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“The Problematic Zen of Dalton” (a play in one act)

[INT:  ROADHOUSE.  DALTON EXAMINES A SMALL KNIFE WOUND ON HIS ARM; I MARVEL AT HIS HAIR]

Dalton:  “Pain don’t hurt.”

me:  “Sure it does. Or else what you’re talking about isn’t, by definition, ‘pain.’”

Dalton:

Dalton:

Dalton:  “Why do you have to be such a dick?”

~ finis ~

27 Replies to ““The Problematic Zen of Dalton” (a play in one act)”

  1. happyfeet says:

    It’s hard to empathize with Dalton.

  2. Major John says:

    I am hoping that Jeff later goes on to destroy “it ain’t nothing but a thing”…

  3. TODD says:

    Dalton did have nice hair…..Ben Gazarra, his character was too unbelievable. And what what up with that fat guy? He simply couldn’t get his ass properly kicked throughout the movie…..

  4. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    Why Swayze’s hairdresser didn’t get an Oscar for his/her contribution to this film… I quit believing in the Oscars right then and there.

    And what was up with that fat guy?

    He did get hit by bear, so you have to give him that.

    (Seriously, this has become one of my all-time crapulicious films – lads, if you haven’t seen it, you’re in for many laughs, decent fights, gratutious boobage, fat guy comic relief, and, as noted, Ben Gazzara – what the hell else could you want in a movie?)

  5. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    I thought the play’d be bigger.

  6. Now, now boys.

    Nobody ever wins a fight.

  7. JPS says:

    Percy:

    You forgot to mention “a satisfying dose of Sam-by-God-Elliott” (as Lileks wrote of a very different movie).  Which, and I’m not saying he ranks above gratuitous boobage, really ought to count for something.

  8. TODD says:

    Specially loved the blind guitar player.

    Also the throat ripping was exceptional

    My wife groans when it shows up on cable, she knows I will be useless until the movie is over

  9. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    Which, and I’m not saying he ranks above gratuitous boobage, really ought to count for something.

    True enough… particularly the way he could whoop ass while limping around like Chester on Gunsmoke.

  10. Lyn says:

    Next of Kin is also immensely craptacular.

  11. slackjawedyokel says:

    But Frampton, 60, of Indiana, Pennsylvania, died suddenly of a stroke in March

    If I were slapped with a paternity suit at age 60 by two women, neither of whom I even got to boink, I’d keel over with a stroke, too.

    justice67: It wouldn’t be at that age, either.

  12. alppuccino says:

    Any time Patrick Swayze brings his 5’3” of twisted dance muscle to a revenge/fight film, you know reality’s going to be stretched like a leotard pulled up over Chris Farley’s butt cheeks.

  13. slackjawedyokel says:

    Oops, wrong thread.

  14. Rob B. says:

    The blind gituar player is Jeff Healy and he’s got a few good CD’s out if you like gitaur driven 80’s blues.

  15. estaban says:

    “I want you to be nice… ..until it’s time to not be nice.”

    Just saying.

  16. happyfeet says:

    When did the place start picking up ads for Bowflex? I blame the Chris Farley butt cheek reference.

  17. Major John says:

    you know reality’s going to be stretched like a leotard pulled up over Chris Farley’s butt cheeks.

    alppuccino, I am so going to steal that, uh, use that with proper attribution!

  18. alppuccino says:

    It’s yours Major John, with my compliments.  I assume you’ll be using it in one of your closing arguments?

  19. SteveG says:

    I’m pretty sure FX plays Roadhouse on continuous loop every holiday weekend.

    My biggest complaint with the movie is how unreal it is… I mean the real world chances of that nephew guy getting some in the broom closet are nil.

  20. John F says:

    I thought the nephew was stealing from the till and some other worker was engaged in his “new regular Saturday night thing.”

    Either way they had to go, it’s Dalton’s way…or the highway.

  21. Dirk Diggler says:

    Sam Eliot has to be one of the coolest men alive….as a bonus you get Ben Gazarra actually acting like he has less than one year to live.

    Run For Your Life

    “A Quinn Martin Production”

  22. The Colossus says:

    We’ve got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.

    TW:  manner47—as in “Be nice . . .”

  23. N. O'Brain says:

    Sam Eliot has to be one of the coolest men alive….

    In

    We Were Soldiers, Once

    as Sgt. Maj. Basil Plumley:

    “What are you, a fuckin’ weather man?”

  24. Mikey NTH says:

    alp, I’d use it too, but I rather like my cushy job.

  25. SteveG says:

    I’m not wrong… you are missing the nuance. The is truth as I remember it.

    hmmmmmmm, I’ve lost my pipe again

  26. TODD says:

    “We Were Soldiers, Once”

    I remember when.  Jumping was my life….

  27. Major John says:

    I assume you’ll be using it in one of your closing arguments?

    Nah – I came in from the cold. Now I hire and fire lawyers…MUHUBWHAHAHAHA!  Uh, sorry ‘bout that.

    But I will try to include it in some sort of account report (or even better, when I am giving a briefing to my Brigade Commander).

    “We Were Soldiers Once…And Young” Damn…I feel old just thinking of that book.  I read it a few months back and have always wondered if/when I deploy again how I will do – being 40 yoa now (41 all too soon).  Maybe I should stick to

    troublemaking, being an adolescent, felon, power drinker and trustee of modern chemistry.

    Heh.

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