boy: “Bee bad, Daddy.”
me: “That’s right. Though Daddy would have gone with ‘bees fucking suck, which is why I’m about to go genocidal on them with aerosalized chemical weapons, then dance on their twitching corpses until not even their immediate family members can identify them.’”
Whoa, bummer for the kid.
But if you’re a fisherman, you should wait until last light, roll up a bit of newspaper, light it on fire, hold it under the little buggers’ nest (which will burn their wings off), then remove the (unpoisoned) nest. The larvae make excellent live bait.
Oh, and you can still stomp the guts out of the adults.
Wait till it gets dark before you spray, burn, whatever. But keep a flashlight handy so you can watch ‘em squirm.
If you want to go for the immediate, day light kill, get some Hot Shot. Has a range of about 30 feet and knocks those fuckers down. Dead right there.
Poor little bug. Give him a hug.
And then slaughter those fuckers. Nobody fucks with the kids.
Bees are Bugs of Peace.
Perhaps they were insulted by a cartoon, or some such.
Yeah…It’s déjàvu all over again
I mean rightwing warmongering WASPs attacking innocent peace-loving children of Middle-Eastern extraction: this looks like a remake of Fallujah or something.
Stop lifting your Islamophile narratives from those defeatist cum un-American Al-New-Ibn-York articles!
Sorry about your kid—wasps and yellowjackets are the worst.
Sorry Jeff.
I can feel the pain though, yesterday my 2 year old daughter was stung on the finger by a honey bee. Hard to deal with when they are crying and you cannot do anything for the pain….
Maybe if Americans weren’t always oppressing the bees, taking their honey and stuff, they would not attack innocent children.
No blood for honey, warmonger.
No consolation I know, but it could be worse and at least you now know he isn’t allergic. There is a species in Central America that is three time as large as a normal wasp and they will attack in concert,(one after the other). One sting will send an adult to the hospital. Appropriately named “El Ahogadora”; The Strangler
TW: Lived. Yes, for a time.
I’m with Pavel, Jeff. What did you do to make the bees hate your kid? Maybe you should hold a candlelight vigil before you go off all half-cocked on these misunderstood vermin.
If I were you, I’d pull out of your house now and move to Okinawa.
Crap, I’m such a pathetic excuse for a wanna-be lefty. I didn’t spell any of my words in ALL-CAPS.
Poor little guy. Kill ‘em all, Jeff.
I hope your son’s feeling better, Jeff.
Two suggestions:
1. Get a pack of Sting-Eez. It’s available at pharmacies without a prescription. It’s a little green tube with a sponge on the end. You squeeze the tube, break the interior, and dab the green stuff on a sting. It numbs the pain immediately. I keep a pack in the car and in the medicine box at home.
2. THINK your reaction, but oh, please try not to say it out loud. Two-year-olds repeat what they hear, and it’s so hard to retrain them. On the other hand, Great Aunt Matilda’s reaction when he retells the story with your dialogue might be very entertaining….
Turnabout is fair play. Paralyze them and keep them in the refrigerator to snack on later.
Kisses on the boo-boo for the tyke, too. Mine caught a wasp in her hand and was stung. I quickly sucked the venom out, so no trip to the ER was necessary, thank goodness.
Turing = rather, as in I guess you could say Dan Rather got stung too, didn’t he?
I BLAME THE BEE-O-CONS!!!!
Just make sure you don’t live near a munitions factory.
Jeff,
Sorry to hear about the Wasp attack. Hope Satchel is OK and that you gave the nest the full Jack Bauer treatment.
I can’t help but think this attack was a result of Bush’s ill-conceived war in Iraq.
I think you want to go with Willy Pete on this one.
Since I didn’t receive the sting as well I can assure that “Townhouse” wasn’t stung. All postings implying such are lies, pure lies, told by lying liars that lie! KOS Rulz!!!
Having been stung twice in my life, once by a wasp on the arm, and once by a yellow jacket between my toes when I stepped on the little terrorist, I can not find the humor in Satchel’s agony. On the face no less. So, I’m taking off my blogger bonnet and putting on my Granny hat and prescribing lots of popsicles and a new toy topped off with a liberal dose of hugs and coos. The Sting-Eez is good advice too. And Dad, you deserve a new toy and a popsicle too.
