So I’m pushing the stroller down Tejon this morning—keeping a brisk pace in order to optimize my calorie burn and sculpt my calves—when suddenly I’m confronted by a pair of vicious chihuahuahs who’d managed to free themselves by digging a tiny tunnel under a municipal fence.
Their being little more than bald and noisy rats, I was able to fight them off easily with a handful of decorative landscaping stones and a squirt bottle filled with lemon ice Gatorade—but the whole time I was doing so, I couldn’t help but think, “this is a metaphor of some sort, I can sense it.”
Later, I fell asleep on the couch and dreamt that Jim Gilchrist and Tom Tancredo were buying me Tecates and shots of Sauza Tres Reposado. Which I refuse to believe is unrelated.
Still, I’ll be damned if I can figure out what any of it means.
Developing…
Step away from the chalupa… It’s a Taco Bell commercial. Too much tequila. Too little sleep.
I was assaulted by a chihuahua once that dashed through a gate, seized my pants leg and started trying to pull me back through the gate, apparently operating under Texas law and assuming if it killed me on its own property it would get to keep me. I had to admire the little shit’s initiative and spirit.
And it got great hang on the punt, too.
Fucking brown bastards. All they want is conquest, as their history proves. A cancer on society! Off with their heads!
Racist.
Can I have some of the tequila?
Joke not. They run wild, in packs, in Mexico, and pull down deer, and the unwary.
Land pirana.
It’s either a great prophetic vision, or it’s a sign that you need to open a window when you’re using the Toilet Duck.
Were they wearing little checked rags around their muzzles?
My first reaction was, “GLOBAL WARMING!”
But upon relection, I think the whole chain of events signifies a recent shortage of Shannon Elizabeth information.
Or you could just be turning into Pat Buchanan. (Shudder…on your behalf.)
Like I havn’t already heard too many examples this week of friggen Jews meting out disproportionate punishment.
I see a connection – Routers of curs touting a routing with the best of the Mex.
It means you hate your father and want to nail your mom.
Sure they didn’t follow you home and into your yard? Run away with your pet cat? And were they accompanied, by any chance, by a large, rabid Rottweiller?
You’re right. It reminds me of something. Maybe a Disney film….
WOW, first time posting here. All I ever get chased by are red wasps. And when dreaming the Hilda beast and Harry Reid want to buy me a Old Milwaukee, and a shot of peach schnapps .
Oh, cool, I get to tell one of my favorite jokes.
A drunk walks out of a bar and proceeds to get violently sick all over a chihuahuah.
The poor wee creature is sitting there, in a pool of….well, you know…blinking his big brown eyes up at the drunk.
The drunk looks down and slurs, “That’s funny, I don’t remember eating that!”
This lame, unfunny BS is an improvement over not posting?
TW: Jeff should get a job.
And your excuse for posting a lame, humorless comment on this post is…?
mm / the3 / bleeah has posted 3 insulting comments in the last 20 hours.
He reads this site more than I do.
Lame is in the limp of the beholder.
Me, I heard that chihuahuahs were bred to roam the hills in packs, and take down mountain lions. Dear God, the shrill yapping of thousands of those effing hairless rats would terrify even the most battlehardened Marine.
So I think you were lucky, Jeff. They were separated from the pack, probably not hungry, and just were playing with you for sport.
Next time, you’d better drive. Or bring along the ‘dillo.
Former Reagan speechwriter Pat Buchanan addresses the Israeli attack on Gaza and Lebanon. Worth reading:
http://www.antiwar.com/pat/?articleid=9328
Land pirana? No. Juvenile chupacabras.
A bleeah job?
¡Cómo es irónico!
Reminds me of the time in the mid-’80s during my first visit to France when at a party this French dude about my age decides to practice his English by giving me a load of Euroshit over the shallowness of American culture, Reagan’s moronic “cowboy” foreign policy, etc., but I was caught in an irony vortex, transixed beneath the stare of le Mickey Mouse silk-screened on his baby blue sweatshirt.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the party drinking cheap Beaujalais until I quit twitching and my best friend wound up fucking this French asshole’s girlfriend, so I guess everything turned out alright in the end.
yours/
peter.
Ya gotta stay away from the big tequila factories. I’m liking the little boutique houses that are putting out some great Reposados and Blancos. Believe it or not, even Sammy Hagar is putting out some GREAT blue agave nectar these days!
Of course, it’s been hard to pass up the Vons sale on Hornitos lately–$9.00 off!
TW: Book. As in, Hornitos hits my head like my 1958 printing of Webster’s New International Dictionary, Second Edition (all 3,350 pages!)
