Actually, I’m being serious. Because once we get to the point where we’re all either fined for speech, or else asked to give up our jobs because somebody somewhere might have taken something we said and grafted onto it their own intended meaning (either out of a sense of hurt, or — more probably — out of the kind of perverse opportunism an atmosphere of “acceptable speech” inevitably creates) in order to punish us, pretty soon we’ll all just fall in line and speak how we’re told, in accordance with a living Constitution’s re-imagining of the First Amendment.
Like a society of drones in fear of the very Queen that they enable. Or, you know — Canadians.
Which, you can’t get much more homogeneous — and uniteredy — than that.
(h/t Ardsgaine and IP, to whom I say, YES WE CAN!)
Don’t say I never warned yas, either.
Jeff – this offends my sensibilities. Where do I line up to get my reparations?
Also, what are we to use to supplant the word “monkey”?
A brown-black divide, practically in BO’s backyard. Who’da thunkit?
PS: Isn’t this nicer than the STEROIDS ARE AWESOME crowd?
I’m going to become a monk.
Though, probably one of them Shaolin kinds. Cause them’s allowed to kick some ASS.
So, are you saying tht we can’t use the phrase “hot monkey love” as a in-polite-company euphemism for dirty, nasty sex?
the kids weren’t Irish, right?
Also, what are we to use to supplant the word “monkey�
Is “simians” allowed?
“Hey, if they had bushy tails I would’ve called ’em squirrels! Jeeze, you people…”
I once had a bike racer boyfriend from Chicago, who called all children yard apes. He hoped to have yard apes of his own. I’d never heard the construction before but it seemed to describe certain aspects of the jungle gym years. Can you still say Jungle Gym?
SarahW: Detroit Southeastern High School’s athletic teams are the Jungleers. Really.
That’s only relevant as far as “what is still allowed.” The name is old, derived from when the school was somewhat isolated many decades ago.
“Like a society of drones in fear of the very Queen that they enable”
that sounds a lot like the season kick-off book-club cabana party at Gleenwald manor.
Your bike racer friend was racist, Sarah. And worse, he had miscegenistic desires. If in fact he was white. Which I’m assuming he was. Because black people don’t race bikes.
RACIST!
That last “RACIST” was aimed at me, of course. For filthily making assumptions about blacks.
ANTI-SEMITE!
I’m embarrassed to say that I never even noticed that Peter Tork and Mickey Dolenz and those other two guys were black. Well, they must have been, right?
Where have you gone, Howard Cosell? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Those were Monkees, Stiv. Kind of like how some wines can be Negro and not be racist.
It’s a homophone thing. You wouldn’t understand.
HOMOPHONE!!!
I saw a dictionary entry for “negro” that said the term was both “dated” and “offensive.” Sure, it’s dated. But I didn’t realize it was BANNED or something.
Can I still call my kids monkeys?
My kids found a crayon of color with “negro” on it’s label. How can the Spanish be so insensitive?
“Can I still call my kids monkeys?”
Sure, but it’ll cost you $75.
So only the rich can be racists now?
What has happened to my country. Where is Danny Glover? WE NEED HELP, PEOPLE!
I think the blog ate one of Jeff’s comments. Dang!
Oh, there it is.
Danny Glover is bumming cash from Hugo Chavez, so he might have divided loyalties in this dispute.
Can you still say Jungle Gym?
Of course, SarahW. What you cannot say, however, is “Jungle Jim.”
…or “Jungle Gym-kata…but for very different reasons.
he had miscegenistic desires
He WAS always trying to get me to rub his damn legs. ( Not that they were unappealing.
He kept them smoother than I kept my own. )
He actually a geneticist. A catch in every respect but his voice. It the way he said “Yăăăăăăăărd apes” that broke us up.
Does Carl Spackler know about this?
Also, while we’re at it, could we stop using the term paddywagon? Affront to my Irishnessnous.
Verb deletion. I guess that’s how it starts.
Mrs. Green…
NEWS PEAK
Enoch, when I was a little kid I seriously thought a “paddy wagon” must be comfortably upholstered.
SarahW – are you saying my people are drunk and fat?
Hater!
oh yeah, this “my people” thing is going to be fun.
My people are chosen.
Seriously. I read it in a book. Look it up.
Chosen for what, again?
OK, who gets to tell these people? I’d volunteer, but I don’t think I’m dark enough. Maybe late summer I could do it.
Also, it evokes painful memories of an existence in chains, being oppressed by a patriarchal white culture. And all I did was fuck its daughter. And puke on its shoes.
Would call Joe Wilson, “Jungle Joe Wilson” be racist?
calling – jeez
ing-IST
Damn, Pablo, that’s like something out of The Donegal Express, only backwards.
Fa-Diddly-Ah
Enoch:
How about Salmon Paddies? I love me some Salmon paddies.
Also, while you wait–an Irish child’s name for your consideration: Matthew. It’s not Patrick (my little brother’s name, but in my view almost tritely Irish), but it does have “Mattie” as a cool nickname.
Also what are people from Niger called? Whatever it is, I suppose it would be racist.
It’s pronounced “Azaleas.”
