Schumer: “I was going to ask you, Judge Alito, why you think—and please, let’s dispense with all these so-called ‘qualifications’, references to ‘relevant context’, or invocations of ‘attendant legal precedence’—I was going to ask you , sir, why you believe that the Constitution does not allow a young girl who’s been brutally raped by her White Trash Pappy the legal availability of an abortion? Is it because you hate women, Judge? Is it because you are a Papist…? Is it because you’re a racist redneck? These questions plague me, I confess.
“But then it hit me: why not just forget all this theater and nominate myself for Supreme Court Justice? After all, I know what I believe the law should say. And when all is said and done, that’s what this is about, isn’t it?—appointing someone under the guise of ‘disinterested legal deliberation’ who will do as I say and think as I think? So. If I may, Mr Chairman, I’d like to make a motion to nominate myself for the Supreme Court of –”
Chairman Specter: “– With all due respect, that is not how the system works, as the distinguished gentleman from New York most certainly is aware –”
Schumer: “– of the United States of America. Unless of course, as the distinguished Chairman from Pennsylvania has just made condescendingly clear, our imperial President has instituted some sort of creepy, backdoor Nixonian power grab meant to prevent me from saving this great republic from the inexorable tyranny of so-called ‘strict constructionism,’ with its attendant closet racism and its unstated desire to control the uteri of women.
“Which, I think Senator Kennedy will concur with me here, is an outrage of democratic justice. Senator?”
Kennedy: “Outrage of deep-fried onions, yes, certainly! In fact, I’ll have two, please—with extra dipping sauce. As a measure of protest!”*
****
update: Evidently, there’s something called “The Corn Gambit” that certain progressives are familiar with; personally, I find it difficult to fear any anti-confirmation gambit that invokes a desire for tasty Bugle snack chips, but then, I lack a certain political nuance. At any rate, you can learn about the Corn Gambit here, at the new Mondo Alito blog from PJM
Speaking of Kennedy, I have a bad feeling about how this Rusher papers CAP thing could turn out.
Deep fried onions are delicious.
Kudos to Lindsay Graham for his heartfelt apology to Sam Alito and his family The defamation of Judge Alito—which caused his wife to break down during the hearings—have been beyond the pale.
McCarthyism indeed. Democratic Senators who have no intention of voting for him anyway simply wish to smear the man—and by extension, his family. Shameful. A man with a 25-year record of distinguished service and a stellar ABA rating is being publicly painted as a racist and misogynist who hates the little man by Democratic Senators not fit to drive cars drunk across a bridge, or pore through the IRS forms of political opponents.
May these opportunistic character assassins who assume themselves kings have the same turned upon them one day.
“Overall, there is a smell of fried onions.”
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Senator!”
Again, even this barely fictional Schumer makes me quote an asshole:
What then is the first difficulty? The most general one? The one that determines all the others? The one that in truth comes close to a test of the impossible? What it would consist of, it seems to me, is coming to an understanding with someone whose law it is to accept no compromise. This difficulty would return every time, day after day, in a way that is unique and irreplaceable each time, to discuss terms, to discuss what it is to come to terms, with someone who will never give way, who will always resist any possible compromise, ultimately claiming to be the source and the endâ€â€the unity if you likeâ€â€of all these others. â€â€(This is so deeply ironic, you have to read it in Rod Serling’s voice…) Jacques Derrida (emph. orig.)
I realize this would better fit one of your glans-a-tetes with the feministes, but I just read it today and, oh shitâ€â€it’s a cookbook!
You would have to be an awfully good shot to assasinate something that small.
Alito is a racist by being a nominal, irrelevant member of a group which allows the views of a blow-hard to be published only in the same way that Senator Kennedy is a racist by being a member of a group whose other members include Sen. Byrd, a former member of the KKK.
Their zeal to force Alito, and others, through a dirty gauntlet of sickening smears will come back to haunt them.
Fat Teddy: Oh, and three fingers of Chivas with those onions, and a splash of….oh damn.
Kudos also to Arlen Spector for telling the fat blowhard Kennedy to essentially STFU and he frankly couldn’t care less what Kennedy wanted. After that exchange, fortunately Fox News kept a split camera on Kennedy while Alito was being further questioned, which showed Kennedy not listening to a word Alito had to say, but rather discussing Senate cafeteria menu choices with Biden. These clowns aren’t even good at PRETENDING to give this guy a fair hearing. What a bunch of despicable human beings.
