If my head doesn’t
clear soon, I think I’ll install
a mucus faucet.
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Recent Comments
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Collect it, dehydrate it, and open a bugger stand.
TW: until
We’ll hold the fort down until you return.
You want something decorative, or just the equivalent of a water heater drain valve?
The elegance of Kohler is always nice.
I feel your pain. Fortunately for me the OTC meds work great most of the time and I can function.
CURSE YOU, pine trees!
A Mucus Hiaku
While mucus is green,
Spring of vile illness you wait,
Until you ooze brown.
Glenn Beck would have said
Wait until your head explodes;
Time for a Kleenexâ„¢.
If thou dost drain green,
Illness of karmic result;
Deb Frisch is gleeful.
If thou dost drain green,
Illness brought forth from the South;
Blame an immigrant.
Are sinuses more trouble than they’re worth?
Discuss.
The poetical form
Mu-ku for too long has been
Obscured in the West.
Sometimes I wonder
Why I’d ever write haiku
About your green snot!
Oh salty river
That flows from cavernous skull
Hey! My tongue reaches!
It’s from associating with all those grubby people in Washington Park.
TW: Art has its costs.
Drudge Report:
Jeff Goldstein is sick.
Developing . . .
natesnake’s is my fave. Nice use of “spring”.
Nasal congestion
calls for pseudoephedrine
But you can’t get any – thanks to the oppressive drug policies of the Bush administration which treat all citizens as criminals for no other reason than to placate the Religious Right –
Oh, sorry. I’m been reading too much Radley Balko.
Sinuses
Can be a pain
But you will live
To blog again
Burma-Shave.
Sinusitis sucks,
But now you can clean your gross
Fridge vegetable drawer.
Senryu, maybe, but not Haiku.
Good try though.
Bugger stand? How much does it cost to get buggered?
15 to life.
—J. M. Karr
2 1/2 weeks for me. Too sick to do anything constructive, but not sick enough for any sympathy at home.
Be at home dads get little sympathy. Luckily my youngest is off to school this week. Lots of sofa and TVLand for now.
Anonymous,
If you’ve got any connection to Deb Frisch, I recommend that you avoid this site.
Had a big taco
habeneros piled on
mucus is no more
Before bed…
1/3 cup of boiling water
1/3 cup of blackberry brandy
1/3 cup of honey
Everything melts into the hot drink, the blackberry brandy is the conduit into your bloodstream for the alky-sugar shock of the booze/honey.
Drink it and cover up good in bed. You’ll sweat out the cold overnight.
Garren-frickin-teed….
For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing.
— Friedrich Nietzsche said that.
Have a nice day.
Gee, I seem to have read that same quote at AoS the other day.
Some things bear repeating; the better to get them into the head.
If you are Deb, and if you are posting here, I imagine your stay in Purgatorio might be extensive.
Be sure to use a reputable plumber, Jeff. Don’t just take the first name you find in the Yellow Pages.
In-phlegm-ation
of the respiration
leads to sternutation
or asphyxiation.
Yo.
Mr Collins, your paranoid delusions are an issue best explored
by you and your therapist.
But consider this: human motivation, intention, and behavior
tend be complex, contradictory, and confusing. Linear thinking will likely take us down the wrong path in our attempts to understand it all.
If you are so terribly curious about me, what I do, and why I do it,
it might be sensible to stop chasing your assumptions and conclusions in a purgatorial circle, and just ask me.
But don’t threaten me again. I’m not the type to “cut and run.”
I tolja to wash your hands after reading my comments.
Sinus affliction,
Bitter fragrance clears thine head,
‘Dillo fart in nose?
Redux
Ye question my truth,
Perhaps search thine self, Thou who
Smelt it dealt it, bitch.
First, vacuum it out
Then refill with plumber’s grout.
Sets up in no time.
I believe the word for that is “nose.”
If you’re not Deb, how is what he said a threat?
I QUESTION THE TIMING!
When Philip of Macedon, father of Alexander the Great, was about to invade Laconia, he sent a message to the Spartans in which he threatened to completely destroy their city if he and his men came to it. To this threat the Laconians replied, “If.”
If is important.
Now then, who are you and what is it you do?
Finger digs for gold,
Discovers swamp of moist snot,
Wipes goo on hoodie.
Kramer got very sick
When his hot tub went unplugged
Serenity now
All 5-7-5 haiku aside, I find that watching Hogan’s Heroes helps me with sinus pressure
Porn works for me.
How nice of you to express an interest, Mr Collins.
Well, cupcake, I’d say I’m a lot like you.
Just another non-entity with time to kill, using this medium for my own amusement.
Happy now?
In the words of that inimitable medical scholar, Ferris Bueller’s dad:
“Take a hot bath. And then, wrap a hot towel around your head.”
Feel better, PW.
