As of today, it looks like I’ll be heading to Las Vegas at the behest of Pajamas Media to cover the upcoming Democratic debate on health care, to be held at UNLV on March 24th.
I’d be interested to hear your ideas on what angle I should take, using either the debate, the post-debate press room session, or Vegas itself as the backdrop. One idea I had was to interview hundreds of showgirls to get their thoughts on nationalized health care, but my wife isn’t too keen on the idea—and honestly? I don’t think I have either the tan or the haircut to be able to charm my way into such a plum gig. Too bad, because feathers are just plain funny.
A second idea I had is to ask the candidates or their representatives where they stand on the idea of universal health care for pets. Or universal health care for major appliances. But I’m not really sure they’ll take me seriously, especially if I’m wearing one of those rainbow wigs and a big foam finger with an enormous Band-Aid wrapped around it.
So. Suggestions?
Get you attorney and a case full of high-powered drugs.
Roll through like a storm.
“Which Fox News shows do you watch regularly?”
Does it really matter? You’re going to spend the whole time cleaning up the armadillo’s messes anyway. I’d suggest you listen to Robbie Williams’ song “Me and My Monkey” a few dozen times in order to prepare.
I would treat this like any other Conference. Once you’ve registered and got the Pack, don’t go near the place. See how many hours you can stay awake at the blackjack tables. Punt some of that Laptop bleg- sidle up to men in dark glasses and say Lefty sent you.
Let us know how it turns out-
Ask the Dems “if the reason they continue to support the Veterans Administration and its Hospitals is because they truly hate the military?”
And “if they want that type of social medicine for all citizens because they really hate them, too?”
Oh . . . and be sure to use the words “some” and “many” in a way that infers “majority” . . .
“How many Canadians will stop coming to the US if we socialize our medical system?”
“Will elected officials have to wait in line to see doctors like the rest of us?”
“In light of the behavior of your party’s base, have you considered a free anti-psychotic program?”
I think you need to ask really good insightful questions while a piss-drunk Hoosier in vomit-covered Dockers and a Hawaian shirt yells “Show us your tits!” every time HRC opens her mouth.
I know where you can find the Hoosier and I can even get him drunk for you.
Fuck that, cover it the same way you covered the RNC. Frankly, yours was some of the best reportage available.
Another version: “If Canada’s health care is so great, why do Canadians pay for care in the States that’s supposedly free in the Great White North?”
Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You’re actually going to be physically in the same location as the event you’re covering?
That’s just crazy talk.
How about interviewing the remains of the Stardust Hotel—some good insights on Sinatra’s shoes, Martin’s spilled drinks, and Lido de Paris sweat?
I vaguely recall some blogger meeting you covered a while back. It was held at a bar (go figger), which seemed to be a comfortable milieu for you.
My recommended angle: find a dive with beer bucket specials and wait for the candidates to come to you. After all, careful typing and proofreading can hide slurred speech, both yours and theirs.
Recommended angle number 2: Forget the candidates; get post-debate insights from drunk UNLV co-eds.
Yeah, I do
Ask people if they know why the money collected in taxes went up. If they give the right answer (tax cuts=economic growth) Then ask if John Edwards’ idea of paying for National health care by eliminating “tax cuts for the rich” is kinda like spending the same money twice.
Maybe point out the nearest billboard for a hospital and claim: “Well there is something you never see in Canada!”
You’ve got a ready-made slogan: What happens in the hospital, stays in the hospital.
Check in, get drunk, pass out the stripper ad cards to all at the debate, get drunk again, see a show, go home……oh and don’t forget to eat…
sorry for double
You’ll be well into regionals by then. It might be a chance to fleece some of the those candidates out of their war chests. Just stand up in the middle of the debate and shout “Mrs. Clinton, why will you not bet on Arkansas against North Carolina in tonight’s game? Why are you afraid of John Edwards?”
