Mary had a little lamb,
little lamb, little lamb.
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as the guest list at a John Kerry cocktail party. And snow.
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Kerry was in Viet Nam.
I’m going to collect these and put them into book form, so let me know if you want yours included.
Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And Kerry threw some stuff over a fence once but it was really unimportant stuff and ABU GHRAIB ABU GHRAIB!!
Kerry Kerry, quite contrary
How does your nuance grow?
(and to be equally partisan)
Dubya, Dubya, Puddin’ & Pie
Bombed Iraq and made Libs Cry
When Abu Gharib saw the light of day
Dubya Dubya ran away
The Cocks on the woodpile a-blowing his horn
The Bulls in the barn a-threshing of corn
The Maids in the meadow are making of hay
The Ducks in the river are swimming away
from that jerk John Kerry.
Little Swede Hans Blix
Sat on a tuffet
Eating his curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside him
And said, “Holy shit dude, you’re EATING the WMD!?!”
This is fun.
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Roll it, and prick it, and mark it with a “B”
And I will come back to accept it in three months.
Ring a-round the roses,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!
I never fall down. That son of bitch ran into me!
There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence
Against a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat
Which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together
In a crooked little house,
What do you think of that?
He was, of course, a Democrat.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth,
Without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.
So social services had the old woman thrown in jail for child endangerment and put the children in a foster home at taxpayer expense.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
Scratch yourself in the arm, get a Purple Heart, and go home early.
Pussycat, pussycat where have you been?
I’ve been to London to visit the Queen
Pussycat, pussycat, what did you there?
I found some purple powder under Blair’s chair.
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed,
To see such sport,
And Hillary ran away with a cute young staffer named Naomi.
Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross,
To see a fine lady upon a white horse;
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
And You shall have a $65 to $75 million
Boeing 757-236 whereever you go.
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Put in a bag tied round with a string:
then lobbed at Tony Blair’s noggin
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
It’s all Israel’s fault.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men,
couldn’t get Teddy kennedy sober again.
Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well.
Except when Barbara Walters busted her out and they started talking about abortions and SUVs and shit.
Jack Sprat could eat no fat;
His wife could eat no lean;
Then Michael Moore came along and ate them both,
When that boy gets hungry, he’s mean.
Peas Porridge hot, peas porridge cold, hey I actually voted for that peas porridge before I voted against it.
Some like it hot, some like it cold, it’s not flip-flopping, it’s nuance, man.
Salagadoola, mechicka boola
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got?
Abu Ghreeb, Ghraab or Ghroob.
Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off, and one shoe on,
But he seved in Viet Nam, so don’t you question his patriotism!
or, perhaps,
All around the cobbler’s bench,
The monkey chased the weasel,
The monkey thought t’was all in fun,
Pop! goes the weasel.
A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle,
That’s the way the money goes,
So I’ll just marry another rich widow.
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with two rich wives
A daughter who showed herself at Cannes
And missing medals from Vietnam
With leftist partisan attacks
And an increased income tax
So puzzle you now…if my wallet survives
Will we turn Left at St. Ives?
Please….forgive me.
my url is “www.drumwaster.com”, OK? Sorry about the mistyping.
John Kerry’s Poet
Loves Marx, Hates America.
Heil Comrade Kofi.
I went to the Abu Ghraib fair
The Kurds and Sunnis were there
Insurgent goons, defame the crescent moon
Backed by al Jazeera and CAIR
The insurgents, they regrouped
While Lyndie was on constant loop
The U.S. Marines, worked behind the scenes
But CNN ignored the scoop, the scoop, the scoop…
Or, more in the flavor of the topic:
There was an old woman who swallowed a fly
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly
Perhaps she’ll die before she can vote for Kerry.
…
KoalaBear
Not the Poet
My – mother -told – me – to – pick – the – very – best – one – so -how – the – hell – did – the – waffling – phony – in – the – technicolor – Spandex – get – to – be – IT?
“London Bridge is
falling down,
falling down,
falling down.
London Bridge is
falling down,
let’s have a congressional
hearing to find out why we should blame everyone except the terrorists who hijacked the planes in the first place!
Three little ducks went out one day,
Over the hills and far away,
Mother duck said, “Quack, Quack, Quack”,
And the 9/11 commission accused her of being asleep at the wheel.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Bush planned it. The CIA did it.
If all the world were paper,
And all the sea were ink
It would be an environmental disaster caused by global warming.
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And can’t tell where to find them.
Try Democratic Underground, Bo.
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, Falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
Surely this must be a plot by the Mossad because the Jews will make money when we have to build new bridges.
The Queen of Hearts,
She made some tarts
All on a summer’s day.
The liberals came and took them
to give them all away
and said from each according to their abilities to each according to their needs. Yay Marxism!
Yankee Doodle came to town,
A-ridin’ on a pony;
He stuck a feather in his hat
and the ACLU ran him out of town for offending Native Americans.
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But that doesn’t change the fact that we need to start a constructive dialogue to discover the root cause behind all the sticks and stones.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone;
But when she came there
The cupboard was bare,
because Saddam took her food for kickbacks to Russian, France and China.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Wonkette likes Kerry’s big cock
The clock struck twelve
and the Dimocrats failed
Hickory Dickory Dock
As I was going to sell my eggs
I met a man with big long legs;
Big long legs and turned-up nose,
I tripped up his heels, and he fell
in ill repose.
