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“The One Gallon Family Size Arizona Diet Green Tea with Ginseng Poem”

So much cancer-fighting green tea

goodness!—in such a family-friendly

plastic jug!  Imbibe!  It is to cheer!

In fact, it is almost enough to make

one forget that Scottie McClellan

has resigned — or that he is (if you

believe the tolerant left) a closet

homo who will now resume cruising

gay bars, only this time without John

Aravosis sniffing around him like a super-

bitchy Sam Spade, hoping to catch a whiff

of guilty, Scope-disguised man love …

32 Replies to ““The One Gallon Family Size Arizona Diet Green Tea with Ginseng Poem””

  1. A fine scotch says:

    Ummmm…what?

  2. Gamer says:

    An entire gallon of iced tea? I feel the need to go just thinking about it.

    tw: and that would only stand to reason

  3. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Nothing.  Just amusing myself.

  4. Lew Clark says:

    You mean gays are like blacks.  Liberal blacks are gooooooooooooooooooooooood, conservative blacks must be lynched.  I guess conservative gays are the same.  I assume the leftist elite cruise around at night looking for Young Republican meetings so they can wait outside and beat the shit out of the gay ones.  And they can spot them, because they have built-in gay radar!

  5. Dr. Liberalino con Mole says:

    So much cancer-fighting green tea

    goodness!—in such a family-friendly

    plastic jug!  Imbibe!  It is to cheer!

    Plastic causes cancer, wingnut. You believe every one of the lies the conglomerates cram into your head, don’t you?

  6. A fine scotch says:

    I think my favorite thing about these posts is that the more I read them, the harder I laugh.

  7. Off Colfax says:

    Jeff, you bleeding amatuer! You don’t use the green tea with ginseng to inspire a poem, particularly not out of a plastic jug!

    You use the cold-brewed Arizona sweet tea out of a can. Gah…

  8. JohnAnnArbor says:

    I love that Arizona tea.

    Jeff, did you know they make Arizona dry tea mixes? Then you don’t have to carry the giant bottle back from the store.

  9. McGehee says:

    Al Gore could have written that poem. During that meeting about the illegal Buddhist temple fundraiser that he kept having to duck out on because of his puny bladder.

  10. Pablo says:

    Arizona is nice, but SoBe rules. Except for the brown people, natch.

  11. JD says:

    Pikers.

    If you ain’t drinking two Double Gulps of Pepsi a day, you ain’t shyte.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me….

  12. Pablo says:

    Did we ever find out whether John Roberts’ son is gay?

    It’s probably important, though I’m not sure why.

  13. gahrie says:

    Pepsi? Pepsi is farking cool aid. Try 3 liters of Mountain Dew a day, before you start bringing that weak stuff around….

  14. Bezuhov says:

    “If you ain’t drinking two Double Gulps of Pepsi a day, you ain’t shyte.”

    Too bad about the trashed kidneys – at least I ain’t shyte! Thanks – made my day!

    Dialysis also beats death. Barely.

  15. Alice B. Toklas says:

    Well, if that’s true about McClellan, send him over to Barney Frank’s place; the old fart’s looking for a new roomy to help pay the rent…

  16. Green tea? What’s wrong with Box o’ Chianti? It’s so versatile: add orange juice and voilÃ¥, sangria. Add grain alcohol and voilÃ¥! Flambeau Night Train…

  17. Green tea? What’s wrong with Box o’ Chianti? It’s so versatile: add orange juice and voilå, sangria. Add grain alcohol and voilå! Flambeau Night Train…

    …And by the way, I’ll shake the hand of the carcinoma that survives my Flambeau recipe. Yep, the Baldwin Sisters ain’t got nuthin’ on me…

    yours/

    peter.

  18. “So much cancer-fighting green tea

    goodness!”

    Er, might be a net negative:

    Splenda is the trade name for a new synthetic compound called sucralose, comprised of two molecules of sucrose (sugar) and three molecules of chlorine. While some industry experts claim the molecule is similar to salt, other independent researchers say it has more in common with pesticides.

    Sucralose is not recognized in the body as food — that’s why it has no calories. The majority of people don’t absorb a significant amount of Splenda in their small intestine. The irony is that your body actually wants to clear unrecognizable substances by digesting them, so the healthier your gastrointestinal system is, the more likely it is you’ll absorb the chlorinated molecules of Splenda. These get stored in your fat cells and it may take years to figure out whether they’re influencing your health.

    So is Splenda safe? The truth is we don’t know yet.

  19. mojo says:

    Amazing how babbling on the internet can upset some people, isn’t it?

    I’d give it a four. It’s got a good beat, but you can’t dance to it…

    SB: mass

    equals energy divided by C squared

  20. There are no long-term studies of the side effects of Splenda in humans. But the manufacturer’s own short-term studies showed that sucralose, the chemical name for Splenda, caused shrunken thymus glands and enlarged livers and kidneys in rodents.

    HOW’S THAT THYMUS GLAND DOING, BUDDY?

  21. DrSteve says:

    Bill —

    All very interesting.  Meanwhile I didn’t get past the fact that Splenda tastes like hell’s own Fasweet.

    Don’t get me started on the new Coke coffee drink, either (not labelled “diet” but with two – TWO – artificial sweeteners in it).

  22. Russ says:

    Ginseng?

    There’s a reason why, when I and my fellow troops of the 102nd MI wanted ginseng whisky at the bar in Korea, we would ask Miss Kim for a “shot of dirt.”

    If there is truth to the old axiom about things being good for you in inverse proportion to how good they taste, then ginseng must be the Elixir Of Life.

    TW: I’ll always remember the T-Club in Tongducheon.

  23. McGehee says:

    …the healthier your gastrointestinal system is, the more likely it is you’ll absorb the chlorinated molecules of Splenda.

    Fortunately all those years of drinking stuff sweetened with aspartame has left my intenstines impervious to your evil Splenda.

  24. Arnold says:

    Say, Jeff… are you channelling Ogden Nash or something?

  25. You don’t use the green tea with ginseng to inspire a poem, particularly not out of a plastic jug!

  26. Acai Berry says:

    There is more reason to comment than ever before! Great post! I searched for a while to find the right answer to my questions!

  27. Ginseng is well-known among chinese and you can imagine where are no chinese people in all region..Well if add Arizona tea I thinks maybe all of us is Chinese lol.
    http://women-fashion-handbags.co.cc

  28. One Gallon???

    Well why not, it surely is a good start! ;)

  29. pu-chan.com says:

    Big problem with American diet is the consumption of excess quantities of fats. The average American consumes 40% of her/ his calories in the form of fat.

  30. i read somewhere on the internet that long term consumption of Aspartame is not really good for the health. ‘:*

  31. bruna says:

    Interesting article.
    Look the Articles about a fashion Bruna

  32. You can make your own rings with wire, a threaded bolt of some sort and wire cutters. It’s very meditative. But wear eye protec*,-

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