. . . an observation from my father-in-law, a Pole who has lived in the English-speaking world since he was 16, who has as one of his hobbies freelance Freudian analysis:
“Soccer football is typical of the Europeans, because it is all about defending the mother. This is why it has never really caught on in America, also Canada [and, I would add, Australia], where you have the American-style football, which is all about the advance and defense of the father.”
Like any analogy, if you examine too closely, it will surely fall apart, but as an overall idea, I do find it interesting. Thoughts?
He adds that an obvious sign of Britain’s decline is how soccer has become so popular while rugby football has declined, as well as cricket, which he defines as more “masculine” than “feminine”.
Wow. Mom must have had like a ZILLION kids to get that wide…
I like my theory.
Soccer if for people who like sucking cocks.
Isn’t it sort of a . . . quagmire?
I don’t know.
Why does the rest of the world have Formula 1 racing while Americans watch NASCAR, which isn’t really even racing?
Maybe it’s because Americans like to control the revenue from their “sports?”
I can’t help it, sorry folks, but how exactly is NASCAR “not really even racing?”
And as for the OT, I think the reason soccer is the most popular sport world wide is because most of the rest of the world is poor as shit and soccer is the cheapest sport to play. All you need is some semblance of a ball and it is on. If they could afford helmets and pads, football would rule.
Hey Alphie, I bet you like sucking the pole.
Bend it like Beckman you friggin freak. Who the hell brought up NASCAR and Formula 1? There are two sports: Football and Boxing.
The rest are games.
Well,
I suppose going round and round in circles in rather slow cars could be called racing, but NASCAR is kinda Pee Wee level racing compared to what the rest of the world does.
I tried to get back into watching American Football this year after a 20 year break, but I stopped watching again for the same reason…too many penalties and time outs. Plus the coaches and players don’t seem to be very talented compared to the 60s and 70s teams.
I agree on boxing Vince, but nobody ever replaced Ali.
The average lap speed at Talladega or Daytona is between 190 and 200 mph. Where exactly are the F1 cars running faster? Because I would like to see that. And all they do in Olympic track and field, or at the Kentucky Derby, is run around it circles, are those not real races? Why not?
I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that line!
You may have something there.
B Moe, I was about to add another caveat about why he thinks (as do I) the “rest” of the world plays soccer football, which is pretty much what you’ve said. The question he was treating was, why do wealthy, developed nations love it?
And . . . oh, my lord, for once I will have to agree with alphie . . . “too many penalties and time outs”. I think the players and coaches are plenty fine, but the rules, especially those “imposed” by the television contracts, are cra-zee. Professional football needs a serious rules reform.
And . . . Vince, why the hell are you in hell? All Catholic kids are brought up knowing that you are one of the great American saints. (Nothing to do with the football team. Oy.)
Formula 1 cars hit over 225 mph on the faster circuits like Monza, B Moe…
I don’t want to knock NASCAR, but it’s mainly a regional sport not a world class sport. On a track like Monaco, a NASCAR car would lap it about as fast as a go kart.
Gotcha. I think he is on to something there. I have just been trying to figure out where Ice Hockey would fit in his Fruedian mother/father thing. Would it be like a rape fantasy or somesuch? Do we need to be concerned of the Canadian subconcious here?
I believe they just have to remove the restrictor plate to fix that.
Would it be like a rape fantasy or somesuch?
I’m laughing far too hard to even think of a coherent reply right now.
Do we need to be concerned of the Canadian subconcious here?
Yes, but, believe me, I’m not sure that has anything to do with hockey.
</obligatory Canada-bashing>
The Formula 1 lap record at Monza is 152.292 mph.
The NASCAR lap record at Talladega is 212.809.
That is average lap speed alphie. They do it for 500 miles, 30-40 cars running inches apart. It is really racing, whether the rest of the fucking world knows about it or not.
There hasn’t been a pass under speed in Formula 1 since Alain Prost in 1986.
– Possible research points, setting aside the fact that there are shades of all aspects in most forms of competition:
1) Head to head “racing” on a relatively symetrical banked track, where endurance of man/machine for an extended period of time, under elevated stress levels to both, in direct competition over a predetermined distance, to a finish line – vs – non-symetrical, nuanced “racing”, timed, and therefore competing more often than not, against a non-human entity, the clock, in highly technical, advanced and thus finicky, machines. (brute force vs dexterity?)-(dogmatic perserverance vs intellectuality?) – (mano el mano competition vs indifference(clock) non-competitive) – (aggression vs pacificity?)
