—Before you even get started, let me just tell you straight out that it ain’t gonna happen today. And that’s because, in what he’s assured me was a regrettable, one-time occurrence, the little guy had himself “an horrific Oedipal moment” (his words) that he’s sure will “scar him for life.”
Without going into much detail—and without causing the poor wretch too much embarrassment—let me just say, by way of explanation, that it can be quite a shock to remove your laptop’s multimedia drive bay only to find a Canola-slathered Dasypus novemcinctus, his shell removed and his torso fully shaved, dry humping the computer’s motherboard.
I’m guessing it’ll take at least a couple years of therapy to get over this one. Either that, or a case of warm Miller Highlife sucked quickly through a crazy straw.
And that’s just for me. Lord knows what that sick little bastard’s gonna have to do—though were I him, my first step would be to try jamming a couple of finishing nails directly into my frontal lobe.
1. New award for most original cause of a laptap crash.
2. First ever use of the adjective “Canola-slathered.”
3. Aren’t armadillos without shells, um, you know–rats?
Well, at least he wasn’t playing soccer.
And what’s wrong with soccer?
I bought a Celtic training strip when I was in Glasgow.
Does the ‘dillo wear a medium?
Sometimes I wonder where this stuff comes from, but I have the feeling it’s the sort of thing that’s best enjoyed and not examined too closely.
Thank your stars for small favours.
It’s a bitch getting astro-glideTM out of a motherboard.
Trust me on this one.
Wait a minute. Are you saying the ‘dillo’s not dancing tonight? WTF?
I don’t see the point of this.
Oh, so you weren’t exaggerating. Your computer really is screwed.
I think I’d insist on seeing the actual motherboard before purchasing that new laptop, if I were you, Jeff. If it’s too cute, you’ll be right back where you started.
What about a word processor? How does he feel about those?
If that doesn’t work, I would reccomend a coathanger wire inserted through the top of the eye socket. Sort of a back-alley lobotomy if you will. Just in the mean time you know……until the court sees fit to extend Roe.
When it comes to homemade brain surgery, I’ve found nothing beats a shovel applied to the temple at near supersonic speed.
Of course, for the ‘dillo, what with his short arms and all, he’ll need help with the speed and the accuracy.
And he’ll need his feet in concrete, lest the procedure send him flying over the neighbor’s house and cause him to face-plant in the alley.
All I could think of while reading your post was this…
Good luck. Hope you have a backup.
Finishing nails!!!???
Try 16p framing nails, and be sure to use a waffle-head hammer to leave a lasting imprint on the forehead.
Worked for me.
I recommend this hammer: http://www.medfordtools.com/hammers/ds24c.html
My god, man, have you no pity… this is the most pornographic site on the net.
You don’t get around much, do you?
You’re being ironic, Jim, but no doubt this will show up in the next “Adlerian” analysis of my writing.
Because you see, I use the armadillo as a proxy for me. He’s the manifestation of my desires, my id wrapped in a shell. Such has been the diagnosis.
Not sure if the same holds true for the sugar beets, the dolphin in the pea coat, the Sea Monkey King, Leif Garrett, the Ghost of John Merrick, or Shannon Elizabeth, et al—but then, we should probably bracket anything that doesn’t fit the thesis, anyway.
WEB EXCLUSIVE: PASTY HAS INCESTUAL LONGINGS. EITHER THAT, OR HE LIKES TO BANG MICROCHIPS—I’M NOT REALLY SURE, BECAUSE ADLER IS VAGUE ON THE POINT!
Damn. Not one but two Serious Responses…
…was my sarcasm too dry again? I’m really trying to be droll. I’m probably out of my league: you guys are hard to amuse.
Sorry about that.
“not Retardo” (but tried to play one)
I always just figured you were her nipples. Or vice versa.
Milf re-defined , motherboards I’d ……
Actually, someone may have caught the little guy when he wasn’t paying attention:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v375/PiraticalBob/beltedyr.gif
Originally from <a href=http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=72413021>this site.</a>
That’s … kind of a doddering dance. Not at all what I was hoping to see.
I think you’ve been watching too many Disney movies, McGehee. *laughs*
Trust me, he’s much better than that.
What, you mean the hippo in the tutu dancing with the crocodiles wasn’t (gulp) real?
Yes, it was real. You have to believe.