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a message from a massive purple bruise I picked up over the weekend

“Don’t look at me, pal. If you’d bother to slap a tan on those milky thighs of yours, I’d look just like a tattoo of Earl Campbell.

” — At which point you’d be thanking me, is how cool that would be.”

18 Replies to “a message from a massive purple bruise I picked up over the weekend”

  1. mojo says:

    Test test 11:44

  2. LionDude says:

    I have a knee surgery scar from a basketball injury that looks like Vince Ferragamo when I shave around it.

  3. Jeff G. says:

    Braggart.

  4. mojo says:

    Let’s drink to the hard working peopleLet’s drink to the lowly of birthRaise your glass to the good and the evilLet’s drink to the salt of the earthSay a prayer for the common foot soldierSpare a thought for his back breaking workSay a prayer for his wife and his childrenWho burn the fires and who still till the earth
    And when I search a faceless crowdA swirling mass of gray andBlack and whiteThey don’t look real to meIn fact, they look so strange
    Raise your glass to the hard working peopleLet’s drink to the uncounted headsLet’s think of the wavering millionsWho need leading but get gamblers insteadSpare a thought for the stay-at-home voterEmpty eyes gaze at strange beauty showsAnd a parade of the gray suited graftersA choice of cancer or polio

  5. Tman says:

    I have a birthmark in the shape of a Chevrolet logo planted firmly on my right buttock.  I am hoping this is a mark from a former life and not a prophecy of my eventual undoing.  

  6. B Moe says:

    I have been thinking about getting…
    Please store in a cool, dark place.
    …tattooed on my ass.

  7. Major John says:

    Tattoo of Earl Campbell?  What’s next, shaving your head like Curly Culp?

  8. Major John says:

    Or am I thinking of Ernie Holmes…?
    Anyway, what will the bruise look like when it starts to turn a lovely shade of green?

  9. Jim in KC says:

    Just don’t slap a bottle tan on there.  Wouldn’t want you going around looking like an oompa-loompa.

  10. JD says:

    Oompa Loompas – Quite simply the most terrifying characters from a horror movie in history.

  11. Anyway, what will the bruise look like when it starts to turn a lovely shade of green?

    I very sickly Earl Campbell? 

  12. A! A very sickly Earl Campbell.  ugh

  13. Bill D. Cat says:

    Hope the bruise wasn’t life size , cause one of Earls’ thighs could hide Michael  Moore and then some .

  14. alppuccino says:

    After I play basketball – shirtless  – when I lift my arm, my armpit looks like Joe Biden on his way to a rave party.

  15. Pablo says:

    I’ve got a mole that’s the spitting image of Nipsey Russell. And it’s funny as hell. 

  16. alppuccino says:

    "When I was young, I was just a freckle.
    The other moles would laugh and heckle.
    But then I grew as big as a dime,
    with Nipsy fro, and Russell rhyme."

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