Better not let Whole Foods know.
Gotta go walk my lobster.
Jeff,
1st, that just plain blows. I’m sorry for both you and the little minion.
2nd, take a deep breath before you take your wasp retaliation. Remember: “Violence never solved anything.” Then nuke the little fuckers.
Much heart felt sympathies to the little one. I myself have been beseiged lately by the Lieberman loving, neocon regime and can relate. For a few bucks I can blog supporting the innocent’s position, if not I suggest starving those nasty fifth column WAPS of oxygen, it solves most of my problems.
These were likely African killer bees, which makes your genocide …
RACIST !!!
Wasps are creatures of peace. It is inconceivable that they would attack without provocation. It is our position that your little miscreant caused this whole episode through his aggressive and waspophobic behavior. We are calling upon all peace loving and God fearing wasps everywhere to wage holy Jihad against the little antisocial killer of free wasps.
Waspahu Akbar
P.S. – Send some more UN money.
Turing – BIG stingers for peace
Man, that stinks. Poor little dude.
You still need to keep him away from my daughter, though.
Poor little guy.
SB: simply
exterminate ‘em
Two words:
Black Flag.
And glad to hear there was no serious reaction.
Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Personally, I’d find a nice flamethrower and watch the little bastards writhe in agony, but I’m a malignant bastard that way. Granted, I’m a malignant bastard in a whole host of ways, but still…
TW: congress. As you don’t need no authorization from Congress to torch their insect asses.
Jeff:
The only things those wasps have to fight with is their own bodies. What do your expect them to do? They don’t have American F-16s and M-16s and whatever other weapons have a “16” in them.
I’m sorry about your son. To cheer him up, read him the wasp-killing scene from Stephen King’s The Shining.
On second thought, don’t. It’s got a drunken, abusive father in it. Read it for yourself, and chortle with vicious, insectist satisfaction.
Sorry to hear about that, Jeff.
I’ve got three under five, and I think that I’ve just made up my mind to remove all the clover from my back yard. Honeybee heaven under fat little feet. Bad combination.
TW: Running, yeah, that’s what worries me.
Please don’t hold this against all Bees, Jeff.
That is horrible, poor little buddy. Did he have any kind of allergic reaction?
First, been there with my son. He got in a nest. I thought I’d lose my mind. Everything turned out ok. I hope it does for your family, too.
Second, I was never so happy as the day my husband dropped something on his toe and said,”SHIT!” so loud the neighbors could hear him. My son said “shit” with his perfect cadence from then on. All I could think was “thank God it wasn’t me.”
I don’t mind yellow jackets so much. Two years ago, out building fence, a nest of them in a little mesquite was downright companionable. Digger wasps are OK if scary-looking, and mud daubers are kind of cute, really.
Red wasps and the skinny-assed red and black ones are just nasty. Nuke ‘em on sight. I got stung by three of them right on my sternum when I was about six. Fifty-odd years (some very odd) later, the spot still twinges from time to time.
Kids have the wrong reflexes. The right thing to do when a wasp buzzes you is be still; likely she’ll just buzz on by. Bat at them, as kids are bound to do, and they get threatened and attack. I admit it can be hard not to flinch when what sounds like a P-51 at takeoff power buzzes right by your ear.
There’s a whole category of flying insect killers, spray cans that project a strong stream of liquid as much as fifteen feet. Wonderful stuff. Expensive, but the better brands knock them down so quickly you’re unlikely to get stung. Fire and other old-fashioned remedies leave too many active defenders. Chemicals are where it’s at. Peace by du Pont—as a special bonus, both propellant and carrier in most of them are highly flammable. A fifteen-foot stream of yellow fire is just the thing. It even discourages Amway salesmen.
Regards,
Ric
tw: home is where the Malathion® is.
One good thing about wasps—they’re not suicide killers like honeybees are.
Okay, maybe that’s not so good. But at least there’s no danger of part of a stinger being left in Satch’s skin.
I still have occasional skin trouble resulting from a honeybee sting I got some 30 years ago. My one and only wasp sting practically tickled by comparison.
Idiosyncratic reactions, McGehee; I’m just the other way. Bee stings barely hurt, but wasp stings burn like the Devil’s sweat. It sounds like whoever treated your sting didn’t know how to get the stinger out. For the rest of you: baby oil and tweezers. If no baby oil is at hand, cooking oil works well.