You gotta love a troll that sees the blogowner’s illness as a license to stink up the place. And then it ducks a direct question after begging that it be asked?
Classy. Classy all around.
Make a hot brew of
water, fresh ginger, lemon
juice and cayenne. Works!
That’s not sinus pressure.
I would submit that we really don’t need to know the identity of someone who posts as “anonymous,” then disingenuously suggests that Dan “just” ask who he/she/it is. He/she/it is trolling while the blog owner is sick. That, along with the basic dishonesty, already tells you all you need to know about he/she/it.
JG can always check the IP address later if he’s curious. Though what we’ve seen from this troll doesn’t ignite my curiousity in any way.
Jeff digs for green goo
And the trolls come a-runnin’;
It’s bait for stupid.
natesnake at 1:52, nice.
Wasabi
Works for me.
Doesn’t need to be
on sushi.
With apologies to all my English teachers.
My suggestion: Fill a coffee cup half full of boiling water, lemon, and honey. Fill the rest with Irish Whiskey. Drink. Repeat until healthy.
TW: On the other hand, why bother with the water, lemon and honey at all?
Mucus Faucet would make a good name for a band.
At least natesnake had the class to include a seasonal reference.
And Chickenshit Troll would make a good name for anonymous.
Terrett’s Haiku
Cock balls snot hookers,
Midget twat ass fisting rod,
Pimp nut sack Winter.
This looks like valid literary criticism here, not trolling. IMHO, anywho.
Gee, I wonder what the IP of anonymous is?
I’m guessing you meant Tourette’s, nate.
Not to be snooty or nothin’.
JeffS–You don’t suppose you could be confusing literary criticism with . . . I dunno . . . decision science?
That is what you get
When you stand out in the rain
Thinking you’re New Orleans
So now you’ve got a run-on nose.
I, too look forward to our glorious posthuman future. Let others lust after eternal life, built-in web access, and Steve Austin’s bionic limbs. Give me a way to vent my sinuses with high-pressure air, and I’ll be happy.
What the…? Are you trying to hurt Jeff or cure him? Heh.
FWIW, I’m with Honzik. Mmmm…whisky!
The prosepector knows
There’s snot in them thar hills!
Get it while it’s hot
Oh, my. This one was at Ace’s the other night. If you’re gonna engage it, pack a lunch. It’s tenacious.
Hey, douchebag! Be a love and grab a handle, would ya? That way, you can stand apart from all the other nameless, faceless douchebags.
Love,
“Pablo”
My favorite thing in that situation is based on the fact that sinus infections are self-perpetuating. Cleaning the guck out will short-circuit the whole process. You will need:
One cup of warm (100F) water, into which one teaspoon of salt is dissolved. (It is better to have more than less. Don’t use too much salt.)
One ear syringe, basically a rubber bulb with a long thin tip.
Clear everything off the bathroom sink counter, strip to the waist, and wrap a towel around your shoulders. Be sure there is plenty of cleaning stuff on hand.
Lean over the sink. Fill the syringe with saline solution, exhale, and pump the entire bulbfull up your nose while trying to inhale. With any luck at all it’ll start coming out the back, down your throat. Don’t swallow. Spit it out. Repeat for the other nostril. Wait an hour (using the time to clean the overspray off the bathroom mirror and walls). Repeat.
When the solution passes easily from nostril to throat you’re done—and your nose is clear.
The first time you do this it’s enormously uncomfortable. By the third or fourth time it’s routine. And you will be astounded at how quickly your sinuses clear up and you can breathe again.
Regards,
Ric
on the same bill with Fresnel Lens, Strong Nuclear Force, Burning Flesh, Ebola, and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse headlining.
TW: is it Labor Day yet?
Rick might have something there! I know it sounds
disgusting, but I gargle with warm salt water and
it gets rid of a sore throat like that <snap>.
Think also how quickly cuts heal in the when
you’re at the beach.
If all else fails:
You can still buy it one box at a time.
Feel better soon!
Possibly. I merely point out that senyru is defined as ”A short Japanese poem that is similar to a haiku in structure but treats human beings rather than nature, often in a humorous or satiric way”, which fits Jeff’s post quite well.
TW: But I may be wrong. It’s happened before.
Oh, bugger! Or should I say, “Oh, booger!” I forgot to say…..
Hope you feel better, Jeff! Running noses are right up there athletes foot.
When the mucus dries
Does it make its own washers?
A sticky spigot!
Ric is right—the saline nasal enema works. Much gagging, snorting, hacking, spewing and blowing involved, but it works.
Hey, Saline Nasal Enema, got a ring to it!
I prefer “lavage” myself. But, then, I drink Old Milwaukee with a pinky raised.
Regards,
Ric
Ric, i didn’t want to bring it up, cause i sound like a broken record with that one. but yeah, warm salt water, however one chooses to get it into their sinuses, will work wonders. other delivery methods are neti pot, straight from a cup (my prefered method, cause you might not always have “implements” on your person) or the lady that explained the whole warm salt water thing to me would start out gargling and manage to push the water out through her nose.
