Planet Scared Shitless:

Albert Argibay, a bodybuilder and a state correction officer, was at a Planet Fitness gym with 500 pounds of weight on his shoulders one afternoon this month when the club manager walked over and told him it was time to leave. Mr. Argibay, the manager explained, had violated one of the club’s most sacred and strictly enforced rules: He was grunting.

At Planet Fitness, some members say, they are humiliated for taking their workouts too seriously.

“I said to her, ‘I’m not grunting, I’m breathing heavy,’ ” recalled Mr. Argibay, 40, an energetic man with the hulking appearance of a pro linebacker. “I guess she didn’t like the fact that I challenged her, because she said to me, ‘Meet me up front; I’m canceling your membership.’ ”

At Planet Fitness gyms, grunters and other rule-breakers are treated to an ear-rattling siren with flashing blue lights and a public scolding. The “lunk alarm,” as the club calls it, is so jarring it can bring the entire floor to a standstill. (A lunk is defined, on a poster, as “one who grunts, drops weights, or judges.”)

Tim Gunther, a 6-foot, 200-pound firefighter in Poughkeepsie, said he and his colleagues were frequently harassed for “making noises that can’t be avoided” and compared the alarm to a nuclear war siren. “The first time I heard that thing it scared the heck out of me,” he said. “I thought there was a fire, and I’m a fireman. Without exaggeration, I’ve seen them set that thing off on people just for breathing too loud.”.

It’s well known that men suffer from . . . uh . . . um . . . wait a minute . . . . . . . . . aphasia more than women.

So, like, stick it and stuff.