Dear ABC News:
I suppose the biggest effect global warming has had on my life — aside from putting an end to my childhood fears that the next ice age could arrive at any moment and cancel the Orioles’ season — is that, as frightening as it now seems in retrospect, it made “moderate Democrat” Al Gore a viable national candidate for President, particularly in the minds of those who feign concern for arctic caribou, or brag about the compactness of their carbon footprint, or fetishize that crying Indian from the 70s TV ads. Who, in turns out, may not even have been a Native American.
— Which is fitting, I suppose, because Al Gore was never really a moderate Democrat — though, like “Iron Eyes Cody,” he looks far more appealing in earth tones than he would in, say, that slick white suit Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever.
God bless Naomi Wolf.
Sincerely,
protein wisdom
Non sono un americano natale. Ma ho giocato uno sulla TV.
Dear ABC,
Just a few months ago, it would snow occassionally, and I would have to clean that off my car. Now it is much warmer and sometimes it hurts my fingers when I touch the steering wheel. I was thinking about leaving my windows rolled down a little to counteract the greenhouse effect (Thanx, Mr. Gore!) but I’m afraid it might snow. So now I just leave the car running all the time with the air conditioning on. That seems to help.
Sincerely,
Pablo
New England
Here’s what I left:
Try learning some science so you aren’t fooled by all the liars and idiots out there. Until then you will continue to lose audience share.
BTW, you are asking for anecdotes, which have NO scientific validity. Take a class for God’s sake!
Dear ABC,
Since I live in Michigan (and it gets kinda cold up here), I welcome the coming Global Warming. Perhaps we can convince Disney World to put a franchise in the North. We could put it near our brand new Ikea! And, it would really rock to have citrus trees up here!
anxiously awaiting year-round nice weather,
Carin
Pablo,
You think it’s hot there? Let me tell you…
Dear ABC
It seems to be making everyone around me dumber than a box of fucking news anchors, other than that I haven’t noticed.
B Moe Hipp
Dear ABC,
It is not that Global Warming has ruined my life; George Hitler already did that. Indeed the Rovian Heat Wave that is scorching the Middle Eastern rain forests is just the final atrocity, after he dimpled all of the Gore chads and beat Kerry after class in the Electoral College.
In closing, I would like us to think outside of the “box” for a minute; instead of cars and your racist Industrial Revolution, we Americans should adopt at least five pairs of brown people who will be our dishwashers, clothesdryers, our tuk-tuk drivers, our personal ball-washers (for golfing, of course), and–with proper irradiation ‘therapy’ or liberal application of lighter fluid–our personal microwaves and stoves.
Just like in my example, everyone’s lives will have improved by slave labor and the grinding boot of punitive sanctions against efficiency no less than any other.
This is something we can all do.
Thank you.
Vercingetorix, Chief of the Averni, Alesia
We got 150% of normal snowpack in the mountains in Central Idaho this past winter. This spring was cooler and wetter than normal. We’re about 20% ahead of average annual precipitation to date.
What does it all mean? Beats me. But…go global warming! Yay!
Great…. so once again half of New Mexico will be underwater, and all of the California Central Valley. Like that has never happened before I mean…
Dear ABC,
Your slip is showing.
Rich Cox
(Maybe I should write it in French?)
Who’s Joe?
Dear ABC News Persons:
Thank you for this opportunity to explain the horrible effects global warming is having on my life. Every year I notice that the winter is getting a little shorter and warmer. Also, the frozen tundra on which I, as a hunter, rely for food has been receding year in and year out. It wouldn’t be so bad but I just cant seem to get cool with this thick fur. For years I just thought that the Gods were angry with me for some reason. That was before I met my friend Al. He has told me that the God’s are not angry with me it’s just that their are to many of us wooley mammoths for nature to support. Apparently our farts do something to the air which somehow makes it warmer. I can’t explain it but Al seems to know what he’s talking about and he is seems super serial so I think I better listen to him.
