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The new, less “pedantic” protein wisdom: post number 3

I really do love “The Rockford Files,” but I can’t help be think that if they made the show today, Jim would be played by David Caruso—and instead of a shiny gold Firebird, he’d be driving a tricked out Hummer with bullet-proof glass and an entire portable crime lab set up in the back.

And Angel?  They’d probably make him a chick—a doe-eyed 25-year old former exotic dancer with a heart of gold, a photographic memory, and tits that could clot up a set of revolving doors, or poke the eyes out of Breckin Meyer.

Fucking Jerry Bruckheimer.  That guy ruins everything.

39 Replies to “The new, less “pedantic” protein wisdom: post number 3”

  1. Russ says:

    You can’t leave out Emily Procter.  Maybe she could be Beth Davenport.

    ‘Cause, she’s a work of…

    TW: art.

  2. Tman says:

    Jerry Bruckenheimer:”So if “Rocky” is played by Keanu Reaves with a receding hairline, we’re good right?

    Just make him add a few pounds and blow some shit up. The kids will LOVE it….”

    Man, I’m gettin’ old…All I can think about is Friday night pizza with my family and the Rockford Files. It was for lack of a better word……….HEAVEN………Easily Garners best work…

  3. MayBee says:

    Easily Garners best work…

    Really?  Because I thought he was excellent in the beef commercials.

  4. Challeron says:

    Ain’t anyone here old enough to remember Maverick?…

  5. I really do love “The Rockford Files,”

    They’re releasing the series on DVD. Got the first one the first day it hit the stores.

    No, I’m not kidding. Rockford Files is better TV than 99% of the dreck passed around today. Hell, Kolchak is better than 99.9% of today’s dreck, especially the abortion they made of its remake.

  6. RS says:

    Hear, hear on Kolchak!  Loved that show, and always thought it incredibly classy of Chris Carter to acknowledge its role in the genesis of The X Files by casting Darren McGavin in a recurring role as Mulder’s predecessor.

  7. Moe Lane says:

    “Fucking Jerry Bruckheimer.  That guy ruins everything.”

    He. Does. NOT.  I mean, have you even SEEN National Treasure?

    This “less pedantic” thing has changed you, man.  It’s leading you into dark places. 

    Dark places.

    Moe

    PS:  wink

  8. stiv says:

    Isaac Hays as Gandolf Fitch.  If that punk even tried to mess with that one….

  9. mike says:

    Garner’s best work was in a movie I recall as “Support Your Local Sheriff,” in which he played a transient gunslinger on his way to Australia, who when passing through town is convinced to take over the job of sheriff.  Hilarity ensues.  Bruckheimer couldn’t lay a glove on that storyline.  And the movie has one of the best last lines ever…”Wyatt Earp!”

  10. Isaac Hays as Gandolf Fitch.  If that punk even tried to mess with that one….

    There was a two-part episode with Hayes and Lou Gosset, Jr. as the center of the whole story. It was meant to be a spin-off, but apparently didn’t do well enough.

  11. Sean Gleeson says:

    I liked “Maverick.” Not the movie, though.

  12. richard mcenroe says:

    a doe-eyed 25-year old former exotic dancer with a heart of gold, a photographic memory, and tits that could clot up a set of revolving doors, or poke the eyes out of Breckin Meyer.

    Marg Helgenberger thanks you.  Especially for the “25” part.

  13. Farmer Joe says:

    The fact that the Rockford Files was actually a good show is a complete bonus. I’d have watched for the theme song alone. It’s right up there with Sanford & Son and

    Barney Miller

    .

  14. Farmer Joe says:

    And Hawaii Five-0.

    (Oh, and please don’t notice my horrible formatting in that last one.)

  15. Beck says:

    I dunno.  Still pretty pedantic.  Actually, I guess that should be “pedantic.”

  16. What’s wrong with tits?

  17. SarahW says:

    Tits as door clots. 

    Man, that’s flinchworthy imagery.

  18. albo says:

    I like how CSI:Miami cops drive Hummers, to drive through all that snow in south Floriaa.

