If ever there was an incident that could shake my resistance to race-based affirmative action it happened Saturday afternoon at the Flat Irons Mall in Broomfield. While visiting an upscale hipster clothier (I’m in the market for a summer sport coat / slacks combo), the salesperson helping me—a lovely young woman of maybe twenty-five who, at first blush, didn’t appear to harbor any racist sentiments—let the mask slip while trying to close a sale by letting me know that the outfit I was trying on could really be “jazzed up” with some “colored socks.”
To which I naturally replied (with what I believe was the perfect pitch of indignation), “I believe they go by either ‘African-American socks,’ or ‘socks of color’ these days, Miss. And not only that, but we even allow them to ride the front of the bus and use our drinking fountains, if you can believe that. Imagine!”—at which point I stormed off like an outraged Negress in a Flannery O’Connor short story.
—Which would have been perfect had I not still been wearing the slacks and searsucker surfwear sportcoat I was trying on. Because they have these thingies in them that set off all sorts of alarms should you leave the store without their having been removed first—something that only happens when you, you know, actually purchase the things. And I hadn’t.
But in my defense, racism just makes me so damn angry that I forget myself. Not only that, but it gives me the strangest craving for Chinese food—though to be honest, I’m at a loss to explain that last bit of weirdness.
Developing…
No, goddamn it, I WON’T bail you out.
SB: directly
to jail
That anger thing. It gets people in trouble.
I think you’ll get off. You were obviously operating under the color of law.
Long ago I was on a jobsite and the crew leader said ‘we need more diggers’, and somebody chimed in without missing a beat ‘I’m sorry, but the correct term is digroes‘
The black guys laughed, too.
But I digress.
Heh, rascist and sexist at the seme time.
You could have responded by telling her that “this ain’t Israel” and to “put her yarmukle on”, neither of which seems to be appropriate or related to this situation; however, since Rep. McKinney’s aides recently used them as responses to what they perceived to be racism on the part of the Media, they are probably authentic anti-racial rejoinders in “the ‘Hood” and are therefore perfectly proper for use in upscale clothing stores.
Besides, they allow you to protect yourself against charges of anti-Semitism by stating that as a Jew you are allowed to freely use such phrases, whereas Goyim who do so are clearly being anti-Semitic.
Searsucker! Whatareya? Gay?
And I thought Bruce Tinsley was funny. What did I know? Now, this is funny stuff. And educational, too.
If that cat could talk
What tales he’d tell
About Della and the dealer
And the dog as well
But the cat was cool
And he never said a mumbling word.
I can’t wait til the socks tell their side of the story.
My jacket’s gonna be cut and slim and checked
Maybe a touch of seersucker, with an open neck
I ride a GS scooter with my hair cut neat
Wear my wartime coat in the wind and sleet
Always the slave to fashion. Whoops, can I say that???
“Hail, hail Fredonia!”
— Duck Soup
Good news from FIRE, Jeff:
http://volokh.com/archives/archive_2006_08_13-2006_08_19.shtml#1155577844
There you were, right next to my apartment, and did you call? Did you even wave? Noooooo.
The story we really want to hear: Are the pants tailored and did she “check your inseam?”
TW: if so the dillo might want to have you take him there so he can do his thing
I knew that Chinese food would prove to be a chink in your armor.
tw: Meaning. Meaning what?
Kung Pao Armadillo.
Wow, you AND Carl….
Who is next to break under the racist yoke of Amerikkka!
FTR, I don’t believe black and white socks should be mixed together. Sock segregation. If I could get them to drink out of separate (but equal) drinking fountains, I’d do that too.
My over-the-calf dress socks actually abducted 2 of my golf footies.
I tore into that sock drawer.
Charlie, Jeff was too busy being loaded into the Paddy Wagon…
Powder to the people!
I want a Zoot Suit with a reet pleat with a drape shape… But…
Acting my age, gimme a leisure suit, Lary.
Sounds like Chinese fire drill to me.
Did the clerk call for Dano the tailor to “cuff ‘em” before or after you broke the crease?
Sorry to be off topic but did you see this. Lindsay Beyerstein thinks membership in the SS is no big thang. Wow, isn’t that something.
Intolerance in any form really shows the lack of intelligence of a person. That’s why I’ll have nothing to do whatsoever with lactose intolerant people. They’re disgusting.
http://michellemalkin.com/archives/003884.htm
I bet those socks were made in Taiwan Jeff. Obviously they should be respectfully referred to as African-American Taiwanese socks.
We are all disgusting. As punishment I will assault my throat with Scotch.
Carin – well, if you don’t have sock segregation, you *will* have sock miscegenation. Next thing you know, the sock drawer is overflowing with all kinds of half-breed socks, and the situation is out of control!
See, we’re not being sockist, it’s for the good of society. Each with its own kind.
Also why we need to sterilize those damn footie socks.
Speaking of terrorism, it turns out that Günter Grass was a member of the Waffen SS, a stormtrooper.
http://acepilots.com/mt/2006/08/14/gunter-grass-stormtrooper/
wow, at first at thought maybe you’d been stalking me today because you mention a couple things i’ve heard or read about….. the Amex Black card being referred to as the African American Amex by rappers and i read a review of a couple books about Flannery O’Connor. thankfully though, i didn’t set off any alarms today.
Reminds me of the Woody Allen joke about the German-Chinese restaurant. An hour later, you’re hungry for power.
When I eat there, an hour later I want to conquer Poland.
Isn’t that hilarious? Even better, liberal running dogs are already apologizing for him.
Hmph. Maybe it made him more sensitive. I’m sure killing Jews, Gypsies, Poles, etc., would make me more ruminative . . .
TW: Mental hospital is where it would send me.
Wait, they sell seersucker at “upscale hipster” clothing stores? Does the new Fall line also include
blackAfrican-American socks with shorts and sandals?Y’all are rerally getting my Irish up. Don’t try to foist any of your sockial engineering on me—let sockciety make its own decisions, or we’re all hosed.
Next thing you know, the sock drawer is overflowing with all kinds of half-breed socks, and the situation is out of control
I just keep my birth control pills in my sock drawer and hope for the best.
Sockregation now, sockregation tomorrow, sockregation forever!