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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
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It’s some kind of genetic recessive on all X chromosomes; if you have two of them, the organism goes nuts and starts to think that it matters a good godamn what’s on the window.
I mean, if you want it dark, then cardboard and aluminum foil will black that sonofabitch out a lot better than any $300 frou-frou curtain set. And if you want it light, then don’t put anything in front of the glass.
It isn’t rocket science.
Although at least it isn’t as bad as the whole bedding nightmare. Those people are so openly contemptuous of their customers that they come right out and call the things “shams”.
Even my wife had the grace to look embarassed at that one.
I used to ask myself the same question. then i noticed how the heavily lined ones, when they were closed, help keep my house warm. so even though they’re a hideous floral print the previous owner left, they stay until i can replace them.
It’s all a plot to wear you down. The women keep hounding the men with window treatments, wall-paper (ugh!) selection, making them choose among colors that only women and some gay men can actually see, etc. That way you’ll eventually give up, and she can buy that ruffly comfortor that you will have to live with the rest of your life.
Enjoy!
“Window treatments.”
For someone who is all about language, you punted on first down, Jeff.
They’re curtains and blinds. I refuse to use “drapes” even.
Well, they could be something like one of those stuffed garfields with the suction cups on the paws. Wouldn’t that be a “window treatment?”
Just because it would probably never happen doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen. If we wait long enough.
And yes, it’s late and I’ve been imbibing again. Contemplating another drunk post. Nothing is moving me in that direction, however. Lucky for all of you.
You are clearly not gay.
To restore the base’s needed faith in the cockslapping severity of your masculinity, please select at least one “window treatment” from the following list:
1. Stolen roadside freak show billboard.
2. Cut block of dried used riot foam with tire-tread sandals and stinky hunks of blond rasta weave still stuck inside.
3. World’s largest morphine lollipop.
4. Shark on fire.
When my brother-in-law first heard the term window treatments, he thought it was something you’d apply to the glass to repel the rain.
Personally, I have window treatment dreams sometimes. I fantasize about the fabric, and the color, and the drape, and the way they interact with the light. So. Now you know that.
MayBee, I’m not sure I believe you.
And if it is true, it’s just adapation in action. Or you’re going gay. If you already have a ruffly comfortor on the bed, you may as well go with the flow.
Okays, first of all, whatever else they are, they are NOT “drapes.” “Curtains” is the correct word.
Secondly, many women (myself included) began in childhood to decorate their dream home.
Never get between a woman and her childhood dreams, be they about dressing her child (at least to age 3), her wedding, or her home decorating.
As long as I can get one or, hopefully two, rooms to myself, that’s cool. Or just give me the basement if it has a high enough ceiling and I’ll do the rest. Think big-ass TV, stereo, wet bar, shower bath, pool table, pinball machine, comfy couch that one can sleep on. I might never leave.
If the whole house is full of frilly crap and I have no escape, the marriage will end very soon. Not that a major geek like me is in danger of that.
Yes, I have no life. Otherwise why would I still be checking my email for updated comments at this hour?
Why? Because the most important furnishing in the house is a wife who isn’t bummed by the furnishings.
Just think of shopping for furnishings with the wife as a mugging. The sooner you shut up and hand over your wallet, the easier it’ll go.
Yours is not to reason why,
But to suck it up, big guy.
Because.
Now get out that cordless drill and get those curtain rods up.
You did buy a cordless drill, didn’t you?
cranky-d, I’m female, so I’m not sure this means I’m going gay. Although I don’t like ruffles, so maybe that’s kind of lesbian-y?
I like flow and draping, not ruffles. It’s really about the fabric for me.
ps. Come on. A guy that calls himself MayBee? As if that wouldn’t scream gay all by itself! You wouldn’t need window treatment-love to tip you off.
Because she can.
I would give anything if it were just ruffles. I could get some duct tape and tape those out of the way. Instead, I have a “comforter” that is so slick on the inside that it makes my feet feel like a wood rasp, while the outside feels like velcro.
Heh. If “MayBee” is screaming gay then a “muy_fabulosa” email address is like being beaten half to death with gay.
Gotta wipe it off on something.
That’s why you pick the sheets…
Hey, look. I can see all those colors myself, being artistically inclined, and even though there is little doubt I will have to just pony up and watch the house turn into a Barbie Mansion, I have a plan.
My plan? Go for some foreign decoration scheme. That way, its interesting and ‘beautiful’ but also, not frilly. Unless she chooses 17th century french. Then I’m done for. If that was the case, I would at least negotiate Rococo, (never, ever Victorian… DOILIES?!?!?!) and in all cases pray that she has a thing for Eastern Decor (whether it be Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.)
I seriously thought window treatment was like a UV resistant coat you put on the glass. Wow, I’ll have to totally hick it up when I’m in those places…
“Y’all mean them sheets ya hang o’er the windas?”
