So I spent the morning dragging the wife and kid through the rain and cold to make my pulmonologist appointment, only to learn that he’d been called to the hospital on an emergency (evidently, unlike the crap they try to sell you on “ER,” pulmonary specialists are needed for intubations).
Which means I had to reschedule—and probably won’t get to see this guy for another 2-3 weeks.
Here’s hoping any blood clots I may have in my lungs are able to adjust their calendars accordingly.
Anyway, while I was in the building, I walked down the hall to get the results of my stress echocardiogram from the cardiologist’s office. Unfortunately, the doctor who looks at the video and reads the EKG printouts wasn’t in yesterday, so he was just today beginning to review the tests. Which means my results are on hold until Monday.
On the bright side, though, the receptionist at the pulmonologist’s office gave S*tchel a Dunkin’ Munchkin, which he very much enjoyed. And of course, the sugar did wonders for his energy level! For instance, when we got home, he immediately pulled down a bookshelf and killed two mice with his bare hands. Then, after locking me in the bathroom, he rearranged some furniture, fleeced a Sing-Along-With-Elmo doll with a steak knife and some pliers, and built a Lego City modeled after an old postcard from Bologna Italy.
I figure he’ll be ready for a nap in another couple of hours.
Are you too fatigued to post another photo of the boy? It may not improve your day, but it will improve ours.
Having two youngsters of my own prevents me from shoe-horning “Dunkin’ Munchkin” into some Urban Dictionary secondary meaning.
Another golden opportunity goes begging.
You need to direct young Satch’s energy bursts. Properly directed you could have had the auto detailed, the oil changed, and the laundry folded and put away. Proper application of supplemental doses of sugar based treats could possibly result in the sunroom addition.
Do try to contain the kid, though. We don’t want him running off and beating up Kos…
“Uh oh, who wants to die?”
Jeff,
Sounds like “causation” to me. Congrats, you’ve got the basis for a mega-lawsuit against Dunkin Donuts for “poisoning” Satchel and should be able to recover compensatory damages for any destruction or loss of use of your furnishings. Not to mention the money you’ll be eligible for from the “mental anguish” you experienced while locked in the bathroom and the trauma of finding a “fleeced” Elmo doll.
You can then use the funds for a therapist who will, in turn, help Satchel “recover” false memories of the abuse you’ve inflicted upon him in the crib, thereby allowing him to appropriate the funds and any others you may have in the “parental malpractice suit” he’ll bring against you with the therapist’s testimony.
The good news is that the lawyers with get a third of all the awards in both cases, so they’ll be able to keep writing big checks to the DNC.
DNC: “Don’t drag us into it. We don’t care where the money comes from.”
Kidding aside, I hope everybody with children has televisions and bookcases bolted. The past year alone, I’ve heard of three kids who suffered fatal injuries climbing to reach that Elmo tape and pulling the television on top of them. Maybe, we should just ban Elmo?
Completely off topic, but could someone give me a run-down of the Kos interview from last night. I missed it due to a ‘Butt Like Beyonce’ contest at the club.
Give a kid a munchkin, get yourself a headache.
Teach a kid to weld, and then give him a munchkin, you get yourself a submarine or a bridge or something.
natesnake, I missed it too. But there’s a rerun at 8:30 ET.
Do they make digital cameras with nanosecond shutter speeds?
I dunno, doesn’t sound like too bad a result to me. I mean, two dead mice, <object d’ art</i>.
I dunno, doesn’t sound like too bad a result to me. I mean, two dead mice, <object d’ art</i>.
Darn it, this is what I had posted, I swear!
Darn it! I tired to say that a Lego object d’ art in addition to the dead rodents is a good thing. I will cease trying to post now.
Excellent. Thanks.
Have Satchel build that Saturday Night Fever type dance floor for the DILLO……..
If he were truly your son, he would have used the Lego to make a picture of the prophet Mohammed (PBUH) with a bomb in his turban.
What kind of neglectful parent are you, anyway?? Your modern, enlightened, loving parent would’ve given the receptionist a self-righteous thirty minute lecture along the lines of:
HOW DARE YOU give Our Child treats! We’re teaching him to fear and loathe strangers, for his own protection, and here you are showing him that people can sometimes be pointlessly kind!
HOW DARE YOU give Our Child sugar! We’ve been raising Our Child in a completely sugar-free household, and here you’ve undone years, well, months of patient deprivation. Besides, don’t you know that sugar is an evil plot by the US government to exploit little brown people in poor countries??
HOW DARE YOU give Our Child fats! We’ve been following a totally fat-free lifestyle. Now he won’t be able to eat so much as an avocado slice until he’s twenty-one!
HOW DARE YOU present Our Child with the products of corporate AmeriKKKa! Don’t you know that Dunkin Donuts has spread to impoverished nations all over the world? Why, in Cambodia alone donuts have almost completely replaced the indigenous treat of hochtui, an all-natural snack of crushed beetles and guano.
Then you should’ve gotten her fired and sued her boss. But you didn’t do any of that. I oughta report you.
You mean he didn’t make himself a working flying saucer and blast off back to the mother-ship to be reunited with his true parents on their world of origin?
What are kids coming to these days?
We don’t?
Forget Jeff, what about the mice?
Or their survivors, rather.
<object d’ art in addition to the dead rodents is a good thing. </blockquote>
I tired too. It long week. Many morons. Poor hunting.