—Question. Any of you ever buy one of those mike’s hard lemonade variety packs—the kind with mike’s hard cranberry and mike’s hard lime and mike’s hard apple and the traditional mike’s hard lemonade? Because that’s what a certain land lobster did this afternoon, stopping by the liquor store with my credit card and a fake ID to pick himself up a pair of twelve packs, which he enjoyed with a pound of chili-lime almonds and my uncut Caligula DVD.
And now, not only won’t he dance—but the crazy little bastard keeps telling me how beautiful my eyes are, then making occasional grabs for my package, calling it “the divine Mr. O’Toole.”
Which, I have to admit—I thought it was only Zima that made guys gay. Or, if you happen to be a chick, Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Followed by sex with another chick on the back of a motorcycle.
Damn culture wars. Somebody should hand out a frickin’ program.
Does this really make you gay? I think not, but maybe that’s just me.
Let’s hope the effect is only temporary, for everyone’s sake.
I blame the sugar.
BECAUSE OF THE ALMONDS!!!
It doesn’t make you gay, but it sure livens up your social calendar.
So good to have you back, JG!
tw: except, of course, for the Mike’s. Too tart.
I suspect the cranberries. You would probably have been ok if he had stuck to to the lemonade.
What’s this about two tarts?
Hey, in a subtle but overt act of link-whoring, go check out the Israeli Army (distaff officers).
Naw, man. That’s coconut rum you’re thinking of.
I actually invented a drink back in college called the “Marley,” Which was spiced rum and Nestle’s powdered chocolate drink, plus some coke or Dr Pepper.
Which has nothing to do with coconut rum, sure.
…What was I saying?
I recently read some where that it was daiquiris that did that.
How could it be the “Marley” without a healthy dose of Jamaican Red?
Oh, man. That just sounds wrong.
I thought it was having sex with other guys.
I don’t know, Scott P, sounds like an antidote for cotton mouth to me. Plus if the powder stuff doesn’t all dissolve, you get a nice little chocolate burst. Which, speaking as a chick, is only a plus.
tw: group. Yeah, I hung out with a fun one back in college, too, lol.
Cheap whiskey apparently does the trick up there on Brokeback.
Hmmm. Rum and chocolate powder… I feel hungover just reading that.
If they are Asian chicks, would that be Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?
That chapter was missing from my copy. Must be the abridged version.
“Traditional”?…
Yeah, I guess. If you have the attention span of a flatworm.
What was I saying?
SB: miles
davis
Brokeback. Is that another name for Mt. St. Helens?
I have a ‘69 FLH that has just been begging for some lipstick lesbian action
They were on the motorcycle, duh.
Biker chicks.
Hmmmm….
A True Story:
I worked with a South Philly Italian guy who had inherited his Dad’s Harley, a classic 75 or 76, fixed up to a T.
He left Philadelphia, and moved to Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
One day, he’s out in front of his building having a smoke and overhears two guys talking about “driving hogs”.
He walks over, interferes with the conversation and says, “I have a Harley!”
One farmer looks at him and says, “Son, you might have a Harley, but we’re talking about pigs.”
It was the Caligula not necessarily the booze. And he’s not necessarily gay, he just wants to mate with everything he sees.
(I saw the uncut Caligula when it first came out as a teenager…..thing screwed up my social life and my history grades for years)
Um, yeah.
Sturgis tomorrow.
:::::removing the JD from the saddlebags:::::
ZIMA is what Hillbillies drink to feel uptown(Real hillbillies, the Misguided Moonbat type that Liberals claim know enough about politics to think BUSH isn’t the same as Herr Hitler).
Mikes Hard Lemonade is what College Moonbats imbibe,male and female.Daiqueris can be goosed up to rocket-feul power and thus cannot be construed as a Pussy/And or Moonbat Livation.
oh and by the way…I thought I had been born with somewhat of an operant thought process but Mr.Goldstein surely had parents that partied Much harder than mine…
Hopefully I won’t have to fight to remain a member of PW once it closes its register like LGF.
I slipped up…
ZIMA is what Hillbillies drink to feel uptown(Real hillbillies, the Misguided Moonbat type that Liberals claim know enough about politics to think BUSH isn’t the same as Herr Hitler).