Anyway I have decided to take Al’s advice; stop eating so much so I won’t be farting all day long and quit procreating so we can reduce the population and the stress on nature. It doesn’t seem quite fair since Al eats all he wants and, when he’s not out telling everybody about how are farts are warming the earth, seems to do little but procreate. I’m going to stick with it anyway, should work out well for us Wooley Mammoths don’t you think?
Respectfully,
Fred Mammoth
Siberia
Carin,
Have you been to the Ikea yet?
Gore like Dean is appealing to the dumb fu*k vote.
(ie. 80% of democrats)
Not yet. When the crowds subside, I will brave a journey.
Italian Native Americans!
I suspect that 8-track tapes were erased from the planet as a result of the greenhouse effect.
However, in order to have a valid argument, I am staying overnight at a Holiday Inn Express.
Dear ABC:
Global Warming has impacted My Life by making it easily apparent who among my fellow citizens is so revolted by Liberalism and Al Gore’s Beard that they will reject and ignore any scientific evidence that suggests the world is changing.
Thank you for conducting this Valuable Public Service. The Flat Earthers are now much easier to Identify.
Sincerely,
Beet Root
You ought to be in KC in August. Hot?
Hotter than two rats fucking inside a wool sock.
When I was a kid, one year it snowed in June. And I remember when it was 70 in December one year. Of course, that was before Bush was in office, so we didn’t call it “global warming” or assign political blame for the weather.
TW: That was then…
Dear ABC,
I’m a student at a small Midwestern college–
Er, whoops, wrong letter. I mean: We have been having some unusual animal sightings around here which I believe may be due to global warming. Last week I was walking on the beach in Galveston, and this kid came running up saying there was a gator in the water. Well, I didn’t think gators lived in the ocean, but by golly there was a critter in the water, must’ve been about ten feet long.
And then it rose up out of the water, and up and up and, in short, it turned out to be a diplodocus! Or maybe a it was a brontosaurus; I’ll have to check with my friend Anne Elk, who’s a renowned expert in these things.
Anyhow, it started up toward the beach and we thought we were done for. But it ate the neon palm tree off a nearby cantina, and I don’t think that went down well at all, because it slunk back into the water and didn’t come back up. Some shrimp fisherman have reported a big glowing thing in the water, but the authorities have dismissed this as St. Elmo’s fire, though what a crummy Eighties movie has to do with diplodocuseseses, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe they mean the song.
Anyhow, I hope you can get someone down here to investigate this soon, before the hurricanes wash away the evidence.
Regards,
Angie Schultz
Dear ABC:
I don’t really have an anecdote concerning global warming but I was hoping that I could prevail upon your in-house science experts to answer a question:
My friend Laurie and I took her husband’s Gulfstream VI to New York to go shopping. While we were there we also purchased several timed thermostats for each of our various homes.
So my question is this: We are still carbon neutral, right?
Keep up the good work!
Barbra in Malibu
Dear ABC,
Back in my twenties, I had a full head of hair.
Now my hairline is receding just like all those glaciers that I hear about.
Although other parts of my body seem to be preparing for a colder climate by adding on additional layers of insulating blubber.
Sorry I can’t be more help. I don’t know if I am a sign of global warming or not.
By the way, I’ve seen this on several blogs now, but so far no one’s reported seeing a manbearpig. I’m really, really disappointed.
I don’t doubt climate is changing, I just doubt that human activity has a determinative effect. No doubt early humans thought themselves responsible for Ice Ages and droughts too. They figured they pissed off the gods and were being punished. The Al Gores of every culture since the beginning of time have done their Powerpoint presentation on how it was an ethical imperitive that everybody sacrifice their children, and do rain-dances, and stop eating pork, and knock off the sodomy. (Sodom and Gommorah got some global warming REAL FAST).