Israeli bombing in Lebanon kills 8 Canadians:
http://tinyurl.com/nfv9n
Those Canadian terrorists had it coming.
I was amused to see your link go to “People’s Daily Online”. You would have done better to use Google News….your political leaning would have been less obvious.
Oh, and “Chickenhawk”? That’s so 1960’s, y’know? Right up there with Mao’s Little Red Book.
TW: it’s all about values.
Anybody have a line on when the Kikes and their neocon puppets will have that “only kill the bad guys bomb” ready?
Because then Chickenhawk can steal it, give it to Hezbollah, and—with the Jews and the Capitalist Imperialists gone—the world can finally usher in utopia.
Which involves wearing sandals and beating women and gays, and beheading people who eat ham and swiss sandwiches.
I guess everybody has their own “kooky” definition of what is world peace.
Anybody have a line on when the Kikes and their neocon puppets will have that “only kill the bad guys bomb†ready?
Jeff, I thought you didn’t read this site?
TW: If only Jeff would get a job.
Dude! Lemon Ice Gatorade? I love that flavor. Was looking for it just this past weekend at the grocery stores. No dice.
I’ll trade some tequila for it.
Seriously, it’s that hot here.
Hey Chickenhawk, nobody around here comes to where you work and slaps the dick out of your mouth.
The Real JeffS  Well, a little less obvious…
Hey Chickenhawk, nobody around here comes to where you work and slaps the dick out of your mouth.
Sean M., it was not my intention to interrupt any, uh, intimate moment you may have been having with Jeff. I just wanted to point up the bravery of the Israelis in fighting Canadian terrorism in Lebanon.
[Sigh] Well, you’ve finally done it. I dug way in the back of the liquor cabinet and found a very dusty bottle of Sauza Conmemorativo Anejo brought back from a long-ago trip to Mexico.
Here’s to ya!
Mmm, yeah! That’s smooth. And not out of some apertif glass either mind you, my glass came filled with Donna Maria mole. The perfect size for sippin’ tequila. Pretty soon I’ll be ready to take on the chihuahuas single-handed.
One hand tied behind my back even. Down on my hands and knees barkin’ right back.
If memory serves I will hate myself in the morning. And I’ll remember who reminded me of that bottle of sauza…
Chickenhawk,
I know that it might require some scrolling, but there’s another post here about Hezballah and their unwilling human shields, but I wouldn’t want to trouble you with asking you to look into that.
Jeff, I’m just not getting my memos on the proper Zionist Slur of the Week. Is it kike, yid, or sheenie? I swear, it’s more of a hassle than that whole coon/spade/darkie thing…
Jeff, I’m just not getting my memos on the proper Zionist Slur of the Week. Is it kike, yid, or sheenie? I swear, it’s more of a hassle than that whole coon/spade/darkie thing…
Jeff, I’m just not getting my memos on the proper Zionist Slur of the Week. Is it kike, yid, or sheenie? I swear, it’s more of a hassle than that whole coon/spade/darkie thing…
It’s cute the way you wingnuts are trying to dress up criticism of the Lebanon war as antisemitism. Opposition to the war is based on sane and pragmatic American interest, not to mention those pesky humanitarian concerns. Of course, “sane” and “pragmatic” are not words generally associated with the Bush administration, or, for that matter, Protein Wisdom.
It would be kind of interesting to see the reaction on this blog if Israel did manage to provoke an all-out war with Iran. Maybe you all would enjoy filling your SUVs with $20/gallon gas, and watching American personnel helicoptered out of Iraq off the embassy roof. Time will tell.
TW: O, goddess of reason , visit this blog!
Uh, Chickenhawk, you misunderstood my comment. It’s actually an old standard used by comedians to imply that a heckler (or in this case, a troll) is a cocksucker. A professional cocksucker.
You learn something new everyday, huh?
Yep, chickenhawk is having the Vietnam wetdream again. This time with a
Wake him up before he makes his sheets stiffer.
Uh, Chickenhawk, you misunderstood my comment. It’s actually an old standard used by comedians to imply that a heckler (or in this case, a troll) is a cocksucker. A professional cocksucker.
You learn something new everyday, huh?
My apologies, Sean M. I took your post to mean that you were giving Jeff a long, loving blowjob when my post rudely interrupted you. So sorry.
…Carter-esque homage to national malaise.
What I get for mixing poker, bourbon, and blogs.
has, as in, has you had enough tonight? Nah, bottle’s nearly half-full.
I’m sorry, Chickenhawk, but you seem to have misspelled both “Iran” and “Israel”. Respectively.
tw: Do you let just anybody come there often?
