First, Time magazine tells us that we are the Man of the Year. You da Man. Of da Year.
“No, YOU da Man. Of da Year.”
Shut up, please.
Thanks.
Personally, I was rooting for robot hookers. Now we find that Fat Studies is a burgeoning (heh) new field in snackademia. Well, it’s time, I think, to formalize the field that I’ve been working to articulate and delineate for years: Drunk Studies. It’s just one of the things I am.
Jeff and I are soliciting applications for our new department. Please outline your particular areas of research.
Dan Collins is the author of Shit, This Isn’t My Jacket and Where Did I Park?
I propose to specialize in the hermeneutics of vodka. Naturally, considerable field study will be required. Got a grant?
For my graduate work I’ll have to stick with beerology, which I studied intensly as an undergraduate. Thesis: “Visual equalization effects of beer and tendencies leading to procreation.”
My field of expertise is the quantification of morning after transportation dislocation that results from multiple shots of tequilla at a Carmel, Ca. watering hole, with subsections concerning stroke like symtoms and projectile vomiting.
Um … don’t ask … because there are others …
Drunk Studies? No thanks, I already majored in that…
This is the Best fuckin thread I ever saw, Dan, I mean that. I love this thread man. God I love this
whothefuckayou lookin at yezllfockin knaa me agiyan ah?
*hic*
TW: “cars”. Uh uh. Imno’drivin.
furriskey, I love you, man.
Drunk studies? Then Michigan State is a shoe-in for the top school.
“International Beer Studies” or how multiple cultures can skunk a beer.
John Lynch, author of ”Who moved my Keys?”
tw: better86 that idea.
Can we get Anna Nicole an emeritus professorship?
And if mixology tutorials are still being offered, I’d love to supervise the student’s labwork.
I have extensive background in the study of the effects of inexpensive, kosher wines on the human nervous system. I’ll teach a seminar on Maddog.
I can also fill in on cheap rums and tequilla when needed.
I’ll be conducting an archaeological expedition to the bottom.
Logistical support will be key! Bail money will likely be needed.
That shit is gonna look good on my resume.
My study is in “Making Enforcement Fun: Remaking the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms.”
The side benefit is all the money I’ve spent on the above items is deductible. The drawback is my lawyer fees aren’t.
I’d be willing to apply for a professorship, on the strength of my book, I Don’t Remember Eating That, But It Sure Tastes Familiar.
I believe you will need to employ Dane Cook (PBUH).
As it was once elocuted: Somebody shit on the coats.
To follow up on my previous comment I will offer my thesis, Twelve Shots of Tequila and the Six Story Parking Garage: A Study in Dislocated Transportation
Subheaded, Gridsearching Through Head Trauma and Digestive Unease: A Morning After Retrospective
Yup, it’s published … somewhere …
My current area of research is experimental, mostly in the taste and effects/aftereffects of single malt. I’ll need a large grant to continue.
If you’re interested, you can see an example of my scholarly works in, “Rail Liquor No More: A Study on the After-effects of Cheap Booze,” and “Seriously, I Did Not Realize She was That Fat.”
I’m sure I’m too late to get the pioneering work in on Drunk Typology, but I’m angling for a doctorate, as we boast Morose, Comatose, Sentimental and Combative types just within the immediate family.
Me? I can’t to the bottom of the 1st bottle before I get tipsy and damnably wistful. Then I sleep.
Must be an allergy!