Maggie,
The neti pot is just a syringe with no pressure. I’ve seen the gargle trick but can’t do it; don’t have the nerve pathways. I can simply inhale the stuff if my nasal passages aren’t completely blocked, but most people find the suggestion offputting
and anyway it doesn’t work with total blockage.
I invented the method while also establishing that people with severe head colds shouldn’t try to surf, even in the warm trivial ripples of the Texas Gulf Coast. It was only later that I discovered that others had come before me.
Regards,
Ric
Neti pot works wonders! Don’t forget to use sea salt with warm water (to lossen the stuff)and do both nostrils. You can do this while breathing with your mouth. Good luck!
Can we get back to the bad poetry now? My eyes are watering!
Saline always works, but can be uncomfortable. If your wife is breastfeeding, you could use some milk and snort that. Works for babies. The milk is loaded with anti-bodies and loosens everything up. Unconventional, yet effective.
For pure body-numbing, slumber-inducing fun, NyQuil is best.
Hey Anonymous–
Have you been fighting over at Ace’s site for the last two days?
You may want to answer this, because…well…I hope you aren’t violating some type of judgement by typing your happy fingers away here.
From Ace’s site
328 Bad French = Deb Frisch. Man, she gives herself away everytime. lol!
Posted by: shawn at August 29, 2006 04:29 PM (ixFLu)
329 The “protein wisdom is under the weather and probably won’t be posting much today†haiku
If my head doesn’t
clear soon, I think I’ll install
a mucus faucet.
Posted by Jeff Goldstein @ 10:14 AM
Blogroll me
76 Comments • 0 Trackbacks • Email this
Senryu, maybe, but not Haiku.
Good try though.
Posted by anonymous | permalink
on 08/29 at 12:30 PM
Senryu, maybe, but not Haiku.
Good try though.
Posted by anonymous | permalink
on 08/29 at 12:30 PM
This looks like valid literary criticism here, not trolling. IMHO, anywho.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS | permalink
on 08/29 at 04:26 PM
JeffS–You don’t suppose you could be confusing literary criticism with . . . I dunno . . . decision science?
Possibly. I merely point out that senyru is defined as â€ÂA short Japanese poem that is similar to a haiku in structure but treats human beings rather than nature, often in a humorous or satiric way“, which fits Jeff’s post quite well.
TW: But I may be wrong. It’s happened before.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS | permalink
on 08/29 at 08:08 PM
Posted by: anonymous at August 29, 2006 11:39 PM (3wTNM)
http://minx.cc/?post=194228
interestingly, the allergist suggested that daily irrigation would be a good strategy for RTO while in afghanistan, since access to drugs may be limited. there’s just lots of crap in the air over there, go figure.
~Haiku de Nyquil~
Pseudoephedrine
with acetaminophen
blissful confusion
*bows*
As the person who gleefully batted that one around all night, I wouldn’t quite say she’s tenacious. She seemed pretty desperate that either Geoff or I would leave the comment thread before her so she could declare a moral victory and move on.
The weariness and frustration from her later posts was delicious.
Are you familiar, Mr Sortelli, with the ‘Shakespeherian rag’
about “protest(ing) too much?”
Look into it.
I am just struck with awe that Jeff Goldstein can get nearly 100 comments from just a Haiku about mucus.
I find myself compelled to worship you, Jeff.
I certainly wouldn’t call it effective, but I think tenacious fits, or perhaps persistent would be a better choice. Either way, I’m glad I went to bed.
In what country is this place called “Shakespeher,” and what language do they speak there?
Moonbattese.
kkd fawned:
Yeah, really. My site’s been running comment capable for 10 months now, and I haven’t gotten 100 comments on anything, unless you count Spamâ„¢.
Heck, the most (legitimate) comments my site has ever gotten on one topic is 64 (right now)—on a posting by one of my co-writers!
O O O O that Shakespeherian Rag–
It’s so elegant
So intelligent
_____________________________________
Hint: The quotation above is taken from, arguably, the finest
poem written in English in the 20th century, and, inarguably,
one of the most well-known poems ever written in English.
Ready? Set? Google!
Okay, now you’re just baiting.
Open wide…
Oh very good. Five syllables in the first and last lines; seven in the second. Check.
However, you forgot to mention a season of the year. Also, the last line follows too naturally from the previous two; it’s supposed to go off at a tangent.
For example, a college acquaintance once wrote:
Autumn maple trees
Nature’s monument to God
Let’s go steal hubcaps
Which captures all the required elements.
Eliot, but I liked the Tom Lehrer version better.
Thinking that the milk-laden breasts would be wicked swollen, making it impossible to push the nipples together close enough to squirt in both nostrils.
Suggestions?