Jeff,
Totally unreleated but you must get your ass to Pirate’s Cove. Besides the kid friendly water park attractions (like big sand box areas and fountains slash zones etc…), the unintentional comedy is extremely high. You do get the occasional hot mom but holy Saint Pete there’s horror there you just can’t tear your eyes from no matter how hard you try. The red neck comedy scale is off the charts. Despite that, nice joint and supposedly better than the Elitch Gardens waterpark trashscapade.
What the hell were you talking about?
I fail to see how that was possible, he clearly stated your displeasure [that’s you, Chickenhawk] if he [that being Shawn M.] came to where you worked [that being you again, Chickenhawk….I know it is very confusing but try to keep up] and slapped the dick [insert dick of your choice here] out of your [again, you Chickenhawk] mouth.
…and it appears, “American” too:
tw: Work on the approach. Makes clean-up a breeze!
Sorry, Sean. I’m Shawn (proper spelling) your Sean (popular spelling). My bad. I don’t think I mispelled Chickenhawk’s any though so hopefully I didn’t offend two people.
hell kill ‘em all and let Allah sort it out after all it’s the destination not the journey…
Well then, that settles it.
You don’t know what it means? Well, you know that armadillo who never dances? Picture him and his boyfriend with their clothes off.
Fuckin’ armadillos.
Ah, Pat Buchanan, the finest American ever to lock rival candidates’ delegates out of the party convention hall.
Funny, When I nap I dream of constantly poking hillary with a 10 foot electric cattle prod.
To each his own I guess.
O, but She does visit, Chickenhawk! It’s just that you don’t see Her because into order to invoke Her goddess powers, one must be able to reason. That cuts you out, right up front.
TW: To become one of the blessed, thou must have reason.
Just a little. But Chickenhawk would started out as a mere moonbat, instead of instant classification as a Marxist moonbat. The former is amusing, the latter putrifying.
Let’s see, chickenhawk:
–Israel provoking Iran into a war. Interesting universe you live in there. I don’t think I’ve heard Olmert, Sharon, or even the ghost of David ben-Gurion suggest Iran doesn’t have a right to exist.
–Gas price increases due to tax increases would be okay, right? Just so we know where your whole blood-for-oil/Exxon-is-evil/HALLIBURTON! sympathies lie.
–Israel’s misses with an airstrike, kills some Canadians, and that excuses Hezbollah’s actions. I’m pretty certain the Israeli’s didn’t aim at the Canadians, but I am certain that Hezbollah does aim at Israelis.
Idiot.
The metaphor, Jeff!
It’s the fence!
No cerquemos! (Don’t fence us in.):
http://www.jimgilchrist.com/
http://tancredo.house.gov/irc/welcome.htm
Or Perhaps just a xenophobic reference to Cole Porter, with Salma Hayek overtones, especially given her dual Mexican-Lebanese ancestry (not one, but two vicious chihuahuas! – was one eating hummus?):
http://www.mathematik.uni-ulm.de/paul/lyrics/bingcrosby/dontfe~1.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salma_Hayek
In any case, disturbing. And portentious.
Not bloody likely.
Good answer. I read it. It was very persuasive for those who might live in the vacuum of their own points of view.
…put on the Jimmy Buffet background music and try again…
damn it, will no one around here save me some leftovers. Chickenhawk looked like good moonbat.
Mmmmm, chickenhawk moonbat on rye.
so twolane, during my nap today i dreamt that my house is haunted by a little girl. i woke myself up yelling about it and couldn’t move… so i went back to sleep.
Or that Iran does, in fact, not exist already. But in it’s nonexistent state, should be pushed into China anyway by a force that outnumbers it eleven to one.
No? Well it’s that goddamn moral equivalency all over again, isn’t it?
Israel built a paradise by the sea where nothing existed. Naturally, now the other kind folks coveting it should be indulged. So goes the leftist hivemind, the same cancer that arbitrarily assigns indigenous status and unlimited “rights” to anybody if damn well pleases, regardless of origins, timelines, or authenticity.
Now we know why socialist thieves the world over typically hate Israel. They can’t steal it too.
Maggie, my dear, release your inner child. Let that little gal out more often. Adulthood is way overrated. But don’t let her drink too many tequila shooters, or you won’t be able to move again, and you’ll just go back to sleep.
Sorry, Verc. Better go munch on an MRE. They’re not as tasty as fresh moonbat, but they’ll keep you going until the next one pops up. I hear the latest varieties are pretty good.
Although I do long for the days of dessert in the field made from pound cake topped with peaches, all from the mighty C-Ration. But I don’t miss hams with lima beans.