It’s human nature to find yourself the center of the universe, so it’s not surpising that narcisistic liberals are clammoring to blame somebody else’s alleged sins (SUV drivers and big oil companies) for upsetting Gaia. Convenient for them that their favored bad guys, now blamed for ruining the weather, are the same capitalist pigs that destroyed their hope for a communist workers’ paradise. It’s easy to find them deserving of and responsible for Mother Earth’s wrath, since they’re so obviously evil. Much harder to blame third world development, even though the increase in the developing world’s wealth and industry in the last half century is certainly at least as big a problem as Americans’ failure to drive hybrids since 2004.
While it’s possible that human activities contribute to world climate, the questions of what degree and to what end are compeletly unknown. Our activity is a drop in the ocean of climate change contributors. Jurassic Park chaos theory, hello? Butterfly wing flaps in China can bring about climate change. For all we know, our added contribution of CO2 and air pollution and deforestation have unwittingly staved off centuries of climate change. I mean, it seems intelligent of us to reforest sensibly and limit our output of shit into the air, but who’s to say that the water vapor from hybrid cars is not an even more significant contributor to climate change than our current CO2.
Radical alterations in human behavior are exceedingly unlikely to STOP climate change or make it “better” or “worse.” Someday the climate will change. And then someday it’ll happen again. And it won’t be because Bush failed to sign Kyoto. It’ll be because climates fucking change. Drought and famine happen and always have. Ice ages and heat spells happen. Poles flip, continents separate. Gore’s just setting himself up to say “I told you so” and to blame Republicans in the event of any natural disaster, ever.
beetroot, since you are concerned about Liberalism being revolting, you might want to read this for, y’know, situation awareness?
Wouldn’t want you to miss the latest talking points and all.
Dear ABC:
I finally left United States because I was disgusted with this administration’s environmental policies and on the plane they were showing the documentary “The Day After Tomorrow” and everybody on the plane was like, “yeah, right, the weather is going to go to hell in handbasket in two days”, but, lo and behold, in the time it took to complete the plane trip the earth’s seasons had completed reversed themselves.
I bet those people on the plane feel pretty damned stupid now, huh?
Stephen in Sydney
Ils ne sont pas un américain natale. Mais j’ai joué un sur TV!
Dear ABC News
I’ve watched you since I was old enough piss yellow. You are ALWAYS right. What can I do to stop this global tragedy? I’ve already voted for Al Gore and John Kerry (two or three times as I recall). If I sent you money I made from my hemp sandal business…like would it help?
Creekjumper Phoenix
Dear ABC: I wanted so much to do something about the impending global climactic crisis, I really, really did.
After much discussion, my beloved and I decided that to do our part in the eternal struggle against entropy, we should try to create and maintain a state of equilibrium within a closed system.
And that’s how it started – quick trip down to the shops, and we spent the rest of the day hooking up a battery of humidifiers and de-humidifiers. As the ominous hum began, little did we realize the horror that awaited us…
Do I have to spell it out for you? Humidifiers, De-Humidifiers! There’s no freaking end to it, don’t you see? It’s only a matter of time now….
Dear ABC,
Since marrying a Canadian citizen I have lived up here in Edmonton, Alberta, through the last two winters. This last winter was definitely milder than the first (not one decent blizzard or serious snowstorm! and the snow was all gone by mid-April), and the first winter it barely got down to -35C (-31F)! Of course, I find this all somewhat coldish, having been raised in Texas. However, the natives, despite being good eco-conscious Canadians, go around saying things like, “if this is global warming, bring it on!” Apparently their main concerns are 1) whether they can still brag about the length and utter coldness of their winters compared to Winnipeg’s, and 2) they seem to want more than 3 1/2 months of the year absolutely free and clear of snowfall. Well, how selfish can you be!
Sincerely,
Meg Q
P.S. Of course the winter *before* I moved here was record-setting-low cold and had extra-heavy snowfall, but that hardly counts, now, does it?
From the first line of the Wikipedia entry for Global Cooling:
Emphasis mine. Fast forward 30 years and we’re in the middle of a media clusterfuck based on… temporary upward trend of temperatures.
What’s old is new again.
