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my first brief conversation with my Conair hairclippers

me: “Oh.  So that’s what the safety guards are for, then—so I don’t shave my head completely bald by accident.”

Conair hairclippers

me: “Cool.  Next time I’ll know.”

Conair hairclippers:  “Great.  Meantime, you might think about trimming your eyebrows.  Either that, or find yourself a striped shirt and a guy named Ernie to pal around with until your hair grows back, genius.”

32 Replies to “my first brief conversation with my Conair hairclippers”

  1. mojo says:

    Door Mirror: Yo! Hey, “Buzz”, what up? (snicker)

  2. Major John says:

    There could be work available for you at the nearest AAFES barbershop, with skills like that…

  3. Carin says:

    Not AGAIN.

  4. Squid says:

    Toothbrush Holder: I pity the fool.

  5. happyfeet says:

    Britney Has Last Laugh As

    HYPERMASCULINE BLOGGER FINDS BUTCH HAIRCUT ELUSIVE

  6. RC says:

    Pictures!  Come on, show the pictures!

    wink

  7. ed says:

    Hmmm.

    Personally I prefer using HeadBlade.

    Shave your head once a month and you’re good to go.

    *shrug* well that’s what I do.  And of course I AM da’fashion man.

  8. Robert says:

    So you went for the pineapple cut, huh? C’mon, Jeff, be a man and post it column left with the other two.

  9. BJTexs says:

    So now Protein Wisdom is all the buzz?

    and, yes, I hate myself … every … damn … day …

    Nailclipper: You tool!

  10. RiverCocytus says:

    Hahaha…

    <b>Bathroom Floor:</i> Broom, stat!

    Trimming makes a LOT of mess… you wouldn’t think you had that much hair…!

  11. RiverCocytus says:

    Rofl. Ok, worst HTML tags evah. And from a web devel…

  12. Mark says:

    Conair hairclippers: I double dog dare you to try out the nostril attachment.

    Kleenex box: Noooooooo

  13. BoZ says:

    FREE TO GOOD HOME

    “HeadBlade evangelist in 3…2…” comment, flash-obsoleted by hypermasculine Goldstein minion “ed.” Mockery of own emerging “skin-yarmulke,” with optional lamentation of death of lifelong dream of strolling Miami Beach in mobile cooling shade of a huge white Einstein, also available.

  14. mishu says:

    You know, I first laughed at the Gillette® Fusionâ„¢ until the Gillette company sent me one in the mail. I have to admit. It’s quite comfortable for shaving your head down to the deck.

  15. ken says:

    We all know the hair was shaved in order to try and discard any proof of taking the red pills.

    That and overhearing the 16 year-old babysitter tell her friend that she thought Telly Savalas was “hawt” after watching your “Kojak” compilations…

  16. SGT Ted says:

    Pics, or it didn’t happen.

  17. Pablo says:

    Next time, Norelco.

  18. Jim in KC says:

    I just use the dogs’ clippers when I feel the need to, uh, experiment in the tonsorial arts.  They don’t seem to mind (neither the dogs nor the clippers).

  19. Karl says:

    Now officially one tattoo away from rehab.  That’s assuming you have been getting up to dance with the gals at your local strip club already.

  20. Spiny Norman says:

    What, you didn’t use the Flowbee?

  21. Timmer says:

    My daughter actually did that to me, and then I started wet shaving it.  Almost two years now, I don’t wanna go back, it’s too easy.

  22. McGehee says:

    BUSH LIED, FOLLICLES DIED!

  23. baldilocks says:

    You have temporary permission to borrow my nom de plum.

  24. mishu says:

    That’s assuming you have been getting up to dance with the gals at your local strip club already.

    Are you saying he shaved there???

  25. ed says:

    Hmmmm.

    “HeadBlade evangelist in 3…2…” comment, flash-obsoleted by hypermasculine Goldstein minion “ed.” Mockery of own emerging “skin-yarmulke,” with optional lamentation of death of lifelong dream of strolling Miami Beach in mobile cooling shade of a huge white Einstein, also available.

    And my noggin is as smooth as a freshly circumcised penis.

    Or my name ain’t ed!

    Remember guys!  If your better half objects to you looking like a reject from an off-Broadway rendition of The King and I then just whisper in her ear that she should view you as a giant walking penis.

    With pockets!

  26. David Ross says:

    Hah. I did that quite recently (scalp-cyst removal; I’m fine now). I looked perfectly hideous for a few weeks but my hair is (mostly) growing back now.

    And chicks with closely-shaved heads are strangely compelling. That skinhead girl from the Dune miniseries with the jewel on her forehead… don’t tell me you wouldn’t hit that.

  27. huh, must have been haircut day.

  28. Russ says:

    I used to shave my dome the old fashioned way (with a flint knife.)

    Next time I do it, I’m going all-out, so to speak.

  29. ed says:

    Hmmmm.

    What I want to know is how a pudgy guy can shave his own ass?

    Or did I just go waaaay over the line here?

  30. McGehee says:

    What I want to know is how a pudgy guy can shave his own ass?

    I have no firsthand knowledge, thank God, but I suppose one could rig up a couple of long handles and put one each on the clippers and a mirror.

  31. furriskey says:

    One could sit in a tub of depilatory cream. But I wouldn’t advise it.

  32. kevin says:

    Jeff, this is why you bought the house.  So that when you do the stupid stuff you wouldn’t otherwise do (because of THE MORTGAGE PAYMENTS!!!) you will, in the end, have a nice place to hide out until it grows back.

Comments are closed.