Being a hermit
rules! (Until you run out of
freakin’ mayonnaise…)
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or cereal. it’s always cereal for me.
Diet Coke. I’d walk over my grandmother’s grave to get my Engineer’s Breakfast, except she’s buried in Michigan, which, it wouldn’t make any sense going 1500 miles out of my way just to get a 2-liter of liquid nirvana when the nearest store is 3 miles away. But I would if I had to.
TW: seriously
What’s really tough is when you run out of smack. Because those guys usually don’t deliver.
Heck, make some. It’s essentially just an egg and oil emulsification, right?
If you don’t have eggs and oil, well, I hear barbecue sauce is a tasty substitute.
This is why being an urban hermit beats the old-fashioned version; Mom-&
op’s (almost) always has the mayo (or cigarette/energy drink/processed food).
Russ,
I was ready to level half of Kabul when I found out that Diet Coke wasn’t to be had anywhere in Afghanistan…. fortunately the Army PX at Bagram AF managed to get some, hence the Afghan Capital still stands (mostly) today.
So, did you have any Miracle Whip handy?
If your sandwich won’t stand on its own without mayo, may I suggest holding the bread up to your computer screen while one of Actus’ wingnuttish comments is on display?
They’re notoriouly fat-laden and they drip with the grease of third-hand ignorance.
Or you could just grab a sleeve of Thin Mints and retire to the Blob-O-Lounger.
Freshly churned armadillo butter?
I’d wear gloves.
You don’t think the armadillo would want to wear protection as well?
Naw, he’d probably just want a Cool menthol and bourbon.
Now there’s something I had never thought of, do armadilloes have teats? They are mammals, so it only stands to reason, but have any you ever seen armadillo teats?
I didn’t think so.
As with everything else, it’s location, location, location… The Old Man of the Piggle Wiggly has no trouble being a hermit…
Not sure you get the butter from his teats.
Or were you just yankin’ us?
Wrong hemisphere. You’re thinking about Montreal, and I’m talking about Tijuana.
As in, “I wish I was in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana”?
TW: And then suddenly it just wasn’t there anymore.
Wow, I guess I’ll be postponing lunch for a bit longer.
Mayonnaise is ok for what you’re doing, but cooking oil is better and KY is best of all.
TW: boys. Is that what you’re doing?
I know what you’re getting at, natesnake, but Montreal and Tijuana are, uh, in the same hemisphere.
My microwave doesn’t have a “severed penis” setting. It’s got “popcorn”, “defrost”, “reheat” but no “penis”. The index in the manual doesn’t help either.
Hermit’s Lament, my version:
Sure do miss women.
Guess I’ll just have to sex my
Bologna sandwich.
TW: That was just miles from good taste.
Sorry Sean M.
Wrong hemisphere. You’re thinking about Montreal, and I’m talking about Rio de Janeiro.
Now that we have languished over a joke that wasn’t that funny to begin with, on to our regular scheduled programming.
T/W: toast Boy, that guy is a piece of dry white toast.
Manual works in a pinch. Did you try under “D?”
Found it! It was under “crisper”.