A certain lack of self-reflection:
After questioning eight witnesses, Pearson spent two hours telling his own story, but as he came to the part about when Soo Chung finally told him she had found the missing pants, the tale of the $10.50 alteration that went awry proved to be too much.
“These are not my pants,” Pearson recalled telling Chung when she handed him a pair of gray pants with cuffs. “I have in my adult life, with one exception, never worn pants with cuffs.”
“And she said, ‘These are your pants.’ “
Pearson paused. He struggled to breathe deeply. He could not continue. Pearson blurted a request for a break, stood up, turned around and walked out of the courtroom, tears dripping from his full and reddened eyes.
When he returned, he called that moment when Chung offered him the wrong pants ”a Twilight Zone experience,” and again, he welled up and had to halt the proceedings. Pearson wanted to submit the remainder of his testimony in writing, but Judge Bartnoff wouldn’t hear of it.
[Emphasis mine]
Rosebud.
Oh, brother. “Welled up.” Over a pair of trousers. Right.
Is it just me, or wouldn’t this be a good time for the judge to just have this idiot taken out behind the courthouse and shot?
I think maybe involuntary committal.
I’d venture to guess that the presiding judge is seething over what this total douchebag of a plaintiff is doing to their profession. When it’s all over I hope there is some way he can hit the bastard up to cover the legal expenses of the Korean couple. It’s the least he can do.
What a jag-off.
My idea is probably more humane, Dan.
I’m sure the administrative costs of the trial will run into the tens of dollars, outside of any settlement and lawyer’s fees, to sort out some guy’s pants issue.
Unbelievable.
Oops. Make that tens of thousands of dollars.
I made a mistake. So sue me.
The fact that cases like this aren’t summarily tossed out with a hefty fine imposed on the person filing the thing is a sign of a very bad kind of crazy loose in the world.
Sick.
The live version on “Stop Making Sense” was better, but that had the advantage of being directed by Jon Demme.
Reading this post, it seemed so absurd that I couldn’t respond to it as anything but (surprisingly good) absurdist fiction or theater.
I had to Google the story before I would believe that you weren’t making this up.
I’m still having trouble changing gears to imaging this scene really happening. It was much more fun as absurd humor.
er “imagining” not “imaging”
Sorry, Josh. Thanks for the heads up.
And this Pearson asshole (TM) is a Judge himself.
He sits in judgement over your people.
No wonder the 2nd Amendment is supported with such fervour.
He’s an administrative judge. Whatever that is.
It’s just so Kafkaesk no matter which point of view you take. The end of the world must be just down the block.
I can’t believe how heartless you all are.
Cuffs, for God’s sake!
It’s practically a Twilight Zone experience!
Get this man back in his pants and get the seat of those pants off any judicial bench in this country.
Right. Pants are completely unimportant. Who needs them, anyway? Especially to be an ALJ. They wear robes, don’t they?
I don’t think we should criticize this man until we have walked a mile in his robes, without pants.
I think the consensus is he should go cuff himself.
And that one time: seared, seared I tell you!
It’s not Kafka-esqe. It’s Cuff-Cuff-esqe.
PIMF. Kafka-esque, etc. Is it happy hour yet?
Furriskey–
You know Billie Piper, don’t you? Send her round to nurse Lost My Cookies disarming brother, will you?
The horror!…
What a tool!
The administrative law judge (basically a hearing officer in an administrative department – not a member of the judiciary) is obviously deranged and pathetic. The criminal is the writer. I hate that shitty, cutesy-pie column style.
Tears streamed down Pearson’s quivering cheek as urine filled his left pant-leg and formed a slowly growing pool of tears and urea dripping from his cuff-less pant.
His freshly soaked briefs hung in the balance of justice. Redemption could only come from rectifying the grave wrong forced upon him by none other than Soo Chung, of the Chung Triad, a lead figure in one of Southeast Asia’s largest drug and human trafficking cartels.
I am no legal scholar but as the only compassionate bastard on PW my heart naturally bleeds for those victimized, traumatized and mercilessly snaked out of their linen trousers by organized Asian dry cleaning rackets. Clearly I side with the plaintiff. Just you wait and watch. There will someday be recourse for those of us who understand missing buttons for what they truly are! A concerted con by fish-eyed devils!