Beetroot: I don’t doubt that the earth is getting warmer, what I want to see is some scientific evidence that it isn’t supposed to be getting warmer.
“Flat earth”? Wait, did I miss a “Dateline” report?
Hey, maybe ABC news is smarter than we’re giving them credit for. Maybe they’re just looking for people stupid enough to think they have a photo that constitutes “evidence” of global warming so they can do a special making fun of them.
Nah, probably not.
Jeff, it was in that Dateline where Stone Phillips explained how pig’s bladders caused earthquakes.
Right after they demonstrated that if Katie Couric weighed the same as a duck, then without a doubt she was…
Well, actually, I flipped channels at that part.
Dear ABC:
This morning, upon peering out my window to see if that evil killer Sol was going to rise over the Jersey Shore yet again, I was treated to a shocking view: Literally thousands of humans were strewn about the beach, fearing the worst, I grabbed a couple bottles of Evian and ran outside to help.
Alas, most of them were red as lobsters and unresponsive, though some had made it to the surf only to find the water too polluted with salt to drink. Based on all the NY license plates I can only assume that NYC is underwater, please confirm.
Tomorrow I open my combo umbrella and water stand and plan to donate 10% of the proceeds for a plane ticket so Ahnold can come visit and cool us down.
Over at Tim Blair’s place. I’m serial.
Dear ABC,
I have’t noticed any changes due to warming here at home, but the family vacation spots on Mars, Jupiter, and Pluto have seen some big changes.
Ha ha, thanks, MT, you made me LOL there . . .
Dear ABC:
I live near the beach and am really concerned about rising sea levels. But I also think that global warming is just the Earth’s revenge on unthinking corporate mankind for polluting the air and water and clearcutting the rainforests, so instead of moving to higher ground—which would be the coward’s way out, I’m staying put.
I want you to help pass the word to all of my blub glub blub blub garble blubbablub…
Dear ABC:
It is supposed to be near 40 degrees celsius in Mojave Desert on Saturday – afterall, it is the desert. The desert floor is about 3,000 ft msl. At 18,000 ft msl the temp is predicted to be around -8 degrees celius, the difference matching the dry adiabatic laps rate of 3 degrees celsius per 1,000 ft. In addition, due to the position of the high pressure system (some would say the reason why it is supposed to be so hot)some mid to high level (18k) moisture from Mexico (illegally I’m sure) will work its way into the area.
So what you ask.
Well, come Saturday at around noon I’m going take 80 pounds of dacron, carbon fiber and aluminum tubing and jump off a 6,000ft moutain. Based on the above weather forecast I’m expecting to climb out to just under 18,000 ft. and cloudbase. And hopefully (crossing fingers, knocking on wood), those clouds are going to point me the way to a 100+ mile flight.
Hoorah to warm temps!
Any NASA data on the greenhouse gas emissions caused by Harry Reid’s bean burrito farts over the last two decades?
Prove that they AREN’T having an effect.
Back then most people thought the earth was flat. Scientists and the powers that be included. Most probably didn’t know either way but went along with it so that people wouldn’t think they were backwards and ridicule them.
So who’s the flat earther mindlessly following the herd? You’ve got alot of scientists in the herd (most of which aren’t climatologists) and the federal and most state governments going along with this. And you run around ridiculing people who don’t go along and calling them backwards. Start here: <a href=”http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0521010683/ref=ase_theskepticale-20/002-6533915-1735265?s=books&v=glance&n=283155&tagActionCode=theskepticale-20″ target=”_blank”> for a sensible view.
From The Corner:
Anyway, if ABC News forgot about the old saying “Ask a silly question, get a silly answer,” they are in the process of relearning it now…
(I hurt myself laughing at Pablo’s entry)
My contribution:
Dear ABC-
Two days ago there was an earthquake here at 6:48 am. I think it was the earth’s way of saying, “Wake up, wake up and see what you are doing to me!”.
