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Teddy Kennedy needs my help

Dear Jeff,

On Wednesday, Senate Republicans once again blocked a vote on legislation that would set a clear timetable for the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq.

Republicans could have stood up for what they believe in — no matter how wrong they are — and voted to keep our troops in Iraq. But instead of facing the fact that the American people are overwhelmingly against this war, Republicans hid behind Senate rules and refused to allow a vote to change President Bush’s failed policy.

There are no easy options for cleaning up George Bush’s mess and ending the war in Iraq. But hard decisions are what Americans demand from Congress. Tuesday’s all-night debate was another clear opportunity to end the war, yet Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell called it a “publicity stunt”. The American people know better. They elected a Democratic majority to end this war, and we’re doing our best to do so.

Dodging key votes, denying the reality on the ground in Iraq, and hoping to hand off the problem to the next President may buy Republicans more time today, but we’ll be back tomorrow. And the next day. As long as it takes.

That’s where you come in. By signing up to contribute $15 each month, you can join a core group of individuals committed to ending this war, and upholding and spreading the Democratic principles of fairness, accountability, and opportunity. We use this money to keep pressure on Washington and fund Democratic candidates in key races to increase our power in Washington.

Paula from Honolulu, Hawaii, put it well when she was asked why she’s a continuing donor to the Committee for a Democratic Majority:

I feel I need to be more active in supporting policies that more closely reflect my values. Giving some money monthly like this is a big start for me.

Let everyone know that our Democratic majority’s values are America’s values. Be a part of our team against this misguided war.

http://www.democraticmajority.com/team

Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Senator Edward M. Kennedy

Last week, John Edwards asked me for $8 to end poverty. This week, Kennedy is asking me for $15 to end the war in Iraq and make sure Democrats gain and control power for the foreseeable future.

Which got me thinking: “Paula from Honolulu’s” groveling impotence notwithstanding, what in the hell do we need them for. I mean, why not just set up an IRA or something ourselves and at least collect some interest on all this cash? Or invest it, even. Hell, once we take the money out of the hands of the bureaucrats and put it into the private sector, who knows? Maybe we can end the war for, say, $11, and poverty for $5 — leaving us a boatload of leftover cash to hire Fleetwood Mac to play at our victory party.

Prime rib spread. King crab legs. Farm-raised Louisiana oysters on the half shell. Open bar.

I’m happy to do the accounting work for the people, by the way.

So, whaddya say? DON’T STOP THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS! SEND YOUR DONATIONS THISAWAY!

36 Replies to “Teddy Kennedy needs my help”

  1. slackjawedyokel says:

    Coincidentally, Wednesday was also the 38th Anniversary of Ted’s impromptu dip in the Chappaquiddick.

    Let everyone know that our Democratic majority’s values are America’s values

  2. Dan Collins says:

    Is there horseradish? Tell me there’s horseradish.

  3. BJTexs says:

    The horseradish was lost, Dan, but I am assured that the good senator tried again and again to retrieve it.

  4. Jeff G. says:

    And he would have had others, try, too, had he not needed a nap first.

  5. Dan Collins says:

    Sure. He knew he’d want a coupla Bloody Maries for breakfast.

  6. BJTexs says:

    As long as we all understand that the good senator was merely acquanted with the horseradish for the purposes of mixing it with chopped garlic, olive oil and various spices to make a nice roasting crust.

    Any rumors of a prior relationship are RIGHT WING SMEAR TACTICS! He is quite upset over the loss of the horseradish and wishes nothing but the best for the entire radish, er, bushel.

    Dan, heh, Maries? Are those made with tequilla and jalapeno?

  7. N. O'Brain says:

    Hey, there’s a thought, Jeff, a new conceptual series, “Deep Thoughts From Teddy Kennedy’s Liver”, an exposition of the latest DNC talking points fax.

  8. Kevin says:

    Stop! You had me with king crab.

  9. T&T says:

    Will you invite the senator to the victory party? If so, I can hitch a ride with him. If not, I will have to make other arrangements, but (wait for it) we can cross that bridge when we come to it.

    T&T

    TW: “illiterate wing” – in a post about Sen. Ken.? This thing is bewitched.

  10. BJTexs says:

    T&T:

    The proper construction of that joke is “As to whether or not Ted drops his pants at the victory party, we’ll just have to drive off that bridge when we get to it.”

    Please, if you’re going to be tasteless, then be tasteless!

  11. N. O'Brain says:

    Well, well, well, Teddy’s Liver takes over the floor of the U. S. Senate:

    http://tinyurl.com/3eypfw

    .
    .
    .
    TW: extinction men…..s/b extiction woman

  12. Sigivald says:

    Not just $15, but $15 a month.

  13. nobody important says:

    C’mon, stop tarnishing the legend of the Hero of Chappaquidick! Here’s a man who heroically downed a quart of Chevas, a case of Bud, and a couple of bottles of Merlot at a private party of married men and some young single “volunteers”. He then heroically invited one of the volunteers for a moonlight drive. But before he could heroically park on a dark, lonely road his car heroically carreened off a bridge and heroically landed in a tidal pool. After herocially fighting off the panicked volunteer, he heroically floated to the surface. When the tragedy fully dawned on him, he heroically thought about diving in to save the volunteer, then heroically decided otherwise.