We shall overcome. Fuck you.
What do they do with those “missing” buttons, thor?
The admin law judge is to the judge’s profession as the mall security guard is to the police officer’s profession.
Billie and I have been very close for some years now, very close. I will give it my mature consideration.
I had pictured this Pearson asshole as something like Niles from Frasier. His picture is a little blurred, but close enough.
The question that has not yet been addressed in any depth, and I think it should be, and I am counting on Judge Bartnoff to make damn sure it is, is the question of why this Pearson asshole wore trousers with cuffs even if it was (as he claims) only once.
The sole purpose of cuffs on trousers is to trap rare soil samples so that Sherlock Holmes can prove that the asshole Pearson was in fact in Delmar, Md, at the time of the alleged pants heist.
They grind American-acquired buttons into powder and then sell it in open air markets.
Virtually every Asian woman knows buttons from Ike Behar tailored shirts, for example, are an aphrodisiac.
How else do you think the pint-sized tang envelops Western wang such long time? It ain’t from chowing Rice-A-Roni. All the concubine lie about the San Fancisco treat. A serpentine viral marketing strategy is all that is. Don’t think certain Triads don’t get a kick-back from every box sold either.
Soon-Yi. Woody Allen. Huh? Huh? Tell me I’m wrong.
Thank you, Dr Spooner;
Dude, I’m pretty sure that was a hate crime. Unless, that is, you’re some kind of leftist lesbian mountain of truther madness. If that’s the case, feel free to “ching chong” to your gluttonous, muff-diving heart’s content.
Apocapants Now
He needs to shave his head and rub it sensuously during his testimony.
What a maroon!
What about the strawberries?
Please, this man does not deserve his penis and it must be revoked. Immediately.
Looking at the wrong picture, then, furry. I had wondered at the lack of pictures of this tool, it isn’t like the media to respect someone’s privacy, after all, Ace has discovered something interesting on French TV, of all places.
Rats. I thought that still at the top was the asshole Pearson. But I see it is in fact a video heartlessly mocking the Islamic prayer ritual.
Another frivolous lawsuit. Where’s John Edwards when you need him?
Hmm. Say what you like about the French, and who hasn’t, that newsreader is an absolute sweetie.
Roy L Pearson Junior. Come on, time for an anagram competition.
That Detroit Lions coach who was arrested for cruising naked through the drive-thru? He laughs at this judge’s need for “pants.”
drive thru car wash? burger joint? ATM? the people need to know
You have a curious idea of frivolous:
Judge Bork isn’t quite dead enough to be interviewed by Edwards.
No jury, rope, no liars.
Hey, I just work with what I am given.
Man, I had
rear onion plus joy
Which I really liked, but it left me with a most unfortunate R. So I’m going to declare it to be a modulo anagram and discard the remainder.
Actually, it was a Wendy’s – insert your own “Wendy’s Hot ‘n Juicy burger” joke here.
Please also note that this guy was a U. of Illinois grad. Figures.
tw: “hard78” Oh, my.
B Moe, recall that this is Moopsie, who, as a leftie, sees all things from a high plateau of false moral superiority. Judge Bork, of course, because he is a true conservative, is worthy of all punishment, pain, and suffering she can imagine for anyone who doesn’t suck the liberal swampwater. His lawsuit is frivolous because Moopsie thinks Judge Bork deserves punishment, and she is gleeful at his suffering.
I’d call that bitchy, but a much better description is liberal.
What miserable lives libs lead.
Roy L Pierson Junior = Loopy Juror, Insaner
Insanely Poor Juror. Gotta be a winner there!
TW: million24, I’m sure we can come up with that many if we had to.
Only our prior jeans… Or Unreal Prison Joy?
Roil a person on jury?… No plea, Junior, sorry!
Personal Joy or Ruin?
It’s a very, very rich field to plow here.
That’s a very special talent you have there,Kearns- I am taken by the rear onion image, who wouldn’t be, what with the weeping and the trousers & all, but I think Insanely poor juror wins the prize, a pair of polyester-rich slacks, slightly soiled, winner to collect.