protein wisdom has been nominated for this year’s Jewish & Israeli Blog Awards in two categories: Best Jewish Humor Blog and Best Overall Mega Blog. Which makes sense, because let’s face it: if anybody deserves recognition as a Super Jew, it’s this agnostic mensch.
Anyway, the 2005-6 competition is being co-sponsored by israellycool.com and the Jerusalem Post, which—while it ain’t quite Wizbang, ain’t chopped liver either, as the Hebes are wont to say. You can access the categories I’m nominated in (Best Humor blog, Group B; and Best Overall Mega Blog) here and here. In the second category, I’m pitted against such hardcore Likudniks as Little Green Footballs, Power Line, Roger Simon, Winds of Change, and Cox and Forkum, each of whom outstrips me in readership (but none of whom, I feel safe pointing out, can lasso a calf at 15 feet from horseback with his penis).
The preliminary voting for Best Humor Blog is now open (and has been for several days, I’m just now learning). So, if the mood strikes you, you can vote for me here (Group B); per the contest rules, you can vote once every 3 days, with the top six vote getters proceeding to the final round. As of now, I’m but an also ran—which is hardly surprising, given that I’ve never been particularly popular with the Tribe, and given that I’m still the subject of urban legends at Camp Mildale, the Jewish Day Camp just outside of Westminister, MD, where many many years ago I killed a pair of puffy, pale, and tragically uncoordinated brothers who tried to flee me during a game of full-contact Greek Dodge.
Voting for Best Overall Mega Blog begins January 24. First prize is having the tip of my penis sliced away by some old guy who, let’s face it, wants nothing more than to get my shit over with and wrapped in a cocktail napkin so that he can make his way over to the cold cut platter.
You’re a Jew? I thought you were Mexican, man.
– That one must have gotten by me. Where does it say in the contest rules you get beaver if you win? Oh…and btw…. they do know you don’t have a tip don’t they…. You did make that clear… So you’re first prize will have to be something more cultural, like say a lifetime supply of Rugala…. something like that…
OT: Fuck you Kennedrunk… I so hope the Italians in Revere Beech and the South end dump your ass in the next vote. Insuferable dickhead…..
I thought it was the dessert table…
You’re running 3rd now in Group B in the J & I Blog Awards. How about throwing more bribes our way?
Cold cut platter?
Damn, I wish I was Joooooish…
Carefull what you wish for Todd….We often take bets on who will discover the bloody tip amongst the tongue cuts…
Bad mental image there….
Lasso?
…
What kind of knot do you use for that?
SB: attack
point that thing somewhere else, pal.
Here’s a question: how did I not get nominated for Best Politics or Current Affairs blog? What does one have to do? Evidently its not enough to debate Constitutional attorneys or literary critics.
Maybe more off-handed analogies of NSA “domestic spying” to gelled fish balls?
how did I not get nominated for Best Politics or Current Affairs blog?
BECAUSE OF THE JOOOPOCRISY!!!!!!!!!!
Re: lasso
Been hitting the Klonopin again?
Prepuce on rye (with just a light nip of horseradish.)
Sheesh. Vegetarianism is looking pretty attractive right now.
And anyway:
I thought they did that sort of thing in the back seat of a speeding Chrysler New Yorker.
“Poifect!”
SB: heard
Just a guess, but the post with the implied carnal activity between a babysitter and the pet armadillo (and his subsequently planned demise) might have something to do with it.
/not that there’s anything wrong with that.
– Well that and they don’t have a category for “Best random Armadillo sex” blog of the year…
TE: Weak start, strong finish….
Jealous!
My parents weren’t religious (commies), or meaningfully part of the “community,” so this Jew stuff never got me any madcap day camp adventures, or an “in” with The Conspiracy, or any of the cool shitâ€â€just a goofy face, a hairy neck, a chopped-up wang (why, Momâ€â€WHY?!), and a paranoid aversion to vacationing in Europe.
The extra IQ points and inch of penis (but it could have been MORE! and slimy!) are nice, but overallâ€â€meh. An obscure web award like this would make it all worthwhile. Alas, I can but look on in envy.
(Yeah, I’ll shut up and vote now.)
Start lassoing maverick republicans with that schlong instead of just showing off at rodeos.
Only took me three hours to get “cocktail napkin.” Nice, JG. *snort*
You are now running second in the “B” section.
Looks like you got’em right where you want’em, “over confident”.
Eh, it’s all a fraud, anyway—a secret conspiracy by the Pajamas Media cabal to stuff the ballot boxes and bring meaningless but showy victories to their talentless contributors.
Meanwhile, the real talent toils in obscurity, forced to bake jalapeno cheese breads, or play dungeons and dragons against a self-written computer program, or crash cocktail parties peopled with C-list celebs.
But keep it hush hush. Allow us our pathetic hacks our illusions, won’t you please?
All right, I voted for you. Now I want my pie. No cold cuts for me, thankyouverymuch.
Wait, you have a hardon for an award-winning beaver?
“You were pretty hard on the Beaver last night, Ward.”
— June Cleaver
Who says the 50’s didn’t have it goin’ on?
SB: form
follows function
Jeff,
I’m sorry that it had to come to this, even though I don’t understand *why.* You know what I’m talking about.
Not sure I do, Juliette.
BWAhaha!
http://www.tedkennedy.com/page/s/askalito
From mojo’s link:
What would you ask Samuel Alito?:
Did he ever kill a passenger in his car in a drunk driving accident, flee the scene, then use his families political clout and money to avoid criminal prosecution.
You have my permission to cut and paste.^^
Your post at 12:28AM this morning.
Oh. Guess I just got tired of having everything positively attributed to me tainted with the suggestion that I have my mouth around Roger Simon’s cock.
If Aaron, Steve, et al want to tell me how much I suck as a blogger, let them have the balls to do it; otherwise, they can stop hiding behind conspiracy theories that have us talented hacks being handed meaningless “nominations” that stick in the craws of people like Steve H and Moxie.
Personally, I could give a shit either way about the nominations. But what I can’t stand is being told that I likely got the meaningless nomination because I joined some Blogger Amway scheme in order to have my mediocre game better marketed.
Weren’t you nominated for the same award last year? I guess that doesn’t prove that it wasn’t your Cokc of Simon slurping that got you another nomination, but, um, wait, it does too.
Is it just me or is your link (in the post, proper) busted? The first here, of the, “here and here.”
Skunked, punk.