So I’m sitting outside this morning, reading Goodbye, Columbus and enjoying a plate of whitefish salad and brisket, when suddenly one of those miniature radio controlled glider planes (at least, that’s what I think it was, though I suppose it could have been a miniature Chinese-made Iranian missile) buzzes my sun porch at about 15 feet before barreling headlong into my neighbor’s swimming pool, shredding the styrofoam bow of his floating lounge chair and capsizing it—along with him and a tall glass of rum punch—turning the water crimson with the terrible bobbing flotsam of ice cubes, lime wedges, and one of those tiny cocktail umbrellas.
And the worst part is, my neighbor is not even Egyptian. Though the kid who was piloting the plane is kinda swarthy. So I’m gonna check him out but good—you can bet your ass on that.
Developing…
Oh hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea.
Shit. one comment and I’m already outclassed.
It’s all fun and games
‘til someone puts their eye out
playing Get The Jew
That never stopped me before.
Nor anyone else, SFAIK.
Since I’m not Jewish, please forgive my ignorance. But what’s in a whitefish salad anyway?
War Denvers’s baseball team changing its name to the Denver Bears, the way God intended.
Is that what you call a nile-ation of the Jews?!! [looks for uncovered woman to smack]
Though the kid who was piloting the plane is kinda swarthy. So I’m gonna check him out but goodâ€â€you can bet your ass on that.
Norm Mineta’s not gonna like that.
Norm Mineta’s not gonna like that.
Who cares? That guy’s gone in a few months anyway
He might be a “Not Yet” American.
Was job nobody else would do, I suspect.
TW: looking. For something……..
Whitefish.
Oh, speaking of …
I DENOUNCE IN THE STRONGEST POSSIBLE TERMS GOLDSTEIN’S IMPLICATION OF CANNIBALISM!
… eating frisch salad and all.
I didn’t say it was gonna stop me.
* 4 stalks celery, peeled and diced
* 2 TBS lemon juice
* 3 TBS lowfat mayonnaise
* 3 TBS non-fat sour cream
* 1 smoked whitefish to yield 2 cups fish, bones removed
* White pepper, to taste
Combne all ingredients except fish and pepper. Add fish. Add pepper to taste.
NOTE: I revised this recipe from Jewish Holiday Kitchen by Joan Nathan. It originally called for regular mayo and sour cream. The proportions are not exact. If this is still too rich, cut down the amount of mayo and sour cream or add more fish.
From here.
Norm Mineta’s not gonna like that.
He seems a bit swarthy himself.
I’m pretty sure “whitefish salad and brisket” is code for something. Time to google (also code for something…)
You ate it with the brisket? SO very not kosher.
Well that’s just dandy, Patrick. And I’m over here for the last fifteen minutes desperately trying to work the Great Lakes (best damn whitefish on the planet) into a snarkily subtle comment.
tw: Only they’re 2,000 miles farther east.
BECAUSE OF THE TRAYF!
Jeff, when you’ve finished “Goodbye Columbus” you might consider Joseph Epstein’s “Fabulous Small Jews.”
I’m rereading “Lord Jim.” Though I’ve reached the part where the narrator says, ‘He tossed his head fearlessly, and I confess that for the first and last time in our acquaintance I perceived myself unexpectedly to be thoroughly sick of him.’ Marlow, dude, I hear you.
TW: alone
The plaice is on the salver. I repeat, the plaice is on the salver…
Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro
Esther told Ari about a thing she saw.
Had two big turbans and an ass’ jaw.
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah,
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah.
Ari told Esther, “Let’s don’t take no chance.
Let’s go bomb their hideouts, make ‘em learn to dance.”
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah,
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah.
Esther told Ari, “That’s the thing to do.
Gotta teach those bastards not to kidnap Jews.”
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah,
Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah, Hezzabollah.
Watch me now, watch me now!
wuz ze glider painted mit deutsche Luftwaffe markingz?
ze kann nicht zees mir but i’m zitting in ze bushes waring ein feld grau uniformen und ein Stahlhelm.
veddy interesting….
Mmmm! Salad bi-Samaka baydah! Lathitha jiddan! Oh, and not to frighten you all unnecessarily, but have any of you thought about the next trillion years of your life? I have and I’m scared: <a href=”http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=4468″ target=”_blank”>
hmmm, sorry about that. That looks really unprofessional.