Should read..
(Real hillbillies, the Misguided type that Liberals claim know enough about politics to think BUSH is the same as Herr Hitler, just because thats what they learn from late-night talk shows.)
You know wut I mean…
“Barkeep, another jet fuel on the rocks for me—and a vodka gimlet for the pussy at the end of the bar.”
Hillbillies watch late nite tv?
I always pictured them passed out by then.
That’s what you get for carving your signature into his paw.
was it lunarpuff who mentioned in an earlier thread that sometimes y’all make her blush, though (and maybe because) you’re so freaking funny?
jeff, oh good lord! you’re hilarious. i’ve lurked here and i know i’m not anywhere near as funny or entertaining as anyone else posting in the comments, but geez. thanks for the laughs and the thought provoking.
i’ve just hit your amazon wish list and ordered the first high priority thing i could find. it wasn’t the most expensive, but it WAS high priority. woody allen.
enjoy.
and i hope you and the wife the boy are doing well. you deserve a fun weekend after . . . oh well. after.
They watch it, but ha’nt moved none in nigh on three year.
TW: Whacha gonna do when the floor comes up and hits you?
Great question. I dunno 6Gun. Do they have sheep on Mt. St. Helens? Maybe it was the overpowering and oddly alluring sheepmusk, plus a particularly hot summer due to global warming. Maybe the whiskey just set the mood?
Challeron, I am afraid you are right. Karma, man, karma…
I do blush and they do crack me up.
Sometimes I say LOL other places, but I don’t mean it. Maybe I smiled but that’s all.
LOL is a literal here.
And I get these visuals.
I mean, if the chicks were drinking JD out of the bottle, wouldn’t they knock the bike over? Or does it not matter at all at that point?
Ta hell with Peter O’Toole… I blame Malcom McDowell!
TW: earth. As in “It was tough getting back down to <i>earth after that flick. My 8 o’clock psych class was a complete bummer the night after watching that movie with a somewhat overweight red head that I was ‘seeing’ from Reader’s Theater… Uh. What was I saying…”
Human. Armadillo.
Got the difference this time.
lunarpuff, i hope i didn’t offend you, because i certainly didn’t mean to . . . just meant to join in the blushing a bit. and then to say that in spite of the blushing, i think everyone here is really funny. i can’t help but laugh. it’s smart and . . . i’m snorting chardonnay out my nose.
Offend me?
You read me like a book!
I completely agree with you.
is it a waste of good chardonnay? should we be indulging in cheap cuban rum?
I’m indulging in Pete’s Wicked Ale. I’m going thru a beer phase.
Wait a minute, I’m looking at my copy of ‘A social conservatives guide to the culture wars’ right now and it states:
In exception to the aforementioned admonition against teh ghey, an exception is allowed for drunk and attractive females as it tends to lead to the desire to ‘go forth and multiply’.
I guess they don’t hand out copies to those who would harbor land lobsters.
Sinner.
Okay…I’m on my 12th Sierra Nevada and I just want to say that if the Moonbats want to define what is happening in IRAQ as a civil war(I define it as the Cult of death ‘Sploding themselves up in the midst of otherwise peaceloving people’ Lets do it..
If it is a Civil War lets treat it as such as choose ONE side and totally FUCK the other side up…..
Let’s stop holding back and force people from their homes and put them up in tent cities until their mudbrick and tin domiciles have been Squashed and burned along with everyone inside…
It will be better to rebuild a crap city built of mudbrick and tin(I have actually lived there) than it will be to tiptoe around IED’s for the next 10 years…
They want to call it a Civil War?
I’m good with that, lets treat it as such….thats what they want after all , right?
They will thank us eventually….okay, here goes number 13……
What is that, a Fish-ism?
Y’know what else? I’m beginning to suspect that the l’il guy may not actually exist!
TW: You’re gonna have to provide some proof…
Agreed Czarmangis. The fact that we are not ruthlessly persecuting those who worship Ahura Mazda (zoom, zoom, zoom) is an affront to all the hard work being done.
Although there are several thousand of them in Canada, maybe we should start there. Being conveniently close and all.