At least that’s what he says, said the Secret Service agent.
Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty CO’s baked in a pie;
When the pie was open the CO’s began to sing,
Wasn
I am of Ireland,
And of the holy land
Of Ireland.
Good sir, pray I thee,
For holy charity,
Come and dance with me,
In Ireland.
But not in France. Nope. No sirree, Bob.
I’m the king of the castle,
Jooo’re the dirty rascal.
Who are you? An elastic old man.
I
Here is the church,
Here is the steeple,
Open the doors,
And see Ashkkkroft’s fascist army of fundamentalist red-state yahoos.
Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell;
And found a second wealthy heiress to fund his campaign
Boys and girls, come out to play.
The moonbats doth shine as bright as day!
Leaves your supper and leave your sleep,
And come with your playfellows into the Arab street.
Come with a DU banner,
Come with a ‘Bush Lied’ call,
Come with a tin foil hat, or not at all.
““““““““““““““““““““““
Did you ever see a Kerry,
A Kerry,
A Kerry?
Did you ever see a Kerry
Flip this way and that?
Flip this way and that way,
Flop that way and this way,
Did you ever see a Kerry
Flip this way and that?
Bush and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Bush fell down drunk
And broke his crown – thunk!
Then Bush lied!
The topsoil dried!
(disclaimer: kind of a long one)
Al Queda goes marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching one by one,
The little one stops to suck his thumb
And they all wrap industrial-grade C4 around his chest and send him to an Israeli checkpoint to get his virgins, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching two by two,
The little one stops to tie his shoe
And they all have a bright idea and take his shoe and turn the heel into a explosive device designed to bring down a passenger jet, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching three by three,
The little one stops to climb a tree
And they all throw ropes up to him so he can help them string up those money-grubbing mercenary contractors that represent all that is evil about the Americans, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching four by four,
The little one stops to shut the door
And they all booby trap the damn door so it’ll blow the legs off of a 22-year-old kid from South Carolina who was sent to investigate it by his squad leader, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching five by five,
The little one stops to take a dive
To duck under the hail of bullets being rained down on a pregnant Israeli mother and her children, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching six by six,
The little one stops to pick up sticks
To throw at the Israeli forces, along with his rocks and molotov cocktails, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching seven by seven,
The little one stops to pray to heaven
That Allah would slaughter all the Christians and Americans and Jews everywhere, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching eight by eight,
The little one stops to shut the gate
That up until the war they had to keep locked and hope Sadaam’s cronies didn’t feel like raping mommy that night, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching nine by nine,
The little one stops to check the time
Until the dirty bomb kills thousands of people at the Olympics, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Al Queda goes marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
Al Queda goes marching ten by ten,
The little one stops to say “THE END”
And they all go marching down to the hottest spots in hell where they belong, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in his cave.
“I know that it’s sick,
They think I’m a prick,
But I was raised in an economically depressed area of my town, raised by my drug addicted mother, sent to an underfunded public school, forced to say the words “under god”, not given anti-depressants, given anti-depressants, brainwashed by fast-food restaurants into eating to much, AND IT’S ALL GEORGE BUSH’S FAULT!
Therefore it’s perfectly moral for me to live my lifestyle.
The candidate in the news
The candidate in the news
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
The candidate in the news
The candidate has a rich wife
The candidate has a rich wife
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
The candidate has a rich wife
The wife hides her taxes
The wife hides her taxes
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
The wife hides her taxes
Taxes get raised by him
Taxes get raised by him
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
Taxes get raised by him
He talks out of both sides of his mouth
He talks out of both sides of his mouth
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
He talks out of both sides of his mouth
The mouth speaks fluent French
The mouth speaks fluent French
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
The mouth speaks fluent French
The French want him to win
The French want him to win
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
The French want him to win
To win, he’s got to accept
To win, he’s got to accept
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
To wine, he’s got to accept
He puts it off for cash
He puts it off for cash
Hi-ho, the Kerry-o
He puts it off for cash
And so he loses it all
And so he loses it all
Boo-hoo, John Kerry, you
Lost it all in the end
You put your one vote in
You take your other vote out
You put that new vote in
And you parade it all about
You do the Johnny Kerry
And you flip yourself around
That’s what it’s all about!
Hush, little Johnny, don’t complain
Teresa’s gonna help fund your campaign
And if that campaign don’t catch fire
Just start calling Bush a liar
And if that liar charge don’t take
Call his Air Guard service a complete fake
And if that fake proves not to be
Talk about how we should’ve bowed to Kofi
And if Kofi is caught in a scandal
Tell the world Iraq is more than we can handle
And if our handle instead is firm
Say that Bush don’t deserve a second term
And if that term does come to pass
Go back to Massachusetts and hide your ass
Because your ass is on the line
And if you lose it, it’ll be just fine
Mister Kerry
Quite Contrary
How does your campaign go?
With delayed nominations
and campaign reform evasions
and wealthy wives all in a row.
(use ‘em if you want ‘em)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
WEEK AFTAH WEEK AFTAH WEEK
TOLD LIE AFTAH LIE AFTAH LIE!
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
But when they drank it they got cancer and died because Bush’s corporate cronies dumped pollutants into the well.