DrSteve, have your kids tested for allergies—anaphylactic shock is not fun—and if they aren’t allergic, leave the clover, and the honeybees, alone. I know well the temptation to pad and dull everything to keep the kids safe, but so long as they don’t swarm (which they won’t if the hive isn’t nearby) honeybees, even Africanized ones, are unlikely to do lasting damage, and it’s never too soon for kids to find out that some things in the world are sharp-pointed. Keep StingEez (great stuff) and xylocaine spray on hand, though.
Regards,
Ric
Sorry to hear about Satchel, Jeff, and I’m glad to hear he’s OK. Having had several bee and wasp stings over my life (I’m not allergic, but some species are just plain nasty), I feel for him.
One bee incident did not involve stinging. I was maybe 8 years old. A bee was screaming along at Mach 2.5, in the front yard of my home. Where I was playing with my brothers and neighbors.
This friggin’ Chuck Yeager (Evel Kneviel?) of the insect world managed to score a direct hit on my right nostril, and plowed into my sinuses like a guided missile.
I promptly coughed it out, and the now-sticky sucker took off the way he came.
Everyone saw this happen and, without exception, were completely grossed out. It made my day!
TW: Satchel ain’t alone!
We counted a total of 8 stings, mostly around the right cheek and upper lip / nose area. When I looked over, they were covering his face and he was standing relatively still. I ran over and scraped them off his face with my hand.
The weird part was, I mixed a Baking soda and water paste and put it on the areas where I saw stings, and Satch was more freaked out by that then by the actual stings. Within a few minutes he was asking for a nap and had stopped crying, but I took him to the doctor’s just in case—his having never before been stung.
He’s zonked out on benadryl now and sleeping like—well, a baby.
Thanks for all the well-wishes!
That would’ve been me.
It wasn’t the first time I’d been stung by a honeybee and dealt with it myself, but it was on my chin so I was a little more challenged than before.
The wasp sting was in my lower back. I went in immediately and took a shot of Primatene—adrenaline—and barely had a welt.
Jeff,
Hug him for me. I don’t have little ones any more, so it has to be vicarious.
Glad to know he isn’t allergic. What sort of critters were they? You said wasps, but there are several types, and I don’t know what’s likely in Colorado. Around here that type of swarming is normally only found in red wasps.
Regards,
ric
Jeff, if you want to go shock’n’awe on their insect ass, try Here
Oh Jeff!
Hugs to the li’l guy and some ice cold adult beverages for you. Hurt babies tear at your heart cuz you feel you should be able to take the pain away.
I’ve got the twins not to panic at bees, but stand still and watch ‘em at a respectful distance.
But wasps? We have some of those nasty yellow paper ones, you dare not spray with the water hose as they will follow the stream to get you.
I’m teaching to boys to COME IN IMMEDIATELY if they spy ‘em.
I was stung ONCE by one of those mofo’s…
I now regularly patrol the soffits with a can of Raid Wasp killer … and softly cackle…
Sorry Jeff, about Satchel.
I suggest for the warrior spirit and honor that you disregard all of the chemicals and gas, and instead invest in a kickass ninja outfit.
Then, you enter into mortal combat with their inferior castes until you capture and ravage their queen.
Kill those bastards.
He’s zonked out on benadryl now and sleeping likeâ€â€well, a baby.
You mean he wakes up every two hours and cries?
HAH! That just illustrates the knowledge bass of the Pacifist!
This thread was started about a WASP attack.
Wasps do not make Honey, in fact they raid peaceful Honey Bee Hive and TAKE IT.
I question the timing of this Jeff!
Wanna hear a great bee story and how I got super blood?
Holy Shite! That’s straight out of a bad horror flick. I’m glad the little guy is ok. Sounds like he had popsicle face or sumpin going on…..
I understand that as far as you’re concerned, they can fly, but they will just die tired. Agree with a multi pronged attack using chemicals, fire, and blunt trauma. I hate flying shit. My dog ate a bee once. Swole up like a Macy’s Day balloon. You can give dogs benedryl also, but they need a lot of it.
I got one that’ll top every story here.
When I was a wee laddy, my Mom used to dry our clothes outdoors.
