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variations on a theme: The “an ordinary clock glimpsed in its moment of brief anti-heteronormative awakening” post (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)

tic

tic

tic

tic

tic

“Is it me?  Or does the fact that clock hands look like predatory rotating penises stalking a set of mostly curvaceous and feminized numerals reinforce an idea of sexuality that marks us as only slightly more socially advanced in our purported ‘tolerances’ than, say, the Taliban…?”

tic

tic

tic

46 Replies to “variations on a theme: The “an ordinary clock glimpsed in its moment of brief anti-heteronormative awakening” post (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)”

  1. JayI says:

    Get a digital clock and free yourself from this torment.

  2. dario says:

    Thank you for the water through the nose treatment Goldstein.

    That’s a keeper.

  3. TODD says:

    Jeff

    Is it the same with Roman Numerals?

  4. Well with Roman numerals, the scope of sexual possibilities is greatly expanded of course, in which case the fact that one pallus is longer than the other is perfectly in keeping with the general theme of “mean time”. Brings too mind the probability that the ubiquitous “tic” is actually a thinly disguised “thrust….thrust….thrust”.

  5. TODD says:

    Great,

    Now I have to deal with thrusting numbers.  Getting kind of wierd……

    What next?

    Pelvic anomolies?

  6. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Not to mention Roman numerals were outed by Petronious almost 2000 years ago.

  7. Erik says:

    George Bush hates clocks.

    –Andrew Sullivan

  8. gahrie says:

    I’d have to say it’s only you.

    (By the way is the clock battery powered, or plugge into the wall, because it definitely matters if it’s AC or DC.)

  9. McGehee says:

    I won’t know what to think about this post until Coom— er, Comma— um, Comatose comes in and tells me whether or not it’s boring.

  10. Non-analog (non-phallus based clocks), would necessarily be feminine. Digits only. That’s supported by a significant warehouse of research data that shows wimmins are much more accurate in time keeping, “hands down”. Additionally, Digitals tend to really scream when they go off.

  11. Sully says:

    Is that why I get hard when I look at my Rolex?

    TW:into I would like the big hand stuck……….nevermind

  12. a4g says:

    Still, we’ve really progressed since the sundial.

    Or have we just mechanized?

  13. Forbes says:

    …more socially advanced than the Taliban…not according to some morally superior comments in previous posts…who’ve chosen to side with the Islamist head choppers…because Chipmy W. McHitlerburton has shredded the Constitution…as he doesn’t allow unelected judges to monitor the Article II authority of the CINC…won’t extend Geneva Convention protections to unlawful combatants captured on foreign battlefields…and doesn’t seek warrants to conduct lawful and reasonable monitoring of international signals…

    What was the question about the curvaceous and feminized stuff…

    t/w: parts? Was it curvaceous and feminized parts?

  14. guinsPen says:

    slightly more socially advanced… than, say, the Taliban

    Hey, we got a promotion !

  15. bananarepublican says:

    Leave the pelvic anomalies out of it. You don’t even want to go near that subject…

    ps: No one made me write this post.

  16. Jim in KC says:

    Well, that and those danged laundry baskets that Amanda from Pandagon loves/hates so much.

  17. JayI says:

    Still, we’ve really progressed since the sundial.

    I don’t know about that, I heard that the ladies really like a Roman Gnomon.

  18. Great Mencken's Ghost! says:

    Oh, great, now you’re a clock-slapping faggot… wink

  19. ….the ladies really like a Roman Gnomon.

    – Besides the fact that many of the Roman “styles” glow in the dark, which can make for some interesting pelvic anomolies….

    (Oye’ my aching temporals….)

    TW: This thread is getting pentamically moronic already. Gotta love it. Speaking “truthiness to sss-tic-i-ness”…

  20. MaryC says:

    Oh my god…too funny. Scrutator’s imploding…all the posters over there are having a huge scrap.

  21. Swen Swenson says:

    Ve haff vays of making you toc!

  22. tic….TOC…..tic…..TOC…..

