
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 12:45 pm #
I want to see the “lost episode” where Davy invites Marsha and Jan backstage after the show.
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 12:47 pm #
E.G.,
iTunes doesn’t carry The Beatles because The Beatles have not approved download sales at all (and Apple Corps and Apple, Inc. have had additional disputes over the apple trademark). Rumors always abound as to when The Beatles catalog will land online, but it’s not really an iTunes issue.
Comment by dre on 5/19 @ 12:52 pm #
Jeff G.’s O! is almost as fictional O!’s O!:
The backstory on Obama’s books
Patrick Casey
The backstory on Obama’s books
Patrick Casey
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 12:53 pm #
They don’t have Led Zeppelin either, but I think I got them at Amazon. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without “Kashmir,” especially given the current political climate.
Comment by jon on 5/19 @ 12:57 pm #
Not that I’d ever advocate anything illegal or anything, but just because you can’t buy Beatles through iTunes doesn’t mean you can’t import Beatles onto iTunes.
And on a totally off-topic and absolutely completely different point, I would like to note that many public libraries carry CDs from popular artists (and have lots of good classical, jazz, country, folk, “world”, and of course books.)
Comment by JD on 5/19 @ 1:00 pm #
Pocohontas, a-straddle some gentle woodsmoke.
Smoked Pocohontas … mmmmmmmmmm
On the Disney Cruise we went on last year, Pocohontas was exponentially hotter than all of the other characters combined.
Comment by cranky-d on 5/19 @ 1:02 pm #
Great. Now I’ve got “Daydream Believer” running through my head. Thanks a bunch.
“(I’m not your) Stepping Stone” was pretty good, though. I think it was a B-side to one of the hits, maybe even “Daydream Believer.” I have no idea which sister (or if my brother) bought the 45. However, I was pretty much into older music first because the records were around. I used to know all the words to all the songs on “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” Things could be much worse.
Comment by Rob Crawford on 5/19 @ 1:09 pm #
I’m still having flashbacks to last Halloween, when our administrative assistant wore a Snow White costume. Hottest Snow White I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been to the World half a dozen times.
Comment by Education Guy on 5/19 @ 1:12 pm #
Karl,
Thanks for the Beatles/iTunes info. I had assumed it was a MJ is a greedy bastard issue, but it looks like I was mistaken.
Comment by JD on 5/19 @ 1:12 pm #
Rob C – Pocohontas was so hot even Better Half commented on her breastesses.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 1:23 pm #
Divisive Nethers would be a great name for a band.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 1:25 pm #
And I still like that line about Michael Jackson.
Proof that, in America, a young black male can grow up to be a white woman.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 1:25 pm #
…also, I denounce myself.
Comment by Jeff G. on 5/19 @ 1:25 pm #
I hadn’t noticed this til now, but O-face looks, in that picture, like he’s seen the face of God…and it’s Nipsy Russell.
RACIST!
Comment by kelly on 5/19 @ 1:28 pm #
Funny, I had him looking into the face of…Meadowlark Lemmon.
Comment by BJTexs TW/BP on 5/19 @ 1:30 pm #
Hm… My vote was for Moms Mabley.
I denounce myself.
Comment by cranky-d on 5/19 @ 1:42 pm #
I figured it was a mirror. But I’m a hater.
Comment by Cowboy on 5/19 @ 1:44 pm #
I was thinking Gary Coleman, on a very high ladder.
I double-dog denounce myself.
Comment by Jeffersonian on 5/19 @ 1:44 pm #
She Who Must Not Be Named
Comment by Rob Crawford on 5/19 @ 2:03 pm #
I figured the picture was Obama staring at the glorious future to be had by the New Changey Unity Man.
Comment by nishizonoshinji on 5/19 @ 2:06 pm #
laff while you can, monkeyboiz
here it begins
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 2:07 pm #
Hush, child. The grownups are talking here.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 2:09 pm #
nishinazi, do you speak English?
Comment by BJTexs TW/BP on 5/19 @ 2:10 pm #
The one trick pony is back again.
MCCAIN! GEEZER! ALZTHEIMERS! MEDICAL RECORDS! DROOLING!
It amazes me that she doesn’t bore herself after a while.
Comment by cranky-d on 5/19 @ 2:12 pm #
#50: I think you win.
Comment by Diana on 5/19 @ 2:12 pm #
She bores me.
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 2:15 pm #
laff while you can, monkeyboizhere it begins
Don’t worry, folks. She’s under erasure now, so you don’t have to answer her.
Comment by Smirky McChimp on 5/19 @ 2:38 pm #
I have all you
bitchesmighty gender warriors beat, as I am an owner of a copy of “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back” by Public Enemy.I’ve even listened to it at least three times.
My self-denounced honkitude is up against the wall, motherfuckers!
Comment by CGHill on 5/19 @ 2:38 pm #
“(I’m Not Your) Steppin’ Stone” is in fact the B-side to “I’m a Believer” (Colgems 1002). And like several other Monkees tunes, it’s much better in mono.
Comment by Lisa on 5/19 @ 2:42 pm #
#48: LMAO!!!!! That is hysterical!
But yes, a double denouncement is in order.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 2:47 pm #
I am an owner of a copy of “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back†by Public Enemy
Yeah? Well, I’ve got the Nina Gordon cover of Straight Outta Compton on my iPod (warning: serious wrongness at that link).
