A comment in the un-pc sports team names thread got me to thinking about wacky college sports mascots and nicknames. Here in Kahleefohneeya, we’ve cornered the market on them, and for some reason, they all seem to be in the the UC system. You’ve gotcher UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos, yer UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs, and the UC-Irvine Anteaters.
UC-Santa Barbara. Chico State? Feh. UCSB has on-campus housing where when you go out the door, if you turn right you’re on the beach, and if you turn left you’re headed towards class. Can’t you just see that mental calculation going through the mind of the average hung over jock as he rolls out in the morning? “Hmmmmm, let’s see…..beach……class…….beach…….class……†So, Gauchos? When was the last time anyone saw an Argentinian cowboy on campus cutting a filly out of a herd of lissome blondes, getting her to the ground with a deft flick of his bolas, and extracting her phone number in record time, do ya think?
Not much to say about the Banana Slugs, other than that if you know anything about Santa Cruz, it kind of makes sense. But, the Anteaters? This is Irvine, fer cryin’ in a bucket. The OC. A quick check of the city website produces these items:
Purse/Wallet Thief Irvine, Orange County Sheriffs and Newport Beach Police are asking for the public’s help in identifying an active purse thief.
“Area Traffic Officers†to Complement Irvine’s Geographic Policing Strategy Complementing Irvine’s geographic policing strategy, the Irvine Police Department recently assigned “Area Traffic Officers†to each of the City’s three policing areas – University, Crossroads and Portola, to investigate and resolve traffic-related issues.
What’s the Racquet? Come out swinging at the City of Irvine’s Tennis Festival on Saturday, February 24 from 9 a.m. – 1 p.m. at Heritage Park. Designed to expose new and seasoned players to the health and social benefits of tennis, the Festival is free of charge and open to all ages and abilities.
“Say, Biff, will you be at the Tennis Festival Saturday?â€Â
“You bet, George! Muffin and Cole are in the mixed doubles!â€Â
I’m sure you geniuses can come up with a scenario for the UC-Irvine Anteaters. My own theory is that the first Dean’s wife was banging the gardener, and he wasn’t a Joo, if you know what I mean. It’s a good thing he wasn’t, because otherwise they might have been the UC-Irvine German Helmets.
Hmmmmmmm.
The State University of West Georgia, which has a “center” in Newnan, recently named its mascot—the costumed doofus who dances on the sidelines when the UWG Wolfpack plays. The student body voted to name him “Wolfie.”
Toto, I don’t think I’m in California anymore.
Dillos’ are in the same order as sloths ? No wonder Jeffs’ canning the lazy bastard .
We’ve also got the “otters” of cal state monterey bay… but nothing beats the geoducks of evergreen state.
A mollusk that look like a dick
Maybe the Dean’s wife was banging her nephew and he was really rockin’ her world with his mad oral skills and shit, but she wasn’t real strong in the homonym department.
My youngest son graduated from UC Santa Cruz in 2003, so he is an official “slug.” Since the school is 99% leftwing liberal, they voted to have a mascot with the same charisma and masculinity as most of the men there (my son excepted, for sure).
Banana slugs do proliferate in and around Santa Cruz. They are a bright yellow in color like a banana, but slimy and disgusting like a Santa Cruz hippie.
And who could forget the Scottsdale Community College Artichokes. Well, pretty much everyone.
Anteaters. Yeah sucks. I am an anteater. Should have been the Golden Bison, there were buffalo on the Irvine ranch. Peter the Anteater came about when a bunch of hippies thought it would be fun and hip (see, hip…hippies!) to have the BC comic anteater as its mascot. One thing led to another and now we are the anteaters. The street you take to UC Irvine off the 73 freeway is called Bison. Thats what our nickname should have been. But alas…we lick ants instead of roaming the range with our huge cranks dragging across the prairie.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Banana Slugs and Anteaters are going to sound downright manly if some of the students at the UC’s newest campus get their way. You guys may want to root for the UC Merced student body to replace the Golden Bobcat with…the Fairy Shrimp. No kidding.
Oh, and just for shits and giggles, I give you the Delta State University Fighting Okra.
Via Alton Brown.
University of Oregon “Ducks”… that certainly conjures up images of manly athletic conquest.
Let’s not forget the Oregon State women proud to bear the name “Beavers”…
College of the Atlantic “Black Flies” – annoying, possibly to the point of causing you to lose your concentration and hence the game…
And finally I was always irritated by the Stanford Cardinal, though I guess it does encapsulate the collectivist agenda pretty well. (Why Rice ever chose to be Provost there, I dunno.)
But you must admit, for a vegetable, that okra is a damned fine actor.
I eagerly await the epic match between the South Carolina ‘Cocks and the Oregon State Beavers. Sometimes the Beavers get pounded, and sometimes the ‘Cocks get worned down by the Beavers. Always fun to watch.
That’s probably why they’ve never played each other. I wonder of OS has a real beaver at their games, and if any drunken frat boys have ever tried to shave it.
“Wolfie? Wo bist du?”
— The Dirty Dozen
Dont neglect the Grays Harbor college “Chokers” up in Washington.
Sandcrabs are the actual mascot of the Port Lavaca Calhoun High School in Port Lavaca, TX.
SPECIESIST!!!
Dude, my aunt went there! GROSS!!
Texas A&M: original mascot was a stray dog. Now replaced by 9 or 10 generations of purebred collies. What does that say about them there country boys & girls, and their fancy ways????
I am going to have to play those two on the video game, just to try to get the announcer dude to say:”the Cocks are having their way with the Beavers tonight.”
Because I am really not all that mature, sometimes.
Delaware is the Fighting Blue Hens.
No word on whether they’ve ever played South Carolina.
“The Cocks are thrusting into Beaver territory right now, and the Beaver defense is spread all over the field.”
When it was California Maritime Academy their team was the Keelhaulers.
Well, my alma mater’s athletic teams are named after a shoe, play in the Rubber Bowl, and have a Kangaroo for a mascot.
Sportscaster: The black flies were all over the beavers tonight….
The beaver is the mascot of MIT. It is prominently displayed on top of a beaver lodge on the top of our class ring, which is universally known as a “brass rat” for that reason. MIT chose the beaver as it’s mascot because a) it is the natural world’s best engineer and b) it does it’s best work at night.
Back in the day this was adopted, the student body was about 1% female. Now it’s more like 46% female, but women at the Institute tend to be strong-minded and not afraid of a bit of a joke, so there is no move to make a change.
Then there’s my daughter, who graduated from Tufts University. The school’s startup was funded in great part by P.T. Barnum (true!), and the school adopted one of his most famous animal acts ever as their mascot. In fact, for many years, the stuffed body of this animal was kept at the school, until an unfortunate fire destroyed it almost completely.
Which explains why a number of young ladies proudly display the nickname of the school’s athletic teams across their chest: “Jumbos”.