– Soccer: A game utilizing a “civilized” form of scoring, in which the fans are so frustrated with the lack of extensive brutality during the game, they oft-times revert to trying to kill each other after its over.
– Cricket: A game with such a complex set of rules, it can only be a manifestation of the Anglo-Saxon tendency to always endeavor to legislate human nature, and thus the name “cricket”, which is the british slang for “fair”.(A side benefit is that it affords any Pome or Ozzie the opportunity to thouroughly enjoy the total confusion evidenced by any hapless American, as he/she suffers through his first “match”.)
– Rugby: the English attempt to push the limits of the amount of abuse that can be visited on a poorly protected human body. A set of rules that are so simple, no one can explain them beyond sayiing you have to have a real “feel” for the game.
– Speaking of Fathers, mine once said to me that all forms of sport, in which some device (ball ect), is carried, thrown, pushed, hit, kicked, slapped, or in some manner driven into a “goal”, is the equivalent of getting in her pants by outmarting, outplaying, and/or out-manning the other Guy/Girl/Team. He extended the analogy by further observing that the “defensive” side is tasked with preventing said “score” at all costs, thereby taking on the aspects of the demuring female personna, while the offensive side is hellbent on getting it “in”, assuming the aggressive male role, from which it seems follows the idea, that no one likes to be on defense. Whether or not these sexual implications should bring us to wondering about the possibilities of phallus symbology in simple objects like Miller Lite beer cans and bottles, isn’t clear.
– Or as ole Vince once said: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all”. Which might be interpreted to have some deeper level meaning in connection with shopping, credit cards, and career choices.
Where do I start.
First of all I am in hell because the sad truth is all religions go to hell. Athiests too. Also Agnostics. Especially lunatics like Scientologists. Everyone. . . except Mormons. I never would have guessed it.
Stop encouraging alphie. Alphie is a self hating man and a raving homosexual. He is sick. He needs help.
He doesn’t know much about Nascar either.
“Violent ground acquisition games such as football are, in fact, a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war.” – Someone who used to and may again be cool.
Yeah, the whole world is missing him.
Are you serious? If so, you should repost tomorrow when more people are on.
Meg Q sez
Actually, the rules are reasonable, but the players need the desire to abide by them. I’m always shocked by the blatant foul that some childish jock-boy thought he could get away with.
Many of the players are poster boys for arrested development and social pathologies—just look at their criminal records.
Any sport where a tie is an acceptable result (i.e. soccer) isn’t really a sport.
Hey, I loved “Back to School”!
Well, Vince, thanks for the 411, though it’s hard to hear. I’m sorry, but even if it means eternity in hellfire, I just cannot convert to a religion that was revealed by an angel named “Moroni”. With all due respect to actual practicing Mormons, etc. At least the Scientologists weren’t right. Wouldn’t that be the worst?
Not a dissimilar theory . . . I’m sure the FIL will enjoy hearing that one.
Gotta go to bed now . . . glad to see all the comments! Add on if you like.
Football is for girls and actors. Rugby, American football, Australian Rules, these are mens’ sports. Cricket is for athletic geniuses. Baseball is a good game.
Basketball is the most pathetic freakshow excuse for entertainment I have ever endured. How can you do it to yourselves?
Soccer is nutty.
They spend all that time running around boring me to death, and then at the end of the game they have a “kick-off” (Unless someone actually gets a goal during the game – which is rare).
Why don’t they just do the “kick-off” at the beginning of the game and save everyone’s energy?
What a flinkin’ waste of time.
And do you know there are thousands and thousands of people (mostly illegal) who pay real money to watch this twaddle on TV? If you’re gonna pay money for something, it should be about 23 years old and really hot!
Furriskey–
Let’s not forget hurling!
I always enjoy a good hurl
Don’t fret about going to hell. It is really not that bad. We get high speed internet. We get most series although sometimes they are a year or two late. The food is not good, but it is hot. It is more like a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike, but with molten rivers of lava that occasionally spurt out of the toilets.
And oh yeah, we play football here.
The Europeans and the wanabees play soccer and the men suck each other off and talk about how cool European things are and Formula 1. We keep them seggregated.
Mormon heaven really isn’t all that great. No coffee, no alcohol, frumpy women with funny underwear, and lots of plain casseroles. I do go there to look for Tongans and big dead Mormons to recruit for our intermural Hell football games. The Mormons who come say they prefer hell to that.
Alphie…
Exactly what about speed has you delusional? Have you so quickly forgotten the six-car farce that tried to pass for the 2005 USGP in Indianapolis? You know, the one where all other entrants were prohibited by rules from switching tires, and the Michelins upon which they qualified weren’t “safe” at the “high speeds” of that course?