Uni-tards!
Anyone who makes snarky remarks about kilts or bagpipes better not be getting off scot-free, I’ll tell you that much.
Alright. My surname is “White.” Is this going to be a problem? Are the Browns next door less authentic than the Blacks on the next block?
And what’s up with those people who’s surnames don’t match their pigmentation?
Oy, such a mess.
Tatties and Neeps!
Like Eva Green?
So, “porch monkey” is definitely out, right?
Dosorderly fucking conduct with a $75 fine?! Good allah, we are fucked. Why is it that the Left imagines infringement of free speech where it does not exist, and gives countenance to such lunacy as outlined in this example?
Yes, unless you’re Kevin Smith.
Speaking of allah, pretty soon the best way to beat any rap will be to appeal to that dude.
“Sorry, your honor, but Allah considers it improper for me to pay that speeding ticket,” or, “sorry, your honor, but Allah says I’m allowed to cut off her clitoris and then close the wound with a sparkler and some aerosal spray.” We don’t wish to defend the Other, after all. Hell, we can’t even publish cartoons.
Nishi may be on to something.
Or just on something.
…or “Jungle Gym-kata”…but for very different reasons.
Watch it buddy. I’ve been studying Gym-Kata for 25 years, and could take any one of Jeff’s “catch wrestelers.” In fact, if the octagon had rings and a pommel horse, I’d be middle weight champion of the universe.
Do you think “Hippy Says So” might fly as a defense?
I fucked pommel horses in prison, Lamontyoubigdummy.
Of course, I would always close my eyes and think of Patrick Swayze.
JENNIFERGREYAPHOBE!
And yeah, different movie. But keeping with the whole color thing, you see.
These don’t work if I’m going to have to keep explaining them to you, people.
I knew it was only a matter of time before the movie Bowfinger became prescient. Murphy’s character, “Kit” finding racist connotations in the word Shakespeare seemed pretty ridiculous at the time.
Keep It Together people.
There are enough potential fines in this thread to fund Social Security for generations.
In light of Darleen’s post from last night, I can’t understand why a black woman actually called the police to her neighborhood! Doesn’t she understand that “safety in this society is a fantasy afforded only by assimilation to power?” She sold out to the Man, helped smear the Obama campaign, and brought the law down on another woman of color. Her seat on the bus is definitely in jeopardy.
“Of course, I would always close my eyes and think of Patrick Swayze.”
“JENNIFERGREYAPHOBE!”
Nobody puts Roadhouse in a corner!
ITNERNATIONAL-MALE-CATALOGUEAPHOPE!
Her seat on the bus may be in jeopardy, but there’s plenty of room under the left front tire.
Hey, I remember that Brad Pitt reported that he said to his kids: “no more monkeys jumping on the bed”. At least one of them is black. Get the Tar and Feathers!
Jungle Gym, clitoris, sparkler, aerosol spray, rings and pommel horse –
Mcgyyver could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all that stuff.
“Mcgyyver could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all that stuff.”
Or make the best porno EVER.
At least we have found someone Obama is willing to disown.
Onoes. The original patent for the trademarked “Junglegym” refers to the MONKEY INSTINCT!!!!
Although in fairness, the inventor meant it to improve math intuition via 3D skill games to build understanding of cartesian coordinates.
IMPROVING THE MONKEY MATH INSTINCT!!!
Also, while you wait–an Irish child’s name for your consideration: Matthew. It’s not Patrick (my little brother’s name, but in my view almost tritely Irish), but it does have “Mattie†as a cool nickname
Cowboy – I already have one of those! Thanks though.
Your attention, please.
“For every problem there is a solution that is quick, easy, and wrong.”
— H.L. Mencken
And the original patent for “Dodge Ball” relies on the Monkey Math Instinct via 3D vector and velocity equations for flinging poo.
Monkeys…so like us.
I got your back Jeff. If he’ll stand stock still for my floor routine, I will Gym-Kata his freakin ass!
Solving second-order differential equations in our heads!
How scary is that?
that political correctness thing reached the heights of absolute absurdism.
I remember always using the word “negr” back in the old country, and nobody from that race was putting up a hissy fits over it. That the normal description, not the derision.
Here as soon as I landed I was warned to use the word black(which means “negr”!) or African-American.
When we did intend the insult back there we would call them-“monkeys”, just like poor senator from Virginia, what’s his name? In some European countries this is the really bad insult to Africans.
Obviously that Obama delegate did not have in mind the same criteria we did back in the East….
As far as your Krav instructor chewing on nuts, I’ve always defended the position that as soon as Walter Sobcek chewed off the nihilist’s ear in “Lebowski” he became a Krav Maga master.
Plus Walter was a converted Jew.
Shut the fuck up Donny.
So I guess Drunken Monkey Kung-fu fighting style is right out.
Unless you’re a Shaolin priest.
I still can’t get over the $75 ticket, especially when it’s a certainty she did not mean it in a “racist” manner. This is right up there with that (gay, no less) D.C. city employee getting fired for using the word niggardly.
