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A post that explores what life might be like if oatmeal could speak, 11

oatmeal:  “Sure, I once spent an entire evening trying to get into Betty Crocker’s pants— who hasn’t?  Turns out she’s more into the Little Debbie snack cake type, though.  Which, there’s nothing wrong with that, of course—I just wish I’d known it before I blew $50 on top shelf margaritas and about a half-dozen Slippery Nipples, is all…”

28 Replies to “A post that explores what life might be like if oatmeal could speak, 11”

  1. wishbone says:

    Betty Crocker?

    Feh.

    I’m a Sara Lee man.

    P.S.:  Jeff, things like this keep me sane in Baghdad.  As ironic as that is.

    P.P.S.:  Anyone that mentions Alanis Morrisette in connection with any comment of mine is an America-hating communist.

    P.P.P.S.:  Unless it’s me.

  2. Dan Collins says:

    There’s nothing like getting it on with some Devil Twins.

  3. My dad can kick your dad's ass big time, oh yeah says:

    Betty Crocker?  I wouldn’t admit to anyone if you couldn’t get in her pants.  As far as I could see, she pretty much took all comers.  As I heard it from Uncle Ben, you could pretty much do whatever you wanted and not even buy her dinner beforehand.  Not like that uptight prude Mrs. Butterworth.

  4. Barry Kearns says:

    I once spent an entire evening trying to get Betty Crocker’s pants

    Trying to get the pants, oatmeal, or trying to get into them? 

    ‘Cause, Lord knows, Pearson is obviously still suffering the scars from trying to get them from these wily, misleading gals..

    TW:  try37 margaritas next time.

  5. TheGeezer says:

    Oatmeal, Oatmeal, Oatmeal.

    Just let her eat you, and then you can induce a sudden colonic spasm once you’re in and voila!  You are in her pants!

  6. furriskey says:

    Thank you for that, geezer..a real gusset filler.

  7. Dan Collins says:

    There’s many a slip twixt nip and lip

  8. memomachine says:

    Hmmmm.

    Oatmeal?

    You know I’ve been casting about for something to eat without much success.  Sure there are plenty of things in the refrigerator, pantry and local cafes.

    Oatmeal.  Now that’s an answer I can live with.

    Ok so if I’m starting to get my breakfast clues from Goldstein, does this mean I’m starting to get into the Cult of Goldstein?

    Remember.  The first rule of the Cult of Goldstein is that you don’t talk about the Cult of Goldstein!

    In that vein, I’m off to cook oatmeal.

  9. Hoodlumman says:

    Is a slippery nipple similar to a buttery nipple?

  10. Dan Collins says:

    In that vein, I’m off to cook oatmeal.

    It’s the right thing to do.

  11. McGehee says:

    Turns out she’s more into the Little Debbie snack cake type, though.  Which, there’s nothing wrong with that, of course

    …except that Little Debbie looks to be about 9…

  12. Shawn says:

    Cream fillin’

    That is all.

  13. N. O'Brain says:

    Where’s the pie?

  14. Jeff Goldstein says:

    The age of consent is a bit more liberal for foodstuffs, McGehee.

    jesus.

    HOW DARE YOU JUDGE THE OTHER!

  15. McGehee says:

    The age of consent is a bit more liberal for foodstuffs, McGehee.

    All I’m sayin’ is, eating a nine-year-old snack cake is just wrong.

  16. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Hegemon.

  17. All I’m sayin’ is, eating a nine-year-old snack cake is just wrong.

    yeah, they tend to get moldy after a month or two.

  18. The Deacon says:

    Now Aunt Jemimah, that’s one sweet pice of brown sugar.

    Hmmm, oatmeal and brown sugar.

  19. Jim in KC says:

    All I’m sayin’ is, eating a nine-year-old snack cake is just wrong.

    yeah, they tend to get moldy after a month or two.

    Unless they’re Twinkies, which last just short of forever.  The cockroaches of the snack cake world, they are.

  20. McGehee says:

    Unless they’re Twinkies

    …aaaand we’re back in NTTAWWT territory.

  21. SGT Ted says:

    Not like that uptight prude Mrs. Butterworth.

    rascist.

  22. SGT Ted says:

    err racist….yea

  23. Major John says:

    Is a slippery nipple similar to a buttery nipple?

    Yup.  All basically Bailey’s and butterscotch schnapps or the like – depends on the type of “nipple”.  Heh.

    One of my fondest bartending memories was making dozens of buttery nipples for a table of fairly attractive young women celebrating a birthday of one of ‘em. Got a decent tip and some fun flirting out of it too. 

    Egads, that was 15+ years ago…

  24. Major John says:

    Would that I could send a whole bunch to Wishbone – General Order #1 aside that is…

  25. RTO Trainer says:

    Well, can’t promise any alcohol or pork products, but…

    Where you at in particular Wish?  There are other distractions that can find you.

  26. wishbone says:

    Ah–thanks for the concern MJ and RTO, but GO #1 does not apply to me.

    smile

  27. alppuccino says:

    making dozens of buttery nipples for a table of fairly attractive young women

    You know Major John, by the end of that evening you were probably looking like Magnum frickin’ P.I. to those ladies.  You weren’t wearing a Tigers cap and Hawiian shirt by any chance, were you?

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