If gender or sexual orientation are, as some theorists hold, “socially constructed” (rather than genetically determined), than an identity politics position that affords me the opportunity to attend the Golden Globes for the express purpose of publicly fondling the breasts of Scarlett Johansson—without fear of professional (or even cultural) reprisal—ain’t such a bad deal.
Provided, of course, that I don’t have to, y’now, get with any men in order to prove my bona fides. Because sorry, but Jeff don’t roll like that.
(h/t Riding Sun; more from Liz Smith)
Jeff don’t placate.
Sincerely,
Chris Klein.
Jeff: You mean you’re NOT fondling actresses breasts in public? Get with the program, it’s all the rage now!
Yeah, sure you don’t.
As a bonus Scarlett does not believe in monogamy. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10696087/
In true Hollywood brain dead fashion she takes an opportunity to rag on her male co-star by calling him a girl that likes shoes and gossip. Her and Klein should hook up.
I wish I met more women like this in college.
A crude effort to save the GG’s from total irrelevancy. Seems to have worked.
If it meant I could fondle Scarlett Johanssen’s breasts with impunity? Sure, I’d go gay. I’d even do Ryan Seacrest. Then, immediately afterwards, I’d start feeling up Ms. Johanssen. Because I’d earned it.
And a few weeks later, when I got tired of fondling Ms. Johanssen, I’d immediately douse myself with gasoline and incinerate myself. Because I’d done Ryan Seacrest. But it would still be a net win, because I got to fondle Scarlett Johanssen.
T/W: “means,” as in: any means to an end.
“If he wasnt gay, I would have slapped him.”
Ah, you could roll like that. You’d probably roll pretty good, too. Under some (socially constructed) circumstances, whatever your genes are whining about. But who cares? Identity politics be damned, uninvited squeezin’ should get you slapped. Unless, of course, your clonazepam convinces you otherwise.
HOMOPHOBE!!!
Someone beat you to it.
Erg … sorry … duped again!
Am I the only hetero male who doesn’t get the Scarlett Johansson thing? She seems to appeal to very old hetero males (I’m 43) who are so nerve-dead and debauched that they’re aroused only by smooth, placid, passive, blankly grinning, plasticky young thangs with giant knockers and reputations for pulling very long trains.
I’ll take Kate Blanchett, Mila Jovovich, Famke Janssen, Sean Young, or Joely Richardson any old day over Miz Scarlett.
Ha! As if, pal.
You or me? Down for the count, on the spot.
The chick’s from Manhattan…
SB: further
more
I blow my tongue at Social Constructionism. But not at you Jeff.
Tom, explain that again – why I’m not supposed to be attracted to Scarlett … I got lost around the giant knockers.
SPQR,
That’s the problem. You haven’t yet realized that those aren’t breasts – they’re bait, and even if you don’t know it, she does. Scarlett is a hot woman, but an asshole, never-the-less. The sweat on her brow is from pulling all those baggage carts around…
Get it through your head – she’s a fucking ACTRESS!
TW: I’ll tell you LATER about my life experiences in show business.
The only appropriate response is “Lord have mercy.”
Tom. I am 58. The relevant story is the one about the neighbors visiting over the fence:
The first one says: “Say, doesn’t it worry you that your dog is always chasing the crosstown bus when it goes by?”
The second one says: “I don’t worry about him chasing the bus, I worry about what would happen if he caught one.”
So is it okay for gay dudes to fondle breasts because they don’t seem to know where they are? Is the dude fucking blind too? I mean damn, jasper, if you gonna go for it, get you a handful!
I like how blunt the girl was about why Mizrahi could get away with it. There was like a split second of delay and then she just lays it out on the line: because he’s gay.
What a funny culture and I’m not paying even ten percent attention to it.
(Did anybody catch Anderson Cooper’s colleagues calling him the Queen of Kings last New Year’s Eve? I wish I had seen his face.)
According to the University of Florida, you can’t be gay without the rollin’.
http://www.gainesville.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060120/LOCAL/201200329/1078/news
It’s been changed since then, but ya gotta watch it when you pretend to be somethin’.
Jeff  A balanced wheel rolls both ways…
It’s a trap!
[/Admiral Ackbar]
TW: “booby”—I am not making this up.
Mizrahi is queer.
Scarlett’s boobs big as your head.
To touch, Brass goes gay.
What’s next—Tammy Bruce squeezing Dick Cheney’s crank instead of his hand before she interviews him? (ME! PLEASE! ME!)