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protein wisdom:  the Oscar predictions

Who cares?—so long as I get to see gay cowboys going at it all tender and dignified and chapless.  Which, that’s certainly worth having to sit through a couple of incoherent George Clooney speeches and an odious Elton John musical number, in my book.

Because here’s the thing:  protein wisdom is nothing if not intellectually curious.  And awards?  Meaningless baubles—particularly when to you it’s all about the work.

31 Replies to “protein wisdom:  the Oscar predictions”

  1. LionDude says:

    Wake me when Big Momma’s House 2 gets nominated.

    Drinking game:  do a shot every time Jon Stewart acts smug.  Call in sick the next day.

  2. nikkolai says:

    Is Michael Moore nominated for anything this year? That fat dude ROCKS!

  3. mojo says:

    My Oscar® predictions?

    Long, boring and ultimately meaningless. With a ribbon for some lefty cause-du-jour.

    Oh, you meant the awards!

    Who cares?

    SB: have

    I’ve got mine

  4. TODD says:

    Have to wear the chaps.  You know, the smell of burning leather and all…

  5. kelly says:

    I haven’t seen BBM, but I have seen this:

    http://destinationdaniel.smugmug.com/gallery/1213678/1/56764726

    I reckon I seen all I need to see.

  6. MarkD says:

    I’m thinking about turning off the TV, awarding some trophy to myself, and telling myself how great I am.  Then I’ll thank myself and Mrs D and the kids and the neighbors and dedicate it all to my High School Botany teacher’s wife.  Who chaperoned our senior class trip to NY, and just happened way hotter than any cowboy – or even any of his sheep.

    Way less of a waste of time.

    And less gay.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Or even sheep, if that’s your thing.

  7. Tom says:

    Brokeback Legos has exceeded its bandwidth!

    HOMOPHOBES!

  8. Rob B says:

    I someday hope to win a mini-statue that signifies that I’m such a good liar that I can convice all of you that’s I’m someone interseting. Then after the fact,I hope to lie in many interviews about how hard and significant that lying was.

    But secretly I just want to watch gay fashion designers grope Scarlett Johanson’s boob.

  9. Lou says:

    Todd loves the smell of burning leather in the morning. Just ask Phranck

  10. wishbone says:

    What a horrible year for flicks.

    Having said that–Rob is on to something.  Can we get the gay guy to grope more starlets?

    Natalie Portman perhaps?

  11. TODD says:

    Won’t watch the Oscars. Can’t sit through the Hollywood agenda crowd spew their venom unopposed.

    I hate leather by the way…..

  12. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I’ve seem some good flicks this year, though nothing really stands out other than I think Elizabethtown was a lot better than many others commenting here.

    Tonight I plan to check out Weather Man — a movie that, like Elizabethtown, was marketed poorly, but that I hold out high hopes for given the talent involved.

    I also plan to watch Lords of Flatbush.  But that’s incidentally to this discussion—and proof both that my wife is away on business, and no one has yet offered to engage me in some nasty cybersex.

  13. thirdfinger says:

    The wife asked me if I wanted to go “Brokedick Mountain” but I declined.  I told her if I wanted to see a movie about two men who loved each other I’d watch “Brian’s Song”.  Nuff said.

  14. topsecretk9 says:

    yet offered to engage me in some nasty cybersex.

    “I wish I could quit you”

    there.

  15. Sean M. says:

    I like that “intellectually curious.” Nudge nudge.  Wink wink.  Say no more.

  16. topsecretk9 says:

    OT

    but you can start the inner city-winter sports outreach program now, because you know that’s what Europe does, (Has Michael Brown ever been to Sacramento?)

    http://exposetheleft.com/2006/02/22/gumbelbrownhc/

  17. CraigC says:

    I don’t care as long as that new Bond girl shows up in the outfit they used for the promo pics.

  18. BoZ says:

    The Ordinary People Memorial ‘What The F$()*ing F$()*?!’ list is crammed to the margins already, so at least they didn’t make the mistake of nominating any good movies for Best Picture.

    But David Cronenberg made some movie, I hear. So maybe they got confused, were thinking of the real Crash, and included Haggis’s tripe by accident. Too bad for Cronenberg—’96 just wasn’t manly ass-ramming’s year.

    Blah blah PORN COCK blah.

