So yesterday I did a bit of work on my obliques for the first time in ages, and this morning, much to my surprise, the protests began in earnest—first from my lower back, which felt it unfair that it was being made to carry the stress for a flaccid region that has long neglected its own defenses; and second, from the obliques themselves, who insisted that they are an independent abdominal “unincorporated territory,” one dedicated to “the care and storage of beer, cashews, and a boatload of jalapeno cheese dip,” and therefore beyond my jurisdictional control. My having forced them to contract and then hold to fatigue through several sets of cross-shoulder resisted crunches, they argued, is therefore a violation of their sovereignty and an open act of imperialist aggression that they forcefully condemned.
And if you think about it, I suppose they have a point. I mean, who am I to try to insist upon a mandatory multi-regional exercise regimen, freakin’ China?
No sir. I may be many things, but one thing I ain’t is a stinkin’ Commie country that produces millions of units of ultra-low cost electronics for every little Chinese gal that miraculously makes it through the gestational “vetting” process…
FREE FLABISTAN!
Think Richard Gere will send me some grant money? Because I’d be down with that.
One word: Pilates.
Better for your back, and Pilates studios are full of babes.
My body aches in sympathy with yours. I need to get back on my gym schedule.
Hmmm.
Did your abs protest their illegal waterboarding in the shower?
…
You *did* take a shower right?
RIGHT?
Showers are for pretty boys. I do squats!
These are the abs of a true patriot.
So that’s the body you get from a dietary regimen that consists of nothing but tofu and kissing Kos and Atrios ass.
Where do they make Bowflex?
“Where do they make Bowflex?”
– I think it’s somewhere in Brazil, near the sockpuppet factory.
Charlie’s right. The gymn.
I watch “muscle lady” work out. This babe makes half the guys who played Tarzan look like wimps. Good looking, too.
The squats are probably what is doing your back in. I was all discombobulated until I cut the weight in half. It was always two days later, and my back would be in knots.
A strong back is important to hold up the beer belly.
My abs are bigger that your abs…
More torn left labrum sends regards and I would make a power fist in solidarity, but …
At least nothing is seceding, right?
And the man boobs.
Just wait ‘til the obliques set off their first small thermonuclear device.
Watch for the clots, man. First, just a few hematomas, and then…
So, Jeff. When are you going to return to blogging full-time?