A wasp got into one of my pairs of underpants.
Guess where the bastard got me.
Right on the scrote.
True story.
Glad to hear everyone is ok.
Last summer, my then-8-year-old son the inadvertant hero and a friend were looking for frogs in the brush around our neighborhood pond. They went into a stickerbush of some description after their quarry and disturbed a nest of yellowjackets. My son – here’s the inadvertant heroism – stayed in the stickerbush for a few seconds, thinking that the pains he was feeling were stickers, giving his friend a chance to get away from the bush, then my boy realized that stickerbushes don’t tend to make that loud buzzing sound and he ran out of the bush too.
Purely by chance, as far as I’ve been able to determine, the boys ran toward the ‘hood swimming pool, where an intrepid grownup tore out of the enclosure, whipped off their shirts (taking a few stings himself) and told them to hit for the pool, which they did. The lifeguard called 911, then the boys’ dads (my husband shouted to me from the kitchen, “I’m going to go get Aaron,” and that was IT), and next thing I knew, a neighbor was calling me to inform me that an ambulance had just taken my boy and husband to such-and-such hospital. Wha??
So I bundled the other two into the car and off we went. We stopped counting stings on my son at 50; the other boy had about 20 and suffered an anaphylactic reaction (now he carries the lifesaving Epi-pen, of course), so again it was a lucky thing that my kid was the one who stood right over the nest for that few seconds.
I am so glad that he waited until he was 8 to have this happen. A 2-year-old in inexplicable (to him) pain is heartbreaking. Glad little Satch is doing well!
Regarding allergies – allergic reaction, from what I know, don’t appear the first time you are stung. It is the subsequent times that there is a danger.
I beleive the best solution for International peace is to issue a strongly worded letter to these ‘wasps’ as you call them or hymenoptera as we like to refer to them in the englightened UN.
Secondly, we suggest strongly that you do not condem all hymenoptera of the wasp variety. Such aggressive actions based purely on looks of those particular wasps might accidently persecute those that are innocent. In the name of equality you should assume no bees will sting you until they actually have. Then you should capture them and feed them religiously appropriate nector or whatever is appropriate for their diet until such time they are freed based on International outrage.
Sincerely,
Kofi Annan
Perhaps your son was thinking of the stinging bastards and the right wing death beast retribution he knew you would deal out with extreme prejudice in the near future and said, “Be bad, Daddy.”
Turing Word: soviet, as in, you should get soviet on their asses.
…I’m about to go genocidal on them with aerosalized chemical weapons, then dance on their twitching corpses until not even their immediate family members can identify them.
Good morning. My name is Colonel Murtha and it’s my job to find the best and the brightest young American men to serve our great country in the oldest, most savage branch of our armed forces. Jeff, my boy, can we have a private, man-to-man conversation about your future….?
Fascist Rethuglican warmonger.
GIVE BEES A CHANCE!
“they were covering his face and he was standing relatively still.”
Gah! Some Libtard taught him that already? Who’re you letting little Satchel hang out with? That’s exactly what the libs want us to do when our country is under attack…just be a good victim.
Good thing you were there to rescue him from his temporary shock. Now, follow up with some home-grown lessons in righteous wrath against an intolerant enemy. He’s a lucky little guy to have such a good father.
The only time I was ever stung was while fishing on the banks of the Weeki Wachie river. An old cuss of a neighbor crumbled up one of his cigarrettes, mixed it with spit, and placed the poultice on the wound. Instant relief, no swelling, no nothing afterward. So, when my guy was little, I always kept a cigarrette in the first aid kit. Besides, who knew when it may have been appropriate to take up smoking in case of emergency? Kid calamity certainly will drive one to drink. Mebbe I should’ve kept a flask in the first aid kit as well.
TW: History: like the wasp nest.
Jeff, should you need help, I do hate me some wasps too. Although, now that I think about it, I am not sure you would want to employ a MK19 on a wasp nest…
True story. My big brother is 6 years older than me. When I was less than 4 years old, my brother and I played catch (my father was a cocksucker, I will avoid that part) all the time, and I worshiped my brother. In fact, my brother was something of a local hero, he was a young stud baseball player, he hit a grandslam, in his own no hitter when he was 11, winning the game twice.