    My local cops can’t even afford decent rims and FM radio for their crown vics

  19. ed says:

    Hmmm.

    Actually I see a new 21st century “Rockford Files” with Joe Pesci cast in the lead.

    Now that would kick ass!

  20. Major John says:

    Ed,

    That is either a brilliant idea, or you need immediate help.  I cannot decide which of the two is correct…

  21. Patricia says:

    Also love Rockford Files.  If I remember correctly, there was nary a car crash. I wonder why the reruns finally stopped…good news about the DVD, though!

  22. If I remember correctly, there was nary a car crash.

    At the beginning of the series, he’s NOT driving a gold Firebird. His car gets wrecked, and the loaner he scams from an oddly young Gordon Jump gets blown up.

  23. mojo says:

    Garner made another real good comedy/western called “Support Your Local Gunfighter” with the late great Jack Elam as his semi-sidekick. And Chuck Connors as the REAL gunfighter.

    I love Rockford (or “Rockfish” as Issac Hayes would call him).

  24. Mike says:

    OK, Mojo, I may not have remembered the title correctly, but I posted on this way up yonder in the comments, so let everyone else be warned – there are now 2 comments about Garner in this role!

    TW: ahead, as in , I was way ahead of you, Mojo.

  25. Actually, Mike, there were two movies. Both titles are correct. They were very (very) loosely in a series, with “Sherrif” coming after “Gunfighter”.

  26. RS says:

    Actually I see a new 21st century “Rockford Files” with Joe Pesci cast in the lead.

    Inch-High Private Eye?

  27. Sean M. says:

    I wonder why the reruns finally stopped…

    I guess you don’t live in Southern California, Patricia.  I may just have to start watching it in the mornings.

  28. Boner of Zion says:

    There’s a scene in Grand Prix where Garner won’t talk about American bathrooms, and it’s so real we think he’s on this impossible plane of dramatic transcendence, but right before the cut, we catch his eyes, and he’s just Garner, not acting, and we can see right into his soul. And we see—no bathroom. Not in that American’s soul.

    (flag music)

  29. mojo says:

    Yeah, there were two – Sheriff was the first, in 1969. Made everybody mucho dinero, so “Gunfighter” got made in 1971.

    http://www.imdb.com/find?q=support+your+local

    And another Garner Goodie: “The Americanization of Emily” with Julie Whatsherface

    SB: perhaps

  30. 6Gun says:

    Heh, Rockford files.  Here’s real entertainment.

  31. Darleen says:

    Hey, I’m surprised no one has mentioned Garner in The Great Escape. Also still a fun/funny movie The Thrill of It All (with Doris Day)

  32. RS says:

    Don’t forget Garner’s star turn as the title character in Marlowe (1969).  The critics were dismissive, but Garner’s characterization of Philip Marlowe (although updated to the Sixties) always seemed spot-on to me, and appeared far more faithful to Chandler than the more acclaimed Elliot Gould portrayal in The Long Goodbye.  Some of that same magic found its way into Jim Rockford.  No aspersions on Robert Mitchum and Powers Boothe, both of whom did Marlowe proud, but no one can do world-weary and wry charm like James Garner.

  33. Joan of Argghh! says:

    What? No mention of “Barbarians at the Gates”?

  34. Patricia says:

    I just rented Ameroicanization of Emily again.  Cool movie–sophisticated and adult.  Garner was wonderful.

  35. scott says:

    “The Rockford Files” sucked!

    My little brother(who ate boogers, BTW) liked “The Rockford Files”!

    Just think… If that POS Camaro had been able to talk, it would have been really cool!– They might have called the show “Knight Rider”…

    T/W:”school”

    You’re right!- I don’t think the freak with the beard ever actually went to school…

  36. ckenny says:

    35 comments so far and no mention of Lance White!

  37. Challeron says:

    Nor mention of another Garner movie The Wheeler Dealers….

  38. Lance White says:

    I saved James Garner’s life once, a long, long time ago.

  39. Ironic Twist says:

    Looks like you’ll get a chance to find out.

    http://www.tvsquad.com/2010/02/27/dermot-mulroney-cast-in-new-rockford-files/

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