As a country we are well and truly fucked…
In the captions for the deaf on the DVD of The Battle Over Citizen Cane, someone says “miscegenation,” but the caption reads MISOGYNATION, and that made it so I can’t read the word anymore with only its actual meaning.
Point? Don’t know.
White women shouldn’t be allowed to write captions for the deaf, I guess. Or fuck black guys.
What about The Trunk Monkey, Simian Super Hero?
You mean Chim-Chim?…
If these people weren’t so dangerous in the long run, it’d almost be worth the fun of burning down their progressive church.
SECULARIST!
#80: The output of the Closed Caption Institute can be pretty good most of the time, but every so often they’ll throw a big meaty glob of EPIC FAIL right up there on the screen. It helps add comedy value to the greater television experience.
…or Magilla Gorilla?
That cannister of brine shrimp is going to cost me a bloody fortune.
Can I still call my kids monkeys?
Not if they’re black, Carin.
How ’bout “rug rats,” is that still allowed or is it defamatory toward democRATS/defeatocRATS or rats, in general?
rug rats monkey bars.
Lug nuts monkey wrench.
In law enforcement when you tune somebody up it can be called “monkey stomping”. I shall put out the word to cease that shit immediately.
Well, I’m rather lilly white, but how can I be sure they somewhere in my family tree there isn’t a black person that was thrown into the mix? They – my kids –could have that one drop. Thus, changing a term of annoyed endearment into a racial slur.
Uh-oh. That’s going to cause this guy some problems.
(Good store. Decent sushi, lots of oddball foods you can’t find anywhere else. I’ve even seen durian for sale there.)
At long last:
“Jungle Bunnies”
I’ve broken the code!
Too Much Monkey Business.
Too Much Monkey Business. Chuck Berry
Yes indeed, young man – and there ain’t no such thing as White Blues, either – just TWP oppressors be rippin’ the profit off the back of Blacks.
Come over here, Barry, I want you to meet Michelle.
terra incognita
I guess Obama should win.
Skip it. I moderated.
Had she said lemurs it would have been alright. Or gibbons, or howlers, or macaques, or capuchins, or tamarins, or what are those cute tiny little things called? Marmoset, that’s it, marmoset. Unacceptable would be chimpanzee or gorilla, on account of their color. Nuance. See?
and there ain’t no such thing as White Blues, either
Are you sure about this, Rev. Wright? Have you listened to Hank Williams? Ralph Stanley? Bill Monroe?
I refuse to retitle a perfectly good Marx Bros. movie over this nonsense.
And frankly, I’m offended by all these people taking offense. Where’s my check?
That’s ‘rainforest rabbits’ to you.
Are you sure about this, Rev. Wright? Have you listened to Hank Williams? Ralph Stanley? Bill Monroe?
Hahaha, TWP – so they got you fooled, eh, Honkey? Those bros just gots to be Black. Awwwwwww, that funky Bob Wills guy too: “Shoot low, Sheriff, I think she’s ridin’ a Shetland.”
[…] Jeff at Protein Wisdom covers this, too, and rightly highlights the fact that this woman had to pay a fine for speech. Which pretty […]
Automatic track-backs. Bonus!
They’re gonna take the Negro Modelo off the shelf at the local Mexican restaurant…
Man, all of this is more fun than a barrel of mon–
Oh, crap
you warned yas about evil mccain too.
pictures?
She shoulda hired Alan Dershowitz to defend her and beat the ticket. But I am sure he wouldn’t take the job. Him being sensitive and all.
(I am going to court tomorrow to beat a speeding ticket…last time i did it the judge reduced a potential 300 fine down to a 50 dollar parking ticket! That’s NY for ya. It’s on the way anyway for a super long weekend. )
Rob, the Boa on the shoulder was his lawyer’s idea. A jet black Bunny might have had a wrong connotation.
If they gave a Nobel Prize for Incoherence, datadave would be a lock.
I mean, seriously, what the fuck was that?
don’t hurt too many brain cells trying….
Whenever black children are in the trees or jacking cars or selling drugs on the corner, I like to refer to them as some sort of punishment or STD.
“Hey, 18-to-life, get off my grass!”
“Hey, Cockrot, stop hotwiring that Kia!”
That’s some fine advice, dd. I just wish someone would have done you the same courtesy a while back.
I mean, “you warned yas about evil mccain too.” That’s kind of an English sentence. Not quite, though.
[…] caught this story over at protein wisdom last night, but, quite frankly, after the dumpster dive at Crooks and Liars (previous post), I […]
sean, it related to comment 1, the esteemed host’s ‘yas’….and his big worries about mccain. just to help
alp, that’d probably be ok. and none-ticket able. think they’d understand what you saying? But it is Chicago. I think? keep a few c-notes on hand.
“…Don’t front to me, Tyrone. I knew you when you was playin’ violin in your momma’s living room in a powder-blue suit with big-ass lapels, ok?… So let’s just forget about havin’ me call you ‘Psycho Mofo’ now, you idiot.”
I infer that Jeff won’t be permitted to give any of the interlopers a well-deserved macaque-slapping.
Poor Bill Clinton — he can’t dally with interns, and now he can’t spank the monkey.