Thats my baseball legacy, anyways, at a young age I worshiped my brother, and my brother, for some reason found satisfaction swinging one of those slim wiffle ball bats, at individual bee’s that nested in a crack of concrete in an appartment next to ours, before we bout our first house.
I would watch my brother, and he gave me the bat, and tried to explain what he was doing.
See, my brother, who was 6 years older than me, would keep his eye on a particular be, and swing at that one bee, once it left the hive.
I, however, was 6 years younger than my brother, so I swung the bat at the largest batch of bee’s right next to, and finaly right ON! the hive.
I got the SHIT stung out of me (bee stings don’t bug me much) and I had never experienced it, so I cried like a little bitch, because I was, other than the pre-teen breasts, and sweet sweet ass, and I ran home.
I ran into the appartment, with a bunch of boil lookiing stings on me (I spent most of my childhood shoeless, and shirtless) my mother thought I had been hit by pigmy hunters or some shit, only to see me covered in bee’s that hadn’t yet stung me.
I find out later that my mother is allergic, and she ran around the house with a wet clothe ( a little water cripples bee’s (not wasps) so a spray bottle filled with water and ammonia, is actually best) killing every be in the area, then I went to the hospital.
Just a random “when I was a kid” story, and remembering the way my mother reacted, so, it must suck to see your child suffer, cuz I know it sucked for my mother back then.
Also, was it you? or dave? who had the “daddy feeling guilty on shot day?” post?
I don’t have kids, but I can’t stand seeing the young kids I do know suffer anything, and I definately can’t think of how horrible I would feel if it was MY kid.
Good for you jeff, I’m sure the kid will be fine, and YAY! jihad on bee’s and wasps.
Damn that REALLY sucks :(
First time I got stung by a wasp was at Children’s Palace (a failed competitor to Toys R Us) when I was 4, hurt like hell, scared the living crap out of me, and made me shed a whole gallon of snotty tears.
When I was 5, I got stung by a wasp multiple times when I was jumping in the benches outside of St. Patrick’s Church in Baton Rouge, repeat same experience afterwards as at Chidlren’s Palace: Pain, Fear, and much snotty Tears :X
Everytime I hear a big insect flying about my ears, I instinctivly think “OMFG IT’S A WASP THAT WILL KILL ME I NEED TO YELL AND MAKE LOUD NOISES AND WAVE MY ARMS AROUND SO AS TO PROTECT MYSELF OMFG IM GONNA DIE!!!!1!!11111111!!!!”
Dude, give your young man a really nice serving of ice cream or something else that he likes. I really feel for the little tyke :(
Oh yeah, and the chemicals in most insecticide is a cousin of nerve gas.
They are both acetylcholinesterase inhibitors, so that’s why you see them twitch on the ground because their muscles are spazzing out from excessive amounts of the neurotransmitter, acetylcholine. It will affect other…functions…as you might surmise if you know what else VX and other nerve agents can do.
So, think of your can of Raid as the equivalent of hosing down the nest with insect-sarin, and then for the post-vicotry party fire off a shotgun in front of your cowed populace populace for the smashin defeat of those dirty, insect insurgents, ala Saddam :evil: :evil: :evil:
PS Some of my further two cents, VX and sarin and other nerve agents CANNOT cause you skin to melt off, like as shown in The Rock (God I hate Jerry Bruckheimer).
Only vesicant agents (things that make your skin blister), like mustard gas, can do this and they can kill but the problem with mustard is it’s ability to cripple an army via attacking things like the eyes and it’s abilities to stay on the ground for long periods of time…
Insect Allergies
Sometimes even the first sting doesn’t prime the response. I was stung the first time at age 5. It hurt and swelled up a bit. The second time was many years later, and nothing happened. Not really. Some pain, but no swelling.
The third time was the charm. Lots of pain, lots of swelling (“My God, Marge. The man’s got a banana for a ring finger!”), and a strong desire to avoid yellowjackets altogether.
So I went to see an allergist, and his test for insect stings revealed some odd stuff. Unfortunately, he later lost his license to practice medicine thanks to advancing Alzheimers and I ended up getting lost in the cracks. Come July I’ll be seeing another allergist (a referral this time), and we’ll see what happens then.
TW: This time around we had a return to my younger days.