Fucking pagans.
Always good for “waxing” your broad. She’ll take the peaks better, and lay down faster in the troughs. (written post 3rd really heavy handed black Russian.)
BEACHISTS!
Another LOL!! My broad or my board? Interesting either way.
why didn’t my last t/w post get posted?
as in
t/w: i can’t remember because i’ve had too much chardonnay
that wasn’t really it, but oh well, i’m in north carolina, by golly and it’s 3/4 past chardonnay
“Or if you happen to be a chick, Jack Daniels straight from the bottle”. There`s only one cure known to man to tempt them back from the dark side……..LEMON GIN (AKA
– liquid panty remover),straight up! If they don`t go blind, they go straight.
ZIMA is what Hillbillies drink to feel uptown(Real hillbillies, the Misguided Moonbat type that Liberals claim know enough about politics to think BUSH isn’t the same as Herr Hitler).
Uh, no, Czarmangis, real hillbillies drink ‘shine. White lightnin’. Corn squeezins. The stuff that puts hair on your … tongue.
Hillbillies watch late nite tv?
Late nite tv? Ain’t that one a them gay fellas dressed up like a woman?
Yeah, Drumwaster, and the next thing you’ll tell me that Andrew Sullivan isn’t really a conservative. Good lord man, don’t mess with me like that.
Uncivil war…Naw, Just Nuke ‘em from orbit with Beijing Four Happiness Pork Balls….It’s the only way to be sure….
TW: Are you sure you’re sober enough to get that line. Amelica…Fluck Yezzz!
Czar, dude, I am seriously impressed w/ your spelling after 12.
How the heck do you do that?
Being gay is the “disease”, if you will.
Having sex with other guys is the result of the disease.
Drinking Zima is a symptom if the disease.
Hope that clears things up for you.
You’ve been with the Zsar dude after 12, when did that happen!
TW: As in – four Black Russians on the wall…Four on the Wall…If one of those Russians happen to fall….I’ll have a Russian in the middle of my floor… Nikkilova on hardwood… Siberia was never like this! Spaceeeba Jeeeheesus….
Since we seem to be spilling. I suppose I can admit to shots of Jim Beam chased with Tecate in a can.
For health reasons.
– Never mind…She glanced off the tea table and landed on the big white angora throw… Nothing bruised… yet….
Caligula, feh! Wotta piece’a crap that flick was.
Only thing more wretched than having sat through that sewage, is boys who spent their meat-beating years whacking off to Druuna comics.
Just a minute ago. I thought you were here.
Quite an impressive post after 12, I thought.
– Well I’m here….but by now I think there’s no “here” here… besides everyone took their waxed broads and went out on the patio to catch some night sea air…. Wonder if there’s any perogie’s left….
lunarpuff – Unless one of those drunken pseudo lesbians is a supermodel, once the motorcycle gets knocked over, it is pretty much done. Oh hell, who am I kidding … drunken lesbians on my ride pretty much could do whatever the hell they want, provided they let me watch
Because of the GAYDILLOCOCKOFSISSYDRINKS!
I am fukking up the Huffpo in real time..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/08/04/us-troops-civil-war-in-i_n_26565.html?p=5#comments
Come join in my friends…
I’m on number 16….
Sanity Inspector made me think of a great story. A buddy was practicing some self love, and grabbed a bottle of lotion from his wife’s basket of lotions and potions. Unknowingly, he grabbed pumice lotion or apricot scrub (he was too traumatized to identify the specific culprit). All of a sudden he says that his shit felt warm, looked down, and it was a bloodbath. He said it looked like he jammed his stick in a meatgrinder. He also said the visit to the ER was the most humiliating event in his life.
Mike, hereinafter knows as emptor, obviously didn’t heed the “if your hard-on lasts for more than four hours, see a doctor” caveat.
This may be the stupidest comment I’ve ever dropped anywhere. Regardless, Jeff, glad you’re back.
Well, that answers my question of broad vs. board. I thought it was the surf thread for a moment. Things move quickly here.
And JD responded to my concerns about the bike. I thought as much, but I don’t want to be all presumptious and crap, ya’ know!