Or maybe I should ask why it’s a mortal wound to American Football to have an abundance of rules, but what you consider “real racing” is so overladen with regulations that the aforementioned race pretty much didn’t happen.
If it’s speed you want, nothing compares with NHRA 1/4 mile drag racing…the only land-bound motorsport where competitors break the 300mph barrier…within 4 seconds of sitting still.
Consider too, that NASCAR had its roots on small, local (nearly always dirt) tracks, where many cars were driven to the race, raced, then driven home (barring any significant wreck). If “run what ya brung” isn’t “real racing,” I don’t know what would qualify. Even with the sophisticated racing machines of today, NASCAR still takes an existing platform and adapts it for high-speed racing, a constraint that is peculiar to that genre of racing.
I suppose an argument could be made that the rally circuit, in which a driver/navigator team race through a never-before-driven course is pretty much the cutting edge of racing, but again, as has been mentioned previously, they are racing against a timer, not against other drivers.
I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that Alphie’s biggest gripe against the American brand of football and against NASCAR are primarily one and the same. They’re undeniably, uniquely American, and therefore can’t be regarded as “genuine” or “good.”
You don’t enjoy foreplay much during sex, do you?
World Cup Soccer is OK with me. It’s like the Olympics. Every four years. It’s a big deal until it happens. Nobody cares one week after it’s over.
You just have to be outside the US to get the atmosphere.
I would be picking Chicago, but I have my doubts about Rex Grossman. He looks like a soccer player if you know what I mean. He also likes Formula 1.
BO…
Exactly. Transparency is good.
I’m a Brown’s fan, so I haven’t seen “real” American football in a long time. Maybe a Colts or Bears fan can share with me?
Are you kidding me? Sex IS foreplay. If you do the do in less than three hours, you aren’t having sex, you are dumping a load.
Which reminds me that if you dump a load in a washing machine, it doesn’t follow you around for three weeks.
Sorry. Just can’t help it sometimes. I am old and now know that those aren’t breasts, they’re bait. I did, however, enjoy the 70’s more than most. There is nothing better than being a “local hero” (though I still can’t figure out why).
Oh. And BTW. It was a girl named Alice who ruined my sex life by giving me the most awesome BJ in the history of the universe. Before that, they were all good. Since then, I would just as soon give my girlfriends sushi.
Jeebus! Sometimes I can’t believe the stuff that I write. It’s even worse when I say it out loud. I am a marsupial of the new millennium, I guess.
TW: month94. Ahh. If only that were true…
“I’m a Brown’s fan, so I haven’t seen “real†American football in a long time.”
– At least you know going in there won’t be any bones of “Trashed expectations” tossed to the dawg pound. Mores the pity for us fools that awoke to the news last week that Spanos, in his infinate wisdom concerning the game of feetsball, decided he wanted two more years of frustration under the banner of “Marty ball”. You could hear the audible fan moans all the way to Tiajuana.
British Navy: “Please accept our gifts to the world–gonnorrhea and soccer.”
World: “Thanks, ye bastards…”
Any sport that ballhandling and acting are integral parts of , is pretty much destined to suck .
Alphie—I’m sure you’ve been following the blazing success of what’s his name, Montoya(?) the big deal F1 driver who switched to NASCAR?
“This Nascar, it is not even the real driving, so easy, turn left, turn left, turn—AYEEEEE! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!”
Other way round. Montoya moved from Indiecars to F1, where he was a sad failure.
Nigel Mansell moved from F1 to Indiecars and won at his first attempt.
We got him back, furri, in a V8 saloon car, lol.
Well…Americans DO suck right? I mean can’t we all save alot of time reading ANY of your posts by just knowing that’ll always be your point?
Here, I’ll help you out, everytime you feel the urge to post, just say: “America Sucks”. It’ll save you from a possible future with carpal tunnel AND the rest of us will get just as much out of what you have to say.
Whoops. Still, as a Colombian he’s one of yours really.
The one sport popular with the Euros that I’d like to see more of is motorcycle roadracing. Moto GP is awesome, and the IoM TT has to be the greatest motorsport spectacle in the world. And we have…Harleys, and various custom chopper things.
Big Bang Hunter…I feel your “Marty” pain. I was part of that for a few years myself. We did get to the AFC championship under Marty, though. But he pretty much “prevented” us from going all the way to the Super Bowl. Browns fans are at 42 years and counting of football misery.
“I read it in a book by Marx, “Proletarian Chicks and Bondage”.”