Nestled in the rolling hills of South Iowa, just above the state of Missouri, lies the tidy agricultural Town of Pulaski. Sociologists like to point to better known places like Muncie, Indiana, or Tulsa, Oklahoma, or Effingham, Illinois or many of the other G-dforsaken backwater hick toothless inbred microencephalic locations in flyover (very quickly, if possible) country as representing in microcosm the “conventional wisdom” (non-existent Supreme Being help us!) of the U.S., in order to scare up as many Democratic votes from reasonably well-educated and informed people in urban areas, who have access to decent newspapers.
Unlike some of the better-known locations, though, Pulaski is remarkable for having played a part in Presidential election, dating back to the time of Iowa’s statehood one hundred and fifty-one years ago, far beyond its paltry size: in each of these instances the candidate backed by the City Council Member has gone on to become President. This year, the City Council Member, Ross Hunter, is reported to be backing “The Burge,” as his lunatic followers, who self-describe as “Burge-Heads,” like to call him.
Residents of Pulaski, childlike and almost feral in their simplicity, and blissfully unaware of the pathetic poverty of their lives, like to point out the good things about their town. Fringe candidate Dave Burge emphasizes them in a recent post on his “weblog,” in a shameless act of hucksterism, and goes on to list some of the things that he will do for Pulaski, should he be elected, chief among which is to establish the “$8.2 billion Ross Hunter Center — headquarters of the new US Department of Government Waste Reduction.” Pulaskans concerned about the quantity of petroleum-based fertilizer that will be necessary to grow enough corn to feed the government’s “love affair with ethanol” (as one squint-eyed old codger said to me before raising his grungy seed-cap and scratching his wizened pate as if to suggest that there were cogitation occuring in his skull) might just leap at the opportunity to host such a facility, recognizing that, as resident Bob Mansell put it, “there ain’t nothin’ more permanent than bur-fuckin-eaucracy,” colorfully spitting out a wad of masticated shells into the dirt of his driveway.
Just who is Dave Burge, this upstart political outsider? And what are his plans for America? Will the future of the country resemble Pulaski, Iowa? That’s what I and others in the media are trying to figure out. My preliminary research indicates that the answers may shock you.
[Image used with permission of National Geographic Magazine, August 9, 1983, “Journey Into America’s Heart of Darkness”] Thomas Spratt, Emeritus Professor at Columbia University’s Institute of Antiquities Studies, informs us that a bellwether is a “kind of flock-leading sheep who wears a bell.” Recent studies suggest that people who work in close proximity to domestic animals may come to resemble them.
Fred and Rudy better start pitching ambassadorships, or I’m voting Iowahawk.
He doesn’t have cankles, right?
Burge Fever – catch it!
This has “bumpersticker” written all over it…
Recent studies suggest that people who work in close proximity to domestic animals may come to resemble them
Or vice-versa *
Try that link again – warninghorrible image.
It’s even worse than Prof. Spratt admits. A wether is not just “a kind of sheep”, it’s a castrated male sheep, and a bellwether is a wether with a bell on its neck. As the saying goes, you don’t need a wether-man to tell which way the wind blows.
Perhaps IowaHawk would be a good choice, at least he’s used to the pig farm smell that’s been coming from DC of late!
Iowahawk: the Pat Paulsen of the 21at century.
Pat’s Presidential Campaign Slogan: “I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.”
I can’t get the page to fit my screen. The pic can only be 450 wide. I’ve said this before. I don’t understand the confusion, frankly.
“Sorry,” he said, sheeplishly.
Uh, can you fix it?
is fixed – I think your cache must be holding on to the old page
oh. nevermind then.
Hog butcher to the world. City of the Big Shoulders.
If Iowahawk is a bellwether…um…well…as Dr Weevil notes, that might imply something about his…er…hardware status, as it were.
Bellweather towns. Effingham, IL – not any longer. It lost its status once Thelma Keller’s kitchen closed, and they quit selling the best cinnamon rolls in the country. Muncie, IN. – Home of Ball State U., one of the best names in the country. Outside of the university community, it is a town that is dying on the vine. Hardly bellweather, even within the state of IN. FYI …
[…] Vine Growing on America’s Bellwether [Dan Collins] […]
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