You could interview dozens of underage Korean massage parlor girls to find out if they have health coverage on a par with, say, casino-based showgirls, and whether they consider a “happy ending” to be a health risk in their profession.
Question two: Are there really any “keno girls who could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.”
Or you could just cut your throat now, and save time all around.
SB: stop22 me before I humorize again!
Well, Nevada’s about to mandate “child support” for pets, so anything goes. Given that the Democrat assembly leader likes to wear his Cat-in-the-Hat hat to sessions, I’d think the big foam finger would fit right in too.
Of course, Nevada Democrats make up for it by denying debate so don’t go getting all uppity, Goldstein.
And you thought government was serious business.
Or maybe you could politely ask the party of lawyers to stop stupid litigation against doctors and thereby knock 40% off our bill.
prediction: they will decide we need nationalized health care. any takers?
Look for cop cars transporting pairs of shiny-haired women in plunge-necked dresses to places that are not police stations. These women are hookers. The police are bringing these hookers to famous politicians. Follow them. Talk to the hookers. They’re good people. Avoid the police. They will kill you. They will also kill the hookers who talked to you, but you’ll be back home by then, so who cares.
Lawyers? Somebody say lawyers?
Take along a bunch of little cable TV doodads. Label them “Fox News Blocker.” Offer to sell them to the attendees for use in their hotel rooms, to avoid accidentally switching to the Channel of Doom.
I think your citizen journalist messenger test from Hotair would be even more revealing in that environment. Just look at the reaction to Fox News as simply a messenger for a Democrat debate. Politicians as a whole are so damn audience driven they deliver different messages to different people.
Ask about healthcare issues as an ANSWER blogger, as a San Diego Labor magazine, as a Navajo newsletter editor from New Mexico, etc… I don’t know how possible it is to do this with press credentials etc… but it would be revealing. Hillary and Edwards send different messages based on the audience with an almost innate ability.
I see Jeff waking up in an alley, his memory of the previous two days lost. The only clues to what may have happened are a cheap .38 revolver with a broken grip in his right hand, and a book of matches with the name “Carla” written on it in his shirt pocket.
Oh, I left out the part about him smelling of gin.
“One idea I had was to interview hundreds of showgirls to get their thoughts on nationalized health care, but my wife isn’t too keen on the idea”
Why not? They’re mostly all trannies anyway. Unless…
Ok, I won’t ask. Please don’t tell.
TW: Though they’re undoubtedly human66 at the very least.
“The black pool opened up again and I dived in. There was no bottom.”
— Raymond Chandler
Just gin?
Like there’s any real difference between the politicians and the hookers. Well, ok, the hookers are probably more honest, but that’s about it.
Rent a hotel room and stage a football game. Stay away from the adrenochrome. The Coyote Ugly in the fake New York, New York sucks compared to the Coyote Ugly in the real New York, New York.
Yell at hill and edwards to show us your tits. refer to Obama as osama. hookers and gin are also good.
Excuse me, but I’m from Chicago, thank you very much. And I prefer a neatly ironed polo shirt, collar unpopped.
Perhaps a question regarding global warming: “Considering the gravity of this phenomenon, and the Democratic party’s conviction that the “rich” have been living it up over the past seven years, shouldn’t leading Democratic supporters like George Soros, Laurie David, and the Hollywood crowd be forced (emphasis fully intended) to give up their multiple homes and private jets to combat global warming? Or, will the middle and lower classes see significant cuts to their living standards while Soros et. al. get away with paying for ‘carbon offsets’?”
“Oh, Mr./Ms. Candidate, a follow-up question: if the wealthy environmentalists get to keep their mansions/private jets, etc., via the use of ‘carbon offsets,” is this closer in spirit to medieval sumptuary laws, or to the paying of indulgences to the Church?”
300 pound Samoan lawyer? Check.
Fire-engine red Cadillac convertible? Check.
$300 worth of pharmaceutical coke? Check.
30 hits of blotter acid? Check…
Raoul Duke: Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won’t know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you’re pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he’s about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g’s.