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone…
Uh
Am I the only one here that drinks a Rusty Nail? (last bar I was at, the bartender had to ask me what was in it)
Hell, Darleen, I once had a bartender ask me what was in a Highball. I blame it on the kids these days and their sugary frou-frou sissy drinks.
I would like to change that to presumptuous.
See why I’m so impressed w/Czar?
There you go again. You don’t have a clue. You didn’t understand that black people used to wear blackface to parody their own condition, and for other reasons. White people wore it for a variety of reasons. Your attempt to identify certain things associated with liberalism as racist and to vilify liberals on that basis doesn’t work. Support for civil rights and the Civil Rights Act itself are Liberal hallmarks.
That photoshopped picture was a satire of Liberman’s lip service to black causes, presenting him as pretending to be black, yet definitely not. Was that a bit too complicated for you to understand? It seems like it was simpler for you to just characterize it as a racial slur than to recognize a political satire that supports Blacks’ rights implicitly. I won’t spend any more time talking to you. You only contribute name calling and mischaracterizations and threats to these conversations.
By: wesinohio on August 05, 2006 at 12:22am
My response…
Hey Moonbat…Why didn’t the Hamster just call Leiberman a ‘NIGGER’?
Haaaa You guys need to help me out sometimes…the Huffpo is a great place to shake your moneymaker when you have had 16…uhm 18 Sierra Nevada Pale Ales…. I think I am being contacted by Abe Lincoln and George Patton right now, I have to go…
Well, anyway his spelling is impressive. I’ll just not go anywhere else.
Darleen, I’m no good w/ mixed drinks, but I have a friend who is also a fan of Rusty Nails. I had no idea what was in them before your post, but he has complained of the same thing. The bartenders ask him to explain.
And most of the bars he frequents are in Hollywood suburbs. I would think they would be more on top of the drinks!
SeanM
I think that lots of drinks with fruit and little umbrellas have their place… usually on a hot summer night when one is wearing a grass skirt and the tiki torches around the patio are lit …
but I’m amazed that some people think Jack Daniels is just an ingredient in a great steak sauce …
JD  A remembered quote from a similar discussion over at Tim Blair’s site:
“How come biker chicks looked so much hotter in the 60’s than they do now?”
“Same chicks.”
1. There you go, SadlyNo’tards…all block quoted for your convenience. We do try to be helpful. Ya’ll go away, burn down, and sink into the swamp, and don’t come back, hear?
2. Yes, I demand double points for combining Monty Python and Beverly Hillbillies references in the same sentence.
3. I wish to redeem my points for a fine single malt–all this talk of alcohol mixed with cranberries, chocolate powder, and/or movies produced by Bob Guccione is throwing my whole world view off kilter.
4.
Dead or alive?
lunar
Styles in drink go in cycles .. now that our palates are attuned to better wines and beers, we’ve fallen back on to mixed cocktails (which got their start during Prohibition as a way to make palatable raw, nasty illegal alcohol)
Though I suspect with the renewed interest in things like pure Agave tequilla and some really tasty gins (is Attila Girl lurking? I’ll happily yield the floor to her on Best Gins) that maybe people will be interested in sipping the good stuff and bartenders will follow suit.
Support for civil rights and the Civil Rights Act itself are Liberal hallmarks.
– Of course we DixieCrats all watched from our cozy front porches while the Repugs actually passed the civil rights laws. I mean kerist on a stick we had to get re-elected you know. Geeeezzzz
– And while I’m on the subject the Left did everything it could to help Fidel in his hour of need when he was a brave freedom fighter in the jungles of Cuba, and look how well that turned out! (and we’re doing the same for our Brothers in the Hezbollah, so screw you Amerikka!)
Rememeber Komrads – 100 million deaths proves nothing! (This message brought to you by Laika the space dog – Beaming truthiness to tin hats on earth since 1957.)
TW: Hey Joe….thought I heard a huff or something….
Quick, someone compare MLK’s words on “equality” and current spews from the “civil rights” crowd on what can only be termed “victimhood.”
And this just in for those who somehow think otherwise–Fidel is a commie fuckwad.
tw: Carried out by pallbearers.
Next!
You make an excellent point about alcohol cycles.
