49ers wide receiver Antonio Bryant was arrested for reckless driving, DUI, and resisting arrest after police observed him driving his orange Lamborghini at speeds well in excess of 100mph on 101 Sunday night.
Your assignment, dear commenters, should you decide to accept it, is to tell the vast PW readership why Mr. Bryant is not the world’s stupidest man. Please give examples, and show all work.
Update: Gahrie’s comment about Sister Mary Elephant reminds me of a promo I produced for a radio show I used to do. If you’d like to hear my crappy impression, click here
Uh . . . because Oliver Willis is still alive?
-3<0
Oh, wait. They’re both macacas. I take it back.
Robert Fisk
I think furriskey’s entry is compelling.
RACIST!!!
Oh, and Keith Olbermann.
Two words:
Balloon Fence
a fine scotch also makes a strong argument.
But is it marketable?
monkyboy
OK, OK, I have been thinking that MikeNT et al may be correct in their feeling that monkyboy is actually a bot. It seems remarkably and maliciously similar to the emacs doctor program.
Now class, I asked you to give examples and show your work.
Young man, give me that knife.
THRRRRRRRRCKK!!!
…..Thank you.
I showed my work. Unfortunately the mathematical principles didn’t comport with the Prime Directive.
How about that wide receiver for Atlanta who had his wife and child murdered to escape child support ? Ray Carruth, IIRC, doing Life Without.
No, wait, Barbara Boxer still lives….
I once comported with the Prime Directive to a remote desert island.
Hehe.
Pretty Sweet(tm).
Well, I think there is one other nominee in strong contention for the World’s Stupidest Man award:
Hillsborough detectives had been investigating a residential burglary in the Apollo Beach area when they found out that some of the suspects were posing for pictures with stolen property and then displaying it on their MySpace web page…
One of the suspects from the unreported burglary was in one of the vehicles and was believed to be in possession of the stolen property.
During the investigation, it was determined that suspect, Ryan Taylor was recently released from jail and had a GPS monitoring system affixed to his ankle as a condition of his bond release. Taylor initially denied being involved in the burglary. Detailed report from his GPS Tracker showed him directly in front of the burglary victim’s residence.
A strong contender, I tell ya.
This guy might be a close second, but I’d have to agree with you that Antonio Bryant is very stupid.
The first person I thought of was this guy, but I’m thinking more and more that he’s just pure evil. Especially if you start reading about the mom he mowed down.
I’m starting to think that the first DUI offense should be mandatory jail time, and not some little slap on the wrist 30-day sentence either.
Cameron “vote or rape may become legal” Diaz
This guy’s pretty funny.
Shoot, Bryant doesn’t come close to even winning stupidest professional athlete in the San Francisco Bay area. There are a LOT of contenders, but I’d go with Jose Canseco.
Pitching against Boston as a joke, but ruining his arm and causing him to miss the rest of the season…
Slamming his car into his wife’s car, not to mention all the allegations of domestic abuse…
Not just the steroid use, but ratting out teammates…
Too many run-ins with the law to list here…
Did I miss anything? And like I said, the bay area has a lot of other contenders.
I think this guy deserves a shot. Although judging by the video, his life’s already a tale of woe.
Of course it could be that the adventure and the video were just his destiny.
Young man, give me that knife.
THRRRRRRRRCKK!!!
…..Thank you.
I am a teacher. About 15 years ago I was substituting while finishing my credential for a 12 grade government class. I knew most of these kids pretty well because I subbed a lot at this school. The class was beginning to get a little loud, so without thinking I went into the Sister Mary Elephant routine in the high nasal voice.
“class”,
“Claaasss”
“claaaaaasss”
and then loudly
“shuuuut uuppp”
29 students looked at me like I was crazy, two of them literally fell out of their chairs laughing. I guess we know who the stoners in that class were.
Heh. Bryant’s not even the Stupidest Man in the NFC West. Rams DE Leonard Little was arrested for DUI after he had killed a woman driving drunk.
Also, Cardinals management is in that division. I mean, Bryant’s dumb, but it’s not like he’s responsible for Draft decisions in Arizona or anything.