  14. David R. Block says:

    Ted Kennedy needs my help.

    Shouldn’t that be Ted Kennedy needs mental help.?

  15. 1sttofight says:

    Don’t fall for this scam Good People.

    Send your hard earned cash to my SCAM.

    1sttofight Carbon Credit Scam
    PO BOX 549
    Bumfuk, Al. 66666

    I will spend on really useful stuff like round the clock hookers, good liquor, a new Hummer, a good divorce lawyer, etc.

    Cash only, no checks.

  16. Pablo says:

    Comment by nobody important on 7/20 @ 12:45 pm

    Then he heroically decided to get some sleep so he’d be well rested to heroically deal with the sunken Oldsmobile and the former young lady who was stiffening within in the morning.

  17. 1sttofight says:

    Don’t forget how he Heroically consulted with his lawyer before reporting to the police.

  18. Mark says:

    “Prime rib spread. King crab legs. Farm-raised Louisiana oysters on the half shell. Open bar.”

    Shameless demagogue!

  19. JD says:

    $15 a month. Pssshaw. It will take 72,946 people to donate this every month just to keep up with Sen. Gin & Tonic’s bar tab. If he can get over 500,000 to buy into this little scam, he will be poised to implement his plans for a hostile takeover of the Seagram’s company.

  20. SGT Ted says:

    “As to whether or not Ted drops his pants at the victory party, we’ll just have to drive off that bridge when we get to it.”

    I promise I won’t do that as long as I get the beer concession.

    Oh sorry thought you were talking about me.

    Can I still get the beer concession? You won’t regret it.

  21. ahem says:

    Comment by BJTexs on 7/20 @ 11:57 am #

    T&T:

    The proper construction of that joke is “As to whether or not Ted drops his pants at the victory party, we’ll just have to drive off that bridge when we get to it.”

    Thanks, BJ: We can’t let our standards slip.

  22. BJTexs says:

    Ahem;

    I am ever vigilant. Um .. except when I’m drinking… and fishing … and … never mind.

  23. JD says:

    BJ – Thanks for that visual of the booze sodden Kennedy dropping trou. My mind’s eye is bleeding.

  24. Mikey NTH says:

    JD: Have I ever mentioned that passing upriver to USCG Boat Station Belle Isle one passes the Hiram Walker distellery? And the smell is very distinctive (as opposed to Zug Island, which has its own distinct odor). Considering all, I am surprised the senior senator from Massachusetts doesn’t boat on the upper Detroit river more often.

    TW: conserved others, No, Senator Ted hasn’t.

  25. JD says:

    Mikey NTH – Well, you know he is not sneaking in there for an extra pull or two. There is no way that the oversized cranium of his could pass through Detroit without people in Toledo and Windsor noticing.

  26. JD says:

    Kennedy really does not have a soul. If he did, there is no way that he would show his anvil head in public on the anniversary of his fatal Fear Factor stunt.

  27. Russ says:

    Of all the Kennedys, how is it that Teddy managed to live to a ripe old age?

  28. Rusty says:

    Open bar!!!! I’ll have the Teddy Special, please.

    tw; Simp ascendancy Aren’t they always. It’s proof of extra terrestrials I tell ya

  29. ahem says:

    Of all the Kennedys, how is it that Teddy managed to live to a ripe old age?

    For the same reason drunk drivers who kill innocent people walk away from the wreck without a scratch–whatever that is.

  30. Bill D.Cat says:

    The money’s the safe option , the red pills behind the sofa cusions , not so much …

  31. JD says:

    Given their financial resources, I suspect that Sen. Cranium has the water lines to his bath tub and shower connected to a still. Lathering under the cool spray of Pearl Vodka, or bathing in the soothing Van Gogh Vodka seems like a way that he could absorb the devil’s liquid without actually having to raise that hamhock of a hand of his.

  32. tanstaafl says:

    Comments on the swimmer much appreciated. Funny stuff.

    As for the video of Teddy going ballistic on the Senate floor, his frenzy seems staged, as it has for the past God knows how many years.

  33. ahem says:

    Just like a certain Bubba Clinton’s attack on Chris Wallace, you mean? Yes, I noticed the resemblance. All these guys are frustrated actors.

  34. tanstaafl says:

    I remember that…”ah tried (and tried and tried) to git bin laden…” ah failed, but AH TRIED !!

    I agree with the actor thing (the base is easily taken it by the BS), but I thought that particular meltdown was somewhat authentic ;-)

  35. JD says:

    tanstaafl – It seems fairly clear that was staged. We was having a routine parliamentary discussion with the presiding officer of the Senate, then, when he claimed his remaining time, and the camera was on him, he went all Beetlejuice.

    Clinton’s did not seem to be as much staged, but rather, he was just waiting for any opportunity to lash out at Fox, and to re-write their history on this issue.

  36. tanstaafl says:

    Whatever his intent was, Bill Clinton’s red-faced tirade in that C. Wallace interview was, for me, cringe inducing.

    I remember thinking (again ;-)), sheesh, this guy was Prezzydent for 8 years??!

Comments are closed.