My 2004 HP laptop—which has been threatening to die longer than Abe Vigoda—is now officially on its last week of life. The mouse freezes. Security updates are impossible to download. The hard drive is running hotter than a desert lapdance. And lately, whenever I try to type the word “progressive,” the display literally shuts down until I agree to pay it a quarter toward some phantom union tax it assures me is “for my own good.”
Which is why it’s time, once again, for the semi-annual protein wisdom fundraising drive. For your convenience, donation buttons are available on the left sidebar.
Please know that you are of course under no obligation to contribute. I won’t think any less of you, I promise. Having said that, it IS worth pointing out, however, that for every dollar I raise, an angel gets its wings, and an unwanted puppy finds a home.
With an orphan.
Who loves the puppy very very very much.
So, you know—food for thought…
update: Did I mention that the puppy will live on a large farm with lots of rich grassland to bound across? And that—thanks to certain federal subsidy plans—the orphan will be paid handsomely not to grow anything—leaving him plenty of time to teach his dog how to help blind people find bombs and drugs?
Because I meant to…
update 2: Left to his own devices, the orphan will no doubt grow up to be a fine if icononclastic conservative statesman—one who will probably legalize pot while cracking down on illiberal things like “free speech zones” and “liberals.”
If that kind of thing appeals to you…
Off topic, but just tried some Cragganmore Speyside 12-year-old. Very nice.
I’ll contribute out of all the money I’ve saved since I can’t %#)!@*! drink anymore. The Cragganmore Speyside 12-year-old is “very nice?” VERY NICE?! How about a little more sensual description? Bouquet, esophageal cuddliness and whatnot? Bastard.
Well. You won’t think any more of us, either.I’m always suspisious of any organization that would put up with me. I’d be more reassured if the money was going for a hooker…………….for the dillo an’ all. Ya Know.
I will gladly contribute 10% of any profits from my GW scam.
I like to pull the wings off of angels…
No, wait. It’s flies, not angels. Sorry.
Like this JWebb?:
But that’s WT101, not that other pretentious stuff!
BTW, Jeff, do you have a new secret, encoded, forwarded, spindled, and leading ultimately to a PO Box somewhere in Wyoming snail mail address for donations? If so, send it on over.
Email me and I’ll send you my secret address.
Hey! I want a puppy!
Are they cute? I bet they are…
Bastard.
SB: when56
oh Lord?
K-ching… tip is in the tip jar.
Hope the you get a good replacement rig up and running soon.
And for every dollar he doesn’t raise, he adds a new guest blogger!
Dear Jeff,
I sent money. Waste it or use it wisely; or both. Thanks for your blog and community.
Onward, Carlos
the horror! the horror!
Hmmmm.
@ Jeff
Sorry Jeff but no can do. I just can’t get behind donating money for angels, angles, orphans or puppies.
Now if this were to help armadillos get laid down in Tijuana.
Now that’s something everybody can support.
Well, ed, between you and me, “angels getting their wings” is really code for something much, much nastier.
Hmmmm.
Ok so this is the official Single-Malt Scotch Porn page?
Hmmmm.
Well ALRIGHTY then!
rofl.
Ding! A somewhere in northern Mexico a ‘dillo just got laid.
Hmmm.
Frankly I’m seriously thinking about trying this out:
The Scotch Malt Whisky Society
Well, if the puppies ain’t gettin’ wings, scroot.
The mouse freezes
The Kestrel stoops
All is silent.
This is a new verse form known as a Twelver, after the schismatic shia’ sect of that name.
Sorry it couldn’t be more, times are tough in the hard-drinking internationalist businessman game…
(get a Lenovo/IBM)
Have you considered one of these?
FOR THE PLANET!
Being the cheap bastard that I am, I thought I’d get you something from your Amazon wish list. The first thing I saw was a Randy Meisner album, which immediately raised you several notches in my estimation. Then I scrolled down the list. Christ, it’s like a rollcall of the California Mafia. J.D. Souther, Burrito Brothers, Gram Parsons, Poco…..I thought I was in LA in ‘74. Throw in the New Riders and the Ozark Mountain Daredevils, and it could have been the mid-70’s playlist from WHFS. What, no J.J. Cale?