I know way more about wine than I do beer. But I’m sill in a beer phase.
I think the pendulum has been swinging more to the serious hard liquors, but I have a terrible time with them.
I swear I get both intoxicated and hung over with one sniff of any hard liquor!
– Bang making furious notes here….”gets wasted on the mere scent of good Liquor”….
w007! cheap date! i’m about the same, hopefully i won’t feel okay tomorrow, trying to drink lots o’ water here now.
oops, won’t feel bad.
Hey..<hic> youse people wants to knows about Livti..Livhta..Liavtshun… <Hic> Booze….
Check out this place. its a Culinary Website in my town of Atlanta…
http://www.atlantacuisine.com/cgi-bin/eforums/YaBB.pl
They are pretty much anti-poltics, but I am breaking them in slowly……<hic>
Okay..18 Sierra Nevads and I’m done, and yet still spelling…..
Holy Cheezus am I an Alcolholic? Wheres My weeed? Who stole my weed?
Haha. It’s so true though.
When I was a very frequent flier who never had to sit in coach, I indulged in a brandy after dinner.
Mostly because we had depleted the red wine supply and by god they better give us alcohol in 1st class!
Thank God brandy glasses are only filled a little tiny bit.
Seatmate after seatmate tried to teach me about brandy and liken it to wine.
I just never got it.
Heehee.
Good luck Maggie. Put a huge bottle of water on your nightstand tonite.
“I just never got it.”
– You must have been taking “rainbow” flights. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
TW: I can remember when being in the mile high club ment you’d scored a full toke.
Now, I may regret asking this, but what is a rainbow flight?
Maggie, if you are still here , I also swear by bubble gum for the type of morning you may be faced with tomorrow. If you have none, get someone else to drive!!
And good luck.
– Hint: Guy next to you bats his eye lashes and says…”Oh my god….would you look at that darling Gucci purse you have…Where ever did you get that you slut you….teehee”
Humph!
Never had a sweatmate like that.
Almost always weary, underpaid business travelers
who want perks by God!
If you fly between 50 and 75,000 miles a year with no salary bonus, and a ridiculous per diem you want perks dammit!
– Oh I don’t know… Some of my Gay friends say that sweatmates can be real sweetmeats…..Or something like that…
– Lunar…. I think you’ve had enough…. What the hell am I saying…..bite lip…bite lip…
Gannorphhhh…
Oh Jesus!
Correction, correction.
Never had a seatmate like that.
*smirkle*….
TW: Bit Kap’tin…yah dinna tell me we weren’t eaen covered fer medical en this in’suffer’bly borin’ 5 hy’ear trek….
Well, now I know about rainbow flights, and I think I will be a better person for it.
But I’m dreading going back to a road warrior.
lunarpuff – Getting knocked over would not really effect my 36 yr. old tempermental bitch of a Harley, God love her. She only starts when she feels like it, takes a couple days off between rides, much like mt ex wife
Czar – That post about branding NASAR AKBAR on the foreheads of moonbats is an instant classic.
One of my all time favorite drinks, from what I recall, was the Jaegermeister you get in Germany. Ahhhh, such great memories of Petra :-D
bubble gum? hmmmm, it’s too late now, but one of my suitemates might have some. i’ll find out in the morning.
– Well turn out the lights….the parties over…and mercifully no one drowned for a change….night maggie….lunar…. fellow dudes and dudette’s …. ‘Lizabeth….
TW: brought…. we all ready did the “brought to you” schtick you TW twit….
Dang. I get back from the bar and everybody’s tuckered out. Not even anybody making phone calls to ex-girlfriends that they’ll regret in the morning. Buncha lightweights.
Try not pulling so hard on their ears.
DON’T HIT ME!!!
Oh, I’ll hit you alppucino.
Geez, I’m not around for a while and you guys go and throw a party. Somebody’s going to have to clean this place up.
And put some clothes on, Big Bang Hunter.
Ha ha.
I tried a Mike’s Hard Lemonade once. It is undrinkable. The worst excuse for a beverage I have ever had my tongue reject.
I drink Jack Daniel’s straight from the bottle. Love it. And I’m not gay.