And yes, I denounce myself for it. And Nina. And the Internet. And Alan Turing.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 5/19 @ 2:51 pm #
erasure
Not technically disco, but close enough.
And the best Monkees song is Sweet Young Thing. Mike Nesmith can write a mean song, he can.
Comment by Aldo on 5/19 @ 3:14 pm #
Don’t worry counterculture icon Billy Jack. They questioned Ward Churchill’s authenticity too, the bastards.
Incidentally, Ward Churchill was reportedly a member of the Weather Underground. Six degrees of separation….
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 3:25 pm #
I think I got it:
nishi is a failed Turing test.
Comment by Aldo on 5/19 @ 3:25 pm #
Ooops..party foul. Never mind me, go right on discussing the Monkees.
Comment by Karl on 5/19 @ 3:25 pm #
Don’t make me link ODB’s cover of “Build Me Up, Buttercup.”
Comment by maggie katzen on 5/19 @ 3:27 pm #
oh yeah?! don’t make me dig up Andy Williams singing “I Think I Love You”
Comment by N. O'Brain on 5/19 @ 4:23 pm #
William Shatner
I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!!
Comment by Belvedere jones on 5/19 @ 4:42 pm #
Start digging–
Britney Spears covers “(I can’t get no) Satisfaction”
Comment by JD on 5/19 @ 4:52 pm #
Denny Crane
Comment by JD on 5/19 @ 4:53 pm #
I used to have a Phish cover of a Snoop Dogg song that I found to be endlessly amusing.
Comment by dicentra on 5/19 @ 4:56 pm #
I think there’s a group out there of cellos what covers hard acid rock bands. It’s the weirdest stuff on the planet, and that includes P.D.Q. Bach.
Comment by maggie katzen on 5/19 @ 5:00 pm #
dicentra, it’s Apocalyptica
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 5/19 @ 5:03 pm #
You’ve all seen the Gilbert and Sullivan-style cover of Baby Got Back, yes?
Comment by Patrick Chester on 5/19 @ 5:24 pm #
nishi blathered:
Baka.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 5/19 @ 5:39 pm #
Happy Talk
Always good advice. From the Captain.
Comment by alppuccino on 5/19 @ 6:00 pm #
Is it moist red nethers or Indian nethers smoked to a golden crackly crunch. GODDAM!! I don’t know whether to wear a rubber or dip my John Thomas in a savory marinade.
Comment by Sean M. on 5/19 @ 7:06 pm #
Here’s some typical white people doing a cover of Boyz in the Hood. I denounce them for doing the song and making the video. And I denounce myself for linking it.
Pingback by President Awe Kooda bilaxpak Kuuxshish? [Karl] on 5/19 @ 7:46 pm #
[...] The Obama campaign clearly went into rapid response mode over today’s challenge from Billy Jack. [...]
Comment by TmjUtah on 5/19 @ 8:18 pm #
Ding Ding!
End times, arriving!
Just in case anybody missed it.
Comment by mojo on 5/19 @ 8:22 pm #
“In the words of the ancients, one should make his decision within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break through to the other side.”
?? What the hell kinda fortune cookie is this? Sounds like Jim Morrison.
Comment by Pablo on 5/19 @ 8:29 pm #
I think Pat Boone wins here. Why? Because he’s Pat Fucking Boone, that’s why.
Comment by Mastiff on 5/19 @ 8:45 pm #
Don’t knock Apocalyptica, man, they’ve got good stuff. Find “Farewell” and “Hope Vol. 2″ on Youtube, trust me.
Comment by maggie katzen on 5/19 @ 9:12 pm #
PAT BOONE IS MY MASTER!!!
Comment by Sean M. on 5/19 @ 10:39 pm #
Very old skool, maggie.
Comment by maggie katzen on 5/19 @ 10:49 pm #
you know it Sean M.
Comment by ThomasD on 5/19 @ 10:56 pm #
PAT BOONE IS MY MASTER!!!
So, every now and then I’ll jump down to the end of a thread just to see where it’s going. Sure, alot of the time you come across some truly weird shit, but I honestly never expected to see anything like that one.
Really.
Comment by Sean M. on 5/20 @ 3:03 am #
Ah, that link takes me back, maggie. I’ve been browsing through the old threads and I found what’s probably my favorite entry from Martha’s diary.
Comment by Sean M. on 5/20 @ 3:20 am #
I also found this one, which seems oddly prescient in hindsight.
Comment by Carin- on 5/20 @ 5:14 am #
I find something vaguely racist about the repeated “Monkeys” references in an Obama thread. I must denounce you all.
Comment by Carin- on 5/20 @ 5:16 am #
And, I think Led Zep is available now on iTunes. I few months back we downloaded kashmir … I think they have the entire library now.
Comment by Smirky McChimp on 5/20 @ 5:37 am #
The Sex Pistols had a pretty decent cover of “Steppin’ Stone.” But Minor Threat’s cover was on a whole different level.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 5/20 @ 6:25 am #
laff while you can, monkeyboiz
nishi,
Have you figured out why the watermelon was there?
Comment by Cowboy on 5/20 @ 6:34 am #
dicentra:
My first album (remember those?), purchased at Woolworth’s (remember those?) in Missoula, MT, was Teh Monkees. Davie Jones birthday is the same as mine. Also, the white guy from Mod Squad.
I grow old.