So, would you rather have the Fiestaware Scarlet 451 9-Inch Rimmed Soup Bowls, Set of 4, or the Fiesta Plum 486 16-Ounce Sauceboat?
I don’t even want to think about what you want the sauceboat for.
“Rimmed soup bowls”?
Jesus H Christ.
What do you need our donations for? After all, you could just ask your “New York money men” for an advance, right? Or have you been slacking off on your neo-con bloodthirstiness as of late?
jwebb, what’s your going rate for sobriety credits? I’ll pay top dollar, but I will need some sort of certificate of decreased gin imprint to show to my liver.
Or footprint, rather.
suspicious
what a maroon.
Thanks to those of you who have contributed. I’m already at about 10% of where I want to be—so I hope that by the end of next week I can pick up a new machine.
Not being tethered to a desk should free me up to post more; as it is, having a three-year old around keeps me out of the office for much of the day—and my current laptop has been confined to bed ever since we made the move to the new house.
I’m hoping for a little mobility.
Your feeding orphans, puppy dogs?
Or feeding orphans to puppy dogs?
Depends on whether or not my eggs are cooked right, JP.
Now your forcing orphans to cook puppies for you to go with your eggs?
Egad!
Sorry. thought to think like a leftist loon to see what it was like.
You know..take words you posted and then make up my own meaning….I think I sprained something.
My hurt heads.
oh no! something is broke. Is this gonna be permanint…parmenent…er..not go away?
I figure my donation should buy you the letters “GHJKL” on the keyboard. So’s you can at least type your initials.
You realize, of course, this means you can’t desert us after 31 March, as has been rumored of late.
TW: I doubt it’s enough to raise your standard of living89.
Wait… you can make money at this? People give you stuff for blogging? I thought it was just hours each day of pointless pontificating.
‘Cause he is tired of eatin’ slimey, sloppy eggs!
Ok the Armadillo Love Fund has been increased by me. Only because I love animals so much.
Only if you promise that you’re buying a Mac.
An opportunity to participate even marginally in offending and alienating greater numbers of the loony left? I am so IN!…
Gimme a pen – where do I sign?
On its way from Canada now, Jeff; with thanks for your very good work.
Timmer —
I have a Mac desktop, but I’m not sure I can afford the MacBook just yet. I’m hoping I’ll be able to, though—that’s what I’m shooting for as it will allow me to use both OS X and Windows XP
At about 16.5% thus far. Thanks, everybody!
All right already, bounty paid, now kill the frikken crickets.
Wait, are you feeding puppies to orphans?
That’s a fantastic idea! Wait’ll I tell Newt and Ann!
We’ve got a PC in the office and I use my MacBook in my recliner.
One thing to look at, Mac or PC, buy more RAM separately and install it yourself. I saved about 300 bucks doing that. To those that say you can’t crack a Mac, try using eyeglass screwdrivers. And don’t forget to check out the refurbs.
I gave up trying to get any work done in “my” office. It’s become wife and son’s game room. Now I plug my Bose TriPort’s in and I can work for hours without hearing anything going on around me.
OK–I hit the jar.
I could care less about puppies and angels—
WHERE IS MY UNICORN?
And it better be pink, dammit.
And carrying a case of Lagavulin.
I’d contribute if I could get a guarantee that someone—ANYONE—would read my comments (snif)….
Hmmmm.
Well I read it.
But it wasn’t necessarily by choice however since it was sitting right there taking up all of my screen’s pixels like a Marcotte anti-Catholic screed.
Seriously man. Use a smaller font!
Approaching 20%. Thanks again.
?? I’m not doing anything to the font; and—at least on my iMac—my comment font is the same size as everyone else’s.
— Unless the “
“ was a joke; in which case: The fact that nobody reads my comments indicates that I’ve BEEN using too small a font….
Hey Jeff,
I’d give you money, but I’m a grad student and I have kids. But I’ll make a deal. I interviewed for a gig a little late in the hiring season because the job was a perfect fit for my family. Its not likely I will get the job, but if I do, I will hit the tip jar.
In the meantime. I am curious to know if you and your sideshow posters (whom I appreciate) have any opinion on whether or not President Bush is considered to be Xerxes or Leonidas in the upcoming movie, “300”. I kind of thought General Petraeus was Leonidas. Who better to deal with the Persians than a Greek? Seeing as we are already at war with them. I assumed Petraeus was a Greek name, but apparently its Dutch, via Wikipedia. Oh well.