What a stupid game Kennedy played.
Do the Dems want to start owning all of the statements of the groups that they associate with? Do they want to own all of the writings of the Daily Kos bunch– after all, the Dems accept money from them, write diaries to the website, seek their endorsement and are speaking to their get-together this summer.
Does Reid want to be asked if he believes Ken Mehlmen is a self-hating gay man? If Bush is Jeff Gannon’s gay lover? That 9/11 was an inside job? Do Dems want to own the racist spew that gets thrown at any poltical opponent over there? After all, Dems are associated with the blog, are they not?
Stupid Kennedy.
Kennedy made a woman cry.
Finally, a historical Kennedy skill is displayed.
Jeff’s right: ultimately, even Robespierre gets trapped in the political meatgrinder. (I wonder how they’re going to get Kennedy’s fat ass into the tumbril?)
The larger problem for all of us, of course, is the increasing reluctance of worthy candidates to lend their talents to the government if they have to suffer the death of 1000 cuts before they can do so. We are left to morlocks like Biden, Schumer and Kennedy–all of whom really should be spending time in jail.
Re: Uncle Teddy
What I wouldn’t give that John Belushi were still alive to do a parody of Teddy ala Elizabeth Taylor …in sheer gluttony, food flying, belching…
Yes, Maybee, Yes.
Ironically, I got snail mail today from Kennedy himself, it came just after the brouhaha and opened thusly:
It went on Kosishly for both sides of two pages, then near the end:
I’m not sure why they mailed it to me (I mean like yes, it’s true I’m a Neanderthal, but still)however, if I’d known their fund raising letters were so interesting I’d have signed up long ago.
“I love the smell of fried onions in the morning. It smells like … breakfast.”
I don’t know, this makes ME cry … from laughing so hard.
tw: Mendacious, shameless, pandering liar who’d sell his momma for a vote. (I see you got the random word generator tuned like never before, Goldstein.)
Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t set ‘em on fire.
Update: I forgot the most ironic twist of all: The Kennedy letter in the mailbox rested atop a suspicious looking brown paper package that ultimately turned out to be full of DVDs from none other than Protein Wisdom! What’re the odds of that?
maybee-
Read any left-wing blog… They are absolutely ‘collectivists’ by nature, yet one is not allowed to assume that any two leftists have the same position on a particular subject–
Ward Churchill: “I love him!” “But, he doesn’t represent all of us on the left(and, you also cannot question my patriotism)…”
Cindy Sheehan: “I love her!” “But, she doesn’t represent all of us on the left(and, you also cannot question my patriotism)…”
Michael Moore: “I love him!” “But, he doesn’t represent all of us on the left(and, you also cannot question my patriotism)…”
On the other hand, consider Pat Robertson… He is obviously considered to be a perfect clone of each and every one of the 100 million people in this country that are politically to the ‘right’ of Joe Lieberman…
T/W:”united”
United States? I wonder sometimes…
Jeff, I got so annoyed with Turd Kennedy today that I went off on him.
Enjoy.
It’s not my fault– I voted for someone other than Schumer in 2004. Mills, I think. Not that it mattered, since Chuckie won with something like 76% statewide. Bleh.
And I just found out that I’m not old enough to run against the esteemed Senator Clinton this year. Curses! Foiled by the Constitution, itself.
Actually, Mitch, I think if you’re going to turn 30 before the Senate reconvenes to swear in the new members, you can get in under the wire that way.
At least, that’s how I read it when I was considering running for president back in ‘96…
I’m starting to think the Democrats who are in power will go to things like the “Corn Gambit” more and more… because they’ve become convinced the Democratic Party will *not* be returning to power, at least not in their political lifetime.
So that being said, their main concern is preserving their own incumbencies and pleasing their paymasters – which these days means the Soros/MoveOn.org/DU axis.
If they think that the “Corn Gambit” is legit, ok. Please do not swear to uphold the Constitution, however, if you do. Swear to uphold the writings of the great sticky-bun king, or something, but don’t play us for tools.
Drowning them, however, is apparently okay.