TW: Point taken. That really does date me, no?
heh, show opens tomorrow…. theater people make me drink. speaking of which the only time i’ve had tequila was at LaGuardia, was in NY with the symphony chorus, headed home when a fellow chorister offered to buy me a drink, i was too slow to pick something so he ordered a tequila shot, explained the whole salt, lime, licking, sucking thing…. i tried to slug it down and he’s yelling at me, “chew, chew, chew!!!!!” while shoving the lime at my face. i feel more sleepy after a beer. sneaky tequila.
oh and Real Jeff S we’ve got plenty o’ MRE’s here if you would like to sample one.
Break a leg, Maggie.
Thank you, Maggie, but, no. I’ve eaten more than my share of MRE’s in my day. Filling, but so is a Happy Meal™.
Oh, and break a leg!!!!
aw, thanks y’all.
TW: i’m thinking it’s the glass o’ wine i’ve had since i got home that makes me “chatty”.
Perhaps then you’d be good enough to simply state these sane and pragmatic principles. It was difficult discern any sober and serious intent on your part though the prism of snark and the discredited handle you chose for self-representation.
Maybe going out and coming in again would help?
Jeff. Sometimes a good chihuahua is just a smoke.
Looks like Greenwald may have been busted for sockpuppetry. Check out Ace of Spades and Patterico.
Yeah, Stormy,
Looks like they slapped the cock out of that sock puppet’s mouth.
It makes a turd.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Aren’t bats flying chihuahuas?
And pretty much tastes like what it makes…
Funny, you just described most lefties, natesnake. Including Chickenhawk.
And chihuahuas as well.
The Real JeffS  It’s more like, how could you miss with ham and lima bean C’s. Damn things were so dense the can flew pretty straight when you threw it.
The_Real_JeffS:
Ham and Motherfu—, er, Ham and Limas were very good if you prepared them correctly. You had to pour out the juice and rinse ‘em to get rid of the excess salt. A little Tobasco, and VOILA! Much better than those chihuahua placentas that they passed off as pork slices in gravy.
TW: I do have some standards when it comes to haute cuisine.
When the chihuahua guano hits the spinny thing—eh, vegetable fertilizer—salads—wait, wait, it’s coming to me . . .
I’ve got no ethnic slurs, chihuahua references, solutions to the latest mid East crisis, or insults for lefties that haven’t been done better already.
I do, however remember a time I killed a bottle of tequila with two Japanese bar girls. Come to think of it, I got nothing there either.
TW: below. I was feeling pretty low the next day.
Er, no, I don’t think so. Unless the Irish alphabet gained a “W” while I wasn’t looking.
TW: europe. Daaaaamn.
*Perhaps then you’d be good enough to simply state these sane and pragmatic principles. *
To state principles, one has to have principles.
Assuming “Bush = Hitler” does not rise to the level of “principle”
Except lucky you didn’t wake up in a gutter with no watch or wallet… unless you’re into that kind of thing…
Hey Jeff, I just heard that one of Greenwald’s sockpuppets made its way onto your blog.
So that makes:
Ace,
Patterico,
PW,
TheSkyisRed,
QandO
I bet there will be a lot more before the day is through.
You must respect my . . . er, HIS authoritie!
“We must drive the JOOOOOOOOS into the sea!”
“Sounds sane and rational to me, Justin. Mr. Duke, what do you think? Mr. Buchanan? Cindy? Hillary? Are we agreed on this, then?”
First of all, if you can kill it by stepping on it, its not a dog – regardless of the propaganda of the AKC.
Second, Chickenhawk, if you know that Canadians are not terrorists, why do the RCMP keep arresting them in their country?
Exactly the kind of juvenile crap I expect from Greenwald.
ReaganConservative,
I wasn’t drinking with strangers. Further evidence of a misspent youth…
TW: through. I am.
Anyone that thinks a certain race/creed/nationality/ideology/whateverology can’t end up being a terrorist is sorely mistaken. That’s the whole point of terrorism. It must be wonderful to live with your eyes closed to the dangers… like a bunch of ostriches head in the sand.
and SPQR you might get the first one… but when they move in packs…. fearsome…. Like Velociraptors.
The metaphor obviously means you should find Jim Gilchrist and Tom Tancredo and spray them with lemon ice Gatorade.
That might work. Then again, any C-ration quality ham & lima beans still lying around would have become as unpalatable as Glenn Greenwald’s sockpuppets.
Besides, the thought of wasting perfectly Tobassco on Glenn Greenwald makes me gag. So I will never know.
I thought C-rat lima beans had been classified as a WMD by the UNHCR?…
SB: drive
he said
I used to carry a couple of cans of C-rats in a boot sock suspended from my web gear. Wait a minute . . . is Greenwald’s sockpuppet . . . green???
The BASTARD!!! HE STOLE MY SOCK!!!!