Try this:
http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=4468
JaK–
So I was stuck in the elevator with this guy, and he was freaking me out.
Try NEW! Dianetics, now with Hoodia!
We got it Wrong- Tucson Citizen
heh
Just don’t push “down” Dan….might give him idea’s…
Recipe’ for “WhiteFrisch salad”:
… 185 lbs of Nippon BlowFrisch (flab-in)
… 1/2 Gallon of Verbal Brass
… 12 slashes of pouty mouth
… 10 lb’s of Sour Grapes
… 6 Teaspoons of strained latent pedo leaves
… 1 cup of victimized Vinegar
… 1 20 oz, box of “Spring Fresh” douche
… 1 bunch of vieled death threats
… 1 Cowbell
– Mix all ingredients thoroughly, and wash Blowfrisch “Liberally” with mixture. Cook slowly over Blogersphere burner, bringing misture too a boil until contrite, or until poking with a fork leaves tangs clean. Garnish with additional sour grapes, calling everyone to the table using the Cowbell, and eat immediately. Throw away any leftovers, since BlowFrisch is known to breakdown quickly, and become poisonous, and dangerously explosive within a 100 foot radius.
The only kind of salad I care anything for is spinach salad– in Olive Oyl
Are you sure Bluto didn’t toss her salad on a few occassions?
I always has seconds.
Joseph Epstein. I would kiss the hem of his trousers. What a writer!
I found a copy of Epstein’s “The Goldin Boys” on a remainder table for 50 cents. That was my introduction to his work. A happy accident–It was one of the best short story collections I’ve ever read. He’s at Northwestern still, I think. A decent fellow. And as you say, “What a writer!” He’s no Isaac Babel, but then who is…
Anybody seen “The Semiphore Version of Wuthering Heights.” First rate. Almost as good as “Julius Caesar on an Aldis Lamp.” And definitely better than “The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral in Morse Code.”
“Signalman First Class” my ass. Don’t even know how to spell “semaphore.”
I was thinking more along the line of “The Rise and Fall of Hizbullah” in smoke signals.
Gross. Might as well use paste.
You’ll know that I finished building my time machine when eating this flavorless diet crap suddenly becomes sacrilege.
Or you won’t know, but I will, and I’ll be in an asylum ranting about how I traveled through time and saved mayonnaise.
Or I’ll be in the parallel universe where sour creamâ€â€
Shit.
(Kicks half-built time machine to pieces, shakes fist at universe.)
Speaking of writers, Pynchon has a new novel coming out in December. The initial description sounds like it’s going to be similar in character to _Gravity’s Rainbow_, a personal favorite of mine.
So I guess this is not the time to bring up my collection of CRACKED and MAD magazine.
Au contraire. CRACKED and MAD fit right in.
Bye-Bye, Miss American Spy
http://intherightplace.blogspot.com/2006/06/ms-american-spy.html
Here’s confirmation for what Tai Chi Wawa said above. I know what I want for Christmas!
ROTFL!!!
They still got MAD magazines? OMG thought that went out with the bell bottoms and the fall of the Berlin wall.
Actually watched it on TV, once. A very short once, well actually less than once…
– ah skip it.
Mad ain’t what it was. Instead of Wood, Elder and Kurtzman, or even Drucker and Davis and Aragiones and Prohias, now they publish Ted Rall.
Where have you gone Bill Gaines?
Mad ain’t been the same since Don Martin left ‘em.
I heard that, McGehee.
Speaking of writers, Pynchon has a new novel coming out in December. The initial description sounds like it’s going to be similar in character to _Gravity’s Rainbow_, a personal favorite of mine.
Since everything he’s written since GR has been, shall we say tedious, why not just reread GR. Although it has become rather dated.Better yet read V . The only thing he wrote that has legs.
Jeff, I tip my hat to you for using the word “flotsam” correctly. All too often in our media-clip saturated times, many a young man will become confused as to the difference between “flotsam” and “jetsam” of the popular phrase, “flotsam and jetsam.” Kudos to you, Sir.
Although perhaps the fading of the nautical tradition in our youthful shenanigans has something to do with this as well.
But, I digest.