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O, Brave New World with such nitwits in it [Dan Collins]

Police say a man sought revenge against his ex-girlfriend by leaving homemade DVDs of her performing sex acts on car windshields throughout the area.

The DVDs include the woman’s name, address and phone number.

I know I’m going to be accused of blaming the victim, but what was she doing performing sex acts on car windshields throughout the area?

That’ll show her how wrong she was to break up with him, huh?  That’ll show her how much he cares.  Certainly, that will attract new women to help him get over it.  This is like trying to scorch someone by self-immolation.  Really, it’s like accidentally Googlebombing yourself, only felonious.

What. A. Loser.

UPDATE: More unsolicited DVDs.

Meanwhile, beyond the looking glass . . .

17 Replies to “O, Brave New World with such nitwits in it [Dan Collins]”

  1. mojo says:

    Wow. Some kind of bizarre windshield fetish, I guess, huh? Wonder what kind of sex acts the little minx was performing.

    Gotta be real limber, is my take.

  2. furriskey says:

    If this lousy site would take photos, I could show you. It’s called “the windscreen-wiper” and only a certain class of Russian can carry it off.

  3. SteveG says:

    I went out to try it and got a nasty windshield wiper injury and a “wax on, wax off” rash….. maybe John Edwards would like to see it; professionally of course.

    Next time I’ll try it with the wife.

  4. furriskey says:

    Speaking of the John Edwards videogift, I would be tempted to transcribe the ongoing ‘conversation between John Edwards and the people of Iowa’, only Jeff could do it better. I can’t get any further than:

    John Edwards: “Hi! I’m John Edwards!”

    The People of Iowa:

    John Edwards: “ How’s it going?”

    The people of Iowa:

    John Edwards: “Well, so long!”

    The People of Iowa:

  5. McGehee says:

    The People of Iowa: “That’s something I hope we don’t see every day for the next 22 months.”

  6. Sticky B says:

    This story supports one of my primary premises about life its ownself, and that is that in this day and age it is possible to achieve adulthood without having suffered enough asswhuppins in order to know how to act. Obviously this guy needs about 40 whacks from head to toe with an axe handle. He’d think twice before he secretly videoed the next girlfriend in action and thrice before indiscrimantly releasing it.

    I know, I know. Y’all thought I was talking about Silky Pony there for a while.

  7. BJTexs says:

    The People of Iowa: “Nice hair, though…”

  8. Dan Collins says:

    That’s great, furriskey.

  9. Paul Zrimsek says:

    “Wiper? But we weren’t even doing that.”

  10. BJTexs says:

    Let’s just boil down Edward’s interaction with Iowa and save some time:

    Edwards: “My new new Universal Health plan will provide opportunity for all…”

    Iowa: “Excuse me!”

    Edwards: “… I was just talking about…”

    Iowa: “Yea, whatever. How do you feel about ethanol?”

    Edwards: […]

    Iowa: “Too hard a question fer ya, pretty boy?”

    Edward: “Well, um, ah, I believe in alternative fuels…”

    Iowa: “For or against?”

    Edwards:’ Ah, well, I’m for ethanol and other cleab bur…”

    Iowa: “Great! Thanks for coming! NEXT!!!

  11. Pupster says:

    Ah, how romantic.

    A honeymoon on the (Buick) Riviera.

  12. McGehee says:

    Posted by Pupster | permalink

    on 03/05 at 09:29 AM

    Nominated for Best in Thread.

  13. Blue Hen says:

    We wanted a honeymoon like that, but we couldn’t afFORD it.

  14. Blue Hen says:

    My new bride wanted to move fast, but I tried to PACE’r.

  15. Blue Hen says:

    Alas, it ended badly. I caught a…bug.

  16. rooster says:

    Always remember your Jimmy

  17. OldeForce says:

    It’s good to see you were paying attention to your English teacher.

Comments are closed.