    – Definately a clock that swings both ways….

    TW: That mantle lurker really gets around.

  23. You know, “The MOVEMENT speaks” would have made a fine title for this post too….

  24. Major John says:

    Is it me?

    Yes.  Now get back to telling me the time.

    [This bit of temporal oppression brought to you by letter “t” and the number “12″].

  25. McGehee says:

    …predatory rotating penises stalking a set of mostly curvaceous and feminized numerals…

    Quiet, you!

    <backhanded slap>

    […]

    Um, Jeff? That wasn’t your only clock, was it?

  26. Just Passing Through says:

    Speaking of clock-slapping, Lo Ping has resurfaced. I wonder if this is the apology Jeff got?

    http://www.tristram-shandy.com/2006/06/lo-ping-speaks.html

  27. Rusty says:

    I think I know how Bluto felt in “Animal House”

  28. Just Passing Through says:

    For some reason comment posting is very slow. My preceding comment was made also in the Lo Ping tread, but I thought it didn’t take. Did not intend to double comment in two threads. Apologies.

  29. “What have the Romans ever done for us?”

  30. JWeb says:

    Sometimes clock hands are just clock hands – CHRONOPHOBE!

  31. topsecretk9 says:

    per the dry drunk crap Andrew was dumb enough to subscribe to…

    Maybe he is just channeling Lawrence O’Donnell and since HE hasn’t drank a beer her really is the epitome of dry drunk…and hey where does Larry D. get his ideas…at the lake?

  32. MayBee says:

    You say rotating penis as if that would be a bad thing.

  33. topsecretk9 says:

    the typo is fruedian and works…when I siad the lake…wher does one get story ideas… I should habve said

    TOWNHOUSE

    my bad.

  34. DeepTrope says:

    ”…clock-slapping faggot…”–good one, GMG.

    Cock-slapping is all well and good; but really, Jeff, if we’re to maintain any illusions about being socially more advanced than, say, even white rabbits with waistcoat watches, the clock-slapping has to stop. At least by half-assed past three.

    Any more’s an orgy–inevitably to be followed by a protracted period of pro-homonormative hypersatiation coma.

    Sheeesh.

    TW:  except

    on the off-chance it’s a Timex

  35. Maybe… not to put too fine a point on it….but the propellor rotates…the penis stands perfectly straight… (unless your name is Clinton, in which case it will have a left bias…)

  36. Master Tang says:

    This is getting into Zen koan territory – except instead of flags flapping in the wind, it’s…..

    Naw, just leave it at that.

  37. DeepTrope says:

    The sound of one clock clapping?

  38. DeepTrope says:

    So what does make a horologist tick?

  39. Master Tang says:

    You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

    [Tang gives shout-out to Dorothy Parker]

  40. alppuccino says:

    You say rotating penis as if that would be a bad thing.

    It does help them wear evenly. 

    Proper inflation can help prevent a blowout as well.

  41. Nick says:

    See… and I had the opposite thought.  I think that clock makers have forced us to have only 60 minutes in an hour so that we wouldn’t get to look at the number 69 every hour.  Damn puritanical clock makers!

  42. BOB says:

    You can’t take the sex out of digital clocks. Electric has those nasty male plugs and battery…well we all know what a battery looks like.

    TW it’s just a Party

  43. McGehee says:

    Uh-oh—I’m a clock-slapper!

    Does that make me a … a horophobe!?

  44. Does that make me a … a horophobe!?

    – No…. that makes you a Temporophile …. (Hey Mikey…. He likes it”

  45. MayBee says:

    It does help them wear evenly.

    Proper inflation can help prevent a blowout as well.

    Hilarious!

    I’m off to the land of the Great Lakes in a few hours.  No more earthquakes under the lake beds, ok?

  46. alppuccino says:

    Roger that.  But if the Bedford Hts folks all flush at once, I can’t be held responsible.  I’m quite a ways south of the lake anyhoo.

    Enjoy.

Comments are closed.