Oh, definitely check out the refurbished Macs on apple.com store. There are some deals there.
I just ordered a new iMac on Saturday.
“With an orphan.
Who loves the puppy very very very much.
So, you knowâ€â€food for thought…”
Give an orphan a puppy and he eats for a day – teach an orphan how to hunt for puppies, and he eats for a lifetime!
I contributed fifty bucks. I figured it was the least I could do. No, really. I figured it was the least I could do.
Hmmm.
Ok then. Use a bigger font!
Yeah, it was a joke and a very lame one. But that’s my stock in trade so if you’ve got it, utter lack of comedic talent, then flaunt it I say!
26%, give or take. Thanks so much.
I’m in, but it would have been more if that fershlugginer armadillo would ever, you know, dance…
I didn’t hear the part about the non-farm subsidy bomb-drug-sniffing seeing eye dogs. Or maybe I wasn’t paying attention.
Now that I know you’re aiming for a MacBook I’ll pitch in.
Done via Amazon tip jar.
At Classical Values, Coulter Cash may skirt McCain-Feingold.
True story:
I was going to contribute after lunch. At lunch, my lovely wife informed me that baby number two is on the way! There (happily) goes all my spare money
How did your priorities ever get so screwed up, kyle?
Congratulations.
TW: always16–remarkable
Congrats, Kyle!
Count me in. And please keep up the good work.
Sure, make me feel bad about getting paid not to grow anything (well, I like to think of it as “invisicorn,” rotated, of course, with “invisibeans”) on my “farm” while still not teaching my dogs much of anything at all aside from how to pluck Honey Nut Cheerios from the air.
I do laugh when the female Pom humps the crap out of the male Pom, though. I’d record it and put it on YouTube, but I’m not sure of their policy on puppy pr0n and I’m too lazy to research it. Do they do gender-reassignment surgery on dogs?
Tipped you $50 over at Amazon.
Now you’re feeding the orphan ham? Doesn’t the kid like cupcakes?
You rock, Patrick.
I’ve never hit your tip jar before Jeff, so I want you to know that my donation is in thanks of bringing a little Deb into all our lives.
Thanks, all. I’m at about 31%, looks like. Much appreciated.
Two words: Commodore 64!
Four syllables: Tandy CoCo!
Lotsa syllables: TRaSh-80 Model 100, the World’s First Laptop Computer!
(Yeah, I’ve still got one; it makes a great bookend….)
Wow, Challleron!
That’s true isn’t it?
I never really thought of the CoCo as a laptop until now. Probably because it was so hard to carry the audio cassette recorder and color TV along with me and look for three plugs in redneck diners
I can see why some blind people might want to find drugs, but bombs…?!
Alright Jeff, finally found my crowbar in the garage, so I was able to pry a little somethin’ out of the old back pocket for you.
Happy shopping.
How much would I have to donate to get an RSS feed that only included your posts? You know, sort of a Protein Wisdom Classic?
mpbk hurt my feeling
If I might suggest you can get a laptop at a very good price at the Dell Outlet I picked up mine for $600 and change there and am very happy.
Huh, this doesn’t sticky in the RSS feed. Sorry it took me so long to get to.
About 33% folks. Thanks again!
I used to send $ but PJM became your benefactor-godfather. Surely the venture capitalized corporation can afford to give you a decent laptop AND a monthly stipend in exchange for your excellent blogging. You’re a Citizen-Jounalist for Gaia’s sake.
Maybe even a Citizen-Journalist, given your great posts and analyses.
It’s looking like PJM and I won’t be able to reach an agreement.
What this means for the future of this site is uncertain.
I do know that I am quite depressed—I’ve put a lot of work into keeping this site going even as I spend much of my day reading over legal briefs and taking screen shots.
It looks like the bottom line is the bottom line, though.
Alternately, I might swallow my pride, take the offer (because my family sure could use the cash) and go on as before. I haven’t decided yet.
I need to go have a glass of Scotch and decide what I should be doing.
Well, fuck.
What can we do for you, Jeff?
Consider that the pleasure that you’ve given all of us is not inconsiderable, by any means.
More streamlined sucks.