You don’t want authentic Japanese. Those tatami mats aren’t soft, the futons are thin, and you have to pick them up every morning, and put them away in the closet. Making a bed is easier.
If I wanted to sleep on the ground, I’d have stayed in the Marines. At least they paid me. Besides, how often do you have to look at the bedding anyway? It’s dark when I go to work, and it’s dark when I go to bed…
Consider it a bonding experience. Goddess is correct, and it’s a one-time shot that will benefit your relationship if you handle it right.
First off, window ‘treatments’ are much more expensive than plain old curtains. Like beer is more expensive when served in a schooner instead of a water glass with fingerprints all over it. Same with bed ‘treatments’. Take a deep breath and accept this.
And whatever you do, don’t lose your patience. These kinds of things have been known to lead to divorce. I’m serious. Get past this and you’re home free with a solid reputation as a sweetie pie. She’ll never demand another thing of you again.
Okay, maybe you’ll still have to take out the garbage…
Window treatments
What, the window is sick?
Window treatments
…I wish the old broad next door would get some treatments before she stands topless in front of her windows anymore….It’s really depressing…..
Ahem–
Obviously Jeff has to suck it up, but . . .
what are you thinking?
Hmmm.
My question about house-making:
WTF is up with all the damn pillows?
Why is it that women have this desire to put excessive numbers of pillows on any flat cushioned surface? Like a bed or sofa? They’re already cushioned for God’s sake!
“ Hello, I am Serge s Guei from Cote d’Ivoire in West Africa…”
Please tell me, ahem, that that was a highly stylized, deeply considered attempt at sarcasm. Because, if not, we are talkin’ about an intervention here…
Because, if not, we are talkin’ about an intervention here…
– Either that, or a world class case of instant “culture shock”, with at least 5 years of family consiling…..
– Every properly domesticated male knows from experience that it’s the females solumn role to protect and champion the “Frill movement” for the sake of homeland activism…
It’s not for you to wipe it off on. It’s for the dog to wipe it off on. Trust me on this. And the cleaning bill is about half the original cost of the damned things.
My apologies. You’re just being true to yourself, then.
I’m not sure why I assumed you were a guy, but I’ve come to realize that nicknames don’t tell us anything. There’s a guy at Ace of Spades who calls himself Rosetta and he claims to be straight.
Ed,
If you can’t think of a more interesting use for those pillows you just aren’t trying
Dude! Balloon shades are coming back!
Dude, you don’t know what you’re saying. If he appeases her now, he’s lost the war. He might as well accept dhimmitude status for the rest of his life.
I say nuke her now, while there’s still time.
Hey y’all,
Lighten up a bit with the bashing. I have made a very good living in the custom window treatment business since the late seventies. Draperies are distinct from curtains in that they are made to fit a specific window and generally start around 1500 USD. Whereas curtains you buy at Wal-mart. For you gadget freaks we now have remote controlled Drapery, Blinds and shades.
As a last thought “If Mama’s not happy then no-body’s happy.”
Dear Jeff,
If you’re far enough along that you’re agonizing over window treatments, I beg you, please come back and rescue your blog.
Thank you.
RELEASE THE HOOOOUUUUNDS!!!!!
Hmmmm.
@ RC
I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about. Like what?
And what’s with the nudging and the winking?
Sos when ya stumble down stairs with yer turtle head sticking outside yer boxers the neighbors don’t get a free show. An yer wife makes em pretty cause girls like to dress things up.
Because women love shopping/spending money.
I think I’ve already said too much…
Curtains = $XX
Drapes = $XXX
Draperies = $XXXX (as above)
Window Treatments = $XXXXX
Simple.
Advice: stake out a spot, even if it has to be in the back yard behind a screen, as a No Frillies Zone, in which there will be nothing pink (or any other pastel), nothing frilled, fringed, or fluffy, nothing deliberately scented, and indeed nothing new. “Furnish” it with castoffs, an old La-Z-Boy with the fabric slashed and a tin five-gallon chemical drum for a footstool and a stand-lamp that leans, and make it clear that while gurlz are welcome there is a very expensive forfeit for entering with a dustcloth in hand, let alone a (shudder) mop. In return, go along with every feminine desire you can afford in the rest of the place.
Steve H. calls it “ManCamp”. Read his archives; he’s a wise person, if a little extreme about it. It’ll be a little harder in Colorado, where outdoors is uncomfortable for half the year, but a basement can at least be partitioned off to provide a ManCave. If you don’t do it, eventually the resentment will build and the magic will be over, and then the vultures swoop with writs.
Regards,
Ric
Bad idea, Sanity Inspector. Some of us have concealed carry permits…
Turing Word: result45 That thing is still spooky!