So I looked out the window and it was raining. Like the earth was crying. This also made it difficult to walk my dog, who had to pee because the earthquake scared him.
xoxxo
MayBee
Dear ABC,
I too have noticed this. I think it’s caused by all your media blowhards. Feel free to shut up until winter.
povero ABC, siete voi pazzo.
(next time i need something translated, i’ll contact you, Jeff.)
Dear ABC,
It was, like, 105 degrees here today, and I was all, “MAN, IT’S, LIKE, 105 DEGREES!!”
Dear ABC
I have noticed that Global Warming has brought quite a few fire-flaming Gorebots out of the closet. Perhaps their existance is the reason why our blessed environment is under climate attack.
Maybee,
That wasn’t the “Quake at the Lake” (Erie) of ott-6 was it? Don’t tell me you’re in the Cleveland area?
alppu- my quake was in Tokyo. There was an earthquake at Lake Erie? Was there a tsunami warning for Put-in-Bay?
Well, there was a warning to look out for an irritating splash of urine-rich liquid. It wasn’t “tsunami” though. It was…..uh…….
Oh crap I’d remember it if I heard it………
A KUCINICH!! THAT’S IT!!
Don’t know about everyone else, but clearly Al Gore is, by emulating Mike S, not only carbon neutral, thus matching Balsingham, but a veritable carbon sink. Only question is whether the prefix is mega or giga to the tons.
Dear ABC News,
I live in Southeastern Indiana and just recently I’ve noticed that the days have actually become exactly one hour longer! The sun used to set here around 9:00pm during the summer, this year it’s closer to 10! I’ve also noticed that Kentucky has somehow slipped into slow time. Heating of the Earth’s crust must have pushed all of Kentucky into a different time zone! This would never have happened if we had ratified the Kyoto treaty.
Dear ABC:
Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.
I can tell you for sure that the temperature is much higher now than it was when I was a girl growing up in Canarsie. I used to run around all day during the summer and I didn’t even have to stop to catch my breath! That’s how cool the air was then. I wouldn’t get hot or sweaty at all. And I had all the energy in the world: I ran, I swam, I skipped rope. Bubbe would say to me, Sylvia, stop with the running around and sit down like a lady already.’ G-d, she had a heart of gold, that woman. She died in 1983.
For the last twenty years, I’ve had the strong impression it’s been getting hotter and hotter. I remember telling my late husband, Morris, ‘This isn’t like the old days, Morris, this is much hotter. I wonder if it’s global warming.’ The next year he had a stroke.
Lately, I’ve noticed it’s so hot that I’m constantly exhausted, move at a snail’s pace and find it almost impossible to make it up a flight of stairs without wetting my pants.
I’ve attached photos that prove that the water level in the Atlantic Ocean is dropping. The one on the left shows Morris and me at Coney Island in 1953. The one on the right was taken 15 years ago when we were visiting Coney Island for my nephew, Danny’s, bar mitzvah. Danny’s a rising divorce attorney now, with three offices here in Miami. If you look at the shore line in the photos, you can see where the water level looks to be about 2 inches higher in 1953. I noticed it a long time ago, myself, but my friends kept telling me I was insane. Well, they’re all dead now.
So, I really think you are on to something here. The right can’t lie to us any more about this. It’s real! By the way, tell that new evening anchor, Charles Kuralt, that I’ve always been a big fan.
Keep up the good work!
Oy, always with the ocean it’s dropping. You’re such a meshugineh!
Dear Inquiring Mind:
I don’t have a story but I do want to congratulate you on pursuing the “personal angle” in the ongoing scientific debate about the provenance and existence of global warming. “Anecdotal evidence is always the best evidence” is what my old meteorology professor used to say.
I have yet to have one of them even acknowledge this question, let alone try to answer it.
Dear ABC…DEFGHI….uh, oh well Al Gore didn’t get past the first grade either or is it eyther? I just got to let you know that my TV melted from the heat.
Now I will never know how global warming will turn out unless you send me a new TV, 60” flat panel prefered.
Yours, Little Johnny