Well, to be clear, they are offering me a contract, and it’s fair from a strict traffic standpoint. And when your entire model is based on traffic and advertising, well, they have to do what they have to do. So I don’t blame them from a business standpoint.
This is more about me and whether I’m willing to accept that my voice is worth less now than it was.
I could, I suppose, begin throwing more red meat. But then this wouldn’t be pw anymore, and I think I’d rather just shut down than turn this site into another partisan circle jerk—the characterizations of some lefty sites that I’ve already achieved such status notwithstanding.
Why exactly do you need Pajamas Media? I guess I don’t grasp the imperative to be a part of a right-wing internet syndicate. Why give them such control, why not be a renegade? Seriously wondering.
Control? They place advertising on my site.
Oh, I see. I didn’t understand how these arrangements work. I wish I could help with the ad placement, but the only potential advertisers I know are bailbondsmen.
The Company should be happy to invest a small part of their information budget in a commentator such as yourself, who provides an intelligent insight into US policy to a global audience. Much as the World Service is funded, without editorial strings, by the Foreign Office.
OK. I hit it Jeff. It’s a little bit but I hope it helps. As far as the orphan, does he need anything for the puppy? Food, leash, little plastic bags to pick up the poop?
Save a puppy? What kinda sappy crap is that? Dontcha know the only way to make money off puppies on the internet is to have people accuse you of blending them into a nice smoothie to sip on after killin hobos?
Oh, wait, help Jeff get a Macbook? Yeah, I’m down with that. Tossin ya a Jackson.
btw, the tip on doin your own memory upgrade is right – you’ll save some sheckels. And doin it on the Macbooks (well, the pro) is very easy.
Fingers crossed you get enough for a MacBook Pro.
Hmmm. This idea is pretty slick. Hey, Jeff, if it goes all like way above what you need for the new Macbook, how about reciprocating some back this way to the ‘upgrade my Porsche’ fund? Eh? Jeff? …..Jeff?
TW: …and at that moment48 crickets were his only companions…
He’s doing fine on BW Stevenson and Balvenie doublewood this evening, mishu.
Thanks, though.
By the way, I’m closing in on 40%
Porsche fund. Man.
My next fundraiser? Is going to be “help Jeff fix the giant crack in his windshield” week.
Wow, that “windshield sex” thing that Dan (or someone) related yesterday (or the day before), is spreading, so to speak.
Magnificently awful, Mark!
How much does my offering have to be to receive a blessed Protein Wisdom Prayer Cloth?
Well Jeff, I don’t mean to make anyone cry here, but to this former avid (but now only sometimes) reader, IMHO, you have devalued your brand here with the co-bloggers. This whole legal dustup you’ve been sucked into has definitely damaged this blog and your blogging. Maybe it was always this way, but to these eyes, you seem to be devoting your “long” posts to more and more “meta” happenings, like blogwars, instead of applying that unique analysis of yours to real things that matter in the physical world. It still doesn’t feel like you’ve fully recovered. Perhaps the ongoing legal stuff plays into this. Then there’s your co-bloggers, none of whom I’ve really cared for. I mean, they might be fine elsewhere, but I don’t feel that they ever meshed with what I come to your site for. That doesn’t matter too much ‘cause I can skip them, but some have dragged this blog into blogfights that you didn’t need to get distracted by. I also think that some of their posts make it more difficult for a newcomer to figure out what this site is all about, if you know what I mean. I only mention this criticism to maybe help shed some light on why readership numbers might be falling, or not rising fast enough to compete with other blogs. I really do want this blog to succeed.
During your hiatus, I became a regular reader of Ace’s blog. He doesn’t do what you do, but his mix is pretty entertaining. One thing I like is that even though he has a few co-bloggers, he continues to dominate the site.
Hope things get better for you.
When your day starts off reading something like this, there nowhere TO go but up…
Well, you know, you could use it as a marketing tool. When we hit $2000, I’ll get rid of Collins.
Well, I admire Jeff’s stuff considerably. But I would be a liar if I said I didn’t read the blog for some of the other commentators too. So I wouldn’t take too much notice of that bit.
The other bit, he may have a point- or he may not. If ripping the Marcotte appointment into chaff wasn’t top quality work, I don’t know what would be.
mpbk—Oh, come on, Roger, at least sign your own name.
And I don’t recall seeing you post over at AoS.