    [Mulholland Dr./”Lesbians aren’t gay.”/BECAUSE OF THE PARTIARCHY 2001 remix on side B]

  19. Salt Lick says:

    Yes, Elizabethtown was good, but I think Crowe failed to use his movie’s magic moment in the scene where Bloom pursues Dunst on the morning after they’ve slept together.  Bloom should have explicitly said, “How can I be with anyone when I’m a total fucking failure?” And, no, it was not sufficient for Dunst to say “failure, failure, failure.” Too flat. The moment could have been like when you’ve pulled the slack out of the little lengths of your tennis shoe laces and then “yank!” you tighten both sides before tying the knot. I needed that scene nailed down in order to get that special movie afterglow.

    Either that or some serious Dunst nudity.

  20. McGehee says:

    Who cares?—so long as I get to see gay cowboys going at it all tender and dignified and chapless.

    And eating pudding. Can’t leave out the pudding.

  21. Midnight Cowboy says:

    so long as I get to see gay cowboys going at it all tender and dignified and chapless.

    OK, we may want to give the big opening production number a pass…

  22. – Jack and Bill went up the hill, each had a dollar quarter…..When they came down, Jack had two and a half, still think they went up there for water?

    – Do they make chaps in latex?

    -Are saddle bags a good place to stowe the rubber sheet?

    – What do the cows do while the “boys” are makin bakin, just stand around and moo them on?

    – Do gay cowboys ride special saddles with the horn on the back?

    – So many questions….So little interest..

  23. Sean M. says:

    I’m sick and tired of people making fun of BBM as “the gay cowboy movie.”

    They’re sheepherders, people.

  24. – Ok….

    – What do the sheep do while the “boys” are gathering wool, stand around and baaaaaaa…

    – Besides ewe didn’t really mean that anyway…

    TW: Sometimes its hard being a sheepherder

  25. Patiente Zero says:

    SeanM — They ain’t wearing wool hats on the poster, bubba…

  26. tongueboy says:

    No pudding?

    Maybe Pokebutt Mountin’ is Oscar-worthy but it’s definitely not Sundance-worthy.

    Regards,

    Eric Cartman

  27. TODD says:

    Enough with Bareback Mounthim

  28. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    As is always the case with Hollywood, the ‘success’ of Brokeback Mountain has spurred a number of proposed sequels, to wit:

    After the death of his male lover, the remaining sheepherder returns to the scene of the passion and falls in love with one of the ewes in his care: “Brokeback Mutton”

    The story of two male hetero bulimics that find a forbidden love: “Chokeback Mountain”

    The story of two Canadian policemen who discover a passion they can’t deny: “Brokeback Mountie, eh”

    Two male philosophy students succumb to each others charms: “Brokeback Montaigne”

    TW: “law”, as in there oughta be a ……

  29. natesnake says:

    They’re sheepherders, people.

    I have a theory that early in the script process, they were originally cowboys.  But during subsequent rewrites, they decided that there may be a perception of two sex starved guys being prison-gay with each other out of necessity.  So they went with the obvious beastiality choice of sheep.  That would rule out the prison-gay aspect since there is all of this hot sheep action that they can tap into.

    The writers and producers wanted to make sure that people knew this movie was about love, sensitivity,…… and sodomy.

  30. bri says:

    I have an issue with anybody making fun of a movie that deals with gay bashing resulting in death. I wonder how everyone would react if this were a recreation of Jody Foster in The Accused, complete with trailer house and pinball machine. Would everyone think it’s acceptable to make fun of rape and recreate it with legos? Or perhaps another recreation…how about Terms of Endearment…we can have the children gathered around the hospital bed just before Debra Winger dies! Well, I guess it’s always been okay to denigrate gays. Americans used to portray blacks in this same kind of joking way, exaggerating their facial features in postcards, essentially just trying to bring them down. This movie is the first in ten years that I’ve been able to enjoy as a gay-themed adult drama with any kind of quality. The last was Philadelphia with Tom Hanks. Let’s do a lego scene with that too, maybe the courtroom scene where he’s showing his cancer to everyone in the room! Or maybe a scene from Shindler’s List.  Any scene will suffice.  If you all don’t see how disgusting this is then you completely missed the point of the movie, if you even bothered watching. I wonder how Matthew Shepherd would feel about this. It happened to him too, but it wasn’t 1963, or 1983, it was practically yesterday. Brokeback mountain is a love story between cowboys. But essentially it’s a movie about oppression and persecution. Gay bashing. Death. I just don’t think legos has a place next to that.

  31. TonyGuitar says:

    It may be that two cowboys and sheep can add up to a great movie, but put me down as insensitive. 

    Gotta keep tabs on the B movies on drive in Friday night and the various Rock Band sagas when they appear.  TG

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