Whatever plan they want for health insurance should first be implemented in the auto and homeowners areas. Imagine a single-payer plan for autos and you can quickly see the $200 oil change with a $25 co-pay.
Enjoy it.
Excuse me, but this particular Hoosier prefers hip waders a fur vest and a ball gag, but since this is a political convention thing I promise I’ll clean up a little. And drunk as I get I won’t call anyone a “faggot”.
On TV.
Mostly.
Ask them if they are going to follow the same rules as the rest of us.
If they had to do their own taxes, there would be no IRS.
If they wait in the same lines as everyone else, we won’t have the Canadian plan.
Is this going to happen? Let’s just say my odds are better in the lottery.
* Spread a rumor that Brit Hume is there in disguise as a matronly woman with cankles and a perpetual frown.
* Whatever you ask Barrack Obama, say it in Arabic.
* Whatever you ask John Edwards, say it in Pandagonese.
For Mr. Edwards:
If you’re elected President, and stem cell research neither allows the lame to walk or the blind, or if the healthcare system falls apart or even appears to have any problems with it whatsoever, do we all get to file a class-action lawsuit against you?
Also, fuck you.
For Mr. Obama:
Who are you? No, really? What makes you think you’re qualified to be the leader of the free world, over, oh, about a million other Americans who lived in poverty and single parent households (more, now since liberals took control of social policies), and who aren’t transparently after political power? I mean, seriously: WTF?
For Ms. Clinton:
Speaking of which, up to and including your and your daughter’s eternal souls, is there anything in the world that matters more to you than power and the seven-headed Beast you ride around on?
M. Cookies, I like your fashion sense. We each get a Hillary boob, then. In the spirit of neighborliness.
You can take the cankles, however.
TW: “want76” – oh, the places I could go with that…
Get photos taken with all the major Dems.
Post on your website with comments like, ‘look who loves me’.
Since Karl Rove will also be there, no doubt cheating at poker and trying to poison patriotic Code Pink soldier spitters, why don’t you ask him if Halliburton has finalized the formula for turning dead Iraqi babies into oil?
I was wondering who’d be the first with a Fear and Loathing referrence, and damned if it wasn’t the very first comment.
Ignore all the advice and just trust your instincts, particularly if you attend the meet by astral projection.
After all, nobody—but nobody—does conventions like Protein Wisdom.
Extra credit if you wear a Halliburton hat at all public gatherings, but golf shoes will be a necessity.
I’m certain you will not be tempted by all the pleasures of Vegas.
Make a list of all the ridiculous health options and ask if they’d include them?
Cosmetic Plastic surgery?(Argentina;s health plan offers one operation a year free to everyone)
Transgender operations?(I believe SF does for prisoners and civil servants)
Aromatherapy?
Truffle therapy?
Breast implants? For 90 year olds?
Scream therapy?
What kind of dental care? (Braces and caps and implants for all)
etc etc..None of them will refuse a single one.
Then ask if they outraged about the Walter Reed story? They’ll say yes. Ask them if they know of a private health care facility that could get away with that? Remind them that it single payer health care.
What’s more important than health care? Basic nutrition! It’s the very foundation of health care. Yet private companies are out there every day ripping off the consumer and loading us up with fat and junk. When we speak of single payer health care, should we not also speak of a single payer food industry? Would you not agree, future socialist master, that the government must save us all from the horrors being inflicted upon our children daily by the Bush-industrial complex?
If phrased less sarcastically, that might elicit some interesting responses.
There’s a lot of ways you could get them to say potentially disturbing things about businessmen and the rich – they make such good scapegoats. It’s antisemitism without the racism.
Of course they have, why do you think Soros finally bought in?
It would be helpful if you could keep a large cigar, preferably Cuban, sticking out of your mouth throughout.
I don’t know. I wonder what provisions they have for geriatric gambling addicts, though.
I’d think there would be lots of opportunities for seamy-audic analysis.